They said, “If you want something so much, it will become yours eventually”

But they did not say how long you have to wait,

But they did not say that sometimes it happen and sometimes not,

And they did not say how hurt you can be before you can achieve what you wanted.

~quote by BIUBLANK~

“It is a shame that he is so ugly. He has a nice voice tho”. This voice is sweet but it is sharper than a blade.

“Yup. And he is so shy. I never see him eating lunch with anyone. Maybe he doesn't have any friends because of his ugliness. Hahaha” The second voice not just sharp but they also cut through his heart.

Kang Daesung is behind closed door. Away from anyone that probably talking about him. He just stays in the class after their music subject. Too lazy to go for lunch. And now he regrets staying in the class. If he did not stay, he probably will not hear this conversation.

He knows who they are, he recognizes their voice. They are Hyeong and Byun, his classmate in music. So he certain that they are talking about him.

“There is nothing wrong with what they are talking about. It is the truth.”

That is what Kang Daesung always says to himself. He keeps everything deep down. All the hate, the hurt, the despair, everything was buried in his heart. After doing this for so long, he just becomes quieter than ever.

When he first starts his high school, he is the friendliest person ever in this school. But as time goes by, his friend started doing plastic surgery and he was left alone.

“It is because they doing plastic surgery that they become handsome. I can become handsome too if I do plastic surgery”

Kang Daesung always says this to himself. Because he knows that is the truth. But, the fact that he is ugly right now cannot be denied either. Kang Daesung does not have enough money to do plastic surgery and he too scared of the needle to even go close to plastic surgery clinics.

“Kang Daesung, come to see me later okay”, his music teacher voice snap him out of his thought.

“Ah...Ne”

After the school finished, Daesung packs his bag and ready to go home. He almost forgot to go see his music teacher. Unfortunately, he did not.

“Ahhh...I am so tired today. Why does Miss Han need to see me today? Why not just tomorrow?” Even though he complained he steps still toward teachers office.

He saw Miss Han and go to her immediately, he just wants to finish fast and go home to sleep.

“Annyeong teacher. What do you want to talk to me about?”

“Daesung-shi, do you know what day is today?”

It is either his teacher ride time machine and gets confuse with the time or she lost her mind after today music class.

“Well, I cannot blame her if she lost her mind today. Everyone was doing horrible today. None of his classmates play the instrument correctly, no one sing without forgetting the lyric except him and no one sing with correct harmony and pitch, including him. So, she cannot be blamed” Daesung unconsciously smile to his thought.

“Oh. Looking at your smile, I think you realize what day is today, right?”

“Today is Monday”

The smile on his teacher's face automatically gone with his answer. Daesung starts to doubt if his teacher that lost her mind or is it him that lost his mind.

“Daesung, today is the result of YG Entertainment audition that you attend last month. Do you already forget about it?”

Oh. Now it starts to make sense. No wonder his teacher so excited. His music teacher is the only one that knows he attend YG Entertainment last month. Because she is the one that sends him to the audition place.

“So, what is the result? Did I get accepted?”

“Here. You open the letter yourself, I am too afraid to open it”

“She is definitely too excited”, Daesung smile seeing his teacher shaking hands. No doubt, she is the only one that trusts his dream and his talent.

Daesung is excited and nervous at the same time. He did want to disappoint his teacher and he did not want another heartbreak today. He silently prays that he get accepted.

Maybe because he consistently pray and God is being nice to him, the letter said that he got accepted as a trainee in YG Entertainment.

“I am YG Entertainment trainee”

That short answer enough to make his teacher shout out loud. Loud enough that other teacher in the office looks at them.

“She is definitely too excited”, Daesung keep thinking of this when he see his teacher reaction.

“I will become your number one fan when you debut. I want your autograph first before you debut, okay?”

“She is definitely too excited”

For Daesung, this letter is the start of his dilemma. His father always against his ambition to become a singer. Being religious, he never really disobeys his father. Except when he complain about his food.

“Well, sometimes you need to express your feeling. Everyone will get tired if they always eat kimchi as side dish for two months straight”

Other than that, he believes he never disobeys his father. Or maybe, just another time when his father forbids him from going to the audition, or maybe just one more time when his father ask him to come back to the home straight away after school but he goes to arched to play. But he believes he never disobeys his father.

“Well, what we believe is matter the most. Not others”

Home. Daesung never feels this afraid to step on his own home. Too afraid, he just takes off his shoes and heads straight to his room. He stays in his room until dinner time. He knows he has to face his family sooner or later.

“Daesungie, let’s have dinner”, his mom called his probably from the dinner table.

Daesung put the letter in his pajama pocket and head to the dinner table. He saw his father, mother and his sister already seated around the dinner table. He wishes to talk about the letter first because he afraid that he will lose his appetite if he holds this secret for too long.

But as soon as he saw tonight dinner dish, he postpones his planned. He will never lose appetite, no one will ever lose appetite when they saw tonight dish.

Soy sauce crab, samgyupsal, lot of side dish and hot rice. No one will ever lose appetite no matter what secret they are holding at the moment.

