I’m not supposed to be alive. And this is definitely alive, because I’m pretty damn sure that being dead doesn’t hurt this much. Also, there wouldn’t be this many needles inside of me.

Slowly, incrementally, feeling in every part of my body comes back to me. My fingers twitch and my legs throb and my mouth tingles a little. I’m photosensitive, so it takes me a while to open my eyes.

My mom’s the only one here, and she’s happy to see me awake – upset, extremely upset about the circumstances, but happy regardless. Now that she knows I’m a living, real boy again, after a nurse and doctor come in to brief me, she can go home and get some sleep.

I’m cancer free once again, as far as anyone can tell. The operation was successful. I might never have two lungs that work at 100% functional capacity, but I’m more than able to live a normal life as I am. Cancer-free. Soon to be considered in remission.

But Jeonghan’s not by my side. That makes it wrong, all wrong. If Jeonghan isn’t here… if Jeonghan isn’t with me, then what’s the point? What’s the point of anything anymore, without my personal idiot?

Seungcheol and Jihoon visit with flowers, and I roll my eyes at the two angels peeking into my room from a corner.

“Yeah, yeah, I forgive you for being total jerkasses,” I mumble when they apologize. “It’s whatever. I still love you dummies. You’ll always be my best friends.”

“What’s wrong?” Jihoon asks, sitting up on my bed. He rubs my arm a little. “You look a bit weird. Is it still from the operation?”

I shake my head a little. “…no…”

“What is it?”

I sink into the pillow and close my eyes. “Before I went in… Jeonghan told me he loved me.”

There’s a thick silence.

“He meant it.”

“Oh, God,” Seungcheol mumbles.

“I’m so sorry, Joshua,” Jihoon whispers, hugging me gently.

They all give me their condolences, but that’s not something I’m waiting for. It hurts too much to think of it that way – to think of Jeonghan as gone, as genuinely poof, gone. It doesn’t seem real.

“Guys, can I talk to Jihoon privately?”

“Sure.” Wonwoo squeezes my leg and puts the helium Get Well Soon balloon’s weight down on the floor. “We’ll be outside if you want us.”

The door swings shut and Jihoon finishes his coffee, glancing at me. “What’s up, Josh?”

“Jihoon, I need a favor.”

“I’ll do anything for you, you know that,” he smiles generously, petting my hair down. “What can I do for you?”

“…how do I go to hell?”

With me explaining that Jeonghan and I are soulmates, each other’s Ovo, and meant to be and all that, Jihoon doesn’t have much of a choice to help me, no matter how stupid he thinks it is. He promised he’d do anything he could to help me, and this is all I want.

He needs a few days to prepare, and although I’ve sworn him to secrecy I end up worrying a little whether he’ll tell Seungcheol.

But I shouldn’t have worried because five days after my operation Jihoon shows up in my recuperation room with a large bag, full of items.

“…it’s not going to be pretty,” he warns me. “It’ll hurt a lot and it won’t be easy.”

“That’s alright,” I assure him.

Jihoon just shakes his head, but as I already pointed out, it’s nothing less than he would do for his soulmate. Of course, I haven’t exactly given him any details, but by the time he figures it out, it’s going to be too late for him to stop me anyway.

Jihoon works magic on two large, octagon-shaped silver coins in a bowl before pressing some kind of fluid – possibly a mixture of oils – on my forehead, using a piece of charcoal to draw a symbol on one of my palms, and putting a green pendant around my neck.

Eventually he exhales slowly, and glances at me. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready,” I tell him.

Jihoon takes a small, blunt silver needle in his hand and gives me a quick hug. “Hurry back at the first sign of trouble. All you have to do is put the pendant in your mouth.”

“I got it. Jihoon?”

“Yeah?