Part Four: Madisen

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It had been a week or so, and no matter I did, everything seemed to remind me of her. I walk through my apartment, my hand gliding over the counter where she once kneeled to get the mugs she could never reach. The dining room table where she would surprise me with a kiss when she would visit me after her work. The sofa where we would cuddle watching a movie we had seen time and time again. I sit down on my couch, my arm out as if around her.

“Can we watch Beauty And The Beast?” I hear her voice as I slide the dvd into it’s player. I sit back in my seat. The television flickers her favourite movie. “It’s my favourite part, we should recreate this” she giggles. I smile. “We should” I speak as a reply. She always wanted to recreate the part where Belle and The Beast walk towards one another and slow dance together in a large ball room with dim candle light, a scene she once told me was titled Tale As Old As Time. Every time the part would come up while we sat watching the classic Disney princess movie, she would remind me of her wish. “I love this movie” her voice tells me as it always did when the credits arrived.

“Donghyuk, open the door” Hanbin knocks. I run to the door opening it to reveal all my friends standing with food platters in hand. “Are you ready?” Junhoe questions me. I look at them, all the men done up in suits and the ladies in dresses. I look down at myself, in a sweater and pajama bottoms. “Clearly not” Eryn, Madisen’s best friend giggles. I clash my palm with my forehead, I forgot completely that I had agreed to accompany my friends to our work place’s end of year party. “Guys, I-” I begin. “Well hurry on up” Bobby says turning me around and practically pushing me to my bedroom to get dressed and ready. “Hurry” he smiles which causes me to. Maybe a night out will be good for me, I can’t continue locking myself up in my room and cutting out everyone and thing from my life. I let out a sigh, opening my closet doors. I slide on my best, only pair of black dress pants, and button up a white dress shirt. I fix my hair nicely in the mirror and roll my shoulders to be sure I look alright. I exit my room, tossing a black suit vest over myself. “Theres my boy” Jinhwan throws an arm around me and we all laugh. I decide to take this opportunity to get my mind off all that has happened in the past few weeks. “Shall we?” Bobby questions. I nod, a larger smile growing over my face. They all stand, smiles from cheek to cheek. “Yes” I say excitedly. “Then let’s go” Hanbin urges for us to leave.

I walk with the others to get a couple of taxis which will take us to the party.

In no time at all we arrive at a large event hall. I watch as a few of the others all enter with laughter. I smile. “Hey Donghyuk” Bobby calls back to me. “Just have fun” he winks and smiles, knowing what's best for me. I watch as he links arms with Eryn and enters into the bright lights and loud music. I walk alone, into the venue. I stop once through the doors. My eyes trace over the extravagant chandeliers, and impressive tile work.

Within an hour, I’m out on the dance floor with the others. A drink in my hand while the other is a fist in the air, pounding with the beat of the song.

About another hour passes by and the hall is filled with nothing but cheers of fun. I decide to take a walk, before I get overwhelmed with the atmosphere. “Jiwon, I’ll be back, I just-” I begin to tell Bobby. “Say no more, it’s okay” he smiles at me and pats my shoulder. I smile back and walk to the doors. I exit to the crisp autumn air. I pass a few people who all say hello to me. My stroll leads me to a small gazebo atop a hill. I prance up the few steps to the platform.

“Wow, it’s really beautiful” her voice sounds as I look over the city which bustles below. The music from the hall can still be heard a faint buzz. I take a seat on the edge of the platform, I lean back on my hands. I tilt my head back taking in a deep breath. I let the breath out as I sit back up. My feet dangle over the ledge. My lip begins to quiver and soon tears start to fall. I’m taken back by my own actions. Without my control, I burst into a sobbing mess. After a few minutes of complete crying, I calm myself. My breathing settles and my tears slow. “Why?” I question out loud as if the world were to answer me. “WHY?” I yell, my voice echoing down the rocky incline. I smash my hand to wood I sit upon. I stand up, kicking a small stone over the edge. “Just why?” I walk ripping leaves off the short trees and bushes surrounding me. “Why me? WHY HER?” I yell. My knees buckle and I crouch low to the ground, my hands still resting on the gazebo railing. “I’ve gone crazy” I speak to myself. “I’ve lost it, completely lost it” I continue. “Donghyuk” I hear her voice. I tighten my grip on the railing standing up. “Donghyuk” her voice sounds again. “You’re going crazy Donghyuk” I tell myself. “She’s dead you fool, dead!” I break, admitting reality to myself for the first time. I take in a deep breath. Looking at the mangled bushes I had torn just minutes ago. My eyes focus in on a single rose, a glowing white rose standing perfectly in my sight. “Madisen” I mumble her name lowly. My tears brim. “Madisen” I repete. I walk, pinching the rose top from it’s stem. I nearly fall to a sitting position. The flower rest, cupped in my palms. My tears flow fast and effortlessly. “Madisen” her name slips from my lips again. My tears come to an abrupt halt. I run my thumb over the tips of the petals. I smile at the rose, it’s white complection a near illuminating light in the late night darkness. “Madisen”

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