“This is bull,” Mihyun barks from where she is, just at the entrance of the kitchen. Mark arches an eyebrow at the fiery look she has on and leans back in his chair.

“You don’t believe it?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe it,” Mihyun snaps, baring her teeth and stomping into the kitchen, the thick soles of her trainers barely making an impact on the marble kitchen floor. “I just don’t get why didn’t you say anything?” She demands, slapping her palms to the table Mark was sitting at.

“He had his reasons,” Jinyoung defends, twirling an apple absentmindedly in his hand from the corner of the kitchen he’s settled in.

Mark looks at him from the side and then slides his eyes back to Mihyun. He sighs, he didn’t think his first morning back home was going to be an interrogation process and yet here he was.

Somehow, some way, Youngjae had managed to get Mark discharged from the hospital on the condition Mark was to go back for checkups and tests every two days. He keeps a mental note that he owes Youngjae a gift, and a meal, and anything the guy wants after what Mark’s put him through.

That same morning, Mark had come back to an empty house. The flowers and plants in the front yard looked parched, although Insook had been visiting him in hospital almost every day, it would seem no one had been home in days. There was something incredibly uncomforting about the silence - not that Mark had never lived by himself before, but this is a home and homes should not feel empty.

Then again the emptiness only lasted half an hour until the ruthless banging at the front door began and Mark had opened the door to Mihyun and Jinyoung on the other side. Jinyoung looking a lot like he was molested, or mugged, and a little tired, and Mihyun with her ears hot and eyes alight.

“Are you seriously defending him right now?” Mihyun gapes from across the dining space. “This whole time you’ve been suffering like this, feeling so alone...whilst really you had someone that not only knows what it feels like but someone who you met before. Not to mention he knew about it too!”

Mark winces at the accusation, but tries to keep his face emotionless, because she was right and he didn’t have a right to feel upset. On the other hand, Jinyoung takes in Mihyun’s words with a look of feign interest and then shrugs.

“Did he just shrug? Did you just shrug?” Mihyun exclaims in a high tone, she takes a deep breath and turns her back on the two of them. “This is ridiculous.” She mutters under her breath and then turns back round. “Am I the only one that thinks this situation is outrageous?”

“Well I think we crossed outrageous a while ago, “ Jinyoung jokes and now Mihyun looks close to committing murder.

“No, you’re right,” Mark quickly interjects, the last thing he wanted was blood on Insook’s floor. “I should have mentioned it, maybe it would have comforted you, maybe it wouldn’t but I should have mentioned it. I’ve remembered my whole life so I guess I got used to hiding it, to pretending there was nothing different about me. The thing is though I didn’t really know who you were until yesterday, I just knew we came from the same place because of the blueprints on your wall.”

Jinyoung isn’t looking at him as Mark speaks, he’s staring off into the distance somewhere and Mark can’t tell if he’s listening but he continues speaking anyway, “I thought acknowledging it was pointless, after all what could you do with memories about people who have already died? Sure, it’s not normal to remember but I guessed that if we did remember then we just have to get used to it and live life the best we can.”

“But it isn’t like that, is it?” Mihyun says, her voice softer now as she meekly took the seat before Mark.

Mark looks at her for a moment and then looks up in thought, “No...it isn’t. We’re not meant to remember, specifically though, I’m not meant to remember.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mihyun asks.

Mark turns to look at Jinyoung who has gone back to twirling the apple in his hand, “You remember what Henrikka said, right?”

Jinyoung looks like he isn’t going to respond but he eventually breathes out a “Yes…”

“She said we, or they are cursed, that they were meant to remember due to some other...,” Mark mumbles, his own understanding of the situation a muddle. “But I wasn’t supposed to remember. I was never meant to remember.”

“You’re not supposed to? I don’t get it, so then you’re just like everyone else, why are you tangled up in his ?” Mihyun huffs and sits back in her seat, wrinkles on her forehead forming.

“I think we’ve always been together, but where I’m not supposed to remember, he is, but she mentioned something changed…” Mark trails off.

“You remembered when you weren’t meant to, and Jinyoung forgot when he wasn’t meant to?” Mihyun says, nodding as if anything could make sense right now.

“I’ve been thinking,” Jinyoung starts all of a sudden, his eyes still look distant as he speaks. “You guys mentioned once...one of my fits I was speaking Japanese…”

“Yeah, a couple of weeks ago you kept asking someone to save you…” Mihyun says.

