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wc 3,758
part 1 of 3; companion fic to Flowers of Romance (sequel)
 

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Ravi woke up in his studio with a dull headache. He groaned as he sat up, rummaging around for his phone.

8.50am

Too early, Ravi flopped down on the couch again, recalling the events for yesterday.

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"I'm sorry, somehow it wasn't as I imagined it to be…"

It was silent but Ravi was scared of looking up. "I understand…" He heard Hakyeon's voice cracking as he said this and Ravi couldn't stand it any longer, he looked up. There was a smile, but paired with eyes that were red at the rims the pupils shying away from Ravi but with great understanding within them. Which made Ravi's heart clench. The Cha Hakyeon he knew would have demanded for an answer, what was wrong dating someone as perfect as me? The Cha Hakyeon in front of him, however, seemed like he had all the answers in the world, yet none. Seeing him so vulnerable, yet strong made him want to embrace the man and tell him it was okay, but he couldn't. He shouldn't. It was for the best. Hakyeon released a huge sigh, "Well, it was great while it lasted!" Hakyeon's smile actually got bigger, "You were great while it lasted." the sadness increased just as much as his smile. "Listen, I'll leave you tonight and we'll continue the work tomorrow okay. I think we both need some space" Hakyeon chuckled, and Ravi nodded solemnly. Hakyeon gave a tentative glance before approaching Ravi to catch him in an embrace. "Thank you…"

Ravi gulped down his tears, "No," he returned the hug, "thank you…" 

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In all honesty, Ravi still loved Hakyeon, ached for him in fact but he could see Hakyeon's eyes always seemingly searching for more. Ravi didn't know what more. He had given Hakyeon everything but Hakyeon had glanced and left him and that was what had made his heart tender. He had had enough. He had decided then that the last thing he'll properly commit to is his work. And work he did.

After a good shower, a shave, a big fried breakfast (which ended up doubling as lunch), and copious amounts of coffee, he was on a roll. He no more had love as his muse, the next few songs he was going to produce will be fueled by heartache and he didn't care, they sold well anyway. He was so immersed in his work, head banging to the beat of the music he was working on, he didn't realise that someone had silently entered his studio until there was a small crash behind him.

"Hakyeon?!" Ravi's eyes widened. What was HE doing here?

"Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you, I was just cleaning up a bit," Hakyeon looked flustered, bent over picking up some CD's he had dropped. Ravi scanned the table which had leftovers from a meal that he did not remember having.

"How long have you been here?" Ravi recalled Hakyeon's words the day before, they still had to produce music for the dance competition but he hadn't thought Hakyeon would be able to until the day after.

"A while, but you seemed so engrossed so I decided not to disturb," Hakyeon chuckled. It felt like it was the same as before. Ravi's heart ached. Hakyeon really did seem to taken their breakup well. "So, how are you?" Hakyeon stood up, brushing his knees before looking at Ravi. Ravi frowned. This man did not look like he had cried all night be his life compared to Ravi who had circles under eyes as puffy as a blowfish, "did you at least sleep?" why oh why was this man so endearing.

"I did. Not enough I guess but inspiration suddenly hit me," Ravi turned back to his music.

"Oh, that's good. Is it a good song?" Hakyeon stood behind Ravi, stretching to look at the screen making Ravi feel uncomfortable.

"Hak-Hakyeon…" Ravi closed his eyes in frustration.

"Hmmm?"

"Sorry it's just…"

"WONSHIK! I BROUGHT SNACKS!" the door slammed open, giving both of them a fright, "Oh, Hakyeon-hyung is here too! You can share!" Jaehwan pushed the door open with his shoulders, hands occupied with plastic bags filled to the brim.

"Jaehwan! Long time no see!" Hakyeon helped Jaehwan by pulling the door open and Ravi stood up to greet Jaehwan.

"Sorry, I was busy cause I had an assignment to submit but I'm free now. It feels like it's been such a long time since I've been in your studio Wonshik," Jaehwan placed the tidbits on the table before giving Hakyeon a hug, "I missed you too hyung! And you," Jaehwan glanced at Ravi, sticking out a tongue, "Less."

