Trigger Warning: If you have any dislike, feeling of self-conscious, or are disturbed by self-harm and divorce, please do not read. I am not responsible for anything that happens if you continue reading.


Genre: Angst, Minor Fluff

Target Age: Anyone who is a kpop stan

Word Count: 1502 Words



I remember all those times that we sat together on the couch, watching her favorite dramas, and crying about the stupidest things. I remember all those times where you didn’t give a about what they thought of you, or why you would laugh in the middle of nowhere. I remember those days you just wanted to stay in and eat all the food in the goddamn house cos you were hungry. But now, all those times are gone… I chose to remember you, Y/N. I chose to remember all those times you cried into my shoulder, or laughed at my awkwardness, and scold me for rapping too loud. I chose to remember. But even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t forget. I wouldn’t forget about you, I couldn’t. I’ve tried, but I just couldn’t do it. So I chose to remember. I chose to remember you. I remember you. I wish I could remember something that never happened. I wish I could remember us. But there was no us, you left before I could say goodbye.


~*~



Meet me at the dock at midnight.



I smile, she was always the type of person who gives only 30 minutes until meet up time. I met up with her, although her news surprised me, and hurt me at the same time.



“Namjoon…” She trails off, her hands behind her back, “I’m sorry…”



“You hurt yourself again.. Didn’t you?” I ask.



She nods her head slightly, as if ashamed of what she has done, “That’s not all…” She takes a deep breath in, “Kim Namjoon, for the last 4 years, you have been my best friend. It’s close to the end of our high school, and we knew that someday we’d have to split up… I’m sorry Oppa, it has to come sooner than we thought…”



Realization dawned on me, but I couldn’t believe it, so I needed clarification, “Yo- You’re moving?”



She nods, and tears threatened to spill down from my eyes, “I thought you said that we would graduate together! You told me, you told me that we would be able to share the rest of high school. You promised me Y/N,” By now I was already crying.



She hung her head low, “I’m sorry…” She says, then runs off. It was the last thing I saw of her…



~*~



That was two years ago. I learned to suppress my feelings for my best friend, yet once in awhile, I would think I’d see glimpses of her in the crowd, as me and Bangtan, my new group of friends and my second family, would perform on stage. But if I blink, she’d be gone in a second.



“Hyung!” I called to Seokjin, “We have to do the fan meet!”



“Aish! I forgot!” He says, running towards the stage again for the fan meet.



I laugh, before it stopped abruptly. (H/c) hair, (e/c) eyes, (s/c) skin… It was her, my best friend, and my first love, (Y/N).



I held my gaze on her, knowing if I blink, she might not be there anymore. She turns to look at me and waves. I don’t know why, but at that time, anger overflowed my feelings. My thoughts were out of control, something about her triggered something in me. I got angry, maybe because she waved to me so casually, as if nothing between us happened, as if she didn’t put me through the pain that she did…



The pain hurt, and I didn’t understand. Yes, she was my best friend, and the love of my life, but why is that with only one thing she did, it made my heart beat faster than anything I have ever experienced in my entire lifetime? Why is it that with only her, my heart and mind would both tell me to just kiss her. Why couldn’t it be anyone else? Why did it have to be you Y/N? Why did you make me feel like this?



After much hesitation, I waved back at her. I saw her smile and walk on over towards me. I froze in my spot as she reaches me.



“Annyeonghaseyo, Kim Namjoon,” she breathes out.



“Ne annyeonghaseyo, Y/N,” I respond, my voice cracking a little bit, “Nice to see you again.”



She smiled, and it brought me back to that time where she smiled at me genuinely, for the first time since we met each other.



“Namjoon?” She calls into the dark hallway where I hid.



“Yes Y/N?” I call out to her, her sobs bouncing off the walls and stabbing into my chest.



“I- It hurts.”



“What hurts Y/N?” I ask her, sitting next to her, her body curling up into a ball.



“My heart. I loved him, Namjoon. I loved (guy’s name), and it hurt… He just left me.”



“It’s okay Y/N, you’ve got me. I’ll help your heart stop hearting okay?” I say, wiping her tear stained cheeks.




She smiles up at me, and for the first time, I realized my feelings for her were genuine. That I really, really, loved my best friend.


How ironic is it that I experienced the same thing as her? Where the person I loved just up and left without a proper goodbye. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my best friend.


Either way, I put on a smile, “How have you been?” I say, nudging her and pouting, “You didn’t even let me say goodbye all those years ago!”


She laughs, “Mianhae, although you are still as childish as ever Namjoon.”


I pinch her cheeks, “And you still look like a baby Y/N, stop stating the obvious,” I say, grinning. The feeling in my chest didn’t go away. Actually, it seemed to build up a little, I couldn’t suppress my feelings, but I can’t do anything about them now either. But if I didn’t do anything, I feel like my heart would just beat right out of my chest.


She whines, and I laugh, “Hey, you want to meet the others?” Maybe, I thought, maybe it might be easier to contain my feelings for her around them. I just hope Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung don’t say anything about this.


She nods, “Let’s see who’s responsible for dealing with you,” She smirks, and I fake offense.


“Hey! I’m the leader of BTS! You should know this!”


“I do know this, I also know you are part of the rapper line, the Hyung line, and the Black Hole line, which is also known as the ‘We Can’t Dance’ Line,” you grin.


“So, I’m guessing your bias is me?”


“Nah, Jimin’s my bias.”


Namjoon pouts, “Aigoo! You’re so mean Y/N! I was your best friend!”


“Nah, Jimin’s cute though.”


I felt a small ping of jealousy course through me. Why do you have to do this to me? I bring her over to the other side of the room to where the other 6 members of Bangtan were. She smiled upon the others, probably thrilled to meet them.


She bows towards them, “Annyeonghaseyo~”


“Annyeonghaseyo!” They greet her back.


“Leader-hyung who is this?” Jungkook asks me.


“This is Y/N, one of my old friends.”


Realization seemed to dawn on them, but luckily they kept their mouth shut. Everybody, except Taehyung.


“Oh, Y/N! Hey hyung, isn’t this the girl who you were talking about who you met in hi-” Jungkook, luckily, cut him off, and I silently thank him for that.


“Taehyung. Be quiet.”


Y/N giggles, most likely from how idiotic this group is. But who cares? We’re BTS.


~*~


Y/N stood on the bridge, leaning against the railing and looking out into the river that ran through the city. She smiles, with the wind blowing through her h/c hair. It made everything seem so… unreal. Maybe it was unreal. Maybe this was some fantasy in my head. But with Y/N? I feel like everything I’ve ever done with her was a fantasy.


“Y/N?” I call to her.


Her head turns to me, her hair swaying in the wind, “Oh Namjoon! Nice meeting you here, I was about to leave,” She says, about to continue on her way home.


“Y/N!”


“Hm?” She asks, curiously.


I held my hand out to her, hoping with all that I have that maybe, just maybe, she would take it. She stares at my hand, looking extremely confused, but I know for sure, that inside, she knew I wanted her to take it. She knew this, much like I knew that she wanted to take it, but didn’t know why I gestured to her like that in the first place. There we were, standing on top of a bridge, midnight as close as we were.


“Y/N, take my hand.”