“Sooooo….”

       “Please do not try to make small talk.” Jungkook groaned. We were sitting on one of the plush white couches in the living room. Jungkook was left to babysit me as the rest of the boys had to head out early for another mission. He sat far to the left on the opposite couch diagonal from me. I knew he was uncomfortable around me still. To be frank, we never really talked much. I barely ever saw him considering he was sent on mission, probably the most.

       “We could have big talk.” I attempted at a joke. Realizing I failed miserably, I avoided eye-contact with his exasperated face. Instead I looked passed him to the wall behind him, innocently. Behind him was the entrance to the home, the main door sat just behind him. If I looked to the left, across the wall, my gaze would fall onto the mini hallway to the basement. If I continued, my gaze fell onto the dining table on the wood floor—it sat behind me. A little further behind me was the kitchen. To my right was the tv plastered on the wall in all its HD glory. In-between the living room and the kitchen was the door to Namjoon’s room; somewhere I obviously was not welcomed to. Scanning the room one last time, I tore my eyes to the window in front of me, past the chocolate brown coffee table. It was bright and sunny out—the perfect summer day. The whole living room lit up beneath its rays.

       “Sorry.” He mumbled.

I blinked a couple times, unsure what he was talking about, “For what?”

He rubbed his neck nervously, avoiding looking at me, “I’m not very social so this must be awkward for you.”

       “Not really.” I shrugged, sort of lying. It was a little uncomfortable sitting in the silence, but it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant. “It must be hard for you to sit here babysitting me.”

      “You have no idea.” He groaned.

I chuckled a little, “I know I’m not the boys, but I can be fun, too.”

He snickered, “It’s not about fun. I hate not being out on the field with them. I keep getting this itch to go help.”

      “You’re worried about them?” I suggested.

      “Not really.” He shrugged. “The others can take care of themselves just find. I just feel useless sitting here.” He sighed, playing with hands. It must have something to do with him being the youngest, that makes him feel the need to constantly support his fellow brothers.

      “I would say you could just leave me, but I doubt you guys trust me much.” I clicked my tongue.

      “You got that right.” Jungkook turned to me with a smirk. I never noticed before how handsome he was. “You keep doing stupid things. It baffles me how Jimin hasn’t lost his patients with you.”

       “My would beg to differ.” I mumbled with a pout, thinking back to the punishment I received on multiple occasions.

Jungkook snorted, “That’s your own fault for being stupid.”

       “I’m not stupid.” I whined.

       “You’re right. You’re an idiot. You’ve caused yourself so much trouble.”

       “Haven’t you as well. I mean, you are apart of a gang that’s trying to kill a single man.”

       “It’s different. You wouldn’t get it.”

       “Try me.”

Jungkook shook his head, “So how was it sleeping with Jimin?” I choked on air at his words, his voice conveying a deeper meaning.

       “W-we just slept in the same bed.” I knew this was his way of changing the subject, but I fell into it. My cheeks instantly heated up with the images of last night coming back to my mind.

 

       Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt different. Jimin’s shirt was huge on me, completely covering the boxes on my bottom half.

I bit my lip, ‘I look .’ I shook my head trying to calm myself. ‘Why am I so nervous to go out there?’

       “Hey, are you ok in there?” I jumped at Jimin knocking on the door.

       “I-I’m f-fine. I’ll be o-out in a second.” I stumbled over my words, trying to put any loose strand of hair down before walking out to him. With the door creaked open, I could peak out to see Jimin standing next to his bed, already dressed in pajama pants, taking his shirt off. He noticed me when I stupidly let out a small gasp.

       “Hey, you ready?”

I opened the door wide open, keeping a firm grip on the bottom of his shirt. “Y-yeah.”

Jimin chuckled, “I hope you don’t mind. I don’t sleep with a shirt on usually; too hot.” I didn’t say anything, trying to keep my eyes off of his perfect abs. Sure I’ve had a couple boyfriends before, but I was a good girl. I never slept over at their house—let alone their bed. I’m sure Behn would kill me if I did. It didn’t help that they weren’t built as nice at him. Jimin may have been short, but his body was lean and toned perfectly.

       “You like what you see?”

       “I’m not even looking!” I squeaked out, making my way to the other side of the bed. He merely chuckled. “Are you sure I can’t just sleep on the couch or something?”

       “And risk you running away again? Not a chance.” Jimin tsked amused. He pulled my gently under the covers closer to him. “I need you close to me.” Even in the dark, I was sure Jimin could see my tomato-red face, and hear my heart pounding a mile a minute.

