The song which I listened to during the writing for this chapter here. Enjoy the fic ^^ 

---

It was like the usual day he would spend his time after the class, wandering around the campus street while breathing in the winter breeze. It was different from the another day, somehow he leaned on his intuition that he would find something special. Hope it would be another surprise by his fellow colleagues, he had enough for the last week after Wonwoo’s visit along with his cousin, Jungkook to his apartment. It was the fresh start for him to go on living after some incident that had occurred 2 years ago that affected his current self. He cocked a brow once he saw his buddy, Soonyoung, waving at him with a cheerful smile on his face. The later shall have escorted his new girlfriend to their campus. Soonyoung dated a freshmen.

“Hey hyung!” He greeted in excitement, Jeonghan pulled a shabby smile on his face. It was easy to smile for now. He lost his best friend to stand by his side after this incident.

Soonyoung nudged him as a knocking out Jeonghan from his thoughts. “Another incident?” Jeonghan shook his head. He knew he shall not make anyone worried at him. It was not a good idea though.

“Just getting dozed off suddenly.” He snickered behind the fake smile. Soonyoung rolled his eyes, afterwards pulling the elder to follow him. “You need to accompany me.” Jeonghan cocked an eyebrow as he matched his pace with Soonyoung. He did not dare to ask the younger, he simply walked faster to follow the pace that Soonyoung took it as running. They had passed many building and waved the friends that bumped during the walk. Now they arrived before the territorial of master building. He pondered the reason behind the younger male took him far from his department to graduate building.

The elder pulled a confused face to the younger but the latter grinned all the way. “I was curious about you and Joshua hyung.” I sighed. It was a question that he never wanted to answer. He shrugged to react.

“Seriously I do check on your background with Joshua. You are bickering over a woman, I guess. It is our senior that I never knew, right?”

Jeonghan gulped and tried to toss his attention to another sight. “For that question, you have to drag me here?” He asked back.

“Yup.” He retorted, leaving a cherry smile in the end. Jeonghan baffled, among the cozy places in their campus, should it be before master building to ask such a question?

“Why?” Jeonghan gave a lazy look at him, while the younger kept smiling sheepishly.

“Because Joshua keeps coming to this area, he doesn't intend to keep studying after he get his bachelor, right?” Jeonghan furrowed his brow, everything went became strange to him. He knew the latter was not a kind of eager one to achieve the goal in a strike. His eyes wandered around the area, he found no strange hint. Nevertheless he kept wandering for few times along with Soonyoung until a girl appeared. He held his breath shockingly. He could not believe what he saw. It was a girl from the past, the girl who made him changing a lot or in another way the girl who he made to undergo an unforgivable pain. The girl who cheerfully waved her hand towards someone.

“Whoa, too much beautiful girl here. Should I make a contact here?” Soonyoung blurted out as his eyes yearned a fresh view at the other side. Jeonghan nudged him and glared at him. “I’m just kidding.” He rubbed his nape awkwardly. Afterwards he took a step for getting farther from the building as his heart clenched at the sight.

The younger male beside him noticed. “What happened with you, hyung?” Jeonghan shook his head and ran out the place. Followed by Soonyoung behind. While far from them, the girl caught and looked so confused towards the scene. She went away once the sight was unseen.

 

 

 

 

-
Day by day had passed, Jeonghan tried hardly to focus again on his work. He was going to be graduated from the campus. He would not see her but a load troubled his heart. He needed to see her and talked to her, to let the yearning and guilty out from his heart. Now, he walked heading to the path where he used to be spending his times with her. A hall. Their campus hall was quite big and having some secret places that Jeonghan and her had found. The places where they had spent most lovely date there.

He took a breath before entering the hall. As soon as he reached inside, he scanned every single and kept walking toward the secret door. Walking up the stairs, he found someone there who plugged the ear with earphone and jammed a music as that person stared outside the window. Jeonghan hesitantly stepped closer to the person, next he seated beside her. His heart beat got faster while the nonchalant girl did not notice his appearance.

