(this might exceed 1000 words and that's too long to be a drabble but I still wanna put it here)

7; friendships (2/2)

a continuation

ot7 got7;;

8th grade

But that was one time only.

Since that day, I didn't experience the happiness again.

I didn't know why.

I already have them. Friends that would never leave me. Friends that I could trust.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Every time they do something fun when we hang out, I would always pretend that I'm happy. I would always keep a smile on my face.

Because I didn't want them to know that I wasn't happy with them.

I didn't want them to go away.

It was selfish, but it was all I wanted.

But months have passed, and I still can't point my finger on why I don't feel anything with them.

I would always feel blank and hollow. Even though Jackson's lame jokes are meant to be funny, and even Jinyoung laughs at it, I can't find it in me to laugh.

And then we met Youngjae. Or maybe I met Youngjae.

Youngjae wasn't really that close to the group.

But I can't ever let go of him. (not Markjae, swear)

And even though Jackson is the funniest, Youngjae was the first one that made me laugh. And not the fake laugh that I always do when I'm with the group. It was, surprisingly, real.

And even though Jaebum gives the best advices, I would always find myself following Youngjae's words.

And even though Jinyoung is the best listener of them all, I'd always look for Youngjae to talk about my worries and doubts.

Suddenly, Youngjae was my that-kind-of-friend.

And even though I think like that, I still can't let go of the group.

And then came Bambam and Yugyeom.

And for the rest of the year, we continued to hang out with each other.

While I was still unsure.

9th grade

They all noticed then. They noticed how I distanced myself from them after summer.

I was incredibly stupid.

Years ago, I was looking for true friends. And now that they're actually in front of me, I'm avoiding them.

All of them except Youngjae.

I don't know why I didn't ignore Youngjae. I just felt like I wanted him near me.

Maybe because I didn't tell them my story.

Even though we have been friends for 2 years, I still didn't tell them. Didn't tell them the reason why it was hard for me to trust people. Ddn't tell them the reason why I was first scared to talk to people.

But what constantly bothers me is that they understand me. They understand me even though I didn't tell them.

And maybe that's why I felt so off with them.

Because I didn't tell them the truth.

And it was making me feel horrible deep inside.

10th grade

Jackson blew.

The least person that I expected to confront me (I really expected Jaebum) was yelling in front of me.

He was angry, I could see that. But I couldn't do anything. But stare. And feel useless.

Jaebum was beside him, watching my every move and also watching Jackson if he will ever think of hurting me physically.

Jinyoung was beside me though. Looking at me with those eyes. Those eyes that held a lot of meanings. Confusion, sadness... and near betrayal.

I know why they felt like that.

Bambam and Yugyeom was behind me. The former trying to defend me from Ja