It was a rather plain afternoon at my mate’s house, on a not so warm spring day, that I made the most embarrassing mistake of my life.

Well, of my life up until now. I mean, - I’m only 12, there’s bound to be a million more horrifyingly awful moments like this one to come in my future... something to look forward to, right-??

Now, it all began whilst watching our favourite T.V show together- The Walking Dead. See, L.joe always has been into that gore and scary jazz but this show just seemed to bring it out of him even more than usual, which made for some rather hilarious commentary for me-

“Omg, what a stupid idiot!! He should totally just get eaten now, oh…. Ohhh, yep ok he’s gone. Man is totally dead after THAT.”

“Why don’t they just run??? So sloooooow!”

And-

“Just learn to shoot girl, what the hell- it can’t be THAT hard!”

“And THIS is why you’ll never get a girlfriend~” I jab back at this last outburst, bursting into laughter as his arms flap wildly at the T.V screen before us.

“WHAT was that-?” the boy turns on me, eyebrows raised in mock hurt as his mouth twitches into a smile. “Did you really just say that to me? Why, you little snothead-!”

“Snot head??” I gasp, and running a hand through my hair with a snort. “Oh god, I change my mind, THIS is why you’re never gonna get kissed, let alone a girlfriend!“

Impressed and yet simultaneously offended L.Joe’s mouth drops open. Half humour, half admiration splayed across his expression as he stares back at me. “Oh… you’re soooo gonna get it now-“

“Yah!” I yell, as the teens body suddenly launches across the bed towards me. Pushing me backwards against the pillows he instantly begins to poke and tickle at my sides. “B-Byunghun… stop it!” My voice breaks off into silent giggles of laughter and I feel my muscles trying to tense in on themselves as I wriggle and shift beneath him.

“No way, man!” the blonde cries, working his fingers more quickly against my sides now as I buckle in on myself. “You know this is what you deserve!!”

“Ahh, haha…. Y-you’re so, haha- meaaaannnn!” I giggle, feeling his weight crushing in against my diaphragm as I try to take in a shaky breath of air.

But goddammit he’s so bloody heavy-!

It feels like I can’t even breath…..

Hot fingers dip under the back of my shirt and I feel my heart thud up into my throat as I continue to laugh freely beneath him.

Hang on, I think I had to pee….?

All this tickling was starting to get to me-!

Shifting my legs beneath him, I feel the heat push against my crotch as he wrestles with my fleeing arms and a strange sensation seems to zip down my spine.

Yeah, I think that was enough now-

“Byunghun, quit it! I-I can’t even breathe-!” I cry, as my tone pitches at the end. He pauses to grin evilly down at me, his body straddling my left thigh now as arms push firmly down at both my shoulders.

“Annnnd that’s my problem, how~??”

Panting, I unclench my fists by my sides as I take in his presence right above me. Warm breaths of air hitting my face every time he talked-

“W-well you could at least get your fat off of me already!”

And crap, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say-

As at once a look of amused horror befalls the teens expression, mouth dropping open in shock once more as a teasing light fills his eyes; “Ohhhh, just you WAIT, Chanhee! You’re gonna be BEGGING me to stop now!”

Wrestling against my futile attempt to boot him off, he squishes his upper torso across my chest- leg hitching against my thighs now as he runs his fingers up my ribcage;

“Ah…” My eyes flicker shut beneath his onslaught, but I find my laughter caught in my throat now as my body begins to burn from within and the teen’s fingers elicit trails of sensation all over my chest-

Wait, what the hell…?

What was he doing-??

My breath was leaving in short gasps and sighs, the heat beginning to spread up and over my neck as I feel a gnawing sensation seep into my lower gut as his hips push into mine.

“This’ll teach you to NEVER speak ill of the all mighty Byunghun EVER again!!” the blonde declares, low and tough in his throat, as my body twitches into his touch and he lets out an overdramatic laugh of power.

Heart now pounding in my ears I feel my cheeks burn, and suddenly I can longer focus on just where the hell the boys gonna attack me next or when he’ll let go of my left arm- as my crotch tingles in forewarning-

“L.Joe…..” I breath and much too quiet for the teen to really have heard me now as my hand clenches into the fabric of his back.

