***

He can clearly see a silhouette which is slowly making its way to him though the room is dim. It is quarter to eleven in the evening and he has been sitting on the edge of the bed for like an hour and a half now. He will just usually leave if someone had him waiting but tonight is different.

 

Tonight is special.

 

He is special.

 

Light footsteps can be heard across the room and it makes his heartbeat climb a notch higher. He closes his eyes. He can vividly visualize the room in his mind.

 

The room is spacious, that was the first thing he noticed when he entered Unit #5144. The color of the wall is somewhat grayish. The room itself does not scream grand, there are no pieces of furniture in it aside from the night table beside the bed.

 

The room is simple, but the bed?

 

It is a whole different story.

 

The bed is superb, he thinks.

 

It is a king size bed. The frame of the bed has the same feel of those period films. On the gigantic headrest engraved a man and a woman kissing.

 

The woman is intently looking at the man with tears on her eyes. Her eyes, full of love and longing but also of sadness. While the man is lost in his own thoughts and looking far away. Some people might find it creepy but he is different.

 

He finds it beautiful, he finds it relatable.

 

He touches the face of the chiseled man, every curve, every detail. It is a masterpiece. It is carved in perfection.

 

There are also poles on each corners of the bed, satin curtains are on each side giving it a cage-like feel. The mattress is black while the bedsheet is made of the finest silk he ever touched in his entire life is crimson colored.

 

There are four pillows, two of them are in black satin while the remaining two are in crimson satin. The blanket is white which he found odd.

 

Seeing the entire construction of the bed with the combination of black and crimson, the white blanket seems out of place.

 

He shrugs.

 

Maybe the owner has some reason behind it, he thinks.

 

A valid reason.

 

He sluggishly opens his eyes.

 

It is darker now.

 

He gives his eyes time to adjust on the now pitch black room but realized that he has been waiting too long for the petty light that the lampshade was giving off to reached his eyes. He almost freaked out thinking that he was blind but calms after seeing the light from the corridor seeping through the corners of the door.

 

He is just too lazy to get up and check what had happened to the lampshade and even lazier to walk across the room and switch on the main light of the room.

 

The man settles himself on the bed, fishing out his cellphone from his pocket.

 

It is now midnight, he reads sighing.

 

Maybe he will not come? maybe he is busy or maybe he forgot?

 

He decides to might as well sleep in the room since he was too lazy to do anything, even go home. He will just text Soonyoung of his whereabouts later once he woke up.

 

He is gradually drifting to sleep when he heard a familiar voice, causing him to quiver.

 

"Hey..." the other man whispers.

 

He groans in response.

 

"I thought you're asleep."

 

"I will as a matter of fact." he deadpans.

 

The man chuckles.

 

"I thought you were already here. I heard something or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me." the laying man blinks.

 

He was waiting for 'No way! I just arrived here now.', 'Oh really? Maybe that was a ghost! Awooo~' or 'That's the effect of Choi Seungcheol's charm. Though I'm not physically with you, you are always seeing and hearing me.' sort of answer.

 

"Yes it was me." the man plainly responds.

 

Jihoon leisurely sits, reclaiming the spot where he was previously sitting.

 

He looks around, it was still pitch black.

 

He carefully listens to any small sounds that the other man was making, he even tried to listen to the tiny sighs that were sometimes escaping the older's mouth to find and locate him, but he surrenders immediately.

 

"I was about to approach you but my phone suddenly vibrated. Jeonghan called and asked me to accompany him to the mall because he needed to buy something. I said I was in the middle of something important and can't go with him then he started to whine over the phone. I don't have any choice but to go. You know how big a whiner Jeonghan is." Seungcheol explains.

 

For Seungcheol, Jeonghan is the FIRST priority.

 

No, Jeonghan is ALWAYS the priority.

 

No, Jeonghan is the ONLY priority.

 

He will do anything Jeonghan wanted, he will grant everything Jeonghan wished. Seungcheol will put anything on hold and stop what he was doing just to be with Jeonghan. He will leave everyone once Jeonghan ask him to. He will abandon anyone, including him, Jihoon.

 

Jeonghan is everything Jihoon wants to be.

 

Jeonghan is everything he will never be.

 

Jihoon smiles bitterly at these thoughts.

