It was almost midnight when Joshua jolted awake covered with a thin layer of sweat. He looked around their dark room with the moonlight as the only source of light. Seokmin and Seungkwan are out yet again, probably practicing their vocals in the practice room. Those two always strive the hardest since they felt that it’s their obligation to be perfect especially because they’re both the main vocals, the burden must be heavy for them since they’re still young. Joshua’s used to this kind of arrangement, besides, maybe the reason why they put him with them is because he’s the most understanding hyung, and that means he’s the best person who can ease their burdens for them. No wonder why Seokmin and Seungkwan adore their Joshua-hyung so much.

Joshua was about to go back to sleep when a dark figure emerged from the shadows which almost gave Joshua a heart attack.

“Shhh, don’t be scared, it’s just me.”

Okay, Joshua knows he should be scared more than ever. His mind drifting to what happened last time.

“What are you doing here, Jun?”

He heard a deep chuckle coming from him.

“Oh you know what I am here for, rather, who” Joshua knew that the latter is smirking, he can literally hear it from his tone.

“I am tired. Please find someone else.”

“Last time I checked it wasn’t an issue when you’re tired, what’s the matter now?”

Joshua looked down to his lap, trying to avoid Jun’s scorching gaze. “I just don’t feel like it” Lies.

He heard a rustling of clothes and when he looked up again, he saw that Jun had discarded his jacket onto the floor. Joshua gulped.

“Seriously, can’t you find someone else? How about Minghao? I am sure he’s alright with it.”

“No.”

“He’s healthier...?”

“I don’t care.”

“But he’s probably tastier. He’s young after all.”

“I want you, Joshua. Only you.”

Joshua shut his mouth at that, Jun’s voice was dripping with need and a hint of anger. Why can’t Joshua insert it in his pretty head that I only want him?

“Did I do something wrong last time?”

“N-no. It’s just that I…”

“Then what exactly is your problem? I know you’re not tired. I can feel your energy. You’ve slept all day too. So what is it?”

Joshua sighed. There’s no point in lying.

“I am scared.”

“Of what? You know that I wouldn’t hurt nor drain you.”

“I know.”

“Then what?”

“I thought I was about to go crazy last time.” Joshua stopped. Blood rushing to his cheeks, he could probably tell that I’m blushing right now.

Understanding dawned upon Jun.

“You’re scared to lose control, I see.” He knows what Joshua’s worried about. Very traditional. 

“Do you love me?” Joshua asked out of the blue, Jun wasn’t fazed.

“What do you think?”

“Answer the question.”

Jun was upon him in an instant, hovering above him like a predator who’s about to eat his prey. He is a predator after all. Joshua felt Jun’s lips on his. His kisses started slow but then it turned rougher, hungrier. Joshua needed to breathe but Jun won’t let him go, drowning him with intoxicating kisses. When Joshua felt light-headed he felt Jun leaving his lips. Joshua tried to catch his breath, trying to ignore Jun who’s trailing kisses on his jaw down to his neck. Jun paused.

Joshua then gasped when Jun finally sank his teeth, , tasting, needing. Jun was far more aggressive than usual. Is he angry because I asked him that question?

A tear escaped Joshua’s eye. Jun stopped what he’s doing. Feeling a bit sorry.

“Please stop crying.”

“I- I know but it won't stop.”

Jun studied him for a bit in the dimly lit room “you think I’m angry.” It wasn't a question.

Right, he can read my thoughts clearly since my blood is in his system.

“I’m not." Jun reassured. 

Joshua wished for him to be able to read Jun’s thoughts too.

“Why did you even feel the need to ask me that? Oh, right, because you think I only want you as a source of food." Joshua protested, saying that it wasn't that but Jun ignored that attempt. "But Joshua, wasn’t I clear enough or you just don’t want to accept the fact that I am in love with you?”

Joshua then remembered all of the times he's with Jun, how he was gentle and caring. How he's always there to give him what he needs. How Jun would look at him like he's the most beautiful thing in the world, or how he's the only thing that matters to him. Joshua was too dumb to realize all of it back then.

Jun was shaking. Probably feeling vulnerable for the first time after a hundred years.

“I'm sorry, I didn't realize... But Jun, you do know that I can’t read your thoughts.” It was a lame attempt, he knows.

“You don’t have to. All you need to do is to read my actions.” Jun whispered in a broken voice. 

Joshua's heart broke a little. When will he ever do the right thing? But in that moment, Joshua felt like he'll be able to do something right for once. Joshua wants to say what he wanted to say to him, but he doesn’t know whether Jun will accept it. 

“I want to be with you.”

Jun was taken aback, understanding the connotation. Is he really asking me to…?

“No" was Jun’s immediate reply

“Yes.”

“You’ll suffer.” 

“You’ve suffered.”

“I won’t let you do that to yourself."

“It’s not your decision to make.”

“Not on my watch."

“Fine. I’ll ask Wonwoo then.”

