Dear Kim Taehyung,

Your eyes might see many things but you don't know just as many.

You don't know a lot of things. Mainly because I didn't want you to know them. Why? I actually cannot reply to that. It just seemed to me like it is more normal for you not to hear these words coming from my mouth. Maybe it would have made things awkward between us two (which I didn't want), maybe you would have felt obliged to give me a response (and I know that sometimes you don't know how you feel, I know how pensive you can get), maybe you would have said something and I wouldn't have known how to reply to that.

There are as many “maybe”s in this letter as there are feelings.

For the reasons stated and for many others, I've decided upon my mind forum not to tell you how I feel until now.

I think I should get straight to the point. We've never beaten around the bush with one another. I own you that as your best (and most amazing) friend. (Now I realise that I'm beating around the bush, but I don't want to erase from this paper, so so be it.)

Kim Taehyung, you don't know how much I love you.

You'd say, I'm imagining you, “Jiminnie, but I love you too.”. I know. But as much as I want to love you platonically and only that, unfortunately, I can't. I've tried. I've tried for many years but all has ended up in failure. Maybe I'm a failure as a friend, I might never know.

No, I don't love you as my friend, as my best friend, as my bro and so on. No. I love you because you mean everything to me, I'd give up everything for you, I'd give you all you want, I'd like to make you smile every single day of your life. I'd move mountains to get to you. I can't think of how else to express it. I've never planned on writing this in the first place.

Do you understand Taehyung, do you understand how I feel? You probably do. You've always understood me, I don't think now would be any different. (I don't know why I'm so afraid of your reaction. I don't believe you'd react badly but humans...us humans have a fear of the unknown. I thought love makes us more courageous, but maybe it's just a fairytale element.)

Just because I don’t tell you, that doesn’t mean that I don’t show you. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think that you can’t see that I show you. I think you do. I see it in the way you smile.

Unfortunately, such smiles of yours, they give me hope.

I think that you remember it, it was just a few days previous to me writing this, I thought my heart was going due to the amount of love in it. Is it even normal? You were tired, so so tired, you’ve filmed and trained with us, you did so much. I’m so proud of you every day.

You slipped into the bed with me after you’ve taken a shower. You had totally missed your own shower gel again, and you were smelling like me. And like you, ‘cause you always smell like something that is just you. I cannot tell what it is.

It doesn’t even matter.

You were so tired and sleepy and completely adorable as you crawled under the sheets but you still smiled at me, saying that you’re sorry you’ve run late. I know that you didn’t speak with Namjoon-hyung or with Seokjin-hyung that night, you didn’t apologize to them, but you apologized for me. You knew I was still up only to wait for you though I’ve told you I found something interesting on the internet to look at. We both knew it was a complete lie.

You were so beautiful Taehyung, you have no idea. You looked so soft and innocent even, you looked like a child. You looked happy. And I didn’t know what to do with myself then. So I cupped your cheek and brought you closer.

I didn’t think a human being could turn even more beautiful in just a fraction of a second, but you did. You had your eyes closed when I leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead. You were as quiet as a sheep. You didn’t say a thing. For a moment I thought you were asleep.

But you opened your eyes and smiled at me. You smiled and I thought I was going to melt right there on the spot for you because you...you were mine that very moment. Your smile belonged to me and me only. You belonged to me. There in my tiny bed while you were barely awake enough to look for one moment at me.

I am selfish in this way, wanting you to belong to no one else but to me.

That’s also impossible. You belong to too many circles for me to count. I can dream. I can dream that one day your love-sick smile would belong to me only.

And maybe it already does. I don’t fool myself with the idea that you’re unaware of what happened right there. I think you know all the reasons for which I kissed you back then. I hope you do.

I hope we’re both fools that are just too great and too little to come forward to our feelings.

Needless to say at this point, I hope and pray every day that you feel the same about me. I strive to believe I am not going mental and all the signs I’ve thought I’ve seen are actually there.
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The truth is...you’re not going to receive this letter. At least until the moment when I confess to you. I’m not going to tell you all of these through an impersonal piece of paper that I found laying around on the floor.

No, I’m going to tell all that I’ve written to you. Then I will show you the letter and I am going to watch you laugh at me, saying I’m horrible and that you could drown in a river of cheese. But I wouldn’t care because you’d be mine.

I hope I’ll get to give this to you.

I love you, Kim Taehyung.

Yours devoted,

Park Jimin.

[Post Scriptum.

You opened this letter just one week after I’ve written it. You laughed. But you also cried.

And somehow, even with that ridiculous face, you were still beautiful.

You also watch me write this because you said this is yours I should return it to you. You’re still an idiot. But I’m yours as well, so I think I can stand giving this away]

thank you for reading.

find me at tumblr: junestuck or twt: @wthwasthataj

endless love, Ayden