"Hey, remember whose studio you're in," Ravi glared but sat down on the couch, pulling out a stick of Snickers.

"Kidding!" Jaehwan cheered, giving Ravi a wink.

Thank god for Jaehwan, Ravi's heart sighed in relief.

"Oh, you got apples!" Hakyeon cheered, Jaehwan knew Hakyeon loved fruits so he had gotten fruits too, "I'll go get them washed" Hakyeon left the studio to head to the toilets nearby. Ravi looked and stared as the door slammed close before sighing loudly.

"Frustrated?" Jaehwan sat next to Ravi, nudging him playfully.

"Thanks for saving me out of a sticky situation. I wouldn't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here…" Ravi placed his face into the palms of his hands, rubbing his groggy eyes.

Jaehwan looked at Ravi, confused now even more than ever, "something happened between you two?"

Ravi looked at Jaehwan, what did he have got to lose, Jaehwan was his childhood friend, "Yea, we broke up…"

"What?!" Jaehwan's eyes went wide, "When?! How?!" Jaehwan had always seen them as a happy couple, "Why?! Was it Hakyeon? I'll talk to him!"

"No! No! God, no!" Ravi tried to calm Jaehwan down, "It was me. I was the problem. Trust me."

"But… why…?" Jaehwan was trying to get this in his head. Ravi had never seemed happier next to Hakyeon. Jaehwan had always seen Ravi's look when he stared at Hakyeon when Hakyeon wasn't looking, the lopsided smile, the faraway gaze, the look of need that had made Jaehwan’s heart twist and tear.

"Hakyeon was never into me. I saw that when I first dated him and I thought that I could change it but…" Ravi shrugged, " I couldn't." Of course, they had kissed, held hands, and the throes of passion they had shared were incredible, but Ravi knew that Hakyeon could never love him more and it had hurt Ravi so much.

"Wonshik…." Jaehwan looked at Ravi with pity before giving his friend a hug, "You're really strong…"

"Oops, am I interrupting something here?" Hakyeon's voice suddenly popped out. Both males looked at the doorway. "Mmmm…" Hakyeon looked embarrassed, "If I'm disturbing something I can take my leave. Really…" He had placed the apples on the table and had headed towards his bag, slowly packing things in and pulling his phone out.

"Hyung, don’t, we weren't doing anything… we were just…" now what excuse can he use to make it look like they were not getting intimate, Jaehwan tried to crack his brain.

"HAKYEON?" Ravi's voice was suddenly loud and questioning, startling both men.

"Y-yes…?" Hakyeon looked up from his phone, face guilty.

"Wha…. Who… who is it?" Ravi suddenly asked, getting two confused faces, "who is it that you're looking at on your phone?"

"My phone…? No one? It's just a text," Hakyeon was blushing now, ears red and eyes darting away. Suspicious.

"What's wrong Wonshik?" Jaehwan was still staring at Ravi’s face who looked confused, betrayed and curious.

"N…no… nothing…" Ravi still had the questioning look on his face.

"Ravi, I'll take my leave for now. When you feel better just give me a call. I think we can take a break from that composition for now, it's progressed enough anyway. Make sure you get plenty of rest okay," Hakyeon's voice sounded eerily cheerful and Ravi could have sworn he was humming as he closed the door behind him.

"Ah, this!" Ravi kicked the table before getting up, plopping down onto the chair in front of his computer before putting on the headphones and continue working. Jaehwan sat silently on the couch, trying to piece the information together. He took out a box of pocky and started munching on them while looking at Ravi's back. The back he has always looked at since young.

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"Jaehwan, are you still wearing that jacket?" Ravi groaned at the sight of Jaehwan in the hallways of their school. 

"I like this jacket," Jaehwan pouted. Ravi smiled before tugging at the collars of the jacket.

"At least wear it properly," Ravi chuckled, and Jaehwan beamed happily.

They had been dating for 6 months now and things were going smoothly, at least Jaehwan thought they were going smoothly. Mostly things had been the same, other than the make-out sessions they were having when Jaehwan came over to sing to some of Ravi’s composed songs, or the excessive hand holding in public, more frequent now than ever before. Everything was the same. Ravi still looked at Jaehwan oh so tenderly and took care of him like he was the best thing in the world. What more could he want?