“I’ve trying to remember, grab something, anything but I can’t - there’s nothing, no life I remember, no inkling or a fragment, nothing that relates me to Japan, I don’t even know a single word but gomenasai and that’s definitely not from a past life.”

Mihyun snorts and Mark doesn’t get it.

“Do you think it’s from the last life you had?” Mark ponders, his eyes were caught on a flower pot that hung just outside the kitchen door, upon it were small pink to white flowers, their petals wide and arched like that of a windmill. Mark vaguely remembers Insook talking about them, the oleander flower - it makes him wonder where Insook is.

“What do you mean? Jinyoung says, his voice demanding, quickly pulling Mark’s attention back.

“Henrikka said you have a block. She mentioned the last life that was accessible was you in France during the first world war and that after there’s a blank of nearly a hundred years. Maybe between then and now is your life in Japan, or something related?”

Jinyoung takes the apple in his hand to his mouth then, and drags out a long crunch. Mark watches him as he works his jaw, chewing absentmindedly on the fruit. He was thinking about something, Mark could tell, he could tell the difference now between when he was stuck in the past and when he was trying to figure out the future.

“Why though? What happened for something to it up?” Mihyun grumbles.

“Five hundreds years is a long time, nothing stays the same forever, not even curses I guess.” Mark takes a deep breath looking down at the table where he notices he’s made several scratches into the wood with his nails. He takes his hand back into his lap and rubs at his palm.

“How does that even make sense? Were you guys like hexed or something by a witch-” Mihyun gasps then, loud. “Don’t tell me witches and magic are actually a thing too, oh my sweet jesus.”

Mark arches an eyebrow at her, “What even got you there?”

“Well, how does it make any sense? Some...thing forcing you guys to forget or remember past lives, like how does one person even go about doing that even if they wanted to? Magic? Demons? Voodoo?” Mihyun has a face of both intrigue and fear, Mark could feel her buzzing on the inside, two parallels pulling at her. One side which defied reality, logic, which wasn’t really an issue for her but it also came with fear, that there was way more to this world than met the eye, and the other side, that straight out drove towards wonder, and imagination, to things no one could possibly understand and it lit a spark inside her. “Not to mention...why? Why would someone want to curse you guys? Like what kind of bad must you have done to warrant 500 years worth of a curse?”

“Not Mark,” Jinyoung says, dumping the core of his apple into the bin. Mark stiffens a little bit, not used to hearing his name on Jinyoung’s tongue. He doesn’t watch him as Jinyoung makes his way towards the table, grabbing the seat beside Mihyun. “Just me.”

“What do you mean?”

Jinyoung has his hands on the table, he’s flicking at his fingernails, a complacent look on his face. “I don’t really know but judging from what Henrikka said yesterday...we did something...in the beginning.” Jinyoung frowns. “I can’t remember...it’s so vague in my head, but I did something, and I deserve this.”

Mark mirrored his frown, the inside of his chest twisting with a protective kind of emotion. “What makes you think you deserve this?”

“I don’t know...I don’t know but I just feel it.” Jinyoung says, placing a palm over his own chest. Mark doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Okay so...there’s a first life which you can’t remember but you know it’s the beginning of all this ?” Mihyun begins to conclude. “Then there’s a life, your last life, that you also can’t remember, where something must have happened and broken all this ?”

“Does your vocabulary expand past curse words?”

“I think curses are pretty relevant right now, Professor,” Mihyun snaps, it seems she still hasn’t forgiven Mark yet. “Anyway, we have a beginning, and an end - so what does Henrikka and...Barrick, is it? Where do they come into this?”

Mark didn’t think about that, “I don’t...know. Barrick’s life is the only one I remember but to be honest, I don’t know why I remember him of all the ones I could remember.”

I feel like I should be offended.

Shut up.

“Do you remember, Professor?” Jinyoung says, looking up at him. Mark holds his breath, not realizing this was the first time since yesterday their eyes had met. “When Henrikka first appeared she said something, she asked what was stronger than a thirst for revenge?”

“Yeah...and Barrick said…regret,” Mark murmurs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mihyun barks from the side.

Barrick?

No response.

“I don’t know, I still haven’t got full access to Barrick - funny, I’d been blocking him out all my life, and now that I want to let him in, he decides to block me out,” Mark sighs, trying not to be too self aware of how intense Jinyoung’s gaze is on him.

