Before Youngjae met Mark he really didn't have any friends.

Actually, honestly speaking, there was a time when he did have friends; a best friend, at that. Kwon Junghae was his closest friend, one Youngjae had known since he was in diapers. He was the same-age kid who lived beside Youngjae, and they seemed to hit it off immediately.

It was easy, Youngjae thinks back with a bitter smile, how the two of them got along. Like clockwork, it was like he found his other half; Youngjae knew all of Junghae's secrets and Junghae knew all of his.

(Except one.)

After nearly 12 years of loyal friendship, Youngjae didn't think there was anything that could break them apart; no matter what silly fight, argument, disagreement they had, the both of them always got through it. He didn't think Junghae would turn his back on his so quickly, so easily (but he did.)

It feli like a knife in the back when Youngjae turned 14 and decided to spill his deepest, darkest secret to his best friend. ("I'm gay, Junggie," Youngjae whispered out, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes and his hands shaking with anxiety.) He thought that maybe, finally, he wouldn't have to bear the thought of keeping away the most important secret of his life from his best friend. The first person he told, the only person he told, was the best friend Youngjae thought he could trust, only to have it thrown back into his face with anger. ("You're... What? You've known for how long and you didn't tell me?")

("Get out!")

He was thrown out of Junghae's house that night and it was only by a miracle (Youngjae wants to think it was because of how long they've known each other,) that stopped Junghae from telling their parents. That didn't stop him from telling anyone else, though - something Youngjae found out when he returned to school the following Monday. Almost everyone knew..

He wasn't invisible on campus; he used to be well liked, a person known for his bright personality and his even brighter smile. They knew who Choi Youngjae was, but now they knew he was gay. As soon as he stepped through the school gates, he could feel people staring at him as he walked past. Some of his friends, people he's known since elementary school, refused to acknowledge him when he tried to talk to him. People sneered and glared in the hallways like something was wrong with him, and it only got worse.

("I heard he lied to Junghae so he could get closer to him.")

People stuck notes in his locker, spread rumors about him (about how he felt about Junghae), until one day someone hit him. It was one of Junghae's other friends, a large boy who easily towered over Youngjae's skinny form. Youngjae couldn't say he didn't expect something like this to happen; he'd heard horror stories (that was why he waited so long to tell anyone in the first place), he just hoped it wouldn't happen to him.

("That's so gross.")

He went home with a broken nose that day, but still refused to tell him parents why.

("It's just some bullies, mom, it's fine.")

It wasn't fine. It got worse as the weeks went on, until finally he got the chance to leave. His father got a job in Seoul and Youngjae couldn't be happier to leave.

Seoul was great, for the most part. Youngjae found a place in his new school, a group of friends he loved and for once, he felt like he belonged. It only got better when one day, in his 10th year, he had his first kiss.

Jung Daehyun was a nice boy, bleach blond hair, sharp jaw but soft features, and the prettiest lips. Youngjae couldn't stop the butterflies in his stomach every time he saw Daehyun, talked to him, touched him. He pushed it down nonetheless, it was useless to think Daehyun would like him back.

(But he did.) 

And they kissed under the tree in Daehyun's back yard.

(It was a beautiful moment; Youngjae would never forget it)

They were never boyfriends, but they were something akin to it. Youngjae was content with what they had, he didn't dare wish for more. The hugs, the kisses, the fleeting touches and the sweet words were enough for Youngjae (they were all that was allowed, in a world like this), but they weren't for Daehyun.

It didn't last, in the end. He wanted more; more than Youngjae was willing to give.

No matter how much Youngjae would continue to protest ("I'm not ready, Daehyunnie,"), Daehyun wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd continue to push and push and push until Youngjae finally said yes.

He let Daehyun him two months into their "relationship". It was painful and not-at-all what Youngjae thought it would be. He thought was supposed to feel good, but Youngjae felt gross after it happened. All it left was fading hickies and regret coursing through his veins at the thought that he'd let Daehyun do that, let him touch him like that.

It happened three more times in the course of the next month before Youngjae got the courage to push him away, tell him that he didn't want to.

("After all I've done for you?" Daehyun scoffed, sneering down at Youngjae's teary eyes, "After everything I've sacrificed for you, you're just going to dump me?"