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Ravi couldn't get the sight out of his mind no matter how deep he was into doing his work. Hakyeon had smiled. No, it was even bigger than a smile. Hakyeon was known for his smile but the smile he had when he had glanced at his phone, at whatever text he had received, that was the smile of bliss. The smile that Ravi had never seen on Hakyeon's face. The smile that Ravi could swear he had worn when HE looks at messages Hakyeon had sent to him. Who was it that Hakyeon was texting. Had Hakyeon cheated on him? No, he couldn't have. Hakyeon was not a cruel person. He'd cheat for personal gain yes, but not at the expense of hurting others.

Ravi tried to sleep the problem away but in his mind, the face Hakyeon had had plagued his nightmares. He woke up, grabbed his phone and texted. He had to know. He had to know who was it that had placed that smile on Hakyeon's face, a smile Ravi had not seen Hakyeon have even in his past relationships.

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"Ravi, what is it?" Hakyeon looked tentatively at Ravi, away from the music sheet.

"Are you seeing someone?" Ravi said flatly.

"What?" Hakyeon placed the sheet down, "Ravi, no! I am not!" Hakyeon's face looked appalled. "Why do you think I'm seeing someone?"

"Are you in love with someone then?" Ravi asked instead and the look on Hakyeon's face, god damn it, that look that Ravi had never seen.

"M-maybe…" Hakyeon glanced away, cheeks filling with colour. Not once, even when Hakyeon had started a relationship with another person had Hakyeon have that look, the look of a high school boy in love.

"Who is it?' Ravi's head was full of attention for Hakyeon.

Hakyeon looked alarmingly at Ravi, "Why? Why do you want to know?" Hakyeon fumbled with his words, clearly uncomfortable with the subject.

"Because," Ravi started, because he had never seen Hakyeon so shy, so needy, so desperate for attention. "Because I'm worried…"

Hakyeon gave a look of disbelief before laughing. "What? Why?" he doubled over from laughter, "Oh Ravi. I love that side of you." Hakyeon wiped tears off his eyes. Apparently not enough to be in a relationship with me, Ravi thought bitterly. When Hakyeon realised that Ravi was being serious, he straightened himself and cleared his throat, "Well, I guess I like him. Honestly, I'm not sure but I'm also not sure if he likes me either. We were friends you know, before, like you and Jaehwan." Hakyeon's cheeks again filled with colour and Ravi wasn't sure if he was seeing red from the rush of Hakyeon's blood or the boil of his. "We stumbled across each other and well, we're meeting up now and then to rekindle our friendship." Hakyeon gave a small smile. Ravi rolled his eyes.

"Oh, so something happened before and you're trying to relive the moment?" Maybe it was Hakyeon's first love. First loves always left the biggest impressions.

"No, heavens, no. Stop comparing me to you and Jaehwan!" Hakyeon gave Ravi's neck a soft chop, "We're just… friends…" and Ravi could have sworn he saw disappointment in Hakyeon's face. "Anyway, you're the one who dumped me, you shouldn't be the one who's sour about it," Hakyeon tsked haughtily. If only he knew. And as if on a bitter cue, Hakyeon's phone vibrated, signalling an incoming message. Hakyeon scrambled for his phone and his face lit up seeing the message. The look Hakyeon had while he keyed a reply, Ravi could have cried.

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"So… You've got a new guy…?" Jaehwan sipped his Frappuccino.

Hakyeon's face fell, "What do you and Ravi have against me?"

"Nothing… you seem happy recently," Jaehwan continued sipping. He had spent a week around Ravi's studio, a bit worried about his friend. He felt slightly angry at Hakyeon for treating Ravi so lightly but Hakyeon is Hakyeon. It was hard to hate him, not when he treats you like how he'd treat his own brothers. And honestly, he had never seen Hakyeon so happy.

Hakyeon gulped down his Americano before looking at Jaehwan. "Listen, what happened between Ravi and I, honestly, we ended it with a sweet note. Bitter, but still sweet," Hakyeon emphasised, "rest assured, he is not broken goods. If he was, I know you'd be able to patch it up," and with that Jaehwan choked. "Oh Jaehwan, don't think I haven't seen the looks you were giving Ravi even before we were together. And when we were, sometimes I felt that I should back away," Hakyeon chuckled.

