A world for two – revolution

Zero

Grocery shopping had become Hakyeon recent nightmare. When he lived alone he had it simple, he just went to the food court for numbers zero, which was a bit insulting if you asked Hakyeon because it wasn’t like they ate grass, and grabbed his single boxes of food and that was it. But he wasn’t alone, not anymore, he had kids to feed and god knew if Sanghyuk didn’t eat enough for two persons. Then, there was Hongbin who along the way basically elected himself as the third family member. He didn’t eat so much but his taste never seemed to fit Sanghyuk’s. Or his. The result was that Hakyeon had to buy three different kinds of products for breakfast. Hakyeon sighed.

“Please, you complain only because you have to spend more money.” Hongbin had snorted the only time the older had dared to complain.

“Yes Hakyeon hyung, aren’t we worth at least two different brands of cereals?” Sanghyuk had the nerve to ask as he smiled cutely at him.

Kids these days.

Since his house had been filled by the gracious presence of those two brats, Hakyeon hadn't had the need to go to the food court for zeroes. He now went to the food court for everyone else, the so-called regular people that didn’t need a special area dedicated to them. People smiled at him now, they no longer looked at him like getting single boxes was a crime. It was nice but it also got under his skin. It was so unfair on so many levels. Things had changed, they were still changing but the process was slow and not void of harm or misunderstandings. The government liked to talk about integration and comprehension and it was good really that they had started to consider also the existing minority but consideration didn't mean giving them their space like they were another specimen, it should have meant not being frowned upon when knowing their status. But habits were hard to change and what had happened a couple of years before didn't help to ease the tension either. Fifteen years before the numbers zeroes had won an important social battle turning the tables of a referendum which was believed to pass easily. It didn’t happen, apparently there was still some decency left in humanity that didn’t want to pass a law that would segregate numbers zeroes even further. Or maybe the so-called perfection of their society was just an abstract concept used as justification to impose the state of things, when in reality even between numbers two there was displeasure and sufferance. In any case, slowly but with growing boldness, the number zeroes had started to raise their voice. Protests started to be more frequent and from the stems of the failure of the referendum, the first political movement of numbers zero came to light. At first it had been a good thing for zeroes to have someone that could talk in their stance, above all if the government still tried his best into brainwash the population and picture the movement as a small group of deviant people. Somehow the movement managed to put some pressure and some concessions were granted, like the cancellation of the status statement in the documents or the opening of liberal arts for the numbers zeroes, the latter a result of the joint battle of numbers zeroes and a group of numbers two. Hakyeon himself had been able to choose to pursue a dancing career because of that won battle. However, soon began to happen. Hakyeon didn't know what exactly had happened, he was young back then and even now the government tried his best to twist and hide some matters. He just knew that what had started as a pacific battle for rights soon became hideous and violent jabs from both sides. The numbers zero's movement soon split: one group believed changes needed time and that the battle for rights had to continue in a peaceful way and through diplomatic solutions; the other group believed the progress was too slow and wanted instead a more assertive strategy and was willing to try any method in order to achieve that. Even violence. Of course, that kind of strategy could only lead to conflicts with the government and police. The face-off became so vicious that it could only end in tears a blood, culminated with the “blast” that in November of four years before killed hundreds of people. Neither the government nor the Freedom Movement, the name of the group, had ever taken responsibility for the incidents that had cost so many lives. Personally, Hakyeon thought both of them had been at fault regardless or who put the physical bomb in there.

People had died, people had lost their loved ones, both numbers zero and numbers two.

