Heechul’s POV

Amanda has been a mess for the past few days, but she did attend Kyu’s funeral with casts and bandages on her. Since Kyuhyun’s parents don’t know her yet, we introduced her. She was actually reluctant when we told her that we will introduce her, she was afraid that they would tell her off and not let her attend the funeral.

But instead, the Cho family accepted her, and they also told us a shocking revelation. “It was not long before Kyuhyun dies. It’s either he dies because of a gunshot, or from cancer. He was already sick and dying. I guess, he only felt that it was right to actually for someone that he truly loves,” after Mrs. Cho said that, we literally cried right after some even while she was still speaking. But Amanda was really pitiful at that time; she didn’t want us to see that she’s hurting so much, so she went outside and cried her eyes out. It was really hard to see; even the guys suffered seeing her like that.

After the funeral, her father and Siwon came to bring her back to their house. But, she refused and chose to stay by our side. And because of that Hankyung really got mad about it. And also another shocker was that Hankyung was her brother, our school’s jjang.

And when we got back to the boarding house everything was dull. We were all like zombies living on one house. Nobody bothers to crack up jokes and all we usually do is eat together, hang out on the living room for a while then go back to our own respective rooms. But the worst of us all…was Amanda. She doesn’t eat and she doesn’t go out of her room. We tried to use force-feeding on her, but it didn’t work. So we tried to convince her to at least open her door, and still no lock. We don’t really know how she’s been doing cooped inside her room, and we don’t actually know how she still manages to survive.

A week later…

Things started to get livelier inside the house and in the school too, but Amanda was not any better off. But, she did start to go to school, and she did start to eat with us again…but after that, she just retreats to her room and keep to herself most of the time.

Aish! It’s freaking bothersome! I just can’t stand seeing her like this! I hate the things I see! Especially when the strongest woman I know is inside a cage and broken. She was so much better when she nags or even curse, and more better when she hurts us physically…even though I may sound a little bit masochistic at least those actions tells us that she’s fine and just being herself again.

I went in front of her room and knocked as harsh as possible. I don’t care if she would hate by doing that, at least then she’s normal. I knocked again and again. Then she finally opened it. I was expecting her to hit me, or even look annoyed! But all she did was stare at me with a blank expression, not even an ounce of emotion was seen.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?!” I yelled at her due to my frustration. “Hyung, what are you doing?” Kangin asked me as if I was a crazy person, well I don’t actually care. “Don’t interfere!” Donghae and Shindong held back Kangin since he was seriously annoyed with me and might do something that he will absolutely regret later. “Come on! Say something!” I was still yelling at her, but she just stared at me. “Stop looking at me like that! Come on! You can punch me if you like, I’ll let you. Just say something!” I yelled at her while I pushed my face in front of her so she could get a good shot. I closed my eyes and prepared for the impact. I hope it won’t bruise.

But then…nothing. She just kept on staring at me. “Will you please stop staring! And say something will you!” I yelled and pleaded at the same time. “Leave me alone,” she finally spoke! But with that sentence comes the door slamming on my face. “Yah! Open the freaking door!”

“Hyung, yelling at her won’t do anything good to you or to her. It’ll just make matter’s worse than it already is,” Yesung told me as he dragged me downstairs and made me sit on the couch. “Let her be. Right now, all she needs is to forgive herself and move on. And that is something she can do all by herself, and I think that she wouldn’t like it if we interfere. Let’s just leave her alone just like what she wishes and just support her on whatever choice that she will make,” Leeteuk hyung told us all. I guess, I’m not the only one who has been worried sick about her.

Amanda’s POV

I’m really sorry Heechul, but this is the best mask that I could put on. I don’t deserve to cry nor smile. Those are the privileges that I don’t have, not after this. This is my entire fault, I deserve to suffer! I’m such a bad girl for making everyone worried. And now, I can’t even help these freaking tears that won’t stop falling! Well, I guess that’s okay just as long as none of you can see it…right?