A surge of jealousy crashed into Jun's heart when he heard the other vampire’s name. He can’t bear the thought of Joshua being turned into one by him. Wonwoo has feelings for Joshua, too, and if he allow Wonwoo to come near Joshua at any given time, he knew he’d grab the opportunity to take him away.

Besides, being turned into a vampire isn’t just that simple. It’s like a marriage— you’ll forever be bounded to that vampire who turned you into one. They will have complete command over you. Joshua doesn’t know this though. Jun doesn’t want to put Joshua in that kind of situation. It’s like he’ll be taking away his freedom, and Jun knew that what Joshua loves the most is his freedom.

Jun is possessive and easily jealous. He cannot promise to give Joshua back his freedom once they become bounded.

That’s the problem. They both want something, but there are other factors which they have to consider. Jun and Joshua never got too intimate because Joshua doesn’t want to just do it with anyone. He’s asking for some sort of contract or maybe, security that Jun won’t leave him after he takes away his purity. Jun can give him that— Jun can give his eternity to Joshua; but he doesn’t want to take away his freedom. It hurts Jun to think that there are two kinds of freedom at stake here.

He’s taking away Joshua’s freedom to choose what he wants just so he could protect the freedom that could be taken away from him once they’re bounded.

“Don’t.”

“If you won’t do it, I will ask him.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand!” Joshua demanded “I no longer want to live in constant fear of losing my senses, Jun, and you know that!”

Jun could see Joshua’s eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“I just want to be with you” he whispered “can’t you give me that?” Jun’s walls are crumbling because of Joshua’s pleading voice

“I want to be with you properly. You know that I am preserving it for the person whom will cherish me until the end. And now that we've cleared the fact that you also love me, then what's stopping you? What's stopping us?"

“Joshua, you do know that there will be no end once I…” Jun left it hanging in the air

“I know.”

“It’s torture.”

“I’ll get by if I am with you.”

“Your freedom wi—”

“Will be taken away, I know." Jun didn't expect that, why does he know that? " But I am willing to give it to you, Jun.”

Jun finally understood why Joshua dared him. Joshua knew that Jun wouldn’t allow Wonwoo to turn him into one because he knows what will happen— what Jun will do. He knows everything but despite all of the consequences, he’s willing to give himself to him.

“Because I love you too, Jun. I've always loved you. But I was scared of the idea that you don't feel the same way like I do."

Jun’s earlier resolve broke.

He was gentler than before, he slowly touched Joshua’s shoulders with his cold fingertips. He kissed him gently and passionately on the lips, savoring his flavor one last time. Committing it to his memory— the taste of Joshua’s beautiful life. Jun placed his head against Joshua’s chest, listening to his beating heart for the last time. Is he feeling guilty? Of course. Not only will he take away Joshua’s freedom but also his life. His humanity. He will become one of them, he will need blood as well. Seungcheol might hate him for this, but it’s also Joshua’s decision so he removed the thought out of his mind. Now, Joshua will rely on them too, but Jun is sure that they will be more than willing to give him his needs. After memorizing the steady pattern of Joshua’s beating heart, Jun proceeded to his neck, placing a gentle kiss on his pulse before sinking his canines deep into his skin.

Joshua writhed beneath him, clawing onto him, the sheets, the pillow. He’s probably screaming, but Jun wasn’t sure anymore because everything passed like a blur, the only sound he could hear was Joshua’s flowing blood coming to a stop. Jun felt high because of the amount of blood he drank, and the fact that he had to inject a lot of his venom into Joshua’s system.

When he came down from his high, he noticed that the other members were already inside the room. Shock and horror etched onto their faces. Jun’s gaze fell on Wonwoo’s impassive face, but he can read his thoughts clearly

“Take good care of him or else, I’ll kill you.”

Jun smirked, sending a message as well “I’ll kill you first before you even lay a hand on him.”

Empty threats, but they know they’re willing to do it once it comes down to that.

Jun turned his gaze to Seungcheol, he didn't need to look twice just to see what he's feeling, disappointment and betrayal.

“You promised.”

“It’s what he wanted.”

Seungcheol didn’t argue anymore, feeling weak at the moment.

They all turned their eyes to Joshua’s now “sleeping” form. He looks at peace, but they all noticed the difference already.

He’s no longer breathing.

“Joshua will wake up after a few hours. Let’s leave them be.” Wonwoo announced

They left Jun alone with Joshua’s cold body, closing the door behind them.

“Hey, wake up soon. I already miss you.” Jun cooed, touching Joshua's equally cold cheeks with his hand.

A/N: I was so tempted to add “but Joshua didn’t.” at the end (I actually did but I moved it here) because turning one into a vampire is not always a success. But I don’t want to be so cruel 😂  isn’t it amazing how a few words can change a story? Btw, Joshua's a prude.

And I just noticed how patchy it was... I wrote the first half this morning then I slept again so things kinda shifted. XD