Since then the government had been more strict with any form of political group among zeroes, prohibiting any form of association that wasn't approved by the government. In turn, the Freedom Movement had become more aggressive and doubled their efforts in trying to fight the system with assaults, manifestation and attacks on the public institutions. In the middle of the two opposite ends of the spectrum stood the rest of the people and those numbers two and zero who had fought together for progress but somehow had remained trapped in between, unable to express their opinion, afraid to be the target from both parts. It was sad. It was regrettable. There were a lot of numbers two who had friends or have family between the zeroes and vice-versa, but now it was all ruined and people had started to not trust each other anymore. There's still some hope somewhere, Hakyeon used to whispers to his kids, to Hongbin especially, precious Hongbin that had so much anger inside of him. In fact, there was. The peaceful fraction of numbers zero still existed, reduced in number but still working to try and put twos and zeroes together by promoting activities, informative workshops and by organizing cultural events. They didn’t have a name because they wanted to eliminate the concept of label. Hakyeon would have joined them gladly if he didn't have the kids to take care and a community center to guide which at the moment occupied all his time and effort. And all his heart as well. So he did his best in his small portion of world, trying to teach Sanghyuk and Hongbin the importance of acceptance and integration, trying to teach them that numbers two weren’t the enemy, that people with bad intentions were. And trying to give with his center a place where young people could meet, socialize and learn together regardless of status. It was hard because the kids' life had been ruined by the attack, but he tried. He tried his best into mending their hearts into acceptance by trying to be an example, if he wanted for them to be understanding he himself had to be the first to live by the beliefs he had set. So he tried, even if Hakyeon himself as a number zero had suffered because of twos.

Sometimes however no matter how hard he tried it seemed like nothing he did or said would ever take the pain from his Hyuk’s eyes or the anger from Hongbin’s heart. So he took care of them at the best of his possibilities giving them a house where they could always come back, a table full of food and all the love he could shower them.

“Hyung, I’m not thirteen anymore. Stop kissing me good morning, you are gross.” It was Saturday morning and usually Hakyeon left the kids sleep in a bit longer as he went to the near super market to buy food for the weekend. Since he liked to wake up early it wasn't unusual to find Sanghyuk and Hongbin still asleep at this return. Honestly Sanghyuk looked so cute while sleeping that Hakyeon couldn't help himself.

“Still a baby in my eyes Hyuk.”

“I’m 18.”

“In a month. You are still seventeen, besides Hongbinnie is almost 19 and I still smother him.” Hongbin, who was brushing his teeth with the bathroom door open, glared at him.

“Don't believe him Hyukkie, Hongbin still likes this hyung hugs. Here look,” and Hakyeon with an ability perfectioned in years rushed to the bathroom and attacked the younger who couldn't defend himself since he was busy with his morning routine. Sanghyuk cackled from the bed looking at his older brother defeated face.

“Hyung!” Hakyeon took pity and let him go but not before giving him a pat on the .

“When you finish to wash, get down and come help me with breakfast.”

They both nodded, Sanghyuk stumbling from his bed, unstable on his long limbs. They were growing up so fast. Sanghyuk that summer had reached Hakyeon's height and the oldest kind of suspected he wasn't going to stop there.

Hakyeon went downstairs where he started to organize the groceries in the shelves as well as taking out what he needed to cook.

“Leave it to me hyung, you go cook,” Hongbin said as he took from Hakyeon's hands the boxes.

“Thank you Binnie,” Hakyeon replied and the other smiled. They were good kids, they acted like they didn't stand the eldest affection but it was just to . They always did their best to help him with house chores and Hongbin had even insisted on taking a part-time job to help Hakyeon. Of course Hakyeon didn't get his money, for the time being his job paid enough for the three of them but he, however, didn't stop him from going to work, it was good for Hongbin to have some money for himself and start being independent. Time sure passed so fast. It seemed yesterday when a crying fifteen years old Hongbin knocked at his door. How could Hakyeon not let him stay too? He was only a teacher back then but just like it happened with the young thirteen-year-old Sanghyuk something ached in his heart and he just couldn't let him go. He was going to take care of this kid no matter what. Hakyeon was only 27 a bit young to be considered a father figure by Sanghyuk and Hongbin but he loved them like they were his own flesh. They were his family.

