silly.

Byulyi should’ve had a better judgement than blurting out whatever was on her mind in public, especially around her closest people. But she was sleep deprived, tired, and a little hungry. She wished she could’ve filtered , but Byulyi didn’t have that kind of luck; Yongsun was the person favored by the Lady Luck, not her.

So, when she finally did say the damnedest thing in her mind, of course she had to do it in the waiting room full of people:

“He’s just too good to be true.”

Yongsun startled, and glanced over at Byulyi whose cheeks reddened as soon as their gaze met. “What did you say?” Yongsun asked.

Byulyi sighed inwardly, relieved that the older girl didn’t hear her mumble. She shook her head and simply replied, “Nothing.” She carefully looked away, hands fumbling with her phone when Yongsun narrowed her eyes at her. She prayed she just drop it and leave it at that. She really, really didn’t want to discuss her silly crush to anyone yet, especially her best friend. “Really, it’s nothing,” she assured Yongsun.

The leader knew that something wasn’t right, but she trusted Byulyi to tell her later when she was ready. She nodded, and went back to monitor their rehearsal on her phone.

Meanwhile, Byulyi’s mind had started to wander off again to a certain individual who’d been haunting her dreams. Really, couldn’t he just stay out of it? She had little sleep already as they went through promotion period! She didn’t need him to keep appearing with his stupidly handsome look, pretty smile, or captivating ga—

No, Byulyi scolded herself. Focus, Moon Byulyi. She decided to follow Yongsun’s example and monitor her performance. She was still a professional, after all. She wouldn’t be distracted by a man who most likely thought of her as his sister. She would be working hard so she could lift some burden off of her parents’ shoulders. Byulyi pursed her lips. Yes, that’s going to be exactly what she’d do for several years. Working.

There’d be no silly crush to disturb it.

-:::-

She was sure the Fates hate her for some reason.

Byulyi was in the practice room, lying on the cold floor as she rested after three hours of practicing for their next stage. She was only accompanied by Wheein, who opted out of going to the convenience store to buy snacks and drinks with Hyejin and Yongsun. Byulyi glanced at her right, where Wheein seemed to have taken nap as her eyes were closed. She then stared at the ceiling, mind peacefully blank for once. She took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, and let it out in a long exhale. Her body started to relax as she did this repeatedly, until her phone buzzed and ruined her concentration.

The girl growled in annoyance. It better be Yongsun unnie, she grumbled. But once she looked at the ID, Byulyi almost threw her phone to the wall.

She didn’t, of course. But she wished she was alone in her room so she could scream at the heavens for this torture.

Surely she didn’t do badly in her previous life?

She glanced at the screen again.

Maybe she was a traitor before, murdering the King or the Crown Prince for money. That’s why when she was reborn, she got this torture. Maybe this person was the one she slayed in cold blood before, and he came back just to haunt her?

Dramatic much, Moon Byulyi? the little voice in her mind mocked. Byulyi began to loathe that voice although she knew it was a part of her. You didn’t kill anyone, you just HAPPEN to have a, and I quote, SILLY LITTLE CR—

Byulyi, in a rare fit of rage, swiped the message open. She didn’t even have time to think why she couldn’t just pretend she didn’t get any text; she was busy proving herself that she, in fact, did not have a silly, little...thing for this person. So, like any adult, she would read the message just like a normal person AND friend, reply it accordingly, and then went about her life like usual.

Yes, she would do that.

Only if the message wasn’t painfully sweet (in her mind):

Busy?

Don’t forget to eat! Food is very important during promotion weeks.

I don’t want to see you sick! I’ll be sad if that happens :(

Could someone be swooned over a text? Surely not, she thought. Her eyes moved rapidly to read the text again, as fast as her heart was beating right now. She closed her eyes, trying to get rid of her newest imagination: him standing so close to her and looking over her with that concerned eyes, his deep voice was tender as he asked if she eat enough, rest enough...

She shook her head. No, he was just being friendly. Or being a caring senior to his junior, which was perfectly normal. He’s very kind and helpful to anyone. He must have done this many times to his juniors or collagues before, so this thing with her was also just his regular kind act.

He must have...

But a small part of her hoped that it wasn’t the case. That he did care for her more than a friend or senior would be. That she had a special place in his heart. That he, somehow, noticed her.

She bit her lip.

Impossible. A man like him was too good for her. She was just, well, Byulyi. She didn’t have anything to offer to him, really. She was also aware that she was far from his ideal type, and she refused to change herself to be this imaginary person just so that he would notice her. Yes, her mind concluded, it was indeed impossible for him to find her attractive. She would be happy with their friendship, she decided.

She ignored the little ache at her own declaration and began typing her response, not knowing that these small, seemingly unimportant messages will only get longer and longer in the future.

(and the fact that he’d save every conversation)

-:::-

“Oh! Byul!”

Byulyi stiffened at the familiar voice, wishing with all her might that it was just her imagination. But the warmth from behind her was just too real, so her brain reluctantly deduced that he was indeed standing close to her.

She turned around, a smile on her face, and nodded at him. “Um. Hi,” she said. She pointed at the canned soda in her hand. “Want one?”