Jeonghan did not know to say hello firstly to her yet the latter kept staring as if she was daydreaming.

It was just like the usual thing Jeonghan would lean on her shoulder and tangled his finger around her. Breathing soundlessly as he shut his eyes closed, he knew nothing beside everything would be fine as long as he had her by his side. He knew everything getting tougher these day but he always got his spirit on because she was his strength. Her love was enough to make him complete.

She caressed her thumb against his palm. “Tired?” Her voice was soft, just like a cotton that rubbed on the skin. Jeonghan nodded his head quietly.

“Me too, but I would forget how exhausting my day when you are by my side.” She curled a smile on her face. Jeonghan sighed heavily.

“You’ll graduate next year.” He looked so bitter when reminding himself that his girlfriend would face how cruel the reality that forced her to work hardly than anyone else though she had a dream to continue and grab an opportunity to hold her master degree. Jeonghan did not want her to pay attention off him. He wanted all her attention for him, though how boring it was just to by her side, sleeping on her thigh or leaning down his head on her shoulder. Jeonghan wanted her only. The girlfriend was beaming as she stared out side the window where she saw a view of a friend from Jeonghan who waited for them patiently on the bench before the hall.

Jeonghan mesmerised at the sight of her side profile. A tear ran down on her cheek, quickly he shoved his hand to wipe it down and startled her. Both of them were locking their gaze. The male was afraid if the latter would shout in front of his face. But now, she smiled.

“Sorry, I don’t know there is a people who coming to this place too.” Her voice was still the same. Jeonghan perplexed. He did not know how to reply. Besides he was stiffened before her once the female pushed Jeonghan’s hand out of her cheek. “You need to keep your hand for yourself.” She added, standing on her foot and patting gently on his shoulder. On the other side, the male was still confused.

Before she made a leave, she sneaked from the door. “Don’t tell anyone about this secret place, I’ve just found it today.” Then she left with making Jeonghan got thinking harder what situation happened in front of his eyes. He tossed his eyes back to the outside.

 

 

That was the day after her graduation ceremony and her anniversary with Jeonghan, he used to be not found anywhere until the girl tracked it from the hidden place. She saw it. Jeonghan was kissing another girl behind her guard. The way he smiled and tugged the girl’s hair to behind her ear, the way he kissed and enjoyed the kiss, she thought it was enough. She left the gift she brought with her at the hidden place, running down the stairs and heading to where Jeonghan and that girl be.

Once she arrived, both of them were shocked. Even people who along with the girl that aimed to find Jeonghan, totally in shocked. They saw Jeonghan holding another girl’s hand. Their eyes tossed between Jeonghan and his girlfriend’s face. There was no tears. Firstly they thought whether the girl had tears or not, but they saw a disappointment through her eyes.

“Jeonghan…” She was talking in tremulous voice, also her step towards Jeonghan was shaky.

“I can explain about it.” Jeonghan was nervous at all, he knew he was caught of doing something sinful. A cheating was a sin, for his girl. Whereas the Yoon boy caught in cheating behind his girlfriend. His hand gripped the other girl’s tightly until the girl tried hard to escape from the situation. Effortlessly his girlfriend could let the girl’s hand easily out from Jeonghan’s hand. Afterwards she touched Jeonghan’s cheek gently as he shed tears. He felt guilty.

“I’m sorry.” He said weakly.

She shook her head. “That’s okay, you must be bored at me, besides the fact I’m graduated from this university.” She retorted. “You must be needing a figure by your side.” Jeonghan shook his head, he wanted to explain but he had no chance. She trailed her finger onto his lips. “We are over now. You have a new girl. Shinbi is a good girl, right?”

Her smile was fake, he knew it well. “It’s just a mistake. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked out of sudden. The smile was still lingering there.