They start eating in silent. Because his mother says it is rude to talk in front of food. So, they always eat in silent. After they finish eating, his father breaks the silent.

“What the occasion?”

Daesung knows that question is passed to his mother, so he keeps silent.

“Daesungie class teacher called today, and say that Daesung did well in her music class today.” His mother looks at him and smile.

“Music? Is it that great to be doing well in music class that you have to cook all the dish? It's just music. It does not give good effect to his career later”, his father word hurt, but he did not complain or sad because he knows his father hates him being a singer.

 “It might affect a lot more than you think”, even though Daesung spoke low but everyone at the dinner table can hear him.

Taking out the letter from his pocket, he put it on the table.

His father read it and throw it away to his face.

“When did you go to the audition?”, his father is mad and he knows it.

“Last month”

“You will not become singer trainee to that unknown company or any company at all. You will not become a singer. You will finish your study and become a doctor or teacher or something. But not singer.”

After that, his father just goes to his bedroom and ends the discussion.

Daesung just looks at his mother and sister. He just smiles because he has nothing else to say.

Daesung did not go to his vocal lesson for two weeks already because, after the discussion, his father did not pay for his vocal lesson anymore. Later that afternoon, his vocal lesson teacher call and ask for him.

“I did not have money to pay for vocal lesson anymore teacher. My father don’t want to pay for it anymore”

“But, you need to prepare to go to YG Entertainment”, his teacher's voice is full of sympathy but Daesung cannot do anything about it. It is not like money grows on the tree for him.

“You can come and have vocal lesson for free but if only you work hard”. Daesung thinks his vocal teacher is nice, maybe too nice.

“I will work hard. I work really hard. I promise teacher”

Daesung continues to have vocal lesson until the date he supposes to go to YG Entertainment.

Daesung thinks he never disobeys his father but he knows he is disobeying his father right now.

Daesung thinks “Thinking and doing is different. And he don’t care anymore”

His music teacher is the one that sends him to YG Entertainment.

Maybe because he currently disobeying his father and thus angry the God, his ride to YG Entertainment is long and hard.

Firstly, his teacher car suddenly breaks down after 10 kilometers ride. Smoke just suddenly come out from the engine. The water level is fine, the temperature is fine but the car is not. Maybe that day the car have slight feverish.

Because after the car cool down for an hour, they start their journey again. And the car starts to make a weird sound. It is nothing much, so they just continue their journey.

Let just say after another 10 kilometers ride with that weird sound, the car suddenly speeds up.

“This car definitely has fever and gone crazy today”, Daesung just shake his head. His thought has become his only friend since the second year of high school.

“Teacher, slow down, we are entering Seoul later. If we keep speed up we might have accident”

“It is not me Daesung, this car is haunted. It just speeds up on its own. I did not step on the pedal at all. And the break is not working”

Now Daesung starts to worry. The car is crazy. And his teacher also becomes crazy.

“Yah!!!  You are car! I am your owner. Stop speed up on your own.”

“Teacher, did talking to the car help solve this problem?”

“Yah!!! Daesung-shi, at least I try something”

“Maybe we can...”

Before Daesung could finish his sentence, he sees a van come in their direction. But, it is not their direction actually because their car jus passes the red traffic light.

“God, I never know, if you disobey your father the price you have to pay is dead. I thought I can ask for forgiveness later.”

Daesung prays hard for God to forgive his sin. He do not care if he dead, but he does not want to die with sin.

But maybe, God listens to him. Or maybe God still care about his parent that God did not want them to be sad. Daesung thinks it is the latter. Their car did crash with that van, but they just crash on the back bumper.

Their car spin for few turn before they crash with another car, fortunately, the other car is empty. He thinks his teacher is fine by the way she curses the car and asks for Daesung.

Daesung feels dizzy and shock, after effect of the accident. But as soon as he regains his right mind, he goes out of the car and looks at the van.

He saw one person lay in the middle of the road, and one more on side of the road. He so scared to approach them, but he knows that this happen because of him. So, he runs to the person in the middle of the road and carries him to the flipped van.

“Sir...sir...can you hear me? Sir, please open your eyes. I do not want to be a killer. Sir, please wake up”, Daesung did not realize when he start to cry and when more people come to help.

He did not stop crying until he brings to the police station. Daesung and his teacher stay in the police station for more than 24 hours. By now, his parent knows he is at the police station and they probably will arrive in 30 minutes.

When Daesung family come and his teacher family comes, he has nothing to say. No. He is just too afraid to say anything.

“We already get the result. Like what you say, your car is broken. The pedal is jammed and the break is broken. We think it is because the car is too old. Next time consider buying a new car. But, since it involves others people, you need to pay huge penalty amount. I think that all. You can be released after you pay the penalty amount.” One of police officer delivers the report to them.

His teacher looks relieved, same goes with her parent and his parent. But not Daesung. He keeps thinking about the man that he carries. That man does not respond to his call. That man seems like not breathing. Did that man dead?

“It is my fault if only I did not go to YG entertainment today. If only I listen to father. This will not happen. No one will die today because of me. This is all because of me.”

Daesung is just like that.

If anything good it is not because of him, and if anything not good it is all because of him.