       “Y-you don’t have to worry about that…I’ve learned my lesson.” I muttered.

Jimin hummed, “Not quite. You still need your ‘punishment’.”

       “Nooooo….” I whimpered, knowing full well what he meant.

       “Oh yes. Not tonight though. We’ll save that for tomorrow after you’ve finished cleaning up the car and the glass.” I nodded numbly. “Why are pouting? You’re the one who asked me to punish you.” He had a point there.

       “Sometimes I think you enjoy punishing me.”

Jimin hummed, “Is this the first time you’ve slept with a man?” I went stiff in his arms, wide eyes staring into his crescent shape ones.

       “W-what makes you say that?”

He snorted, “You’re stiff, red, and edging further away as we speak.”

       “Well have you ever slept with a woman?” I questioned him, eyebrow arched.

       “Of course.” I nearly choked, unsure if there was a double-meaning to the confident way he said that.

He laughed, “It’s only reasonable to think that some missions would require the art of seduction.”

       “What about before bts? Any girlfriends?” I don’t know why I was so curious about this. I chalked it up to the close proximity getting to my head.

       “Everyone has school crushes or summer flings. I’m sure even someone as nervous as you had a boyfriend.”

       “Well…yeah but nothing serious.” Jimin hummed in response, his hand my arm sending goose-bumps all over my body.

       “Same…nothing serious.” I blushed, trying to burry my face into the pillow. His intense gaze was too much. “It’s only later, as you grow up a little, that you start taking life seriously. You start taking the relationships you once had or currently have seriously.”

       “I understand what you mean.” I peeked up at him.

       “Do you?”

       “It wasn’t until my brother was gone, that I missed everything about him.”

       “You talk as if he’s dead.”

I curled up under his hold, “Might as well be. We fought the last time I saw him, and haven’t really spoken since. I wanted to come here to find myself, to better myself. I thought that maybe if I came back a changed person, he would love me again.”

       “Do you really believe your brother ever stopped loving you?” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

       “I honestly did. I thought about what am imperfect, flawed human-being I was…I still am. I make mistakes, I can be brash, but above all my flaws, I realize that that’s just what makes me me. No one is perfect, and sometimes all we need to do to end a fight is to admit we’re wrong and say sorry. But, my pride got in the way and I never did.”

       “Instead you went half way cross the world.”

I laughed at the irony, “Yeah…yeah I did. I don’t regret it though.”

       “You don’t regret being captured?” I looked up at him, remembering Yoongi’s words.

       “I don’t regret it at all. I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for these choices.” Jimin smiled at the familiar words.

       “You’ve been hanging around us too much.” He teased.

       “Whose fault is that?” I teased back, not realizing how close our bodies had become. Jimin had his ankle slight twisted with mine, our knees touching, and my heart pounding profusely.

       “We should get some sleep.” He hummed.

       “Jimin?”

       “Hmm?”

       “What made you join BTS?” Behind that question was a million others like: Why did you grow up so fast, what made you take life seriously, did anyone in your life hurt you?

Jimin pulled my head to his chest, “Sleep. The less you know, the better.” I slowly did, to his beating heart.

       The next day, I woke up to an empty bed. Jungkook greeted me when in the kitchen, telling me how the boys had to leave on an emergency mission.

 

 

 

       “Hey,” Jungkook snapped his fingers, “Earth to Lucy. Are you there?”

       “Did you say something, Jungkook?” I startled out of my memory.

Jungkook snorted, “Was sleeping in the same bed that good? Jeez, you were in a daze you weirdo.”

       “I-I was just thinking about it…” I stuttered. “And nothing happened you ert!”

Jungkook hollered throwing his head back in amusement, “I’m the ert? Ok there Lucy.”

       “Let’s just move on.” I was annoyed with how he wouldn’t let this go. “Tell me about this mission.”

       “Why?” He came back, wiping tears from his eyes.

       “I want to know where they went…that they’re safe.”

       “Caring about your kidnappers? I think you’ve lost your marbles.”

I groaned, “Can’t you just tell me.”

       “There was an alert that Hajoon’s secretary was on the move in Busan. With his knowledge, we could get the whole layout of Hajoon’s schedule, main building floor plan, just anything. We could end him in a heartbeat.”

       “Why are you so keen on killing this man?”

       “You already know. Namjoon tol—”

       “I know what Namjoon said, but I mean why do you want to kill him?” I emphasized.

       “Cause that son-of-a- deserves it.” Jungkook jaw tightened. It was obvious to the -eye that he was getting uncomfortable.

       “What did he do to you, Jungkook?” I whispered, walking on eggshells.