"N-No, Dae, I'm not-" Youngjae tried to protest, reaching for Daehyun's arm but the boy slapped him away harshly.

"Whatever," he scoffed, backtracking out of Youngjae's room and slamming the door behind him. "I can do better than someone like you anyway.") 

Youngjae thought he made the right choice. He knew that if he continued to let Daehyun continue then their relationship would turn into something rotten (but wasn't it already?) and Youngjae didn't want that to happen. Although he knows (tries to convince himself) with every fibre of his being, that he made the right choice; he regrets it the most.

Turns out Daehyun was even more bitter than Youngjae thought he was. It had only been four days but gossip spread like wildfire and before he knew it, everything seemed to become public. He barely walked into the building when people started to whisper about him, stare at him.

He told everyone, Youngjae thought, his face dropping in horror, He... They all know...

("That's the kid who slept with Jung Daehyun!"

"I heard he forced Daehyun to sleep with him."

"Apparently he slept around at his old school so that's why he moved here-") 

Rumours were spread, false information; and before he knew it, everyone knew he slept with Daehyun (everyone thought he slept with anyone).

("What a .")

Somehow the rumors, the lies, everything made its way back to Youngjae's parents and he found himself on the streets, kicked out of his own home because of the rumors spread by a bunch of teenagers (though, there's always a little bit of truth in those, isn't there?)

(There wasn't anyone to blame but himself. It was his fault, after all, for letting him in, for letting Daehyun him.) 

He was nearing his senior year of highschool, homeless, jobless, and miserable. His bag was all he had, stuffed with toiletries, a charger, and some extra clothes and whatever money he had lying about. He had nothing else. No friends (were they ever friends?), no family (not anymore), nothing.

He ended up in front of Han River, slouched pitifully on one of the benches with his head in his hands. Overwhelmed by everything, Youngjae couldn't hold back his tears, sobbing silently into his knees. Everything was so wrong. It wasn't fair, he fisted his hands in his hair angrily, why was he the one who ended up losing everything?

Even as the air started turning cold with nighttime chill, Youngjae didn't leave. He hadn't moved from the bench, still keeled over with his head resting on his knees. Where would I go, he wonders, blinking away tears hopelessly, how will I graduate? His heart only continued to accelarate with panic; What am I going to do?

(That was the night he met Mark Tuan.)

"Are you alright?"

 The question was calm, the voice deep and rough but Youngjae could hear the awkward concern in the tone. He looked up, red-rimmed eyes squinting in question while his cheeks were still wet from tears, "H-huh?"

"I said," the stranger, a man about Youngjae's height, thin build and equally thin face(but he was still beautiful), sat down beside Youngjae on the bench, eyeing his backpack suspiciously, "Are you alright?" He paused before hesitantly turning Youngjae to face him, "Why are you crying out here by yourself?"

Youngjae's lip wobbled at the question, but he bit back his sob, not wanting to cry in front of this stranger (there was no denying the way tears welled up in his eyes again, unstoppable.) "I... My parents kicked me out," his voice cracked on the last word, breathing heavily through his mouth.

"Why," the stranger frowned, eyebrows furrowing with displeasure. "Only if you feel comfortable answering," he added when Youngjae's frown started to deepen. 

Youngjae shook his head, staring down at his sneakers sadly, head hung in shame (ashamed of himself, of everyone else), "My parents...They found out I was gay," he whispered into the night air, watching as his breath fanned out in a fog.

The man bit his lip, jaw tensed as if he were going to say something, but Youngjae could see him hold back. He tensed, waiting for the stranger to walk away (to tell him he's gross, something).

(He didn't)

Instead, the man stood up, extending his hand out to Youngjae with a sympathetic smile (or was that empathy?), "If you don't have anywhere else to go tonight, you can crash with me? I'm sure my roommate won't mind."

Youngjae only eyed his hand warily, "I don't even know your name..."

The stranger's smile faltered, but a kinder one returned after a moment, "Mark Tuan, nice to meet you." 

Youngjae stared at Mark's soft smile, at his extended hand (could he trust this?).

(There's nothing more to lose, anyway.)

"Youngjae.. My name is Youngjae."