“Uh, Jinyoung honey, you stare any harder and you’re going to make a hole in the Professor,” Mihyun whispers pointlessly from the side. Jinyoung blinks out of his daze and instantly his cheeks flush into a bright pink. “Oh boy.”

Mark looks away quickly, and clears his throat. “Anyway, do you remember anything? About Henrikka that might help?”

Jinyoung brushes a hand through his hair and rubs his face, “I remember her, being her, how she felt, felt about others..but anything...significant...no.”

Mark swallowed down air and felt something contract in his chest, like someone had just brought a knife and sliced right into his heart.

Barrick?

Still no response.

“I don’t know why I keep thinking all these lives of yours die of old age or something,” Mihyun grumbles, a look of pity on her face. “Are you guys murdered in every life or something? How did Barrick go?”

“I-I don’t know,” And Mark didn’t, and he did. He remembers the piercing pain of something ripping into him, he remembers heat, his heart thrumming frantically, then he remembers the cold, a deep, aching cold that swallowed him and took him into the darkness. He remembers the feeling, but he couldn’t conjure the memories.

“Well, this is all absolutely ing useless,” Mihyun huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Your endearments are greatly appreciated Mihyun, “ Jinyoung says with a roll of his eyes. “In fact, since we’re on the topic, why are you even here?”

“Ouch, that hurts Jinyoung, really after all we’ve been through?” Mihyun mockingly flutters her eyelashes and Jinyoung looks like he wants to punch her in the face. “Besides who is it that comes to my room almost every night to pine over the p-” Jinyoung slaps a hand to Mihyun’s mouth.

“Another word, and I’ll snap your neck,” He seethes between his teeth and Mihyun quickly shoves his hand away.

“Wow!” She gasps, glaring hard at the other boy. “I totally don’t get why anyone world ever want to curse you for 500 years.” She says and Mark lets out a snort.

“For someone who has been forgetting for those exact 500 years, should you be laughing professor?” Jinyoung snaps, his cheeks still a light pink colour.

“Better late than never?” Mark teases, flashing his teeth and it seems to make Jinyoung crumble on the spot.

“I hate the both you,” He says into his palm.

“Hey, at least I know I’ll forever live on in your memories for the next 500 years,” Mihyun grins.

“Kill me now.”

“We all know that’s pointless.”

Jinyoung gives them each a look of defeat before slamming his head down onto the table.

The skies are clogged with thick grey clouds, so heavy Mark thinks they're going to sink down to the ground and suffocate the streets. Despite that, the air is still pretty thick with humidity, summer heat lingering despite the rain that threatened to fall.

Mark doesn’t wait on chance though and instead takes the initiative to go water the plants in the front yard himself. He didn’t want to think of how devastated Insook would be if she came back to find her blue bird vines rotting away alongside that rickety bench.

“Didn’t take you for a gardening type of guy…” Jinyoung says from behind, he’s leaning against the frame of the front door looking both tired and suave at the same time. Mark wonders how that’s even possible considering the jogging bottoms and t-shirt he’s sporting but he decides not to ponder on it too long.

“How do you know? I could be a gardening type of guy,” Mark replies back unconvincingly, death spraying down the sunflowers that grew at the very front of the garden.

“Well for one, you look like you're drowning those plants not watering them,” Jinyoung snorts, coming up to snatch the hose out of his hand. “And secondly, I know you’re not a garden person, like I know you’re not a book person.” He says casually as he goes to press his thumb against the hose and let’s the water spray outwards in a large triumphant display.

“What makes you think I’m not a book guy?”

Jinyoung gives him a sly look from the side. “That one time I, uh, saw you go into you in the library, you looked like you were going to get stung if you even reached out for one of those books.”

“That does not prove I am not a book person, I love books,” Mark retorts and Jinyoung gives him a look. “Ok, so I’m not a book person, lucky guess.”

Jinyoung snorts, “I also know you’re not one for eating proper meals when you should be. You always go to the snack cart for lunch.”

“Okay, now you’re guessing is starting to sound a lot like stalking,” Mark says and although Jinyoung tries to keep a placid face on, he can’t hide the rosy tint to his cheeks.

“I was not stalking,” Jinyoung says eventually. “I just always noticed you for some reason.”

“Because of the past lives thing?”

“No…” Jinyoung looks up at the sunflowers, they were tall, just a couple of centimetres longer than the two of them. Insook really knows how to grow them. “You just always stood out to me, even before the memories started.”

