Seungcheol could not stop the silent tears flowing while smiling brightly. He could not stop himself adoring the guy on the other end as he slowly walked down the aisle. He could not stop remembering and he was on the bridge of breaking down with too much memories, genuine happiness and love he had for the guy. Jihoon was wearing a black suit that fit perfectly on him, accentuated all of his best features. Jihoon was smiling brightly, anyone could see how happy Jihoon actually was, his eyes crinkling and twinkling. The stars would be ashamed if they would see Jihoon’s eyes right now, Jihoon’s eyes sparkled with so much raw emotion and pure bliss.

“Cheol, don’t you think it’s such a pity that the city could never witness again this beautiful sight of twinkling stars sprawled out on the night sky?” Jihoon said while gazing above, eyes glued to the beautiful scenery of the dark sky. They were outside the city, far away from the buzzing sounds of the busy life the city always had. Jihoon wanted some roadtrip and he wanted to be far away from the tied-up life the town always had.

“It’s such a shame for them, but I have you and I have my own universe of stars in you.” Seungcheol replied, smiling his trade charismatic smile that always made Jihoon loved him more.

“You are so cheesy it makes me want to cringe so bad.”

Seungcheol could not take his eyes off from the petite guy. He would’ve laughed it off if it wasn’t for the serene and blissful ambience place had while a slow song of love was playing. Jihoon was wearing a couple of insoles that made him a few centimeters taller. Jihoon’s hair was slightly parted, showing a bit of forehead that made Jihoon look manlier. Jihoon was still beautiful, even after so many years. He looked so fresh, like he did not age.

“You look handsome, Ji.” Seungcheol said while watching Jihoon put on his neck tie. “But, why are you wearing insoles. A few centimeters, 2 exactly, won’t make you past the small guy image.”

“How did you even know that ?”

“I know you better than myself, Ji.”

He was so lost at the moment; he was watching the beautiful Jihoon walked slowly, cherishing every step. One step meant so much; it meant that he was one step away from being a single, independent person. Every step meant that Jihoon was one step farther away from the old, independent Jihoon who need not to think about anyone else aside from himself. One step meant a step closer to a life that Jihoon always looked forward too. Every individual, every single person needed someone they could rely on. It was a lie to say that they need not anyone else in their life aside from themselves. It was not true that being an independent individual meant that you didn’t need anyone else. It wasn’t like that. Being an individual person meant that being happy and relying on yourself, being an independent individual meant that you were happy and complete as a person but happier and better with your soul mate, your other half, your love. And Jihoon was like that, he was an independent individual who needed no one to become happy but happier and so much better with love. It was beautiful, Seungcheol thought. Loving a person who knew his or her worth was hard, it was not easy; because loving a person who knew his worth meant that he valued and respected himself more than anything else. That he would not beg for love because he knew that he was enough.

“Cheol, did I ever tell you that with you I am so much better?”

“I was expecting something like you completed me or you are the missing piece in my life.”

“I don’t believe in that kind of thing. I think we are complete on our own, it’s just our job to find someone who would make us better. I am enough, but with you, I am more than anything else in this world.”

Seungcheol could not remember falling that hard, but in that moment, after hearing Jihoon’s not so cheesy and romantic words, he realized that he hit the real jackpot when he got Jihoon in his life.

Jihoon was halfway down the aisle. Jihoon was strangely so slow; he was walking so slowly, as if his feet were glued on the ground, carrying too much weight on every step. Well, it was, actually. Every step Jihoon took was a step closer on embracing the life of being another half of a whole. Jihoon was taking his time, revering every second and moment that pass, every crisp and sound the music made, adoring every silent chatter, cherishing everything, from the red carpet he was walking on, the chairs covered with white, the green grass that perfectly blended with the sun shining above, the bright blue sky, the cotton fluffy clouds floating, the gentle breeze of the wind, kissing every inch of Jihoon’s skin, as if whispering promises of beautiful mornings and loving nights.

“What kind of wedding do you want?”

“Me? Hmm,” Jihoon was thinking hard, contemplating what he was about to say. “I think I want something simple, nothing extraordinary.”

“Why is that? You’re so boring. You don’t want something like wedding under the sea, or while floating a couple of thousand feet above?”

“Why? Nothing is wrong on being normal and boring. How about you?”

“I want something like outdoors.”

“It might rain.”

“Then I just hope it wouldn’t rain on our wedding day.”

Seungcheol was, for the thousandth times, enthralled, enchanted and bewitched with Jihoon’s utmost perfection. Jihoon was still the most beautiful person he knew, inside and out. Seungcheol could not stop staring at Jihoon. He was dressed perfectly, wearing the suit he meticulously chose, it took Jihoon almost a week in choosing the best suit that would fit him best, said he wanted to look the most handsome boy in the universe, more handsome than the guy who would wait for him at the other end of the aisle. Seungcheol laughed so hard that time, said he was already the most handsome person so he did not need to try hard. Jihoon just smiled at him, his eyes forming two tiny crescents that made him more beautiful.

“You should be the bride once we get married.”

“The , Cheol. We’re both guys, you know.”

“I mean, you should be the one walking down the aisle.”

