Trigger Warning: contains slight mention of suicide

Cold.

Everything was cold. He felt cold. Very, very cold.

That was the only thing that ran through Jimin’s mind as he reread your letter to him for the thousandth time.

He still couldn’t believe it; he didn’t want to believe it.

You were gone.

You left him.

He wanted to be angry.

He wanted to blame someone for taking you away.

But he couldn’t.

Not when it was his fault. Not when he was the one who had done nothing. 

He should’ve seen it coming, should’ve seen the signs.

He knew you were hurting; he knew you weren’t well. He knew that on the inside, you were suffering. But he never would’ve thought you would take your own life.

It happened so suddenly that he still wasn't able to process it. Just the day before, you were still fine, smiling at him like always with that gentle loving look in your eyes. Playing around with him, and cuddling with him on the couch. It was like any other normal day. 

However, next thing he knew, his world came crashing down on him when he found you motionless on the bathroom floor. Your eyes lifeless and dull, red slits on your wrist, and your body, freezing cold.

He should've sensed something was off. If only he had done something sooner, he could’ve stopped you, could’ve saved you.

But he was blinded. For a moment, he thought you were genuingly happy, that you were slowly getting better, that you were going to be okay. 

He had thought that if he was there to support you, it would’ve given you strength to continue on. That if he was there to constantly love you, that it would’ve been enough, but it wasn’t.

And now as he read your letter again, his heart was breaking.

You thanked him.

For loving you, for being by your side, for being the only reason you could even smile.

He didn’t deserve to be thanked. He didn’t deserve you. Not when he had failed to protect you.

He wanted to be mad at you for suddenly leaving, but he couldn't. After all, it was you, his heart would never allow him to do that.

He burned the letter. He couldn’t look at it anymore. It was only a constant reminder, a cruel horrifying evidence that you were no longer with him.

And that was something he would never get used to.

No longer having you by his side was worse than hell itself.

He missed you so much, your presence, your smile, your beautiful face, your kind heart, and that never ending warmth that always surrounded you.

Something that he could never have again.

Without you, he felt numb. Without you, he felt cold.

He hated the cold. That was something he knew you knew too.

That’s why you were always around him. You made sure to keep him warm.

Just the mere presence of you near him was able to make him feel like the most blessed and warmest person alive.

However, now that you were gone, he was struck by a cold, harsh reality.

He submerged himself in water, hot scalding water. In hopes that it would give him back the warmth that he once had.

But it was useless.

No matter how hot, no matter how much he tried.

He was still shivering, still cold.

Because no matter what, without you, everything just felt cold.

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