"We are childhood friends. Nothing more!" Jaehwan wiped the remnants of the Frappuccino off his shirt, "You of all people know that,"

Hakyeon smirked, "Oh really, do I?" If Jaehwan knew what he really did know.

"It's not going to work out between us…"

"Jaehwan, you're not giving it a chance, that’s why," Hakyeon stretched over to wipe a spot that Jaehwan had missed on his face.

"But, I did. And it didn't work out,"

"Jaehwan. Trust me. I know Ravi. You should just let him lead and not worry about anything else. It'll be fine," Hakyeon waved Jaehwan's imaginary cloud of worry away.

"You… you don't understand…" Jaehwan continued sipping his Frappuccino.

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"Wonshik… I… can't…"

Ravi sighed, but not in an exasperated way, "it's okay. I understand, we'll take it slow," Ravi smiled softly, cupping Jaehwan's face before rubbing their noses together, "the most important thing is I have you beside me." Jaehwan's heart hurts. It's not that he disliked Ravi's touches, he loved it, but he was so scared. They had been friends for close to forever, and Jaehwan knew if one thing can screw up their friendship, it would be gaping hole in their relationship. He felt that if he and Ravi had gone further, it wasn't only his ity that was going to be lost, but also their friendship will start to become paper thin. So Jaehwan did what a confused man would do, avoid Ravi. He felt so much safer that way.

At first, Ravi didn't seem too bothered, nodding solemnly at Jaehwan's back as it ran away but after a week, Ravi was annoyed.

"Lee Jaehwan what is the matter with you?" Ravi cornered Jaehwan who can only squeal in terror.

"I'm sorry Wonshik!" Jaehwan quickly apologised and Ravi's anger softened.

"What for?" Ravi cupped Jaehwan's face, kissing the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry Wonshik… I don't think we'll work out…" Jaehwan let a tear escape him and he thank god his eyes were closed because he swore, even through his eyelids, he could hear the drop of Ravi's heart and the sound it made as it broke into pieces.

"Why…" Ravi's voice cracked, "Why…?" the pitch was higher and Jaehwan opened his eyes, and looked into Ravi's.

"I can't… I can't bring myself to love you…." Jaehwan admitted, feeling his own heart break.

"But all this time…" Ravi lowered his head to the crook of Jaehwan's neck.

"Ravi…" Jaehwan patted the back of Ravi's head, "there will be someone better for you out there… trust me…." Jaehwan prayed, he prayed so hard to god, to take him away from Ravi right now, because he couldn't deny it, he loved this man so much. Just not enough to break the relationship they had cemented the past 15 years. 

After that, Ravi had evaded Jaehwan. Everyone was perplexed. Ravi had always, even before they were together, hung about Jaehwan, cooing the man with sweet names. My Jaehwan. Jaehwannie. Not anymore. When Jaehwan felt that enough was enough, he tackled a surprised Ravi onto the ground. "Ravi! Let's go out for lunch. There's a really nice meat shop that just opened and I want to try it…" Jaehwan pouted, not to Ravi, but to the ground. He was afraid of how Ravi would react, afraid to look at him in the eyes. To Jaehwan's joy, Ravi chuckled and agreed to go. They mended their relationship after that but now when Ravi dwelves into a new relationship (which wasn't really that often anyway), Jaehwan felt jealousy gnawing in his heart, but he kept it hidden. Ravi didn't need to know.

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"Who?" Ravi looked at Hakyeon questioningly.

"Taekwoon. My friend. He has a nice singing voice, I thought he could sing this song for us!" Hakyeon was beaming excitedly. Was this the man who had managed to seduce Hakyeon into a puppy, Ravi wondered. "Please, just give him a try. I know you're head over heels in love with Jaehwan's voice but really, give this guy a try. His voice has a different quality than Jaehwans," Hakyeon placed his hands together and winked innocently at Ravi. Ravi grumbled. No one could sound better than Jaehwan. "That is, if you don't mind, Jaehwan," Hakyeon turned to Jaehwan who was playing a game on the couch.