Mark didn’t know what to say because all he’s thinking is you stood out to me too. Whether it was on days where he seemed carefree, all smiles and laughter, or when he looked like the world was sitting upon him and he’d give nothing more than to bleed into the ground. He wasn’t going to tell Jinyoung that though.

“I see,” Is all he says, and Jinyoung turns to give attention to the moldy wooden bench and the flowers that twisted at it’s arms and legs, and grew in the beds beneath it.

“What about you?” Mark says, circling on his heels. “Who are you without all the memories?”

“‘Who am I…?’” Jinyoung pauses. “I don’t really know, everything before all this...crap seems like a dream, like it wasn’t real. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life either, that’s why I’m still a twenty four year old student.” He snorts. “I was still trying to figure out my life, my future, who I was and then boom, I was like a hundred other people.”

Mark goes to crouch on his knees, tugging on the lamented leaves of the gardenia plant before him. “I think you’ll be fine though, when you’ve learnt to separate yourself from them. You’ll realise they make up who you are as a whole.”

“Kind of like being born with a sixth toe?”

Mark coughs out a laugh, “Something like that.”

Jinyoung makes his way round with the hose and begins watering the plants from beside Mark. “You said you blocked out Barrick for your whole life but you seem pretty content with him now...what happened?” Jinyoung asks, peering down at Mark with a curious expression.

“I died,” Mark says. “No, it wasn’t just that...I think you had something to do with it.”

“What did I do?”

“It wasn’t that you did something, it was more like I saw myself in you, and the more I saw you, the more I saw Barrick, who he was, how he felt and slowly I think I was starting to let him slip back in.” Mark explains, stretching his hand out to the water that sprayed out towards the flower beds. He revels in the feel of the cold droplets settling upon his palm for a moment. “Then I died.”

“Do you really not have any idea what happened?”

“No, not a single clue. It was after I talked to you in the library, I felt Barrick stronger than I ever had before and I just wanted to sleep. Next thing I know I’m waking up in a hospital room and Youngjae’s telling me my heart stopped,” Mark takes a deep breath, a palm to his chest in comfort.

“What did it feel like? Death…” Jinyoung asks quietly.

“Shouldn’t you know what that feels like more than me? After all you’ve died god knows how many times,” Mark says lightly, not liking the way the solemn look on his face made him feel.

“I know what dying feels like but not death, not real death.” Jinyoung says, his eyes distant again and Mark finds himself wondering just what he was thinking about for the fifth time today.

“I don’t really know,” Mark huffs, getting back up to his feet. “I guess the only word that comes to mind is...weightlessness.”

“Weightlessness…” He echoes, and Mark thinks he sees a ghost of a smile on his face.

“I don’t think you should be so worried,” Mark finds himself saying without really thinking.

Jinyoung blinks and looks towards Mark, “What do you mean?”

“You’re worried, right? That’ll you’ll lose yourself to them,” Mark says, and Jinyoung shrinks back a little. “But I don’t think you should be. I see you, beneath it all, beneath them, you’re still here.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows crease together ever so slightly, “How would you know? You didn’t know me before...it all.”

“I just do,” Mark shrugs. “I can tell when you are here, and when you’re not. I can tell when you’re remembering and when you’re thinking. In fact I’m sure of it.”

Jinyoung’s voice is hoarse when he speaks again, “Ah...you really have a way with words.” He takes a deep breath and quickly makes his way to the tap. Mark watches him as he takes his time in turning the metal gear, the water spraying from the hose slowly sputtering to a stop. Jinyoung looks down for a long time before he straightens out and takes a deep breath. “How do you that?”

“Do what?”

“Know exactly what I need to hear…”

“Wisdom.” Mark retorts and although he was being semi-serious he smiles at the snort that bursts out of Jinyoung.

“Jesus christ, you know I’m a couple of hundred years older than you, right?” Jinyoung chokes out, holding his stomach.

“Just a couple,” Mark chuckles and makes his way to Jinyoung where he takes a palm to his head and his hair fondly. Jinyoung looks at him through his bangs and Mark tries not to retract his arm at the speed of light as an uncomfortable feeling bubbles in his chest.

“I wanted to ask,” Jinyoung suddenly says, Mark way too aware of the way he bites his lip.

“Shoot.” Mark says and stiffly lowers his arm until it flops awkwardly at his side. Jinyoung doesn’t seem to notice, thank god.

