I opened my eyes and groaned from the pain in my head and immediately screwed my eyes shut again, the bright light streaming in through the windows practically blinding me. Another hangover? Damn, what the hell Jiyoon? I cracked open one eye and realised that I wasn’t in my apartment. Everything was fuzzy around the edges of my vision. I looked down at myself, thankful to see that I was still fully dressed. Well, as fully dressed as one can be in a crop top and mini skirt.

I heard the door click as it swung open. I held my breath, already preparing to apologise to the stranger that I would need to run off, but instead of a stranger, Namjoon was standing in the doorway holding two cups. My jaw dropped as realization slapped me in the face. What have I done? He slowly approached me, placing one of the cups on the bedside table beside me before perching on the end of the bed.

I dropped my head, dreading the conversation we were about to have. The silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity, but in reality it was only a couple of minutes. Namjoon cleared his throat. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his tone guarded. I felt tears well up at the simple question. How am I feeling? Short answer: like . Long answer: like a worthless piece of . In one night I had managed to completely up the best thing that had ever happened to me after befriending Jungkook.

I bit my lip as I tried to hold in my tears. I desperately tried to remember anything about last night, but all I could remember was nursing Jiyoon's hangover in my pyjamas at home. “Sae Ron?” I flinched as he called my name, I couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. He let out a sigh, “Well at least you're not yelling at me to call you Jiyoon this time.” he said, the words feeling like the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. A couple of tears dropped from my eyes, landing on my hands which were fisted in the blankets which were still covering my legs.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my throat raw from the alcohol I had consumed the night before and from the force of trying to hold back my tears. I heard him shift his position slightly, but I didn’t dare look up. I was too afraid to see his expression. “What happened last night?” he asked. “I met you at the club and you started freaking out. You told me your name wasn’t Sae Ron?” I could hear the confusion in his voice. “It wasn’t me that you met last night. Well, I mean it was me, but it wasn’t at the same time.” I said as I swiped at the tears in my eyes.

“Look, this is going to sound completely crazy, which it is, so I’ll keep it short. I have two personalities. There’s me, Sae Ron, the girl that Jungkook tried to set you up with three months ago, then there’s Jiyoon.” I said in a rush. “That’s what you called yourself last night.” He whispered. I took a deep breath as I continued. “I had some kind of accident when I was a kid. I can’t remember anything about it, it’s around that time that Jiyoon appeared. She’s been a part of me for as long as I can remember.”

“Dissociative Identity Disorder.” He said, almost in awe. I nodded, remembering when I was a kid, my therapist having to explain what that meant to my adoptive parents. I forgot that Namjoon was a psychology major, that’s why he got it right away. “The person you met last night wasn’t me. It was Jiyoon. I don’t know what she said or did, but I apologize.” I said, dipping my head even further. “Usually I can’t remember what happens when Jiyoon is in control. So if I said or done anything wrong, I really am sorry.”

Silence descended over us. I felt more awkward as time ticked by. “I know I shouldn’t have hidden this from you. I should have told you all this before you asked me out, but part of me just wanted to be normal. I should have realized that it was stupid of me. An impossible dream. I should never have agreed to date you, knowing who I am. I’m so sorry.” I said as I threw the blankets off, grabbing my shoes and bag from beside the bed and rushing out of his bedroom.

I made it to the front door before the first sob made its way out of my mouth. I pulled on my shoes as quickly as I could and pulled the door open but Namjoon’s large hand appeared from behind me and slammed the door shut. I flinched and spun around, I barely got a chance to see his expression before he pulled me against him, his strong arms wrapping around me. I froze in his embrace, not sure what was happening. We stayed that way for a full minute, tears still slowly making their way down my cheeks, slowed somewhat from the surprise of Namjoon’s hug.

He didn’t say anything at first as he held me. One minute becoming two, my tears slowing to a stop. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, no accusation in his tone. I bit my lip. “It’s not something that’s easy to bring up in conversation.” I said carefully, my voice slightly muffled by his shoulder. “I know I should have told you before we started dating. It was cruel of me to date you, knowing that one day you’d have to find out about her. I am so sorry” I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat as tears once again threatened to fall.

He pulled away from me and wiped my tears away. I risked a glance up, surprised that he didn’t look disgusted or afraid. “I wish you had just told me. It hurts me that you kept this secret for so long and had to bear it alone, worried about what I would think.” I held my breath as he continued. “Sae Ron, knowing that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder doesn’t change my feelings about you one bit. I mean, a bit of warning would have been nice, I was really worried when I met you last night. But now that I know the reason…” he bent down a little to meet my gaze. He gave me a small smile before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “It’s going to take me a while to get my head around it but… could you tell me about it? I want to understand you better, both of you.”

I looked up at him, my heart swelling and overflowing with emotion. I nodded and he took me back into his bedroom. He thankfully gave me some of his too big clothes to wear and we curled up in his bed and I told him everything. About how I had been found wandering alone in a forest when I was around four years old. About how the couple that had found me decided to adopt me when my family couldn’t be found. I told him all about how Jiyoon first appeared in my life. I told him that the only person that had ever found out about her existence and accepted us both was Jungkook. He listened patiently, asking questions as I went along. Not once did he ever look at me like I was crazy.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this wonderful man in my life, but whatever it was, it must have been something extraordinary for me to deserve to have the love, and understanding, of Kim Namjoon.