The corner of his lips lifted up in a smile as he shook his head. “I’m good,” he answered, “I was just passing by when I saw you here.” He walked away from her and the vending machine, motioning her to follow him to the nearest bench. She almost yelped when he touched the small of her back to guide her, but she—in the rare occasion like this—remained calm and collected. On the outside, of course.

She opened her soda, all the while trying to pretend he wasn’t staring at her with those eyes. She slowly sipped her drink, thankful that she had something to delay their interaction.

Obviously, the Fates still hated her because the moment she gulped down her soda, he opened his mouth and spoke.

“You look good.”

Byulyi silently sent her gratitude to any deity she knew that she wouldn’t die from choking on soda. That would be hilariously tragic. Moonbyul from Mamamoo was found dead; witness (a fellow idol) said it was because the poor girl couldn’t even drink right!

“I mean,” he said after clearing his throat, rousing her from her wild imagination of her headlines. “You look well-rested enough. For our standard, of course.”

She smiled wryly. “Two hours. That’s all I could get last night,” she replied. “I wish someone warned me before I even dreamed of being an idol.”

He chuckled. “I can imagine. Waking up before everyone else, and then having to wait for the others to catch up—or even wake up, in Hyunsik’s case! You still want to sleep, though, but you can’t because your stylist will scold you for interrupting their work.”

“That’s true! It’s so hard to stay awake especially when they start to work on my hair,” she admitted with a little laugh.

He looked at her closely then, his gaze traveling down her long hair. “They did a great job,” he praised. “It looks really soft.”

She ducked her head as she patted her hair awkwardly. “Thanks.” She glanced up at him, not knowing how adorable she look at that moment. “You... You don’t look bad yourself,” she said a little shakily. “But then again, you’re already good looking so anything will look great on you.”

Wow, Moon Byulyi, that annoying little voice interrupted, your flirting game has been upgra—

Byulyi stomped down on it, hoping that she could murder that voice if it’s possible.

He merely shrugged in response, although it was slightly stiff in her opinion. She wondered why. Hopefully he didn’t injure himself or something...

After a moment, he turned to her again and made a small talk which she responded easily. He was so comfortable to talk to, and Byulyi knew this was why many people were fast friends with him. He might look cold at the first glance, but his personality was very, very warm.

She was happy to be one of these ‘friends’ of his.

“Oh, we should probably go back,” he said after glancing at the big clock in the cafeteria they were in. He suddenly looked at her, an apology clearly shown on his expression. “I’m sorry I’ve hold you up for a chat. Your members and manager must be worried when you didn’t come back immediately.”

She quickly waved her hands. “No, don’t worry! I said I will be a bit longer in the cafeteria. The waiting room is a bit stuffy and I want some fresh air.”

He nodded. He could easily understand; he’d experienced worse than her with how many members his own group alone had, not to mention if they had to share with other groups. “It’s okay, then?”

“Yep!” she grinned. “Really, don’t worry. Besides, my manager seem to like you,” for reasons I can understand, “so if we go back together, they won’t be mad at you.”

He smirked. “Oh, are you saying that I’m your human shield?” he teased, eyes alight with mischief. “Should I you to your waiting room to avoid the wrath of your caretakers, milady?”

She laughed. “Your service is most certainly appreciated, kind sir,” she replied with as much posh in her voice. She liked this little banter they’re having, especially when he threw his head back to laugh. She felt good knowing she could make him happy for the silliest thing she did.

“Come on,” he said after his laughter subsided, “We really should go back to work.”

Byulyi blinked bemusedly when he offered his arm. “Wait, you’re serious?” she asked in disbelief. She’d thought they were only joking earlier! Byulyi clearly didn’t expect him to actually doing it as she gaped at his grinning face. “I—but... won’t people... talk?” she continued, frowning up at him in worry. “I don’t want people to gossip on you.” Especially if the gossip is linked to me.

 His grin only grew wider. “Don’t worry too much,” he assured her. When she only continued gaping, he gently grabbed her hand and placed it on his arm. There was an odd smile on his face as he did so. “People will talk, but they won’t talk about this outside of this building,” he said as they began walking.

“But—but why?”

He hummed. “Tell me, Byul, how many times idols’ private life are exposed to the public? Specifically, their love life?” he questioned her in a teacher-like voice. “How much are they hated for dating? Regardless of the fact that it’s a normal life experience?”

She huffed, now starting to see his point. “Okay, I get it.” She glanced at him. “It’s a code between all of us: ‘I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine’.”

He nodded, pleased that she understood. “We give each other an illusion of privacy.” He turned to the right now, where the hallway was a bit crowded with idols rushing to their pre-recordings. They both nodded in greeting to the passing people; it wouldn’t do to be rude, after all. “And so, even if we knew who dates who, we keep mum. It’s not our business, for one, and the other reason is simply because we understand each other’s position. We certainly don’t want our career to be ruined by what media called, ‘dating scandal’.” He snorted in disgust at the last word. “I really hate it. It paints us as criminals when all we want to have is a bit of normalcy in this cruel industry.”