“You mentioned these...emails you received before at the hospital?” Jinyoung probes delicately at the topic. “I was wondering if I could see them? I mean now that we’re pretty much involved in this together we might as well try to figure out everything we can...together and stuff.”

Mark raises his eyebrows, “And stuff?”

Jinyoung clears his throat, “Yeah, like work together, tell each other everything...relevant, non-relevant too-if you want- and maybe, I guess I’m hoping we can break whatever this curse is.”

Mark lets the words roll around in his head. He hadn’t actually thought about it, breaking the curse. It sounded like something out of a fairytale, but a tad more dark, okay, a lot more dark, like shaking a dead bodies hand dark.

“Yeah...you’re right, Henrikka mentioned something has changed, and I guess for the sake of ourselves and the people before us, after us, we should do what we can while we can,” Mark says the words out loud like they’d click some switch inside him but he couldn’t help but worry a little about the safety of the two of them. “Do you think we’re safe?”

Jinyoung stares at him, an answer playing around somewhere in his head and he doesn’t respond for a while. “I don’t know, I’ve never felt like my life was in danger-well, not by someone else at least. It’s the twenty first century after all, I’d like to think killing someone isn’t so easy now.”

Mark snorts, “Killing someone isn’t the tough part, getting away with it is.”

“That sounds morbid.” Jinyoung scowls.

Mark snorts again and slaps a hand to Jinyoung’s back, “Come on, I’ll show you the emails.” He says and Jinyoung easily follows his lead back into the house. Mark audibly sniffs once they’re inside, the front door shut behind them, “What is Mihyun doing?”

“Making pancakes,” Jinyoung says, following Mark up the stairs. “She said she needs sugar when she’s stressed, she’ll call us when she’s done.”

“I’m surprised that you told her everything to be honest. I didn’t think you’d tell anyone but me,” Mark says once he reaches the landing and internally winces at how jealous he’d just sounded. He hopes Jinyoung did not hear it like that.

“Well, it’s not like I’m trying to keep it a secret - actually it’s pretty hard to keep it a secret but I guess it depends on the person. When I know the first thing they won’t do is call the psychiatric hospital then I’m pretty open about it, besides Mihyun is different altogether.” Jinyoung says as they make their way down the hall. Mark wants to ask exactly what he means when he says she’s different but decides he’s treaded enough on the possessive zone. A zone he wasn’t sure how he got close to to begin with.

Mark didn’t think to be so conscious of his room until Jinyoung steps into it and gives the space a mildly surprised look. “This is your room?” He says, not in any form of judgement but rather like he wasn’t expecting it. “Aren’t there like three others rooms that probably seem more comfortable?”

Mark goes to sit at his desk and opens his laptop, while it turns on he twists round in his chair and perches his elbow on the back, “I’ve been fighting Ahjumma about it since I moved in, even though I tell her I’m more than comfortable here, she doesn’t believe me.” Mark shrugs, a shy smile appearing on his face. “Although if I’m being honest...it kind of reminds me of Finland. The bare walls and floor, the crappy creaky windows...even the air when it gets cold or hot.”

Jinyoung takes in the room for a moment longer and then goes to sit on the edge of the bed just behind Mark. He feels the blanket from beneath him and then looks up to Jinyoung and smiles, “I get what you mean..you know in German there’s a word, Fernweh, for feeling homesick or nostalgic for a place you’ve never been to before. You think people that experience that feeling, they’re just getting glimpses of their past lives?”

“Maybe…” Mark gives it a thought. “Actually...probably. You know people are made up of their environment, their actions, the people around them, but sometimes...there’s feelings, emotions and thoughts that seem to conjure inside you and you can’t think of a logical explanation for them, you can’t find a cause. I saw it in one of my older sister’s a lot, Erica, she’s the only person I could recognize from the past.”

Jinyoung immediately sits up at that, “Who was she? How did you-?”

“It was when I first realised Barrick’s memories, I saw my sister and I kept seeing someone else, later I realised it was Hanna,” Mark thinks about his sister and how he hasn’t answered her calls for a week straight, and how she’ll probably ring his neck somehow, some way, through the phone.

“Hanna? I don’t think I recognize the name…”

“She was Barrick’s neighbour in Turku, he pretty much grew up under her care, honestly the fact she’s my older sister now really fits,” Mark smiles fondly.

“How come you could see her but you couldn’t see me? Or...anyone else for that matter?”

