“Are you sure you're ready?” Namjoon asked me, his arm wrapped around my waist. I’m pretty sure that if he hadn’t been holding onto me, my shaky knees would have completely given in. I nodded jerkily and tried to give him a smile to show I was ok; I don’t think I was very convincing though. He leant down and pressed a kiss to my lips to give me support. This time my smile was a little more genuine. He slipped his hand into mine as we headed into the memorial hall.

Photographs of the dead lined the walls on either side of us as we made our way to the correct room. An elderly couple exited the room as we arrived, we bowed to each other, all of us knowing that we were all there to mourn our loved ones. I located the section with the photographs of my family. I felt tears well up as I recognised the same photograph from the article of their accident. Namjoon gripped my hand a little tighter, letting me know that he was there for me, without having to say so. I gave him a grateful, watery smile as I put the flowers I held into the holder by their photos.

Tears silently ran down my face as I apologised to them for surviving when they didn’t. For not getting help on time. For forgetting them… Namjoon stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist to support me as I spilled out all my feelings, I thought I heard him sniff as well, but when I turned to look at him, I couldn’t see any tears, but his eyes were watery. I think he's just trying to be strong for my sake. I took my time bowing to them, promising that I would visit again soon.

When I left the hall, my emotions were all over the place. Somehow seeing their faces in the memorial hall had made it all real. It made me sad to know that I would never get to speak with them, to have my parents hold me in their arms again, but a part of me had always known that they were dead. But I was lucky enough to have my wonderful adoptive parents, who love me just as much as they would have if I was their own child. I’m lucky that I still have them in my life.

A big part of me was also relieved, the dreams had stopped the day I had found the article about the accident, so Namjoon and I had both been able to get some sleep. Also, in a weird way, this whole thing had brought Namjoon and I closer. How many people can say that their boyfriend would stay with them through after all the things I've put him through? I think this whole situation has just made our bond stronger. He asked me if I would go back to using my birth name or if I would keep the name my adoptive parents gave me. I had been surprised by his question, I’d never really considered that my name wasn’t really Sae Ron. After thinking it over, I decided that I would keep the name Sae Ron. Jiwoo had died that day all those years ago with her family. I had created a new life as Sae Ron, and even though it may not be perfect, I was happy with my life as Sae Ron.

A couple of weeks after finding out about my past, life had settled down again. I was at the bookshop with Jungkook, both of us arguing over who got to pick the music for the day. “Jungkook, you know the rules! First person in gets to choose!” I said as I waved my USB in front of him. He pouted at me. “Not fair, our shifts start at the same time, why do you get to pick?” he said sulkily. I chuckled at him as I plugged in my USB, “Because unlike you, I was on time for my shift.” I said as I ruffled his hair, much to his annoyance.

I hummed loudly as my music played in the background as we set up for the day. We were setting up our tills when he cleared his throat. “Hey, I was thinking. I haven’t really seen Jiyoon much these days.” I chuckled, “Why, you missing her?” I teased, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right. Jiyoon had barely taken control lately. “Well, I mean I don’t miss her feeling me up at every chance she gets, but it’s just weird that she hasn’t appeared for a while.” He said as he tidied up the display by his till. I thought over his words and tried to remember the last time she had taken control. Namjoon hadn’t mentioned her making an appearance lately, and as far as I can remember, I’m not missing any time. I frowned as I thought it over. It’s not like her not to take control for so long. I pushed the thought out of my mind as the first customers of the day came into the shop.

I woke up the next morning completely confused. I couldn’t remember going to bed. Figures. Jungkook points out that Jiyoon hasn’t made an appearance for a while and she turns up the very same day. I lay still for a minute, waiting for the hangover to kick in, but surprisingly I felt fine. I looked around, happy that I was in my own room. So far so good. I checked out my clothes, pleasantly surprised that I was in my normal pyjamas and not one of her scandalous clubbing outfits. I sat up, my eyes landing on a piece of paper on my pillow.

I frowned as I picked up the paper which had been folded in half. My name had been written on the top in writing that I didn’t recognise. I flipped the paper open and began reading…

Hi Sae Ron,

It’s me, Jiyoon. This is harder to write than I thought it would be. First off, I want to say well done. You’ve become so much stronger. I'm so proud of you. I know you’ve been through a lot, and I know I’ve contributed to that a bit, for any heartache I’ve caused you over the years, I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for what happened to you all those years ago, but I think that knowing will make you stronger, you’re strong enough to handle things on your own now.

This sounds weird, right? Haha… what I'm trying to say is… it’s time for me to go. You don’t need me anymore. Don’t miss me too much, ok? You’ve got Jungkook to support you, your parents, and of course, last but certainly not least Namjoon. (Never let him go!)

You have to be happy, ok? Keep looking forward, don’t get caught up with what happened in the past. You're destined for great things, and I know you’ll achieve them all. (I actually really like the novel you’ve been working on; I wish I'd told you that properly.)

Ok, this is starting to get too emotional! Be happy Sae Ron, don’t miss me (and don’t throw away my clothes! You know you look good in them!).

I love you,

Jiyoon. xxx

I felt tears run down my cheeks as I re-read the letter. I can’t believe she's gone. I closed my eyes, hoping to bring her to the surface, but there was nothing there, just me. I can’t remember a time when I was alone in my own head. Even though Jiyoon and I had never technically met, I still felt like I'd just lost my best friend. I’ve known her my entire life, she protected me from one of the hardest experiences of my life, and she was always there when I needed her. Sure, she often gave me a headache with her partying and wild ways, but she was a good person.

I pulled my knees up to my chest as I mourned the loss of my best friend. Once my tears dried, I re-read the letter for the millionth time, a small smile on my face. “Thank you Jiyoon. I will never forget you.” I promised as I refolded the letter and slipped it into the drawer of my bedside table. I got out of bed and threw the curtains open. The bright, early morning sun warm on my face. I opened the window, letting the breeze whip gently through my hair. I took a deep breath; I’ll listen to what Jiyoon said. I won't live in the past. I’m going to live looking forward. I smiled as I looked out of the window. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, a new beginning, and I’m going to make it worthwhile.