“You’re right,” she agreed, sighing heavily. “Thankfully, our company isn’t opposed to us dating.”

“...oh?”

“Well, they said dating will give us more experience.” Byulyi shrugged, not noticing her partner had gone contemplative at the moment. “’You will understand emotions better,’ they said, ‘your singing will be more soulful. People will FEEL instead of just LISTENING.’ That’s what they told us.”

When he didn’t respond, Byulyi finally glanced up at him. She instantly regretted it for his side profile was stunning, and she couldn’t help but appreciating the view. That, however, also made her wonder why he looked so serious. Was it because of what she said? She felt her heart drop at that. She didn’t really know about his company’s policy about their artists, but if they also didn’t have a dating ban for his group... Her eyes stinging as it dawned on her that perhaps, he had someone he liked. He wanted to date that person too. And by listening to her words, about her company’s reasoning against the dating ban, he was considering to just go for it. It was beneficial, after all.

Besides, who would reject him? He’s a very ideal man to be with.

Byulyi shut her eyes close tightly. Is it possible to have my heart break even before I confess my feelings?

She didn’t notice her grip on his arm tightened as her mind was filled with sadness. He certainly did, although he didn’t know why, and patted her hand tenderly. They walked like that in silence for some more minutes. She blinked, mind returning to reality, when he suddenly slowed his steps and then came to a stop.

“We’re here,” he said as he loosened her hold. Her hand immediately felt cold from the loss of contact. “Now, don’t worry about a thing and just do your best, okay?” he said kindly.

“I—“ she paused, not really knowing what she was going to say. Before he could ask her, Byulyi continued, “Thank you for walking me.”

He lifted one shoulder, smiling at her as he did so. “My pleasure.”

“And—for teaching me some things. Thank you.”

He cocked his head, gaze sharpening at her for some reason. “No, thank you. I... have considered some things from our talk too.”

“Oh,” she murmured weakly. “That’s... that’s good.”

“Don’t you want to know what it is?” he asked, leaning down slightly to stare straight into her eyes. “Aren’t you curious?”

She helplessly stared back, feeling trapped in his gaze. “I—well, won’t you need your privacy for that?” she responded a little breathlessly.

A slow smile began to spread on his lips when the door suddenly opened, and the two immediately straightened up their backs. It was her manager behind the door, whose eyes went wide when she saw Byulyi and him standing side by side.

“Byul! You’re finally back!” her manager eventually broke the momentary silence between them. She shot a smile at Byulyi’s companion, which he responded with a polite smile. She turned her attention back to her charge. “You need a retouch and then we’ll be good to go.”

“I’m sorry, we were caught up in our talk,” he apologized.

“It’s okay,” both Byulyi and the manager said. With a smug smile, Byulyi nudged him. “See, she’s not mad.”

His lips curled into an amused smile. “You’re right,” he said, laughing softly. He then bade a quick farewell, admitting that he should go prepare himself as well. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

She nodded.

He grinned and bowed his head slightly, then turned to go to his waiting room. Byulyi sighed at the sight of his back, and then sighed again when she realized she should sit for a retouch... and put on her idol persona for work soon. She didn’t think she had the will to perform, but the show as it was must go on whether she liked it or not.

“What about when you’re upset? How... how do you go on performing?”

She remembered asking him on a phone call before. She was slightly homesick, and the struggles she hid from her members began to suffocate her. He was the neutral party she could talk to.

“There’s no easy way to hide it, I’m afraid. It’s something that we have to learn along the way,” he’d answered in a soothing voice, “But there’s one thing that help me whenever I feel down.”  There’d been a pause, and then, in a sweet, tender voice, he added, “It will sound cheesy but it’s my fans. They’re the source of my strength. Just looking at their happy and eager faces energize me. I don’t think we’ll be able to persevere if it weren’t for their constant support and encouragement. This kind of love... it makes us want to return it equally, and more. However, all we have is our music. We can’t give more to them even if we want to. So, whenever we feel stressed from this job, we have to remember that there are a group of people who generously give us their support.”

“Won’t it be a burden, sometimes?”

“It’d only happen if music isn’t your passion.”

Passion.

Byulyi recalled the moment she wanted to be a singer. It had been a long time ago; she was such an innocent school girl who liked TVXQ and found that she could sing. She spent hours of vocal and dance training, wiping her tears every time her coaches critizise her, but soon would bounce to her energetic self and promise to do better. She longed to be that girl again, who was so passionate about her dream and oblivious of the hardships she had to experience in the future.

But she couldn’t. She wasn’t that girl anymore.

Closing her eyes, Byulyi let his advice seeping into her mind. He might be the reason she was upset, but he was also the one who would drag her out from it.

The magic this man could do to me is unbelievable, she thought with a mental chuckle. Such a dangerous man to be around.

When she opened her eyes again, the woman in the mirror was different to the woman ten minutes ago.

Moonbyul stared back at her, with determined gaze.

(and she knew she would be just fine, even if her heart felt like breaking into million pieces.)

-:::-

note: um, hi? *waves*