His colleague and friend from his college days, Jaehwan, always saying he was a stray cat collector and Hakyeon would always scoff at him, because Jaehwan cared about his kids too even if they didn't live with him. It was an example how he took to heart Sanghyuk's education.

“Shut up you are more whipped than me.” Jaehwan had laughed then because it was true.

Just when Hakyeon was starting to serve the eggs and the bacon Sanghyuk came down and helped his brother to set the table. Something that Hakyeon was particularly happy of was the relationship Sanghyuk and Hongbin shared. They were two different kids coming from different backgrounds but somehow they bonded immediately. A wounded heart can recognize his companion they said and so since Hongbin had moved in with them he and Sanghyuk had helped each other like only real brothers would do.

“Oh, I'm so hungry! I love the breakfast on Saturday and Sunday! I wish it was like this every day” Sanghyuk exclaimed as Hakyeon served them the bacon and eggs.

“You can't eat that everyday or you'll end up with a serious disease before you reach your twenties,” Hongbin remarked.

“I know! I just said I like bacon and eggs.” Sanghyuk protested. Hakyeon rolled his eyes. Those two also bickered like real brothers over the most useless things. Anyway, that was the reason why Hakyeon had to buy two different brands of cereal. Hongbin was a really a neat person and he had developed an inclination for health food while to Sanghyuk instead it didn't matter what food was on his plate as long as it filled his stomach. Hakyeon tried to respect both their point of view even though he tried to limit the amount of greasy food Sanghyuk devoured and at the same time to ease a bit Hongbin's obsessions. It was good to have a food education but sometimes Hakyeon suspected that all the attention Hongbin put into his food choices was just an extension of his need to have things under control. He sighed internally at the thought. As a child, Hongbin had always felt powerless and with the years he had developed some tricks that helped him to cope. He liked to organize things and order for example. Hakyeon let him, being clean and liking order wasn't a bad thing for a young man, but sometimes Hongbin went a bit overboard with his neat freak tendencies and that was when Hakyeon intervened. He always knew when his kid was upset because when he returned home he could be sure to find him shining the glasses.

Hakyeon tried to distract himself from those thoughts by asking them about school and such, Sanghyuk complained about how his last year of high school was going to be the end of him because he didn't have so much time as before to dedicate to dancing. Hakyeon laughed, sometimes Sanghyuk reminded him of himself so much.

“By the way later I'll have to go the center to check some things. Will you be alright by yourselves you two?”

Hongbin nodded absentmindedly while Sangyuk asked.

“Can I come with you hyung?” he used the cute tone he knew worked so well on Hakyeon but not that time.

“Have you done your homework?”

“Ehm no? But I can do it later you know I'm smart.”

“You being smart has nothing to do with your duties Sanghyuk, first homework then the center. We have a small event in the evening so you both can come later. Beside Jaehwan won't come till the evening.”

Sanghyuk nodded, now that he knew his favorite hyung wasn't there yet he didn't have any interest into keep protesting. Hakyeon smiled. Despite all his attempts to hide it, Sanghyuk could be so obvious. He had been looking up to Jaehwan since forever and Hakyeon had always found cute his puppy love. But as Sanghyuk grew older and the admiration didn't fade like it always happened with those crush for your teachers, Hakyeon had started to worry a bit. Jaehwan was 27 like himself almost a decade older than Sanghyuk and hence not an ideal partner for a union. Even though numbers zero relationships were starting to be more public and less frowned upon, Jaehwan was of another generation and so had been his parents, who had raised him very strictly. He loved his best friend and he loved Sanghyuk but Hakyeon somehow wished that the puppy love his kid felt for his favorite hyung was just that. He didn't want to have to intervene. He really didn't.

“Hongbin are you going to come later?” Asked Hakyeon with an encouraging smile.

Hongbin lifted his gaze from his now empty plate.

“I'm sorry hyung but I don't think so. I'll be busy this afternoon.”