Jihoon was a few steps closer, just a few more steps and he would finally reach the other end. Seungcheol’s heart was beating so fast, he was shaking and sweating so much but he was trying so hard to not show it, to not let anybody see it, the chaos of emotions he was feeling inside. Jihoon was a few steps, six… five… four… three… two… and then he was a step away, just a step away to the other end. Jihoon stopped for a while, looked back to watch the faces of the audience before him. There, seating on the front row of seats, were Jihoon’s parents. They were smiling so bright at Jihoon, mirth and happiness evident in their eyes. Seungcheol could see his parents at the back, proudly smiling at him, as if he did save the world or he had done something so great that he could be the next national hero of the next generation. Seungcheol smiled back to his parents, he didn’t realize how much tears he held up inside until he saw his parents’ smiling face. He bit his lips so hard while trying to put on a smile, just so the tears would delay themselves from flowing for a couple of hours more. His father gave him thumbs up and Seungcheol thought he might burst out laughing if he wasn’t trying so hard to keep his emotions at bay.

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon gently said.

Seungcheol was startled when he heard Jihoon called his name.

“Are you ready?”

“I’ve never been this ready,” Jihoon said with a smile on his face.

“Then, let’s go. Go get your husband.” Seungcheol said as he reached out for Jihoon’s hand.

“Seungcheol, thank you.”

Seungcheol was sure he was so close to tearing up, so close to bursting his emotions, letting all of the feelings he kept inside. But he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to show the whole world, his world, Jihoon, the mess he was struggling to keep calm inside, so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “There’s nothing to thank about, Jihoon.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just want to say thank you, so much.”

“Okay,” Seungcheol smiled. “Don’t you think you are standing there for too long? Soonyoung might think you are about to run away right now.”

Jihoon shyly laughed, his shoulders shaking a bit from suppressing his laugh. “Okay.” Then Jihoon grab his hand and he linked it on his shoulders. He was walking Jihoon to the altar which would make his heart burst with love if it wasn’t for the fact that he was the best man and not the soon to be husband.

“Seungcheol, sorry.” Jihoon was crying, his shoulders were shaking, his tears would not stop from flowing. “I’m sorry.” Jihoon’s voice was breaking but he was too occupied asking for forgiveness.“I loved you, I swear. The times we spend were all precious and I loved you so much, I still love you, but not the way I used to. Not the way I used to love you.”

Seungcheol was holding back so much tears but he kept his face stoic. He didn’t want Jihoon to have a hard time on breaking his heart. He didn’t want to make Jihoon feel bad for falling in love with someone else because he loved Jihoon so much he only wanted Jihoon to be happy. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be okay. Just please, be happy.”

The few steps Seungcheol and Jihoon had were the hardest and most heartbreaking steps Seungcheol ever took. Watching the love of your life be happy with someone else was painful, but the pain of handing the love of your life to that someone else on their wedding day would be beyond Earthly pain. Seungcheol was a masochist for it doing it.

“I want to be the best man.”

Seungcheol could see that Soonyoung was shocked. Soonyoung. The guy that Jihoon loved so much, more than he loved him, more than he loved anything else. Seungcheol thought that he could not blame Jihoon for falling in love with someone like Soonyoung. Soonyoung was someone you could not help but fall in love to. Seungcheol could not hate Soonyoung, could not think bad of Soonyoung, because Soonyoung was the next most beautiful person inside and out after Jihoon. Soonyoung’s smiles, wit, personality, everything about Soonyoung could make someone turn into a goo and the next thing you would know, you fell hard and fast. Jihoon was probably like that, he fell in love to Soonyoung, deep and fast, passionately and genuinely.

“I don’t know what to say, I’d love, too, honestly, but I don’t know. Is it okay?”

“I would not propose it if it was not okay.”

“You really did loved Jihoon, didn’t you?” Soonyoung shyly said, as if he was intimidated by the love Seungcheol had for Jihoon. “I wish I could love him the way you had.” Soonyoung said looking at him, then bowing his head after.

“Don’t worry; you already love him more than I did. You made him happy more than I did.”

“I…”

“You made him happy more than I did, you loved him enough to make him marry you.”

“I… thank you.”

Seungcheol wanted to punch Soonyoung that time because he was too perfect even in Seungcheol’s eyes that he really fit Jihoon.

Soonyoung took Jihoon’s hands. Seungcheol let go and walked away slowly. Jihoon was looking straight at Soonyoung’s eyes, as if it was only Soonyoung he could see. Jihoon’s tears were flowing and Jihoon was too spellbound to notice. Soonyoung, who was as teary eyed as Jihoon, wiped Jihoon’s tears. Jihoon laughed while on tears, his laugh was not the kind of laugh you would do when you thought something was really funny; it was a laugh you would let out when something so beautiful inside you was about to burst and smiling was not enough to express your emotions. Soonyoung smiled, his eyes forming into crescents , just like the way Jihoon’s, and his nose was crinkling from smiling. He looked so much in love and happy. Seungcheol envied the sight, but at the same time he was happy that the two finally found each other and was about to build a life together. Seungcheol was smiling at the sight, a genuine one, then Soonyoung looked at him, mouthed the words thank you, and they both faced the altar, ready to commit their selves to each other to face life together, to build life together, to live happy and in love together.

It was the kind of wedding he wanted, he was the man he wanted to marry, the sun was shining brightly and there were no signs of raining, it was a very beautiful wedding, his dream wedding. But he was not the groom.

He was the best man that could never be the groom. 

- until I read the translations for Kim Yeon Woo's Still Beautiful.