I love her. Her smile. Her jawline. How her hand was so soft. I remember everything. How she helped me whenever I was in a hurry. How her fingers were looking for mine. I still remember everything. I used to look to those eyes, that told me everything and nothing at the same time. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's been years since the last time I saw her. Touch her. But I can't forget her face, her touch is still burning in my skin. I wish I wasn't an immature girl back then. I wish I could hold her hand, look into those eyes and try to unlock all of her feelings and her fears. I still remember the day we met, I even remember what she was wearing, a pair of white Nike, skinny jeans and a jersey. It's kind of funny because I can't remember what I was wearing but her, I remember her so clearly.  

"Hi, I'm Joy." She told me, showing her smile, her beautiful smile I'll never forget.

"H-Hi, I-I'm Yeri, Kim Yerim." She looked at me and touched my hand, trying to relax me. 

"You don't have to be scared, we are your new family." 

It was true. They were my family, for so many years. Now, I wish I had enjoyed it more. For the next days we became more and more closer. In winter, we slept together, I still can remember the smell of her hair, they way her hands caressed my waist and arms and how she kissed my forehead before sleeping. Every night, I wish she was by my side, holding me, like in the good times. She showed me places, we used to scape. I remember the day we went to a river, far away from the city, it was near a forest and I remember how the green of the nature mixed with her black hair and white skin, it was the most beautiful thing I saw. She was holding my hand and when I turned to look at her I realized she has gotten more beautiful since the day we met. She was kind of an adult woman now. She was 21. I was 19. But I felt like a little girl near her. 

"C'mon Yeri! Look at the fishes over there, with different colors, aren't they beautiful?" Then, she took my wrist, making me be near the river, near her. We were sitting very close, too close. 

She looked at my with those eyes, was she sad? Was she happy? I'll never know. All I thought about was that nothing could compare with her beauty. I wanted to tell her, that I loved her, that nothing was more beautiful than her. But I couldn't, I was a coward and I couldn't risk our friendship, our group. "Yeah... They are beautiful. Joy, would you renew the contract with the group?" 

She smiled at me, but this time, I knew it was a sad smile. "I don't know, so many things can happen in one year. But you know what I know?" I shook my head and she hold my hand, playing with my fingers. "That someday, when we are older, I wish we could live together, you and I, in a big house, near a river, with beautiful fishes like this, with a beautiful girl like you." 

I blushed, too hard. She noticed it, she touched my cheek. I closed my eyes, waiting for it, for that kiss I waited for 3 years, since I met her. And she did, she kissed me. It was my first kiss. And the last kiss I wish I had. 

After that, she pulled me away, our foreheads were touching and she was looking straight at my eyes. "I love you, Yeri. I promise you I'll never stop loving you." But she didn't keep that promise. Well, I don't know if she kept it, but if that promise was true, then, I wouldn't be alone, in a 12 hours fly to NY. 

I smiled at her and told her that I loved her too, since a lot of time ago. She smiled happily and put her arm over my shoulders. I can say that was the happiest day in my life. Not even having my own enterprise compare to that. I know, you would ask yourself 'If you have so many power why don't you look for her?' That's another part of the story I can't tell you now. It's the worst part.

The next days after that we try to figure out what we were. Finally, she told me "We are in a relationship, you and I." The months were spent like that, we both cuddling together, kissing between hugs. 

Wendy discovered us, kissing. And, even today, I thank God she was the one that discovered us, she has always been so open minded. So, it wasn't a problem. She was happy because we found love, the only thing she told us was "Be careful, I don't want any of you getting hurt by netizens." 

Netizens, they always hated me. Anything that I did it was wrong for them. But then, Joy would come and tell me "They are just jealous, b