At school, I would always go to the rooftop. And it was really painful because I could see Kyuhyun everywhere I go and it hurts so much that I don’t know if I can still carry on the burden. But I know that I must, that is my self-punishment for being such a cruel person.

I hate myself. I wish that I would just die too, so that the pain would stop. Not only mine, but for the other’s as well. But I don’t deserve to die either; I don’t have the right to have the satisfaction of dying because it would be too kind. I need to suffer, more than anyone else that had suffered because of me.

Heechul’s POV

“Poor girl, she must be blaming herself,” that was Siwon’s words. He asked to meet me at a nightclub.

I think that he’s suffering too because of Amanda; he must have really loved her until now. Well, who wouldn’t actually? Just one look at her and you’ll fall head over heels in love with her. It may sound lame; especially coming from me…but it’s the truth.

“She is, and I don’t like seeing it. She may look tough on the outside, but she a soft cookie on the inside. She’s still a girl, a girl that can be easily broken down and damaged,” I just said. Siwon turned to me and grabbed me by the collar. Aish! I think he’s already drunk. “Yah! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You, aren’t you the one whom she said she’s going to marry instead of me?!” he was literally spitting saliva on my face. “Why are you not doing anything?” he keeps on yelling, spitting and pulling my collar. I shove his hand away. “I did try, but she won’t listen. And about the marriage part…it’s all a big, fat lie. That was only a favor she asked of me to do for her. She asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend, and I agreed without knowing what she was going to say in front of her dad and you,” I actually let my mouth loose. And somehow, he snapped out of being drunk!

“Then what are we still doing here?! Let’s go and I’ll go get her and make her stay on my house. I only allowed her to stay on that poor excuse for a house because I was deceived that you were her boyfriend. But since you confessed, I’m taking her back,” Siwon said with great excitement. “I don’t think she’ll go with you,” I told him. “Waeyo?” his eyes suddenly became wide with shock. “You’ll see.”

We rode on Siwon’s car and I insisted on driving since I don’t trust drunk people behind the wheel, my life is too precious.

“Do you know why am I doing all of this?” Siwon asked, I’m not if he’s talking to me or to himself. He was lying at the backseat by the way. “I had been friends with her since we were babies, because our parents had been good friends with each other. Then seven years ago, I was forced to study abroad and didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to her and that’s why she hated me so much. I was her one and only friend, and I left her,” I could hear sobs coming from him. Ugh! This is so lame! And why does he even tell me this kind of annoying stories? Am I like this when I’m drunk? I don’t think so.

“Stop crying,” I said with an irritated voice. “And when we’re really young, we promised to marry each other in the future. But I don’t think that, that dream of mine will ever come true because of my stupidity,” he sobbed again. Aish! He looks so manly and he cries like a baby! Ugh!

And after a few more minutes, we FINALLY reached the house, and he was already asleep. I have no choice but to let him inside and let him sleep for the night. I had to carry him all the way to the yard and to the house. And man! He’s freaking heavy!

When I rang the doorbell, the one who opened the door was Amanda. I don’t know why, but it kind of startled me. I dragged Siwon’s body and dropped him in the couch. “Where are the others?” I asked her and she was glaring at Siwon’s sleeping form. “They are already asleep. Is he dead?” not an ounce of worry in her voice. I looked confused. “No? why?” I was seriously confused. “Then why the hell is he here?!” she was really irritated at Siwon’s unwanted presence. “He’s drunk and I don’t know where he lives. Now, if you have a better idea other than this, then please share. And what I mean by that is that you drag his body out of here and drive him to his house. And if you don’t want to do that, then we have no other choice but to let him stay,” I smirked at her. I missed messing around with her. “And also, he wanted to see you…badly.”

“Make sure that he’s gone first thing in the morning. I don’t want to see his face when I wake up,” she coldly said. Even though she was being cruel, I actually liked it! She’s being herself again! Yay! Who’d knew that Siwon’s presence was actually the cure? Hehehehe…

author's note:

for all the people waiting...

here it is!! Ta da!!

i hope you all like it!!

please do comment!!

love you all guys!!

thanks so much for waiting!!!^^