Jihoon thinks the idea of soul mates is quite flawed, immensely so even. And no, he isn’t saying this in a state of teenage tyranny; he’s saying this because he’s had evidence of such a claim, it exists in his blood line, dating back to his great grandmother, Jiyeon Lee. Gorgeous of a woman she was. Jihoon’s seen pictures of her and she was breathtakingly beautiful. The stories of her proved to show her gentle nature, her kindness. She deserved the best, but it seemed that fate didn’t share such opinion. She was to live the rest of her life fated to be with the one person she never loved, watching her true love be happy with another women and since then, it’s been as if a curse had been washed over the Lee family.

Jihoon has long since known he won’t be happy with his fated person. Fate isn’t perfect and he is a firm believer that he gets to choose who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, not some mysterious force that governs such an important part of his life.

“I’m just saying, fate is beyond perfect. Why would you force yourself to love someone just because ‘fate’ says you should? That’s not love, it’s just blind obedience” Jihoon finds himself saying one Monday evening, making his way to the lunch tables with Seungcheol, his best friend.

“That’s a bit cruel, Jihoon. You just haven’t loved someone. Well, you haven’t found your soul mate to love yet. It’s natural to think these things, but you’ll see.”

Jihoon frowns. He’s found someone to love alright, but he knows it’s not meant to be. Jihoon inwardly chuckles. Meant to be. That’s the problem with this whole soul mate business. Jihoon doesn’t want to be forced to love? He’s already found someone to love and willingly too. How can he search for ‘the one’ when he’s been in Jihoon’s life since their early childhood.

“It’s a load of bull if you ask me.”

Seungcheol glares at him. “You’re fated for a reason and you’ll grow to love them, you just watch. Just take our parents, for example, they’ve been fated and they are happy.”

Jihoon fights the urge to scoff at that remark. It’s precisely because of his parents that he doesn’t believe, that he won’t believe. He wants to tell Seungcheol that no, he’s wrong. He wants to tell him that his parents are exactly why he hates it, but he’s never told anyone. His mother has always been self conscious about their ‘predicament’, so Jihoon has kept their secret. He’s hidden the fact that his parents do not in fact love each other, that they can’t even look at each other in the eye without the disappointment of not feeling anything but despair.

In a society like this, you are expected to accept whoever it is fate has for you. No questions. No protest. Just blind obedience. And it is those very people that Jihoon pities the most. Not the ones who openly express their disappointment with their fated on, but those people who like to fool themselves into loving.

They are fools, for believing in such a dysfunctional system.

They are fools for believing that if they try hard enough, they will eventually fall.

Seungcheol is a fool for believing in such a system, but Jihoon doesn’t love him any less.

It’s not like Seungcheol is completely at fault. Seungcheol’s family has never undergone the pain that is unrequited love, every generation managing to love their fated unconditionally and actually live happy lives.

The Choi family lives in bliss. Generations of good luck has allowed them the luxury of believing. Seungcheol’s got a huge heart, a heart that is capable of loving anyone and everyone. But that’s what hurts Jihoon the most. It’s the fact that Seungcheol is capable of such a thing that has him in heaps of anguish. When the times comes, when Seungcheol turns twenty one, Jihoon will watch as he meets his fated. He will watch and he will do nothing but hide behind a fake smile. He will follow in the footsteps of the great Evelyn Lee Lyn.

There’s a difference though, unlike his great grandmother, it’s in Jihoon’s nature to protest, to kick, to scream, to fight. After so many years of attempting to persuade the other, Jihoon realizes that this is a losing battle and he knows when to stop. Behind his stubborn nature, his aggressive attitude, his proud ego, is a scared boy. Jihoon is but a scared boy who is afraid of letting go of the one person he’s ever loved. But he is all too aware that it will never happen.

The years roll by and Jihoon still hasn’t succumb to fate’s grasp. They’re both in college now, and Jihoon continues to love the one person he will never have. He continues to love the ever so oblivious Seungcheol.

Jihoon has prepared for the heart shattering announcement, that by now, should happen in any day.