"Huh? Me?" Jaehwan looked up from his game, "Nope, not really. I'm interested to hear him," Jaehwan said with mild interest, his focus clearly more on the game.

"is this the guy you like?" Ravi asked begrudgingly, he was still curious to no end and his curiosity was fueled everytime he saw Hakyeon communicating with this man in any form. Or rather, anytime Hakyeon even thought of this man Ravi thought bitterly as he saw Hakyeon blushing furiously.

"Y-yes…" Hakyeon  muttered, surprising Ravi. Hakyeon had always denied his interest, placing them vaguely with a maybe, I'm not sure but this was the first time he admitted it out. Apparently, Jaehwan had realised too as he quickly got away from his game in a triumphant cheer.

"So you finally admit to it?!" Jaehwan hugged Hakyeon.

"I can't deny it any longer… it's official, I like this man. So help me," Hakyeon looked like he could die from embarrassment. He was so adorable, so adorable that Ravi started laughing out loud, receiving confused looks from Jaehwan and Hakyeon. "Ravi, what's so funny?" Hakyeon was worried now, has Ravi finally lost his screw.

"No, no," Ravi tried to steady his breathing, "Hakyeon," Ravi looked at Hakyeon, a smile that he hasn't shown for a few weeks plastered on his face, "congratulations."

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The man who came with Hakyeon was a far cry from what Ravi had expected to be the love of Hakyeon's life. He would have thought that Hakyeon would be chased after these type of man and Hakyeon would chase a different type of man but Ravi and Jaehwan couldn't stop smirking at each other when they saw how attentive Hakyeon was to Taekwoon.

"That man fell, hard," Jaehwan stretched on the chair after the day was over. Hakyeon and Taekwoon had went out for dinner, Ravi and Jaehwan staying back saying that they had to finish up some stuff.

"Did you see the look on his face when Taekwoon was singing. I agree he's good but Hakyeon looked smitten," Ravi joined in.

"And when Taekwoon got us coffee. Hakyeon looked like he had wanted to die from happiness!"

"I'm so happy for him," Ravi sighed contently, looking at his screen.

Jaehwan looked at Ravi's profile. After a moment of silence he asked, "are you happy though?"

Ravi turned from the screen to look at Jaehwan, "Me?" he chuckled, "Oh please, you know, I'm getting used to these unrequited love. I think the love of my life is right here," he tapped his keyboard, "No more love for awhile for me!"

Jaehwan gulped, "Really…? Not a even a bit…?" he asked pleadingly. Ravi looked at Jaehwan questioningly, Jaehwans puppy dog eyes shining under he lights. He gulped again, "Haha, what am I thinking." he quickly got up, flustered by the situation. He had to go, he couldn't do it any more but his wrist got captured.

"Jaehwan…?" Ravi called but Jaehwan refused to turn, "Jaehwan… are you okay?" Ravi asked again. Jaehwan didn't want to answer, didn't want his voice to betray him. He tried to breathe. Ravis hand never left his wrist even when he shook it.

"Wonshik… please… I…" Jaehwan breathed in, "I need to go…"

Ravi's hands release Jaehwan's wrists. The next thing you know, Ravi's arms were around Jaehwan.

"Wonshik…"

"Shut up… just for awhile…" Ravi tightened his embrace.

"Wonshik…" Jaehwan's voice crumbled this time, tears flowing freely. Why? why was his Wonshik so nice.

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 Author’s notes:

This was supposed to be an epilogue chapter for Flowers of Romance but.. HOW DID IT GET SO LONG?! I'm not even a Raken shipper! I wanted to end it 7 paragraphs ago but I thought I should stop with open ended fics… I'm giving at least this one, a proper closure…

I'm really excited about the Twixx collab! I can't stop imagining Hakyeon and Momo interactions. That's the first thing on my checklist to fantasize about once the collab is out! They will be SO CUTE. Just me? Also, Twixx is such an adorable name!

Also, should I hint now that I actually have a Vixx fic in regards to their Troublemaker's Now performance? Just like how this fic was vomited in response to Ravi's mixtape, that one will hopefully be out before Twixx cause I may not be able to resist writing for Twixx…