Forgiveness was hard for them.

Minji woke up, hands clenched at the bedsheet and panting, grasping for air. She looked around to see that she was nowhere near camp. The room was empty, except for the ladder in the middle. Realization dawn upon her. The countless of nights she left camp and went straight to the dropship to sleep. It did not help with the nightmares but at least, she knew she was paying for all the deaths in her hands.

Minji shoved the bedsheet away and stumbled across the room to get some water. And then she heard a muffled noise. Minji held onto the knife that was already on her waist and steadied her movement towards the entrance of the dropship. It became a habit to attach any weapon on her. Knowing well enough that danger never waited and it would attack all around without smelling any scent of it.

She moved the curtain and peeped outside. Before she could stab anyone, Minji saw a familiar figure on the floor, curled up in a ball with mouth moving.

Jongin.

There she saw Jongin sleeping on the ground, outside of the dropship, with no tent or comfort. He was frowning, head shaking and incoherent words escaped his lips. Nightmares. He was having nightmares. Minji dropped the knife down and kneeled to cradle his head.

“Jongin, wake up.”

She nudged him harder the second time and he woke up with his hands on . Habit. Reflex. Minji called his name out despite being choked.

“It’s me… Minji.”

Jongin looked hard in her eyes and loosened his grip. His face changed drastically in guilt while murmuring endless sorry. Jongin repeatedly apologize while bringing her closer to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Minji’s hands cupped his face and assured him that everything’s fine. There was nothing to worry about. Jongin held onto her shirt tightly, afraid of hurting her. And when his breath no longer ragged and uneven, both turned their heads towards the trees and sighed silently.

“Nightmares?”

Jongin nodded.  

“Same.”

They were silent again.

Minji did not ask why he was here at the dropship, neither did Jongin. Arkadia was great. The bed was comfortable. The room was big. But they knew that Arkadia would not allow their hearts settled down. Minji moved closer to the man beside him. She didn’t know what he was to be exact. More than a friend and a co-leader. She depended on him too much to the point that she would rather die for him. And she knew that he would give the world to her.

She was a lost soul wandering searching for answers and until she got to know that there was someone else just like her and that was Jongin, who already had his answers, but chose to drown himself with the guilt that followed him.

“What do you do when you see death in your dream?”

Minji asked casually under the night sky that was so dark, she felt like it was swallowing her whole.

“Nothing. It’s the consequences of our actions, Minji. The blood in our hands wouldn’t just wash away. Mount Weather, TonDC and the grounders that had sworn to protect us. And our friends. Tell me, would you want to let go of that guilt?”

She laid her head on his shoulder.

“No. I don’t want them to be forgotten. But this dropship has always been our home. It has all our sins and will continue to be.”

Jongin hummed under his breath.

Minji might not know what exactly Jongin was but she knew that every wrong decision she made, and every deadly move she acted out, he would gladly forgive her. He was her pillar. She needed him.

Jongin looked up and a shooting star raced across the sky.

“Minji, it’s the shooting star. Wish something.”

She closed her eyes, remembering that time when she was the one that asked to wish upon the stars. And when he asked her back, she did have a wish.

Let him live. Let his heart keeps on beating. Let him stay. Oh dear God, I can’t live without him by my side. Just don’t take him away from me. Please. I beg you. Even if he is down on his knees, I will gladly fall for him. If his shoulder gets heavier, give half of those to me. If he drowns in misery and guilt, bring me along. Because the only thing that matter right now is… together.