He still finds it coming all too soon though.

“Ji!” a voice booms through the halls one day. Jihoon’s heart never ceases to speed up whenever Seungcheol calls for him. There’s no hidden sentiment when Seungcheol calls him by his nickname. In fact, everyone calls him that, but it’s always Seungcheol that gives it a special sentiment even though he does it without notice.

“Ji!” Seungcheol yells out again, running towards the smaller.

“What? Jihoon asks, smiling up at the taller male. It’s when Seungcheol shoves his wrist into Jihoon’s face, displaying an unfamiliar name etched onto his skin, that Jihoon finds his smile faltering.

It was the mark of the fated. The name of ‘the one’. It was Jihoon’s biggest nightmare.

Jihoon can’t find it in him to congratulate Seungcheol, not when he feels like his whole life is crashing down. History is repeating itself once again it seems.

“Ji?”

Jihoon brings his attention back to Seungcheol. Without a second thought, he drags Seungcheol into an empty room.

“Do you even know her?” Jihoon asks. Seungcheol nods, explaining how they were paired up as lab partners. Jihoon listens as Seungcheol describes her beauty to him, her kindness, her gently nature and quirks. It reminds him of his grandmother and he feels like crying.

“Do you love her?” Jihoon asks, his voice barley above a whisper.

Seungcheol stays quiet and for a second Jihoon thinks that he’ll say no. That against all odds in this god forsaken universe, Seungcheol would open his eyes for once, and see Jihoon. He’ll see Jihoon for who he really was, who he’s been all along. He’ll see Jihoon as the one who Seungcheol had managed to ensnare. For a second, Jihoon has hope.

“Yes, I do.”

Jihoon feels the last remains of his heart crumble. Silence fills the room. What did Jihoon expect, to profess his love for Seungcheol and in turn have Seungcheol profess his love for him? To live their life together going against the idea that is fate. What exactly was he going to get if he confessed? Nothing, that’s exactly what he would get. Absolutely nothing.

“That’s… that’s great,” is all he can manage to say. Jihoon does his best to keep a calm composure.

Seungcheol frowns. “I know you don’t have faith in these things, but look, I’m happy.”

Jihoon plasters on a fake smile. Happy? But he even truly know her, not like he knows Jihoon. How can you be happy with someone you don’t even know. How could Seungcheol be so… so… naive, so ignorant, so stupid.

For once in Jihoon’s entire life, he doesn’t fight. He doesn’t kick. He doesn’t scream. For once, he lets the one good thing in his life go away.

Jihoon meets his fated two years later, after Seungcheol’s wedding. Soonyoung, Jihoon believes, is as much of an idiot as Seungcheol is for believing that he can learn to fall for someone who he’s never met before.

You can’t learn to fall for someone. Love isn’t something you can teach.

Jihoon does learn however, that both he and Soonyoung share the same damned fate. They both love someone who will never love them back, well, not in the way they had hoped anyway.

Jihoon feels sad for Soonyoung. The lad has never had unrequited love in his family, he’s never been warned about the heart breaks of fate, so this, experiencing the pain of watching your loved one leave you for another is all fairly new to him. It’s a pain that Jihoon knows all to well. They realize that it’s best to just stick together instead of pretending they’ve never met. They’ve both come to a conclusion that they’ll never love each other, but they can pretend. Just like Jihoon’s parents, and just like his grandparents, they will have to put on a show, and so they do. They form a friendship, move in together, and they pretend. After they lay side by side, sweat beading down their body’s after they’ve satisfied their carnal desires, they both think to themselves about the person they actually wanted to be with, the person they want to lay besides them and not the one that they lay with right now.

It’s during those times that Jihoon thinks about Seungcheol and the life they could have had if only fate weren’t cruel. Jihoon thinks about his grandmother and then it hits him:

Jihoon has always pitied others, he’s always called them dumb, naive, ignorant because they choose to believe in fate, but maybe Jihoon is the stupid one, the naive one, the ignorant one, because after all, he allowed himself to fall for someone he knew would never belong to him. Maybe fate is looking down and pitying him in return.