“Have plans with Wonshik?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Ah well, then it can't be helped, say hi to Wonshik for me.” Hongbin nodded but he also appeared more somber. Hakyeon said nothing. He just stood up and took the plates, soon helped by the kids.

As he watched Hongbin dry the dishes he washed, Hakyeon couldn't help but worry again. Lately, Hongbin had started to act strangely. Hakyeon knew why. Hongbin wasn't like him and Sanghyuk and no matter how many words he said about the equality between numbers, he couldn't erase the fact that Hongbin was a number two. That Hongbin, unlike them, had a soul mate somewhere.

The tragedy of their world was that the majority of the population had a soul mate a perfect half waiting for them and some other didn't. The people who had a soul mate were the numbers two, while the people who didn't were the numbers zero. And it could be left like, just different persons with different characteristics but of course it wasn't so simple. Because being a number zero implied you were alone in this universe to face the hardships and the joy of life, that there wasn't out there someone made for you. They were the tragedy of the world and since their first existence numbers zero had been looked down for their imperfection for being lacking, wrong. The error of the system. The relationship between numbers two and zero had been hard and mostly painful, with numbers zero forced to have combined marriage in order to fake a status of number two, till the practice became so common that a veil of accepted hypocrisy spread throughout the world with numbers two that gladly accepted to be fooled if they could continue to act like numbers zero didn't exist, like they were just a small minority without importance. Things started to change when the referendum was proposed to approve a law that would segregate the numbers zero. Luckily that vote was overtook leading to the facts of the current present.

So yes, Hongbin somewhere out there had a soul mate. However one of the reasons that lead him into Hakyeon's life was his resolution to never know who that person was. Despite being a number two there wasn't something Hongbin despised more than soulmates. It was sad because Hakyeon wished nothing more than for Hongbin to be happy and he knew that for numbers two was important to unite with their halves. However he also didn't want to force Hongbin into anything, he didn't want to do the same mistakes his parents did. So he supported him, comforted him in hope one day he would be ready to be free of his fears. It was getting harder and harder though because since he reached the age of introduction, meaning his legal age the time when soulmates met their other halves, Hongbin had started to grow stressed, uncomfortable and angrier. To the point he didn't like to go anymore to the community center. Too many numbers two he once said to Hakyeon who had scolded him. But he knew Hongbin had this irrational fear to find out his soul mate was between some them.

Honestly, Hakyeon was glad he had a friend like Wonshik by his side. Wonshik was a good kid, he was soft where Hongbin was sharper angles and he was pliant where the other was a wall. Their friendship that resisted throughout the years had managed to give Hongbin balance.

When they finished cleaning the kitchen the two went back upstairs to their chores and homework like the good responsible kids they were. As Hakyeon sat down on the couch looking at some documents of the community center, he couldn't help but pray for his kids to be always safe and happy.

Taekwoon once heard someone say “I'm living because I can't die.” He didn't remember where he heard that and at that time it didn't make sense to him, it couldn't make sense to him because he was happy, the happiest person in the whole world.

It made sense now and his heart bled from the unfairness of it all.

Once upon a time Taekwoon was the happiest human being in the whole damn world. He had a wife, his soul mate, with whom he had been together since they were 18 and they had shyly held hands and Taekwoon knew she was going to be the only person he would ever love so much. He was wrong of course. Only three years later his daughter was born and he somehow gained his exception. Sunmi, his baby girl.

He took a sip from the bottle. He wasn't like that, he’d never been like that, he used to not drink alcohol now somehow alcohol had become the only thing that kept him moving on. No Sunmi, Sunmi his little girl was what made him moving on.

Taekwoon remember you daughter, remember her.

He took another sip. He didn't know where the heck he was. He just knew he somehow had finished working, he had demanded extra hours because if he didn't work he was afraid he was slowly going to turn mad between the walls of his empty house and he couldn't turn mad, he couldn't, even if the thought was attractive because at least he wouldn't remember the rest, he wouldn't remember the pain. But he had made a promise to his in-laws and to his daughter that he would try to not leave.

