Characters: Oh Hayoung, Yoo Youngjae, Oh Sehun, Choi Junhong

Pairing(s): Hayoung x Youngjae, Hayoung x Sehun

Genre: angst, canon!au, emotional abuse

Rating: pg-13 for some swearing, ual & alcohol references

 Who cares about my emotions? 
You can play with me until you’re sick of me,
You can break me if that’s what you want
Because I’m a toy, toy.

TOY - BLOCK B

"Hyung! Hyung! Have you seen this?!" 

Youngjae shifted toward the sound of the maknae's frantic voice, wondering what was so important that Junhong was interrupting the best nap he's had in weeks. He sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before asking tiredly, "Junhong-ah, what is it?" 

Junhong shoved his phone towards Youngjae, gesturing agitatedly at the phone screen. Youngjae glanced at it. There were so many words on the screen, words he couldn't read with his brain still asleep. He only caught one word—a name—that explained why his normally reserved maknae was so worked up. 

"Oh... Sehun..." Youngjae spat out, like the name was venom to him. Youngjae sighed and shook his head to clear it, so he could read the rest of the article. The article was headlined "Sehun and Irene seen hanging out together in Hawaii?" and included a blurry picture of what was supposed to be Oh Sehun and Irene from Red Velvet walking together in a hotel lobby wrapped in the same towels. Youngjae sighed again and handed Junhong his phone back. 

He got off the couch and started towards his room, calling, "Thanks for telling me," to Junhong over his shoulder. He heard Junhong sigh and mutter softly, "Hyung, don't do this." Youngjae pretended not to hear him and retreated to his room. He grabbed his phone off the charger and settled into bed with it, waiting for the inevitable.

He knew she would call. She always did. 

He knew he would go to her. He always did. 

Like clockwork, less than a half an hour later, his phone rang with the familiar caller tone of Apink's "What a Boy Wants".

He suddenly remembered the day it was set. It was summer, mid-July, and she had just finished promoting their group's new song on Music Core. They had met up, just the two of them, to hang out his car looking over the Han River.

She had turned to him and asked, "Oppa, did you listen to our new album?

"Yes, I bought it a couple hours ago," he had told her, when in reality he had bought it the second it came out. 

"Did you listen to the song I wrote?" 

"Yes," he had simply replied, unable to tell her that he had listened to the album on repeat since he bought it just to hear her voice, unable to tell her that he knew that exactly who that song was about, and unable to tell her just how much that hurt him.

She had driven the knife she had in his heart even deeper when she grabbed his phone and set that song as her caller tone and said, "So you'll always know it's me." He knew it was her alright, but he would also always be reminded that he wasn't the one she wrote songs about, every single time she called. 

And she called a lot. She called every time her on and off lover, Oh Sehun, broke her heart, whether it was because they had fought and broke up for the 47th time, or because he had been checking out other girls, or he had been caught up in a dating scandal, again. 

Youngjae didn't understand how she could be so naïve to what Sehun was doing to her. He had no doubt in his mind that Sehun was cheating—if not physically, then definitely emotionally—people don't just get caught up in dating scandals constantly for no reason. Since the beginning of their relationship, it was clear to Youngjae that Sehun saw her as a plaything and nothing more, but she had been deaf to Youngjae's warnings for a year and a half now, so he had stopped telling her all together.

Youngjae sighed, getting up and grabbing his keys before picking up the phone. "Hayoung-ah," he murmured softly. He hurried out of the dorm, slamming the door and flying down the stairs to the parking garage.

"Oppa...I want... to see you..." she slurred slowly, just like he knew she would. Youngjae walked faster. 

"Where are you?" he asked, like he always did, even though he already knew the answer. He reached his car and got in, starting the engine and tapping one of the Most Visited destinations on his GPS.

"Where... am... I? Haneul... Bar..." came the reply he knew would. 

"Okay, wait for me," he said, before hanging up and speeding towards the bar. 

Youngjae sighed. This was a routine he was extremely familiar with, as it had been going on for about a year now. Shortly after Apink releasing the album with Hayoung's song on it, Sehun had broken up with her again, claiming she was too clingy. That night she had drunk herself into a stupor and it was the first time she had called him. He didn't know if she had intended to call him or Oh Sehun, and he wasn't really interested in asking. He had found her at Haneul Bar, passed out at the counter. At the time, he didn't know where Apink's dorm was and had brought her back to his dorm, to his room. Jongup wasn't there—he was probably in the practice room dancing like always. He had tucked her into bed and was turning away to retreat to the couch, when she grabbed his hand, pulling him down on top of her.

"Don't... go," Hayoung had whispered. He knew he shouldn't have, but he stayed. He had climbed into bed next to her, cradling her in his arms as she slept, trying to forget the circumstances that had brought them here.

They had stayed like that for hours—Youngjae was wide awake, trying not to move and disturb her. He had been afraid that if Hayoung woke up, she would realize that he wasn't Oh Sehun and he would never get to hold her in his arms again.

She had suddenly stirred in the middle of the night and uttered softly, "Oppa." 

"Hmm?" he had murmured back and the next thing he knew, Hayoung's lips were crashing into his.

He had pushed her off him, thinking she was still drunk and assuming he was Oh Sehun. 

"Hayoung-ah, it's me, Youngjae-oppa," he had told her quietly. He didn't expect her to say, "I know," and try to kiss him again.