“I don’t really know...I guess it was before I completely shoved Barrick out. Back then his memories were pretty out of control, being twenty at the age of twelve wasn’t really the kind of puberty phase I was expecting.” Mark jokes and turns back to his laptop to find the desktop loaded, he immediately goes to open up his email.

“Is Barrick really the only life you remember?” Jinyoung asks and Mark doesn’t turn around to see what kind of expression he has on while asking the question.

“Yup, and he came in by some extreme force, I haven’t got a single clue about the others,” Mark replies, tapping in his login. He pauses, his hands hovering of the keyboard. “What about you? Do you know who I am in all your lives?”

“Yes, from what I remember at least, I always knew who you were,” Jinyoung sounds a little tired and Mark looks over his shoulder to find him looking out the window, the look of reminiscence completely shrouding his face. “But it didn’t always go how I wanted. Some lives you’re already married, other lives we’re the same gender, a lot of the time class got in the way. It didn’t matter though, whether we were friends, acquaintances, or lovers, you always slipped away.”

“Slipped away?”

Jinyoung looks at Mark then, “Killed. Murdered. Depends how you put it...whether it was in a freak accident or you were just an innocent victim of a hit and run. Either way, whenever I found you, it was never for long. And I knew when you went, it’d be me right after.”

Mark shivers, a new fear sprouting in the depths of his chest and grappling at his lungs. Death, he never really thought about it, let alone being brutally murdered. “Why does it feel like more problems are forming then getting solved?”

“More like the problems have always been there but we’ve just realised them,” Jinyoung says bitterly. He really looks tired now, like he couldn’t hold up himself up anymore.

Mark quickly turns back to his laptop and opens up the emails, “Come take a look.” Mark insists, hoping to distract Jinyoung a little bit.

The bed creaks from beneath Jinyoung as gets onto his feet and peers down at the screen. He leans over Mark, his hand perching on the table, his neck just craning over Mark’s shoulder. He smells of soap and heat, and Mark thinks of how much it suits him.

“Not much...talk about being cryptic,” Jinyoung mutters under his breath, and Mark tenses at how close he is to his ear.

Barrick, what are you doing?

What do you mean?

You’re making me uncomfortable.

Well, that is not new news my friend, but I sincerely have no idea what you are referring to right now.

Mark grimaces as Jinyoung scrolls down to the painting of Turku in ashes and visibly flinches. “Ah....” Jinyoung removes his hand from the mouse and shrinks back. Mark turns and finds Jinyoung stiff where he’s standing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” Jinyoung clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Flashbacks, bad ones. Wow...hmmm.” Jinyoung hums, rolling out his shoulders. “Sorry, I’m okay, do you know what that picture is of?”

“No, not really,” Mark mumbles, noticing the cold sweat that was beading at Jinyoung’s temples.

“You never searched it? On the internet, I mean?”

“No...I- uh don’t really like going on the internet,” Mark awkwardly admits, and it warrants him a raised eyebrow from Jinyoung. “Irrational fear of knowledge, kind of why I’m not a book person. It makes more sense in my head, please continue.”

Jinyoung looks like he has more to say on the topic but decides against it and huffs, “It’s a painting of Turku by Gustaf Finnberg after the great fire.”

“The great fire? When-” Something tugs on Mark’s insides, pulling harshly and he takes in a quiet gasp at the sudden pain that shoots down his spine.

“Fourth of September 1927, it was the fire Henrikka died in,” Jinyoung continues, unaware of the sudden tension in Mark. “After I died in Finland, and began my life in France, once I got a clear understanding of the past I immediately went to research about what happened. There was just that picture from it all.”

I’m so sorry, Barrick whispers, the voice in Mark’s head filled with agony. I’m so sorry.

“Barrick,” Mark gasps, he had meant to think it but it slipped out with another gasp of pain.

“Professor?” Jinyoung calls out. “Professor, are you okay?”

“I’m fine…” Mark wheezes between his teeth, clutching desperately at his chest.

I’m so sorry, Henrikka.

“Why are you apologizing?” Mark asks under his breath, the pain cutting deep into his insides and traveling up the back of his neck until it reached his head and everything began to throb.

I killed her, I killed her.

“Mark, what is going on?” Jinyoung’s on his knees now, looking up at Mark’s face. “Is it Barrick?” As if to support him, Jinyoung goes to grab the hand Mark had been using to keep upright on the chair and placed it on his shoulder, in turn Mark grips it tightly, not missing the wince in his face but not being able to really loosen his grip either.

