I stayed at the bridge. Not knowing to jump or to wait. Key will never know where I am. So why should I wait?

The cars behind me drove by. Nobody stopped. I think nobody recognized me here. I’m invisible for all humans. I’m just in place when staying on the stage. There all can see me. But not the one who’s closest to me. My big love. He never saw me until I wrote him the letter. But now it’s too late to turn back. The time is over and it’s time to go. Where? Wherever.

I lifted up my feet to climb over the railing. I now stand directly at the side of the bridge. One more step and all is over. Forever.

More and more cars drove by. My vision started to blur. I could see our first birthday of SHINee. We all stood in our new dorm celebrating this awesome moment. Everyone was laughing and happy. Minho was talking with Taemin on our couch and I could really tell at this point that they’ll become a pair. Key seated next to me at the table with our managers and some friends of us. I remember an awkward situation this evening. As Onew changed his place over to our managers Key and I were the only one sitting on this side of the table. There was something with his hands. He lifted them up multiple times… one time a hand landed on my thigh. He looked over to me just a bit to not arouse a stir. But why he does this?

At this point I was unsure than ever before. Why he ever seated next to me on press conference or concert tours. And what’s about this picture of me and him in his wallet. We made it on one birthday of Key. He never carried a picture of someone of us with him around. So why one of me, Jonghyun?

He cold wind blow around my ears. I heard the cars driving behind me.

The next thing was scaring on one side and shocking on the other. I felt two hands roaming around my upper body, stopping on my holding me securely. “When you die, I want to die with you. Without my life wouldn’t make any sense. I think you didn’t get the message I told you on phone. You’re the love of my life. I never want to lose you and when I look back, I should have told you earlier. I’m sorry for bringing you in trouble with don’t knowing if I love you. I’m so sorry for that.” The voice behind me head stopped talking. Sadly. I wanted to hear more and more. I could listen for hours to this soft and calm voice. A tear ran down my check. He loves me? All the time? As I turned around I faced a crying Kibum. His eyes were red and his checks blushed. Many tears ran down his face. He sobbed sometimes. “I’m sorry Key. I never knew that. I thought that you’re not interested in me. Of course I got some of your messages but I never noticed it as a real thing.”

He pulled me slowly back to the bridge. To a more save place. When he touched the railing he stopped. But I was going onwards. Our bodies touched and he puzzled me. “Jjong… what? Stop… not know.” No he didn’t understand what I meant. “No Key. I don’t want… I just have a fear of heights. Didn’t you know?” I really have. But until now I didn’t realized it. Just in this moment when Key was near to me. Like someone switched on my brain again.

“Oh… Jjong. You’re such a stubborn.” What?! What Key said? “Hey. I’m not stubborn. I’ve just a fear of heights. Nothing else.”

“No. I meant that you just thought all the time I don’t love you. Onew, Minnie or Minho had ever agreed that. You never had to ask me. Just one of them. They are our friends. And friends know each other.”

These were the last words of Key. He turned around jumped over the railing back on the street. He held out his hand to me. “Please come back Jonghyun. I want to life together with you.” I loved the smiling on his face. It felt like hours looking into it. I jumped over the railing too directly into Keys arms.

“I love you. It’s like a dream come true.”