“My dear son, try, please try for your daughter.” His mother in law knew what she was asking and Taekwoon knew the hugeness of what he was granting but he had too.

They said soul mates die together. In some measure, it was kind of exact.

It didn't exist a scientific proof yet, they said the shock for a number two who never had to go through life alone was enough to shut down the organism. Someone said it relied on the chemical that brought soul mates together. The thing was then when a soulmate died his other half would follow soon after. It happened for the great majority of cases and the case of people who managed to survived was almost unheard of. Almost. The true was that nobody wanted to talk about that, it was probably the biggest taboo of their world, another of those imperfections their world tried so hard to hide. The happening of that was so rare that people believed it impossible but somehow it could happen. It had happened to Taekwoon. He asked himself if there was something deeply wrong with him because how had he managed to survive at the evidence of his soul mate not being there? How could he, when the pain was so dull the wound so deep he felt like living with a blade sunken into his heart? He was alone, his other half was no longer walking by his side he was alone, damned to an existence of incompleteness. And somehow despite having wishing to die every morning that he opened his eyes he still couldn't. He couldn't.

When the light of his eyes had disappeared from his life Taekwoon had collapsed. People thought he would die in a week but then his mother in law came to plead him. She was grieving like him because that was her daughter but she pleaded him to not die because there was still someone he needed to protect hence he had to survive.

His in-laws were old. His father in law no longer lived in his house but he was hospitalized due to the severity of his disease but since Taekwoon hadn't been able to take care of himself let alone of his daughter, his mother in law took his niece in. Taekwoon's parents had long passed away and his Sunmi had nobody except her grandparents from mother side and him. But his father in law was going to die soon and his wife doubted that at his age she would be able to survive the hit of his soul mate death and Sunmi would have to stay alone.

So Taekwoon had to survive had to be alive for his daughter even with his life was consuming him from the inside.

I'm a dead man walking who can't die.

Until then, until it wasn't necessary for him to stay lucid, Taekwoon had to cope with his loss somehow and so he worked an uncounted number of hours and drank to numb away the pain. He was pathetic, he was a shame, his soul mate would so disappointed but she was no longer there and that was his only way, because if he didn't have to work or sleep he didn't want to feel more than necessary because the light his light had gone.

He was stumbling through the streets he knew he was probably making a show of himself but he didn't care, the world didn't care for him and he was a nobody for them anyway.

He heard laughs of children and he stopped somehow. He thought of his daughter that was safe with grandma but that he couldn't visit because he was a ghost. Sunmi, he had to try for Sunmi. He flopped down, his legs no longer able to stand his weight due to his drunkenness, he flopped down in a dirty alley and stayed there.

The day had been really exciting. The community center had planned a laboratory of painting for the youngest students of their center, it was a way to make socialize the kids more and for the parents to know each other and also for new families to participate and maybe decide to enroll one their kids in the center activities. The previous director of the center organized this kind of events once a month a Hakyeon and the board of teachers had maintained the tradition.

Like he had said Hongbin didn't come but Sanghyuk appeared in the early evening after having assured Hakyeon that yes he had finished his homework and he had just one chapter to read and he could do it on Sunday. Hakyeon sighed but let him in, he couldn't resist the smile of Sanghyuk for too long. The younger anyway had run to Jaehwan as soon as he saw the other man, who patted gently his head in an affectionate matter. Sanghyuk frowned at that but Hakyeon was relieved. At least Jaehwan looked at Sanghyuk like the little kid he still was. He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. In any case, the event was a success and he had to admit that he had needed the extra help of Sanghyk who had wrestle playfully with the kids with more energy.

It was nearly six and he had sent home Hyuk an hour ago with Jaehwan while Hakyeon had stayed to greet the families and wait for the parent to come pick up the kids that had come alone.

