Memory One

When Jaebum opens his eyes, he feels his head so thick, so numb but also dizzy like he's floating in the clouds with something stuffed tightly into his skull. At first he couldn't see anything, his sight is blurry, the lights stung his eyes, colors and shadows mixed until some moments passed and he's able to differentiate shapes and figures.

Next comes the noises, incoherent sounds and muffled yet also pounding in his head, like hearing underwater until slowly it's filtered and he could make out cries and sniffles and happy, soft laughs. He could feel the tension, he could feel the slightly hard mattress under him, the smell of medicines and antiseptic, the hands touching his skin and gradually the lines and cables all over him.

Then he realized like a simple thought and not at all bothering, that he's in a hospital. He turns his head around, taking in the faces hovering his bed, seeing the tears and smiles painted on those face and he only recognized his parents and a woman he's not familiar with. The three people in the room looks so happy, so thankful and he gathers there is something else in the eyes of his parents, but he didn't care. Even with all the joy filling the room, he found himself doesn't care at all and his feelings as dry as his throat.

--

The next day the doctor diagnosed him with a retrograde amnesia due to the heavy concussion he suffered in the car accident. But the memory lost felt like a strange mood, Jaebum could remember his home address, he could remember his age and his job, yet at the same time a big part of his life feels missing.

Even when his parents trying to soothe him, to calm him, all he felt was weird, like it's unfamiliar and thick with awkwardness and wrongness. Jaebum found he could relax and the itch under his skin eases when his little brother, Youngjae, is near him. And he clung to him, making sure he's always with him whenever their parents and the unfamiliar woman in the room.

Strangely Jaebum wasn't surprised when his parents said that the woman is his fiance, he knows there was someone, even though he can't remember who, he can feel it amidst the thick fogs residing in his head. Yet why does this woman feels so unfamiliar too him? Jaebum couldn't find an ounce of comfort in the presence of the woman, but he blamed it to his amnesia. She's pretty, nice and have a beautiful smile, but Jaebum still can feel the utter wrongness tingling his skin whenever she's near. And when he said it to Youngjae, his brother only smile thinly with a sad glint in his eyes.

He didn't say anything else.

--

It was about two weeks later when Jaebum starting to become agitated. The doctors still need to monitor him hence why he's still stuck in the hospital, at least he's thankful enough he's allowed to have a walk out of the room. He feels suffocated in the room, after being awake from a coma he feels a constant nagging in his mind, something he didn't understand that so desperately trying to tell him something. But he don't understand, he don't understand either why he feels less burdened and calmer when his parents and his fiance isn't there.

He's confused, he's curious and Youngjae won't tell him anything other than a strange smile. It's understandable that he's agitated and edgy. And when he's feeling especially explosive, he told Youngjae he wanted to take a walk, but his brother was quick to deny him.

"Wait, not now. Wait, just wait," he said and walking to the door seemingly uneasy. "There's someone who want to see you."

Jaebum didn't even have the time to jerk his eyebrow when Youngjae already stepping out of the room, leaving him confused and questioning. Who want to see him? It's weekday and all his friends often only able to visit him in the night when visiting hours almost finished or at weekends when they have no work.

He was brought out of reverie when Youngjae came back, poking his head from the door as if he wanted to make sure nobody else but Jaebum is in the room, before he's coming in and another man following behind him. The man was a bit short, skin sun-kissed and his dark brown hair framing his handsome face neatly, smiling at Jaebum softly and unsure.

The air about this man is strange, Jaebum could feel it prickling his skin, his eyes drawn to him and it's not about the man's pretty face, something that cause a warm tinge in his chest. Something he didn't understand and confused him yet not in the same way it did with his parents and fiance. This one almost pleasant, like a Deja Vu and warm nostalgia, yet to him this man still just a stranger. Who was he to Jaebum before he lost memories?

"Took you long enough," the man said still with a soft smile, his eyes swimming with emotions Jaebum couldn't decipher.

"Huh?" he gaped because he's still caught up with the strangeness that is this man, this surfacing nostalgia that hit him hard yet unable to understand.

"You fell into coma for almost a month, you really loves to torture me," the man giggled and his eyes wanders on Jaebum's face before he slowly reaching out his hand, fingertips ghosting the skin on Jaebum's cheekbone. "You've became so thin..." it was a whisper yet thick with emotions, gloom in the man's eyes not matching his soft smile.

And Jaebum feels his heart clenching at the urge to question, because he didn't feel defensive when the man touched his face, it was intimate and he wants to know just who this man is to him. But why it feels so hard to voice it out? "I'm sorry, I don't... Remember who you are, are you...?"

The corner of the man's lips twitched a little but he smiles all the same, "I'm your friend, Jaebum. My name is Wang Jackson, we went to the same university."

"Oh," unknown to Jaebum why, the answer left a tinge of disappointment and he could almost hear his mind asking, 'just friends?' "same university?"

"Yeah, about eight years ago when we first met," Jackson smiled, a bit like a kid but it sweet Jaebum thinks.

"I remember university, but... I don't remember you..."

In a split second the smile on Jackson's fell and his eyes overcasted, making Jaebum hastily straightening up on his bed and shaking his head frantically, "no, no, no I mean, I forgot some people too not just you and, and some other memories not just you so... I even forgot about my fiance!"

Silence downing on them for a moment before a burst of laughter came from Jackson, "I get it okay, you don't need to. You're so silly."

A blush creeping on Jaebum's cheeks, "why am I silly? I just don't want you to feel bad."

"Still the same soft hearted, huh?" Jackson smiled and something in his eyes makes Jaebum's heart skips a beat. And before he's able to calm his heart, Jackson already brushing his hair with his soft fingers, "you look better, I'm glad."

"Um..." he gaped before he's able to form words, "yeah, I'm fine already. Just my head and my back still need monitoring, it took the most damage from the car crash, but thankfully it's just the bones and my nerves are good."

"I see, that's good... That's good," there is sorrow in his eyes and Jaebum wonders what is it in his mind, why he looks so sad, why he looks so pained as if he's also hurting like Jaebum did. But then suddenly his eyes went slightly wide and retracting his hand from Jaebum's face like he's been burnt, "oh sorry, bad habit. I tend to touch people like that, sorry if I offend you. Not to mention I'm a stranger to you now."

It stings, Jaebum could feel his words stings for them both, but Jackson still laughed all the same. He wanted to say he's not offended at all, actually his touches feels comfortable and Jaebum feel a gentle wave rippling in his heart, so unlike the presences of his parents and his fiance. Confusion raising again in his mind, how could this man bring a much more comfort than his family did in exception of Youngjae? Then he noticed the way his little brother standing at the door as if making sure no one is going to come in. Why?

"I need to go now," Jackson said cutting Jaebum's train of thoughts in a snap, his fingers fidgeting like he's forcing himself not to touch Jaebum again. "I just wanted to see if you're okay and I'm glad that I did."

"But you're going to visit me again, right?" he quickly asked before Jackson get the chance to walk away.

There was uneasiness and confusion growing on Jackson's face, but he guessed the eagerness in his voice and face causing Jackson unable to say no. He nodded with a tight smile, "I will when I can." Then he turned away, facing Youngjae for a moment before saying a soft 'thank you' and kissed his cheek, the both of them walking out together leaving Jaebum in more confusion.

But he realized, his explosive mood was gone like it's never there and despite the confusion and curiosity, he find his heart in peace for the first time since he's woken up