I had to get him off me-

“L.Joe- stop it!” I yell, goose bumps erupting all over my arms as I begin to tug at his shirt. Both arms coming up to wrap around him as his jeans hold me firm against the mattress.

What the hell was happening to me-??

“Dude- get off me, it’s not funny anymo- ahh…”

Oh god, he really wasn’t listening to me-

And I could feel my stomach clenching up tighter and tighter as I tried to hold it back-

“I’m not letting you go, Chanhee! I already told you; this is what you deserve and you know it’s true!” he giggles with amusement, looking down to my flushed cheeks now and laughing even harder still as my leg comes up between his own to try and distance the non-existent gap between us-

...

My head falls to the side and the muscles in my back seem to rapidly tighten, as another sharp lull of sensation streaks through my gut-

“L.joe, I-I need to nhgnn…..” And at once I feel my stomach do a flip as black dots dart across my vision and my hands clench down on my friends back-

“Huh-?” and I hear the boy’s voice, I do… but only just, as every other noise in the room is instantly hushed down to a mere disciple-

Pulling him into me, I feel my hips push up on their own accord, rubbing my front into his own as tremors run through my heated body-

Oh god-

And it’s like little spasms are jerking inside of my lower gut, spreading a rush of endorphins through my bloodstream as I feel the incriminating waves of wetness run quickly into my pants.

“What, Chanhee-?” L.joe pulls upwards in my arms- tugging away from my chest now, as I find my hips once again grinding into his own.

Oh jesus….

What have I just done-?

What the am I doing??

But I can’t even think straight as my chest rises and falls in rapid succession pulling in rushed breaths of air now as my shoulders fall flat against the bedcovers- my head dropping backwards in relief as contented hums of warmth run through me…

Wow….

L.joe stares down at me, my arms still clamped loosely to his sides now as my eyes flicker open before him and note the way his expression scrunches up in utter confusion-

Flicking his stare rapidly between my own two eyes before instantly dropping them down to our connected figure-

Crap, he must’ve felt the wetness-

And just like that his mouth drops open in shock and his head whips back up to face me-

“Omg, did you just-??“ loud and aghast the teen easily dis-entangles himself from my hold as a strange weakness begins to enter my muscles and I continue to blink owlishly back at him.

, -

No, no I didn’t-

I couldn’t have actually peed on my best friend-

And it’s right at this particularly mortifying thought that I feel the exact moment he pulls his leg out from between my own, almost toppling unsteadily as he swings his body off of me and scampers to the side of the bed-

And I see the way in which my jeans are tight and raised- a small patch of dampness staining across the very front as my skin burns in relief.

Wait, hang on a second-

“Urghhh- Chanhee!” my mate cries, and rubbing his hands down his front now, as if holy contaminated as he shakes his head in disapproval-

“I…. did I just-?” and I don’t even know how this has happened as I quickly shuffle myself into an upright position before him. But it had. And I had to find the right words somehow-

“Did I just-?“

“Hump my bloody leg-??” L.Joe yells, and smacking my shin in anger. “Yes, you did! Jesus, dude you just came on me!”

At once my head seems to spin, and pulling my legs inwards I instantly drop my gaze down to my front now as I realize he was 100% correct.

Omg…. I legitimately just had my first !

“I-I didn’t pee on you-?” I gape, and dropping a hand down to the strange patch across my jeans front, as I feel a resounding him of pleasure simmer into my skin.

“What-??”

…..

God, no wonder it felt so bloody good…

Deadly silence echoes back to me, and I look up to meet the absolutely dumbfounded look on my best friends face.

“Dude, you didn’t bloody pee yourself. You just did a whole lot worse! Urghh-“

Pulling away further he looks down to his own jeans, making sure he didn’t have any incriminating marks on his clothes before swinging himself off of the mattress.

“Wait- Byunghun I’m so sorry!” I cry, finally finding my voice now, as I come to terms with the seriousness of what had just happened-

Oh god, he was right….

I did do worse.

I just en got off on my best mate-

On my MALE best mate….

“I-I didn’t know what was happening, I- I haven’t done that before,” I ramble, shuffling towards the edge of the bed myself now as he stands defensively before me- legs spread apart and hand anxiously clenching and tensing by his sides.

“What-?” The boy’s eyes go wide and I feel the beginnings of embarrassed shame eat away at my intestines.

Oh heck, why hadn’t he just let me go??