But just as he was closing the main door of the center he saw a man lying in the alley next to the building. At first, Hakyeon had jumped some meter away afraid he was a burglar or some person with bad intentions. Sadly, cases of vandalism weren't something new to their center even though it had been a while since the last time it had happened. But then looking better he saw that the man lying in the corner was somehow asleep. Or so he hoped. Hakyeon started to panic. Oh god, what if he is dead, oh god. Trying to collect some courage because he couldn't let a possible dead or injured man lay in the alley next to his center, he took some careful step towards the man. It brought no movement from the guy. When he was one meter away his nostrils were attacked by a heavy smell of alcohol and that was when he noticed there was an empty bottle lying beside the man. Taking another step and crouching down Hakyeon noticed that thank god the man was still breathing but it also meant that there was a drunk and passed out dude lying in the alley next to his center. Hakyeon sighed. What the heck. And now what he was supposed to do. Call an ambulance, call the police? Honestly Hakyeon wanted to go back to the kids and not having to deal with the cops, the made him nervous and judging by the current state of the guy he was probably a fellow number zero (because number two didn't need to drink to forget pain, they were always happy. And this man looked like someone who had just drunk to forget. Hakyeon was an expert of that). Besides, he didn't want to hand a fellow number zero to the police no matter if the dude had been so stupid to drink till unconsciousness. Maybe he could wake up the guy and tell him that he couldn't stay there. Hakyeon stared at his asleep face. The man didn't look dangerous and judging from the way of he was dressed he just seemed an office worker who somehow had gone wild with his happy hour. Like very wild since it was half past six. Sighing once gain Hakyeon poked the man in the ribs at first gently then when the man didn't seem to have any intention to wake up, he did it more insistently until he just grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him.

“Hey, dude. Wake up!” Hakyeon pleaded.

“C'mon wake up I can't stay here all day! Don't make me call the cops!”

The man suddenly stirred and Hakyeon could have made a dance of joy for the relief. Then the man slowly opened his eyes.

Hakyeon felt the air leave his lungs. It was the prettiest pair of eyes he ever saw in his life and he had been with a lot of pretty people thank you very much. It was also the saddest pair of eyes he had ever come to cross and he had met a lot of sad people too, including himself once upon a time when looking at the reflection of the mirror he saw a lonely man tired of this existence. It was before he met Sanghyuk way before when he was young and confused and the weight of loneliness was too much for his heart, when he didn't know how to cope with the grief of having a destiny of solitude.

They said Hakyeon was a generous man that he had took in two troubled kids despite not being related to them and without any obligation. But Hakyeon knew he didn't save anyone, it was the kids that gave him a reason for living, they were the force that made him wake up with enthusiasm in the morning, his reason.

The gaze of this man reminded Hakyeon of Sanghyuk's eyes when he took him in after his parents had died in the blast. It reminded him of Hongbin when he left his family behind.

“Hey are you ok?” asked Hakyeon. Good job Hakyeon. Go for useless questions.

The man looked confused he blinked a couple of times probably trying to put Hakyeon and his surrounding to focus. As soon as he realized what was going on, he shrugged Hakyeon's hand from his shoulder like his touch was burning.

He didn't reply to Hakyeon, he just used the wall to get up refusing any help.

“Hey do you want me to call someone?” asked Hakyeon uncertain and a bit worried when it was evident that the man had all the intention to walk away without saying anything and he didn't look completely stable either. Yes, he knew the man was doing exactly what Hakyeon had wished for before but now that he had looked him in the eyes he wasn't so sure anymore.

“Hey sir! Sir! Do you want me to call someone? I can't let you go in this condition.” Hakyeon walked after him.

Then he collided with the said man’s back and he stumbled back, a bit disoriented.

The man turned around slightly and with the softest voice Hakyeon had ever heard he said

“I have no one.” And then he turned back and walked away.

Hakyeon stayed frozen in his spot looking at the man until he disappeared from his sight.

He hugged himself suddenly cold.