“That’s okay, Jeonghan. When we were together, we just spent hugging and leaning down each other, no further skin-ship.” She tossed her eyes and stepped back.

“I just wanted to test my adrenaline, noona.”

“Yet you enjoyed the adrenaline,” she quickly replied, “when we were together, it was bland right? It’s naive that guy could enjoy just plain touch, Jeonghan. I appreciate the way you respect my decision to keep myself pure. But I can not be naive all the time, you need to fulfil your hormone too, right?” She tried hard to control her emotion, especially they were being a pivot of attention by Jeonghan’s close friend.

“I’m sorry, I thought it…” He was about to cry. But no, there was no tears coming out from his eyes. He looked sincere to kiss the Shinbi girl while he begged half-heartedly after what he’d done. She kept smiling, trying hard to not burst in tears.

“We are over, Jeonghan. I hope you are happy with her.” She left, following with a friend that like a brother to Jeonghan and her. He wanted to go after her but the feet stood on its opinion. It did not move an inch. He looked at his friends. They were so disappointed at Jeonghan but they had no business about his love matters. Besides one person who chased her right now. The one who had distanced himself after that day. Joshua.

-

 

Another day and passed, Jeonghan was at the cafeteria by himself. Waiting for someone else or a groups of friend while feeding himself with lunch. Well, he thought he would just spend his lunch time with Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Jihoon but there was someone else that he yearned for his presence. He knew Wonwoo shall be forcing him to have a same table than eating his meal alone. They used to be two best friend that sticked together, the campus knew them as twin. But after that day, they looked at them strangely. People used to rumour them fighting over a girl but there was none after they found Joshua facing Shinbi a few months later in front of the fellow colleagues. Dragging about the girl he protected that once became Jeonghan’s ex-girlfriend which worsened his friendship with the latter.

Now he faced the boy. He looked so uncomfortable to stand around Jeonghan, even sitting face each other was an awkward thing for them. Though the Yoon missed his friend so much. Because he knew he was the one who being a bad boy.

“Bestfriend shall not eat alone, right?” Jeonghan glanced slightly at how Wonwoo nudged Joshua to greet the latter. But another male only bowed his head in a slight way. Soonyoung tried to lighten up the mood. He smiled at Jeonghan and Joshua. Nevertheless the cold air settled between them, even the gag maker did not know how to brighten the chat. They ate solemnly, not making any noise while the cafetaria was full of chattering sound.

An uninvited yet surprising guest came out off the blue, straight pacing towards the boys’ table while frowning all the way.

“Joshua, you told me that you would accompany me!” They froze as they heard the familiar shouting. They carefully looked at the owner of shouting voice. It was her, the one who used to be a girl who caught Jeonghan with Shinbi. The girl gave a sulky expression at Joshua but a second later she realised that the male had a lunch with his friend. Quickly she altered her expression into the friendly one.

“Hello, are you guys Joshua’s friend? I’m Seungin.”

.

.

.

.
No answer. They bewildered. They knew her name but why she introduced herself again. Especially Jeonghan who looked having a mental breakdown of her friendly introduction. His mind went blank. He confused.

Joshua put his chopstick down. “Noona, I said we could find it tomorrow.”

“But that rabbit is nowhere to be found.” She frowned again. Joshua chuckled.

“We can find the new one, right?” She did not answer but searched something inside her bag. She beamed while taking it off. It was a rabbit’s ear hairband. She put it on Joshua’s head. The young male looked so bothered at her childish act but he could not dodge. He only wanted her to be happy and smiling again.

“That’s it. You are my rabbit then.” Then she left with humming a melody that familiar to Jeonghan’s ear. Afterwards the boys’ eyes fixed on Joshua and demanded for an explanation of the recent scene. Joshua merely looked at them scornful.

“She lost memories.”

Wonwoo cocked a brow. “How?”