Why hadn’t he just listened when I said I needed to-

“You haven’t-?”

“No! No Byunghun, I really didn’t know what was happening just now, I swear!” I jump in, staring earnestly back at him now as he wavers in indecision, “I honestly thought I had to pee and then you- well, you wouldn’t stop-“

And at once a blush ripens across my cheekbones.

“Ahh, dude….” The boy moans and backing a step away now as he tries to stay cool. “I… I haven’t felt that either but- but you didn’t even tell me! I mean, you should have said something before you c- before you-“ and I can tell the kids highly embarrassed himself right now as the word ‘came’ just won’t topple from his lips.

“I did!” I cry indignantly, pulling my thighs tight together to try and hide the guilty evidence from view. “I tried to pull you off of me, but you wouldn’t move!”

“That’s bull, Chanhee.” the teen quips and shaking his head at me, as I feel a burning sting behind my eyes. “You had enough warning and you just let it go- you just bloody humped my leg because you wanted to!”

Taken aback I feel my body shirk away from him; naturally coiling back those two small notches as his harsh voice cuts into me.

What was he saying right now-?

Huh?

That I-

That I PURPOSELY-??

“L.joe how can you-?” but I can’t even finish my sentence as my throats overcome with emotion and my lips clamp shut in fear.

Did he think I was-?

Was he trying to accuse me of being-?

“Chunji, you’re gay!”

My lips part in shock and at once I feel the horrible sensation of hurt crash over my shoulders as those precariously balanced teardrops slip from my eyes.

“You totally did that whole thing on purpose and now you try to act innocent?? Dude, that’s so gross! I can’t- I can’t even-“Gripping at his hair, the blonde angrily turns away from me and marches over to his bedroom door, hauling his backpack onto his shoulders as I sit there vulnerably still in place.

“And what’s even worse, is that you forced that on me when I haven’t even done it myself yet! How could you ruin that for me?? How could you do that without even asking me how I- I-“ And it seems his anxious bursts of frustration had come to a sudden standstill now, as he gapes like a fish back at me.

I ruined that for him-?

I…. I purposely tried to- to make him feel vulnerable like that-??

“ you-“I breath, my voice shaky and choked as my vision blurs with hot slaty tears. I grab the nearest object on the bed and ditch it across the room at him. “Get the out of my room-!“

And with that I can’t even be bothered with his reaction as I instantly burst into throaty heaving sobs. Dropping my body back onto my blankets, my shoulders shake with fear and confusion-

Why was he saying this for-?

I… I didn’t mean for that to happen, I just-

I didn’t even know I was getting hard in the first place!

I’d only even been hard once before in my life- and nothing had come of that first time anyway!

I-I hadn’t acted on it then so how the HELL was I supposed to know what it felt like now??

My fingers clench into the bedcovers, tight and desperate as my tears soak a messy hot stain into the sheets before me. My hair dipped hotly across my forehead as I curl my body in on itself.

I wasn’t gay!

I….

I can’t even believe he said that to me-

“Yeah, well you too, Chunji! I don’t ever wanna see you again-“ he yells. At once a loud slam echoes throughout the room as the sounds of the other teen’s footsteps running through the hallway and out the front door drift back into my devastated state of mind.

What on earth just happened here-??

Heaving; I feel my breath becoming lodged dangerously in my chest. Sharp, heavy and painful as I begin gasping erratically at the sheer injustice of it all.

What a total jerk!

How could he be such a to his best friend, huh??

“Chanhee-? Chanhee!” my mother’s voice suddenly pierces into my bedroom, and rushing over to me she drops herself down onto the bedsheets beside me.

“Chunji what on earths the matter-? What’s happened, dear?? Why did L.joe just storm out of the house like that-?”

Choking, I wipe my hand messily across my face raising my chin now to look wetly back at her-

“Oh, my poor darling-“

“Mum I…. I did something bad…” and once again, I feel that deep vulnerable pit open up, ready to swallows me hole-

This was so embarrassing…

“Oh Chanhee-“ she breathes, her body instantly leaning towards me to engulf me in her arms.

And ok….

I won’t bore you with what happened for the next few minutes as she hugged me. Because honestly, all I could seem to do was mumble out a few incoherent moans into her shoulder before dissolving into more tears and I’m sure you don’t really need to know all of that shameful stuff...

