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Namjoon sighed deeply as he continued listening to every word of the discussion between their manager and the CEO of the bighit entertainment. Usually he would contribute in the conversations and discussion, but that day he didn’t feel at all like talking. All day long he had kept quiet, not even wanting or budging to talk to the other, not even when they asked him something. That day was simply not his day, well, the whole last week wasn’t really the time of his life. He wasn’t stressed, not at all, well, at least not at the moment. Nope, at the moment there was no comeback planned, they didn’t have to attend any festivals or tv shows, they didn’t have to go anywhere, didn’t have to hold concerts. There was simply time that one could call ‘free time’ or ‘holidays’. He knew he should be happy, should be relaxing somewhere in the dorm, listening to music, maybe writing some lyrics or, for heaven’s sake, just read a god damn book. And yet here he was, at the entertainment building, listening to two males’ discussion BTS’ future. He didn’t need to be there, but he was. He was ‘wasting’ time, free time, time he could be spending doing whatever his heart was longing for. He could be spending some fun time with the members, with Jin or he could be visiting his parents. Jin. Seokjin. Kim Seokjin. Images of a certain hyung formed in his head and as the imaginations were about to take over his mind, he simply shook his head, focusing even harder on each of the words that were spoken in that room. However, he didn’t understand anything. His mind was occupied with other things.

He had been feeling kinda down the whole past week, maybe even longer than that and he had no idea why. Okay, he did know why, but he wasn’t able to accept the reason. Each time he started thinking about the reason, he simply shoved all thoughts aside, concentrating on other things. So, the problem was: they had some free time to spend to whatever extends they wanted to, free time that they deserved and needed so badly. However, free time also meant that they would have time to think about stuff again since they wouldn’t have to focus on anything else and that was the main problem. Thanks to the free time, which allowed him to think so freely, caused him to think about a certain hyung with the name Seokjin, mostly called Jin by everyone. And it annoyed him to an extend that wasn’t healthy anymore. Not that he didn’t enjoy all those small, innocent, sometimes not so innocent imaginations, but still they did something to him that no one could call healthy. If anything it was destructive, self-destructive and Namjoon sometimes willingly gave in to every little second. He hated it, yet at the same time loved it. Jin did something to his mind that nobody else could, that nobody else had ever been able to. Jin was the master of his mind, of every single one of his imaginations and even though Namjoon hated to give in, he loved it. Of course, it didn’t make any sense, but to him it did. If he would ever tell anybody about his thoughts they would probably get him to see a doctor or something. Yes, maybe, just maybe, he was slowly going crazy, but who cared? He didn’t, he would enjoy every little second. Jin could take everything from him and he would enjoy it, cause he was a er for Jin, he was a er for his hyung. He loved his hyung with a passion that wasn’t anywhere near healthy anymore and still he had to keep away from the elder.

Jin was too sweet for his own good. He was a certain kind of sweetness that Namjoon, long ago, had grown addicted to. Maybe the day they met, maybe shortly after they started living together in the dorm with the others. He didn’t know. He didn’t care. He was addicted, he was addicted to Jin. Jin, that was so sweet that he had poisoned every part of his mind, had taken over every little thought. No matter what Namjoon was thinking about, each thought would lead back to Jin. Usually he was able to deal with that since every single one of his days would be occupied by events due to their schedules, but now since he, finally, had time to think, he couldn’t get away from Jin.

Because of Jin he was spending most of his free time in the recording studio. Because of Jin he was now attending a meeting that he didn’t have to attend. Because of Jin he tried to stay away from the dorm as much as possible. Because of Jin he had been in a bad mood, feeling down all week long. Because of Jin his mind had been occupied by thoughts, imaginations that he couldn’t get rid off. Anf because of Jin he felt so deeply hurt, because no matter how sweet Jin was, no matter how much time he spent daydreaming about Jin, he knew he would never be able to be near him the way he needed to, the way he graved for to be. Because of Jin his heart was hurt, sometimes even feeling numb due to the pain. Because of Jin his heart, his mind, his soul was bleeding. Because of Jin there was something other than desperation growing inside of him. But he would never say a word, because it would destroy the sweetness Jin was flooding him with and he knew he wouldn’t be able to survive a single day without the temptation of filling his body and his mind with the poisonous sweetness that surrounded Jin.

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Around midnight Namjoon finally made his way back to the dorm. The meeting hadn’t taken as long as he had hoped it would and so he had ended up at the studio. He had been sitting in there for hours without doing anything. Of course he had tried to be productive in any way, but he had failed, miserably. The last week had been a torture for him and apparently it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. He didn’t worry too much about his mood, but what he indeed was worried about was the fact that it seemed that he had also lost his inspiration for music making. Everyone called him a genius, but was that really the truth? If he really was a genius then why hadn’t he been able to push aside the imaginations about his hyung and get down to work? At some point he had even thought about using the imagination as some