Upon arriving at the last stop, you were practically bouncing off your feet as you squeeze through the exit of the packed train. The buzz of people moved in synchronized waves and you had no choice but to be patient, trying not to trample anyone with your excitement.

It wasn’t difficult to spot him, not with that ridiculous blonde hair that you’d only seen through blurry video calls. If anything, it looks just as stupid in real life.

Taehyun stood on his tiptoes at the end of the station, craning his neck as he looks over the crowd. The childish smile on your face grows wide, knowing that it’s you he’s looking for.

“Is that him?”

“Mhmm. Sure is.” You nod, arms outstretched in a frantic hello as Taehyun spots you, returning a smile just as wide.

A friend of yours happens to share the same stop, looking rather relieved at the end of that two hour train ride. You had a hunch that it could have been the nonstop gushing you did over Taehyun, but it’s not every day you get to see him. This isn’t high school anymore or middle school –or kindergarten, for that matter. You’d known him since the diaper days –cheering each other on for potty training achievements to awkward first crushes and college applications.

“Looks like you don’t need me anymore.” He lets out an amused laugh seeing how thrilled you both are, casually wrapping his arms around you in for a goodbye. You inch up to keep your gaze at Taehyun over his shoulders when you hug him back.

And just like that, Taehyun’s bright mood turns sour in a matter of seconds. You could tell, even when he looks the other way, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans almost as if he was annoyed.

You began picking up this habit of his during the last few years of high school, which was odd since Taehyun didn’t seem to care less about who your friends were growing up. It wasn’t until the two of you reached your late teens, he never seemed to approve of any guy friends of yours and it infuriated you why he acted this way. Taehyun’s personality was a complexity you’re still learning to understand, always caught between his rough edges that it confuses the hell out of you when he pulls a complete 180. It was something you’ve grown used to.

“Hey, you!” You squeal and he curls forward stiffly as you throw yourself on his back. Taehyun turns to you, eyebrows dangerously close to joining together.

He looks at you, unaffected by your upbeat greeting and you step forward, pinning your fingers to the corner of his lips for a smile. He shuts his eyes in defeat, shoulders shaking as he fights a laugh. If there’s one thing you adore about him, it was how he could never stay mad at you.

“Hey, you.” His laughter vibrates through his chest and onto yours when he pulls you for an embrace, one that was a little too long. He smells just the same, clean and fresh with whiffs of citrus –typically of his favourite perfume which happens to be your favourite too.

You feel his thumb brushing against your skin as he cups the back of your head. The flutter in the pit of your stomach was another thing you’ve grown used to, something you pretend that doesn’t happen when he holds you this way.

It was always him that pulls away first, running his fingers through his bleached strands and clears his throat as if he’s trying to cover up something he shouldn’t have done.  

“Who was that?” He asks flatly, and to be frank you saw this coming.

“You haven’t seen me in months and that’s all you’ve got to say?” You fight the urge to roll your eyes at him, linking your arm into his as you nudge him up the stairs.

“That’s not an answer.” Taehyun grumbles and you sigh inwardly knowing that he won’t drop it until you give him what he wants.

“Why do you care so much?”

“Still not an answer.” He was glaring bullet holes into you, and it was things like these he insists on doing that winds you up.

“He’s just a friend, Tae.” You mutter, peeling yourself off him as you pick up your pace. He could at least consider picking a fight with you in a less crowded place, not in the middle of a staircase at a goddamn train station.

In fact, he should at least consider not picking a fight with you at all, not when you just took a two hour train ride just to see him.

“Didn’t seem like it.”

Something in you snapped, turning around to face him as you got to the top, hands clenched onto the cold rails.

“If we’re going to argue, I might as well go back.” He was a few steps behind, the wind messing his hair and he looks up at your words. Taehyun was silent then, looking like a lost puppy all of the sudden and you hated how you were already halfway to giving in.

“No, don’t.” He tugs your wrist lightly and the words die on your tongue.

Feelings remain unspoken when it comes to you and him, settling on just friends telepathically and you know it’s because you were just too scared to ruin your friendship if it were to be more than that. The first time you ever had the guts to confront him was also your last. Taehyun has an immense sense of pride which didn’t surprise you when he flat out denied your accusation.

“Tae, that kiss, you can’t just do that and –“

“Oh come on, that was a dare!”  

You remember just staring at him, because –yeah sure, it was a dare but you’re my first kiss, .

The both of you were fifteen then, completely clueless on how these things should be. Just as you still are.  

He started seeing other people ever since then, and you weren’t sure if it was just out of spite. You loathed his gigantic ego and pretending that it didn’t hurt was quite possibly the hardest thing you had to do.

But as the years passed, you’ve come to accept that this person had his own way of loving you and maybe this was how it was suppose to be. Nothing less and nothing more.

Taehyun ignores the people going about their way around the two of you and he walks up the steps to you, pulling the straps of your backpack and slips them over his own shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” He places a protective hand on your back, “,where do you want to go?”

His apology hits you hard since it wasn’t something he’d normally apologize for. Taehyun’s questioning on the opposite that spares you a glance was something he definitely was not ashamed of.

You figured something must have hit him on the head on his way here.

“You okay?” You bite your lip, placing the back of your palm to his forehead jokingly.

“What?” He furrows his brows as he searches your face.

“What are you sorry for?”

A long sigh escapes him as he looks to the side, observing passerbyes with his thoughts else where.

“For taking so long.” He finally murmurs, keeping his eyes on everywhere but you.

Taehyun looks down to his feet, his hair shielding his face and you wonder if he knew, that unlike him, you couldn’t keep your eyes off him. Your heart picked up its pace, feeling like it might just plough its way out through your chest. His answer had caught you off guard, you were right to assume that he would never apologize for his previous childish questions.

“, I don’t know.” He runs a shaky hand over his hair to the back of his neck, slumping against the rail with a ragged laugh. “I thought it would have been different, you know –with how long it’s been.”

He had both fists loosely gripping both straps of your bag as he continues to fill the silence your persisted, “But what ever it is –it’s still the same. Even after all this time.”

“I hate the thought of you with someone else.” His voice was low, shoulders drooping down in relief at what he just said.

Taehyun finally finds your gaze, and you’d forgotten the words to say as he looks at you like you’re the only thing he sees. Like you’re the only thing that matters.

 

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