Joshua glanced at Jeonghan. “You guys shall not know it, right?” Then he continued to eat. The rest signalled to interrogate him but no, they did not dare to make Joshua mad at them. Better stay away from the raged he could make than killing themselves.

“Tell us.” Jeonghan demanded with a sharp voice that made the boys gasping.

Joshua sniffled. “No.” He deadpanned. He did not want Jeonghan to meddle in her life anymore. Joshua knew how aching the nights she passed without Jeonghan by her side, while she kept on waiting if the latter could love her again but the reality slapped her hard. Jeonghan would probably be not able to love her again, but pitying himself and her because could not have treated the girl better before.

“Why?”

Joshua finished the meal, he stood up and left the boys baffling. He realised he shall not distance himself from his friend but he did not want to meet Jeonghan after what he had done to her. It was not like he had a feeling on her but Jeonghan did not know how hard he tried to make her go on living like now.

In the same time, Jeonghan felt his heart clutching up hard. Jihoon stole a glance at him. “Is it about Shinbi, right?”

“He won’t forgive me after that day, Jihoon-ah. In his head, I am Shinbi’s boyfriend. Though the girl already had Seungcheol.”

Jihoon chuckled. “Bear with it, you have done a mistake and it’s your punishment, right?” Jeonghan shrugged and lost his appetite mood. And the day went going just like usual, full of being guilty but pretending to be fine and not having a thought of it. Jeonghan always did it well.

 

Seungin had passed the day of post operation. She had an accident that led her to lose her memories. Now she spent her days by learning from the start, not really the start but she lost the memories of her close person during her varsity times. She forgot about Joshua and she began to befriend with him again from the zero point. However she felt strange loss beside Joshua and she did not dare to ask it to him until the day she was ready with his reaction. Even the boy was patient of mentioning every single part that not harmful to her mind and prevented the painful memories that hurt her.

It was the usual dinner she would spend in Joshua’s house. The mother of the young male treated her well, just like the past days when she had the full memories of everyone inside her. They had finished the dinner and leaving Joshua with Seungin alone at the backyard. They was reminiscing the night sky, just like another nights after the incident.

“Can I ask you a question?” She started to break the ice between them. Joshua merely hummed and waited for her a further question.

“Did I have by any chance a boyfriend during my university life?” Joshua looked at her, seeing her side profile that caught his heart in adoring way.

“Why?”

Seungin shrugged. “Just want to know.”

“You had someone special, you can call it a boyfriend, noona. But he never loved you back like the way you did that time.” He leaned onto her shoulder. “You’ve suffered so much during your relationship with him. Yo’ve encouraged him in many ways, you had poured him your grace and you’ve supported him than he did.”

Seungin took a heavy breath after that. She realised the person beside her was worrying too much and caring too much about him. “Really?” Joshua nodded silently. “Then what are you to me?”

The young male glanced at her, drawing a small smile on his face. “A guardian, noona. Just like the knight who protect the princess.” Seungin grabbed Joshua’s hand deliberately and intertwined their fingers.

“Then don’t leave me.”

Joshua nodded, as if he understood that he would dedicate his future time mostly with her, willingly nor unwillingly. “I promise, I would not leave you to endure everything alone from now.” He said firmly. It was a promise after the broken one he made with her which caused amnesia in her life. The broken promise which led him gapping the friendship that he had built for years with Jeonghan.

Seungin pulled a warm smile on her lips. She looked so happy at the sight of Joshua walking gloriously as if the heavenly light upon him graced him with the appearance. Also, not to mention of the hairband. It suited on him. The older female swung her feet in excitement when the male sat beside her.

“So, are you happy now?” She nodded and kept smiling sheepishly. “I’m happy whenever I’m with you now.”

He her hair. “It’s been a long time to see your smile.”

She shook her head as an objection of his opinion. “You’ve seen my smile last night after the Sunday service.” She retorted, “you’ve seen it a lot, Joshua, don’t you feel bored with me?” It was Joshua’s turn to shake his head. He never felt bored of being by her side. He sincerely gave his presence to her.

