It was a few miserable days past this very incident when I next got to see my best mate again. And to be honest with you, it was just as terrible as I’d imagine it to be.

You see, afterwards, when my mother had finally left my bedroom- the new area of crime, and allowed me to change into some fresh clothes in the meantime, I’d tried to text L.joe.

I’d tried and tried again. Saying anything I could to get him to reply- but to no avail.

He didn’t want the truth, hell he didn’t want anything from me. And after calling him several times in sheer desperation, the teen finally turned off his phone and I was automatically referred off too his voicemail for the rest of the evening.

Which was just great….

So anyway, the weekend past in this same horridly isolating fashion, before Monday morning finally rolled around. Back to school for the second semester of year 7- my last year of primary school people and no best friend in sight…

I’d looked around for him in the morning before the bell, only to finally spot him as soon as said siren rang and he sauntered quickly into class behind the last few stragglers.

We sit pretty close to one another because our surnames are only a few letters apart and thus looking up, we made eye contact for a good few seconds in which he momentarily froze in place before me.

Just standing there in quite shock, as I stared back at him- waiting for the ‘hi,’ waiting for the apology, the explanation- heck, anything from the kid that would get us back on track to normalcy again. When instead, he simply pulled his gaze back away and took his seat in silence.

Sadness pools into my stomach and frowning, I sink lower into my chair as the teacher finally enters the classroom and welcomes us all a happy return to school.

Yeah…. So much for happy returns…

                                                                                                                       **************

“Byunghun-“ I call, walking closer behind the boy as we walk through the school yard at lunch-

He was hanging out with some of the other year 7 guys today, and it was very clear by the way he refused to even twitch at my voice that he wasn’t having anything to do with me.

“Byunghun!” I cry louder, growing angry now as I throw caution to the wind and reach out to grab his left shoulder.

“What d’you want?” he snaps impatiently, tilting his head in arrogance as my other classmates turn around to see the cause of interruption. “We’re about to play basketball, man-“

“L.joe, I need to talk to you.” I demand. “It won’t take long-“

it- I wasn’t giving him an option anymore.

“Whatever it is can wait-“ he replies calmly, and turning briskly away from me once more-

“Fine- I’ll just say it right here then-“ I threaten, tone quite serious now despite the fact that I would never EVER do such a thing. Because omg, I’d definitely be deemed the bigger out of the two of us if our incident ever did get out… christ….

At once the boy halts in his tracks and whips around to face me.

“5 minutes-“ he glares, turning apologetically back to his friends to politely excuse himself before dragging me back off to some quite corner of the courtyard.

“What the hell, Chanhee-??” he snarls lowly, eyes darting around us, as if terrified someone may over hear just one word of this conversation,.

“Dude- you’re overreacting. Just shut up and listen to what I have to say for once-“ I snap in annoyance, watching his expression go blank for a second as something akin to agreement flashes in his eyes.

….

I stare back at him waiting for a denial-

“Well-?” he prods impatiently.

“Byunghun we’re best friends dude… why’re you doing this-?”

“You know EXACTLY why!” he cuts, anger instantly splashing back onto his expression here as I stand my ground before him.

“I didn’t do that on purpose! , L.joe who do you think I am?? You should have just heard me out that day instead of running of and blocking me out like a total idiot!”

Crap…

Was that too much-?

My friend does a bit of a double take here and I feel just a moments worth of regret at being so blatantly rude to him-

I’d never spoken to someone like that before…. Let alone my best friend!

, if my mother had heard THAT-

“Sorry…” he murmurs quietly.

…

“Me too.” I breathe, uneasy as my gut tightens into uncomfortable knots. “But please, L.joe just hear me out man. I didn’t mean t- for that to happen,” I stutter, amending my sentence midway as Byunghun’s face turns anxious. “I’m really sorry it did and you were there- if I had of known I wouldn’t have- I…. I would have stopped it... somehow.”

The blonde sighs and lowers his face to the ground as I stare beseechingly into his face.

“Chanhee, it’s… it’s not good though.” He finally speaks, calm I’ll give him that, but I could tell he wasn’t gonna hang around much longer.

“I know that! Jesus, how do you think I feel-??”

“It’s gay Chunji…. And- and it doesn’t matter whether you are or you’re not, but the fact that it happened is still gay.”

Ouch… and ok, I see how it is now.

He’s saying it never really mattered whether it was by accident or on purpose- though of course, being deliberate would be twenty times worse-

No, what made L.joe so mad and unable to talk to me right now was the fact that ‘it’ happened at all.

“Chanhee, my brother told me about ‘those’ types of guys ok? He… he doesn’t like anything even remotely gay- No matter how nice the person. What do you think he’d do if he found out what we did-? What…. What happened between us-?” And its L.joe’s turn to be embarrassed now, as a light blush graces his cheeks and he looks back into my brown eyes, lower lip between his teeth.

“But that’s your brother… not you.” I attempt, just as my heart feels like its falling through the pit of my stomach.

Was he really gonna stop being my friend, just like that-?

Over something so… so urghhhh-

“No… I feel the same way.” He says firmly and rather untruthfully too might I add, if my years of friendship with him meant anything at all.

I could see the lie written all over his face…

But it sure as hell felt like a slap in the face-

“Byunghun…. You can’t be serious right now-“

“Chunji, I know you’re not gay, ok?” he states, and actually looking at me as he spoke. “But… but just having done this is wrong. It makes us wrong- this, this whole thing is wrong.” L.joe struggles to explain, and even I can see how difficult it is for this brainwashed way of thinking to make sense to him right now.

He wanted to believe in his family. Wanted to do what was right by his older brother, whom he looked up to so much… even if he couldn’t quite see the right in those teachings right now.

“Continuing to be friends would be a bad idea, Chanhee…”

“But….but dude that’s- that’s just ridiculous.” I blurt out. “We’ve been friends since grade 2.”

“And now where not.” He cuts in shortly. “I’m really sorry, Chanhee.” And with that my best mate walks away, hurrying back after his new group of friends as I blink in shock.