So it was about 10 minutes after her constant reassuring circles that she rubbed into my back and gentle words amongst my own near hyperventilation, that I finally found the ability to tell her what had happened. Or more specifically, show her.

And to be quite honest, I was petrified to even do that-

“Mum….” I speak, voice so dark and quite now as anxiety wobbles in my throat.

What if she was unhappy with me too-?

This was so mortifying…

How did I even get myself into this mess in the first place-??

“Mum I…” and pulling away from her proximity I drop my eyes down to my jeans. Clearly displaying the foreign sticky patch to her as I tug nervously at the hem of my t-shirt.

“I-I didn’t mean to, I swear! I- It just happened…”

Her eyes widen before me, and just as I feel my heart beginning to shrink in shame, she reaches out her hand to place gently on my right shoulder. “Oh dear…. Chanhee, it’s ok. This is all just a normal part of growing up, sweety. You don’t need to be so scared-!“

My face screws up in relief and again I find myself crying as I wonder why on earth L.joe hadn’t of just understood this when I’d told him-!

Why had he just left like that-??

He never wanted to see me again-?

We were MEANT to be friends...

“But mum, L.joe…. L.joe seems to think I-“ And breaking off I try to gather my thoughts now as her own expression turns to one of shock before me.

“Honey just what exactly were you doing with Byunghun-?”

Huh-?

At once a fiery blush stains across my cheeks and gaping back at her I feel her confusion at the situation make her gaze awkward between us. “Mum! No- no we weren’t DOING anything! Omg…”

“Ah…ok then,” she dismisses, albeit reluctantly as she adverts her eyes from my clearly mortified expression right now.

“He- I mean we…” I begin again, as I struggle to say what really happened those few mere minutes ago which suddenly felt like a lifetime.

But hang on… he was the one who started it!

“We were watching newest episodes of The Walking Dead and then we started joking around and- and I said something about something that he said… and well, of course he got pissed at me-“

“Chanhee! Language-“ Mum butts in, with a frown on her face,

“Sorry, but then he- he pushed me over and we started to wrestle together and I….” and it’s at this precise moment that I realise just how on earth I’d gotten myself into this mess..

I mean, come on Chunji-

Wrestling!!??

It was so bloody obvious that this is what caused it to happen, well obvious now anyway.

Jesus, I knew we were getting to big for that kinda thing now…

Dad always said that one day I wouldn’t be able to have the same kind of fun like I used to with my friends- maybe this is what he was referring too-?

“Well I…” flushing again I drop my eyes away from my mum, and instead pull at a thread of cotton loose on the cover before me.

“Ahh… I see.” She murmurs quietly, and with just a hint of an amused smile on her face. “And did that happen to Byunghun too or-?”

“No. No, he was fine…” I recall tersely.

God this world was so bloody unfair! I mean, if I had to go through that embarrassment why shouldn’t he too!

“But when we realised what had happened, he didn’t believe me when I said it was an accident! He thought I did it on purpose! That I- that I’m bloody f-“

And I can’t even say the word anymore in fear that the more it comes out of my mouth the longer it’ll stick in my head.

And jesus, what if saying it too much really could turn you that way-?

, I was in so much trouble for this….

“He thinks I like him or something mum! I mean, what the hell??” I yell, sniffing loudly against the back of my hand as I wipe away the snot and tears from my face.

“Ah huh…. Well, Chanhee this certainly is a bit of mess, now isn’t it-?”

My eyes stare miserably into her own, and her amusement at my predicament instantly fades away as a soft look overtakes her gaze in its place.

“Look, honey… if you need to speak to your father more about this, then that fine. I can get him to come in tonite, after dinner if you’d like-?”

“What-?? No! No mum, I had enough of that the first time around…” I groan, and drooping my face away from her once again as I recall that godawful half hour long intensely nerve wracking birds and the bees talk I’d received at the start of this year.

Urghhh.… never again….

“It’s just L.joe mum. He didn’t even listen to me and then he just took off! He’s gone now, and he thinks I’m some sort of sick erted- he said he doesn’t wanna talk to me ever again!”

“Oh Chanhee…“ My mother’s smile falters into a frown and at once her warm comforting grips wraps around me. “It’ll be ok…. I’m sure you can both sort this out.”