“Joshua, can I ask you something?” The latter shifted a bit to get closer and lean his head onto her shoulder. “What is it, noona?”

She cleared out , being doubt of asking more regarding something she curious about. “About that boy was missed in my memories.” Joshua gulped silently, a tear ran down unexpectedly as if the kind of topic was bragged on the floor out his expectation. No — it was not like he was not letting the girl having a thought to bring back her memories vastly but he did not want the girl to endure the pain inside her head. It was hurting much for her to recall every piece of painful memories deliberately. Sometimes she would be unconscious and Joshua would end up companying her for all night checking her condition. Also — the male did not mean to avoid this discussion, he just wanted her to go on living without  summoning the memories back and distressed her one more time.

“Joshua, I’m o-0kay, r-r-really.” She stuttered at the fact she was reading his mind through the silence before.

The male sighed heavily. “What do you want to know?”

Somehow the silence settled for a while before the girl opened her lips to slip the curiosity. “How if by chance I saw him, or the worst having a time to talk with him?” The latter pulled himself off her, gazing at her bronze eyes. Joshua was worried, again. He talked through his eyes to her, but he knew it did not work at all. She needed an explanation and opportunity. “Do you let it?” She asked, retrieving him from his thoughts.

He did not give an answer or moving his eyes. He did not stutter. He remained silent. Joshua did not know how to reply that question. His mind was tangled between two options and more of consequences. He was afraid if the girl remembered Jeonghan somehow. But from the other side of himself wanted them to meet for the last time, the sake of her goodness. Yeah — for the last time.

Seungin pulled Joshua into her embrace and patted his back. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here after the time I meet him.” She comforted him. However Joshua did not have a choice beside letting her have a time. “I will seek for him by myself, I would not ask you for it.” She added. Joshua knew it was her decision, he shall not deter her from doing it.  

 

While far from them,

Jeonghan’s POV

She was different. Though it was the same her, I felt weird. Perhaps I felt guilty again, I would never be able to dismiss this feeling from my heart. If in the first place I never played with a fire, this accident would never be ensued. I would be having her along my side in these two years. My friendship with Joshua also drifted away. I ruined everything. Now I had nothing despite the fact the rest of my friends still supported me and took me on my feet to live on, I felt like I lost everything that meant to my life. Probably it was like the saying, we’ll regret after losing a diamond while we collect a stone. I did not know how to live after seeing her again. All I need was her only. She lost memories because of me, perhaps. Life was being so tough with me and her but how to live cheery like her who losing a part of my existence. While I had many memories of her in the past.

The reason I was being a blank to continue my day, it’s her. I wondered how my life would be so blunt without her existence. Her eyes were same, full of adorer and glowing just like the past when I occupied to calm myself by her stare. Her stare was like a magic that made me in the ease.

Suddenly my phone was rang. It was a call from mom.

“Yeah, mom, I’m here.”

There was a long silence which I hated the most. She shall be upset when there was a silence. “You see her?”

I sighed. Someone shall tell her unexpectedly. “Yeah, I met her.”

“Jihoon talked about it before. She lost her memories.”

“Yes.” I said weakly, most likely sounded a whisper inside of answering clearly. The buzzing voice around me seemed like muted once I talked to my mom. The world became stopped. “Sorry.” I added. My mom got lots expectation of my relationship with her before I ruined it all. Her hope became scattered. Now I ought to disappoint her again because of that news.

“It’s just accident. It’s a way that you should accept.” I nodded at her words. She was right. It was a thing that I shall accept. Then there my mom shifted the topic to another one which likely she knew that I would be so upset to talk that sensitive matter. She asked about my condition and would attend my graduation ceremony next month. Not forgetting about her advice for my future, I shall find a job to distract myself. It was my time than being a volunteer to be a assistant for my professor.