"Stop, you're drunk, you'll regret this." He reached for the desk lamp and turned it on.

Her eyes were dark orbs in the dim yellow light. They looked empty and soulless, which slightly terrified him. "I'm sober... please," she had whispered, before kissing him again, desperately, like she needed him. 

He let her. He could taste the bitter taste of alcohol lingering on her breath and her tongue, but it didn't matter to him. The little voice in his head was screaming that this was wrong, so wrong, but he couldn't stop himself from kissing her back. Youngjae hadn't had anything to drink, but he was drunk on her, and everything after was a blur to him. Suddenly, all that was separating them was the sheets which he gladly tossed off the bed, so that he could be tangled up in nothing but her curves and her limbs. He couldn't recall exactly how they got to this point, but he didn't care, he just knew that no matter how wrong this moment was, he wanted it to last forever.

He had woken up the next morning, regretting the night's events, swearing he would never do this something like this again. But the next time Hayoung called, drunk from Haneul Bar, he found himself repeating the same routine, and before he knew it, it became every time she called. He felt awful the next morning every single time, but he couldn't stop himself when it came to her. They never spoke about it—he was afraid that if he did, it would end, and he couldn't resist her, and Hayoung—he never knew what she was thinking. 

This time was no different, he found her at the bar, only slightly tipsy this time, and brought her back to his dorm, where they got lost in each other's bodies again. 

Youngjae held her in his arms as she slept. She looked peaceful and innocent for once, a look that he hadn't seen on her since Oh Sehun. 

Youngjae remembered the first time he met her, at B.A.P and Apink's collaboration music video shoot for Schoolooks. He had seen her around before, at music shows before, but she never really stood out to him, as she was so young back then. All he knew about her was that she was Junhong's friend and that she was attending the same high school as him. He remember finding her 4D personality and innocence cute, like the little sister he never had, and feeling like he wanted to take care of her. 

He would tag along with Junhong whenever he would visit Hayoung at award shows and music shows and they struck up a friendly relationship. They grew close and soon it was just Hayoung and him hanging out. She had been there for him during B.A.P's lawsuit, and that was when he realized that he was falling for her. 

But he wasn't the only one. She had caught the attention of Oh Sehun from EXO, who she had been crushing on since they met on We Got Married and they had been meeting. She seemed happy, for the first 3 months, but that changed abruptly when she found out he had been meeting other girls. Youngjae had begged her to leave Sehun, but she went back to him when he called, saying she needed him. Nothing Youngjae said would change her mind, so he could only stay by her side. 

But Youngjae was getting tired of their little routine. It was getting more and more frequent in the past two months, as Oh Sehun toyed with her more and more as he pleased. He was getting tired of the constant reminder that she didn't love him, she only loved that he was always there when she needed him. Only s knew what was going on, and they had been telling him over and over again since the beginning that she was just using him, but he loved her too much to stop.

Youngjae laughed at himself. He had been telling Hayoung for god knows how long not to be someone's toy, and here she was, her toy. 

As he looked at her sleeping face, he suddenly felt disgust and anger spring up from deep within in. How could she sleep so peacefully at night when she was tearing him apart? He knew this had to end. 

Youngjae drove her to her dorm the next day and parked in the parking garage. "We need to talk," he said, turning to her.

"What is it?" she asked, sounding concerned.

He sighed. "I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?" Her voice had become high-pitched, almost shrill. She sounded scared.

Part of Youngjae wanted to tell her that it was nothing, to protect her and let her do what she wished, but he knew he had to do this, for his own sake.

"You know what I mean! You—you just use me, over and over again. What about my feelings? I'm tired of being someone you only call up when that bastard hurts you! You think just because I'm an idiot who's so ing in love with you, you can use me however you please?" 

"I... I'm sorry oppa..." Hayoung said quietly. 

"I'm done. Just—just get out. I never want to see you again." 

A tear rolled down Hayoung's cheek. Youngjae looked away, to prevent himself from wavering. Without a word, she got out of the car and stood there, staring at him.

He drove away without another look at her.

When Youngjae got home, Junhong was waiting for him. Clocking the pained look on his face, all Junhong murmured was, "Hyung." 

"I did it, I ended it," he said with a bittersweet smile. 

Junhong opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again. He looked deep in thought. Youngjae just stared at him.

After a while, Junhong spoke again, "Good for you, hyung. Don't feel too bad, it's okay to be selfish sometimes." 

Youngjae couldn't help but smile at Junhong's thoughtfulness. Their maknae had matured so much. 

And he was right.

Living as a toy for someone else's happiness wasn't something Youngjae wanted to do anymore. 

So he wouldn't. No matter how much he still loved her.

A/N: There's a saying that says "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." It basically means don't sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. Being selfish when it comes to your own well-being isn't a bad thing. I guess that's the message of this story. I might write a part 2 in the future, but I don't know yet.

How this story happened: I read something about B.A.P being called Black Apink on Weekly Idol, so I watched that and also the BAPink Schoolooks videos. I don't really ship Zeyoung^{not even a little}, but I happened to become biased toward Youngjae, so this crackship happened.

Also, I'm still feeling awful about Seyoung, but I came up with this plot and wanted to write it, just not about them. Of course Seyoung is still my OTP, and I will write about them again eventually, so don't worry.