       “Why do you care?” He snapped. “Stop meddling in our business! You’re so annoying! What, you want to fix all of our broken lives with your small little pep-talk?”

       “No.” I replied calmly, trying not to set him off further. Jungkook stood up, hand in his hair.

       “I can’t stand nosey people. My life is none of your concern!” He glared at me. I was reminded of this first time I talked to him; this happened then, too.

       “You’re apart of this gang are you not? Of course, your life is my concern.” What was I saying? “Believe it or not, I’ve grown attached to all of you. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life Jungkook, and the thought of losing you…any of you…” I choked up, unable to continue for fear of tears slipping down. Jungkook stood shocked. His expression was unreadable as he scratched the back of his head.

Jungkook sighed, “Thank you for your concern, but none of us deserve it.” I tried to protest, but Jungkook held his hand out for me to stop. “I promise you, none of us will die, not before that man is dead.” I just nodded, appreciative of his attempt to assure me.

       It wasn’t until later that night, the boys stumbled in, mud and blood caking their clothes.

       “We’re home!” Jhope called out.

I stood up from my seat, Jungkook muted the tv, “Welcome back.” The boys looked exhausted.

       “Was he there?” Jungkook questioned.

Namjoon came in stamping his feet of the mud, “We’ll discuss in private.” The boys’ faces harden; giving away that there was bad news.

       “Damn.” Jungkook muttered. I scanned the boys head-to-toe till I came across Jimin. When he noticed my stare, he smiled at me; he was exhausted.

       “Lucy, will you go upstairs to my room, please?” He asked. I knew I had no choice. They had many things to discuss. I nodded my head, and swiftly made my way through the kitchen. In the back, there was a door that held stairs to the upstairs hallway. Upon reaching the hall, I realized I didn’t remember which room was his. There were six bedrooms; three on each side of the hall. I didn’t pay much attention before because, I was too focused on finding out where everyone had left this morning. Now, at night, I crept softly across the floor. My eyes caught on to an open door to my left. I knew it wasn’t Jimin’s cause I closed his door when I left his room, but curiosity got the best of me. My head was screaming at me to turn around, but I was never good at listening.

       Looking inside, I could see the navy-blue comforter draped neatly on the bed. Clothes were scattered everywhere in big piles, the small closet a mess with a few of those clothes. I the lamp at the smooth desk. There was another bathroom attached to this room, but it appeared to be attached to another bedroom on the other side; a shared-bathroom. My heart was thrashing against my chest, fear of getting caught. It was when I was about to turn back that my eyes caught the sight of an old newspaper. The front page was a picture of a middle-ish aged woman. In bold it read, “Aunt Murdered During Fight.” Peeling back the page to read more, I scanned the words finding the name of the nephew: Kim Taehyung. My heart dropped at his name. There was no picture, but I knew it was him. I read the text briefly: “Reports indicate a fight broke out late at night at the apartment. Kim Taehyung struck his aunt in the head with a lamp, ultimately leading to her death of bleeding out. Neighbors report that there was screaming before the incident, and months leading up to the incident there may have been signs of abuse from the aunt that lead to the actions. Nothing is certain as of date. Currently the whereabouts of Kim Taehyung are unknown.”

       I took a step back clutching tightly to the paper. A cold sweat formed on my neck.

       “So now you know, huh?” I yelped, turning around to meet Taehyung’s sad eyes.

       “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come in here.”

He shrugged, “It’s fine…I didn’t mean to do it.”

I furrowed my brows, “Yeah…the papers said something about abuse…Jimin said that, too.”

He hummed, “Well, both are right. My aunt never liked me. She was my mom’s older sister. There was a long history behind them. They were the only children of my grandma and grandma, and my mother was the favorite. Growing up, my aunt had always been envious of my mother. I don’t blame her. My mother was perfect. She was beautiful, kind, and a hard worker. When my mom got married to my dad, my aunt was resentful. She actually had been infatuated with my dad before my mom; I mean, my mom met my dad through my aunt. They worked at the same place. My aunt was even more furious when she found out my mom was pregnant with me. You see, my aunt was never able to get pregnant and was why her marriage ended in divorce; she never got married again. Throughout her whole life, she was filled with spite, so when I showed up on her doorstep and she was forced to take me in, all her anger was lashed out at me.”

       “Tae…”

       “It was so hard. I tried being a good nephew. I tried cleaning for her, planting her a garden, I worked hard in school, but nothing I did was good enough. I had to learn how to cook cause she refused to feed me. That’s how I ended up making dinner every night. Sometimes she would come home screaming, blaming me and my mom for all the wrong in her life. I got so tired of it. She used to smash things and hit me because I resembled my mother too much. Growing up…being trapped like that…anyone would snap.”