“He’s apologizing to Henrikka,” Mark whispers, pain threaded in his voice. “He said he killed her.”

Jinyoung didn’t look particularly shocked, instead his eyes moved side to side as if he was trying to piece something together. Mark tries to keep focus but the pain turns into heat, a painful heat that pulses in his chest and grows outwards. He in a breath and gives in to weakness for a brief moment, letting his head settle down upon Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“Mark,” Jinyoung says close to him. “He didn’t kill her.”

Suddenly, and all at once, a skin biting cold washes over Mark, like he’d just been dunked into a bathtub of ice. He flings himself back in shock and in the process the chair slides from beneath him, toppling him to the ground. Jinyoung quickly goes to reach out to him, an attempt in cushioning the fall but they just became a clutter of limbs and in the end Mark finds himself on his back, staring up at his ceiling.

Jinyoung pops his head just above, his hair shadowing his face slightly, “You okay?”

“Peachy,” Mark sighs and goes to sit up.

“What was that?” Jinyoung asks, staring at Mark curiously.

Mark takes in a deep breath, “Barrick dying.”

“What?”

The inside of Mark’s mouth is dry and no matter how many times he tries to his lips he can’t seem to get rid of the sticky feeling. His body aches, and he’s covered in sweat. “It seems I can’t get a break these days.” Mark huffs and gives Jinyoung a tired look. “It’s kind of like when you get ‘possessed’ sometimes Barrick’s emotions, or his memories, become so vivid that I almost relive it. The last time it happened was when I was fifteen though…”

“Was it because we talked about the fire?”

“I think so…” Mark rubs at his chest and takes the kind of deep breath that hits the bottom of his lungs. “Do you know what he was talking about?”

“Sort of...I didn’t really want to dig too deep into the memory, it kind of hurts as you probably know but he didn’t kill her, I’m pretty sure about that...anyway shouldn’t you know more than me?”

Mark shakes his head, “I told you, he’s blocked some things from me, like he doesn’t want to remember them. I just constantly get this immense feeling of regret.”

“Regret?” Jinyoung repeats. “He didn’t die in the fire though, did he?”

“No...or at least it doesn’t feel like that.”

“I don’t get it, how he can block you from seeing his memories? Like shouldn’t you dominate over him?”

“I guess but I think the fact I wasn’t ever meant to remember in the first place gives him an advantage. Then again maybe I’m able to access them and I just can’t - I can feel them there, so vague, but it’s like trying to remember childhood memories and all you can grab is the colours, the feelings sometimes, an image.”

Jinyoung nods, understanding and it earns him a wide smile from Mark. “What you smiling for?”

Mark takes a hand naturally back to Jinyoung’s head and his hair down, “You say I have a way with words but I think you’re the only one that really understands them.”

Jinyoung looks up between the bangs Mark has flattened down past his eyebrows and scrutinises his lips into a little pout, “Professor…”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Do you always have to ask about asking?” Mark chuckles.

Jinyoung looks at him with a deciphering stare and then huffs, “You don’t see me as a child do you?”

Mark stops mid motion and looks down at Jinyoung with slightly wide eyes, “Huh?”

“No, I mean, I get you're a professor and I’m a student but it’s not like you think of me as some loving nephew do you?” Jinyoung asks looking up from the shadow of Mark’s arm.

He’s stiffened however, his hand frozen just above Jinyoung’s head and he’s got absolutely no clue how to respond, so instead he answers with a question. “Am I making you uncomfortable? I’m sorry-” Mark goes to remove his hand but Jinyoung quickly goes to grab at his wrist and slowly brings Mark’s palm back to the top of his head.

“That’s not what I said,” Jinyoung says, his grip still on Mark. “I asked if you-”

“Pancakes are ready!” Mihyun announces from down stairs, her voice startling Mark and Jinyoung apart. “Come now while they’re warm or I’ll kill you both.”

Jinyoung looks over his shoulder towards the door, “What makes her think that threat is scary to either of us?” He laughs and then goes to get up. “You coming, Professor?”

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead,” Mark shoos with his hand. Jinyoung gives him one last look before turning and heading for the door. The click of the door was a cue for Mark to slump down onto the floor and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

He tells himself he needs to get up and go downstairs and act perfectly normal like a touch and a word from his student didn’t just trigger his soul departing from his body, but really all he’s thinking is what have you done, Barrick? and getting no response what so ever.