       “What happened that night?” Tae’s eyes filled with tears as he looked up at me.

His voice was so quiet, “I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t want her to die. I was never allowed out past eight, so for once, just once, I snuck out to get snacks with Jimin. When I came back, she was there waiting. Immediately she went into how horrible of a person I am, how disgusting I was. She threw plates at me as she screamed about how my father was a deadbeat. But he wasn’t! He was good father he worked hard to provide for us!” I nodded, encouraging him to continue. He was sobbing lightly.

       “I lost it when she called my mother a . To say something so disgusting about the most beautiful woman in the world…the most selfless woman…I had had it. She came at me to smack me, like always, and I grabbed the lamp and hit her with it. I didn’t mean to. I was angry, and in pain. I was never given time to grieve thanks to her. I knew what I did was wrong, but who would believe me? So I ran. I ran straight to Jimin’s and told him what happened. He was shock and angry at me for what I did, but instead of treating me like the monster I am, he took me in. He kept me hidden…it wasn’t too long after that that we joined the group.”

       “Tae…”

       “It’s ok to be afraid.”

       “W-what?”

His eyes were puffy and red, “I would be afraid to…to stand in the presence of a monster.”

       “You’re not a monster!” He was startled by my outburst.

       “Did you not hear me? I killed someone. I took an innocent life out of anger.”

       “She wasn’t innocent.” I stood firm, putting the newspaper back down on the desk. “It wasn’t right to kill her. I won’t pretend like what you did was ok…or sane, but that woman was not innocent. To take her jealousy out on a child, her own nephew, that’s a true monster. To hold resentment to her own family for so many years, especially when they did nothing wrong…that’s a monster.” Tae’s hiccups echoed against the walls. “…I understand her jealousy. It’s the same thing I felt watching my brother grow up and become someone so amazing. He’s a pure, selfless soul; something I always wanted to be. Watching him sacrifice for my mother, watching him push through life to achieve his goals…I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little bitter. But despite that, I realize that I was just worried about him. I was worried that he was spreading himself too thin. I was actually angry at myself. My jealousy stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t like him.” I smiled bitterly at Taehyung. “I am so proud of him. I wanted to be like him, not rely on him so much, but I can’t go back in time, and I can never be him.”

       “You’re a good person.” Taehyung mumbled.

       “And so are you.” I smiled. “You just wanted to protect your family, and you were pushed a little to hard. It’s ok to admit that you were wrong, but you can’t keep calling yourself a monster, because you’re not. You are a young man, a young boy at the time, that was desperately trying to protect the little memories you still had of a loving family. You, Taehyung, are like my brother; a good soul. People like you, deserve kindness.” I didn’t realize how close I had walked toward Taehyung until his hands were gripping at my shirt. I pulled him into a hug slowly, allowing Taehyung to wrap around me. He sobbed, tears of years of pain spilling out onto my shoulder. We stayed like that for a few minutes; him crying and me rubbing his back like my brother used to do for me.

       “You know, I joined cause there was nothing left for me.” Taehyung spoke after a few minutes of silence that followed his cries. He slowly walked over to his side-table, pulling out a letter deep inside the drawer.

       “This is a letter my mom wrote to me for my birthday. My kept it hidden from me. I had no idea it was even a thing until Jimin broke into the house after the incident and found it. He was just looking for some of my clothes, but he found this in a pile of my aunt’s possessions.”

       “Have you read it?”

He shook his head, “I’m afraid, too. I don’t want to see my mom’s words. To think that she’s looking down at me, seeing the murder I am…”

       “Tae, you are killing evil people who do evil deeds because, you thought there was nothing left for you. Your mom would not hate you…she would feel bad.”

       “She shouldn’t…it’s not her fault.”

       “Remember what you told me? You could do the worst thing imaginable, and mothers will still always love their children.” Taehyung smiled, his face puffy from crying.

       “Do you regret joining BTS?” I asked.

       “I joined cause there was and is nothing left for me,” Taehyung started, “But…now I feel like maybe I could live for something more.”

       “Of course, you can. You all can.”

Taehyung hesitated, “I can’t read this now. It’s too hard. When our mission is complete and I’ve done everything I can to help Jimin and everyone else who’ve helped me, then and only then will I read this letter.”

       “I think that’s a great goal, Tae.” I smiled, holding onto him once more as he cried for the second time that night. Neither of us noticed a smiling Jimin as he walked away from the door.

       In my mind, Taehyung is a good guy.