 

"Where are you?" Jihoon asks out of nowhere.

 

"I'm here." Seungcheol answers, cupping Jihoon's cheeks.

 

Jihoon closes his eyes, feeling Seungcheol's warm hands on his cold cheeks.

 

It still amazes him how Seungcheol's small touches ignite the fire within him. His smiles haunt Jihoon's dreams. His voice, music to the younger's ear. He can't help but smile whenever Seungcheol calls out his name. How he stiffens every time Seungcheol's skin brushes against his.

 

Maybe he likes Seungcheol?

 

Not only as a friend but more than that.

 

More special.

 

Maybe he loves him? Maybe.

 

"What are you thinking?" Seungcheol asks, caressing the younger's face.

 

"Who said that I'm thinking? You cannot even see my face." Jihoon murmurs.

 

"I know you." Even though Jihoon can't see Seungcheol's face he knows that the other man is smiling confidently.

 

"So what are you thinking?"

 

"Nothing." Jihoon smiles, opening his eyes.

 

"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting." Seungcheol leans and plants a soft kiss on Jihoon's forehead. It was done perfectly as if Seungcheol can clearly see the blushing man in front of him.

 

"It's okay."

 

'I understand' Jihoon wants to add but decided to just let it slipped since he doesn't want to lie to Seungcheol and himself.

 

The truth is, he will never understand why Jeonghan was always the first choice while he was always the second best.

 

"Why is it so dark in here?" Seungcheol groans. His hands wander against the silky bed but ends up touching Jihoon's lap instead, making the younger laugh.

 

"Damn it! Sorry." the older whispers sheepishly.

 

"Here."

 

Jihoon pulls Seungcheol's hand causing the older to trip, landing above the younger's body. Jihoon blushes fervidly at the sudden intimacy. He can feel Seungcheol's breath grazing against his neck.

 

"Where was I when this side of you showed up?" Seungcheol smirks, slightly touching Jihoon's neck with his lips, sending shockwaves of heat on the bottom man.

 

"It is such a shame that I can't see your face right now. But that's alright, as long as I can feel you under my skin, that's fine with me."

 

Seungcheol starts kissing Jihoon's jawline going to his chin, going down his neck. He can intensely imagine Jihoon's expression while giving the younger man butterfly kisses all over his neck.

 

The imagery of Jihoon's face wrinkled with pleasure plays continuously inside his mind. Jihoon's beautiful eyes shut tightly and his lips purse firmly to conceal the moans and groans, depriving Seungcheol the liberty to hear the melodic tune that's coming out of the younger's mouth.

 

Seungcheol loves to tease Jihoon.

 

He loves to kiss him. He loves to hug him. He loves to make love to him.

 

Jihoon is an ecstasy.

 

Seungcheol thinks he loves the younger one.

 

He thinks so.

 

They make love as if it is their first time. They make love as if it will be their last. Their bodies and souls becoming one. Putting their hearts on the line, putting their silent love on the pedestal.

 

They don't know it yet but their hearts crying each other's name. They can't feel it yet but the heat surrounding them is just too much that eventually this carelessly made union will hurt both of them.

 

Though they are one with the darkness they feel like they are glowing. They are each other's light. Who needs light when together they shine brighter than the sun.

 

But, how long can they play with fire if one of them is little by little getting burn?

 

"Seungcheol?"

 

"Yes?"

 

Jihoon hesitates, but if not now when will he have the chance and guts to ask him what's the real status between the two of them.

 

Jihoon’s head is resting on Seungcheol's bare chest while the older is caressing Jihoon's hair.

 

Now is the perfect time.

 

"Uh..." Jihoon trails off.

 

"What is it, Jihoonie?" Seungcheol smiles at the sudden cuteness of his lover.

 

"Seungcheol what are we?" Jihoon finally asks.

 

He feels like a big weight was lifted off his chest. He never thought that he will have the courage to ask Seungcheol. He does have an idea on what Seungcheol might say, but he is hoping, just hoping that he will hear what he wants to hear all these years.

 

"Uhmmn... We've been doing this for quite some time now and... I... Found myself wondering, 'If Seungcheol and I were... You know? Doing it... Then... What were we?' You don't have to answer it if you don't want to." Jihoon laughs timidly, slightly scratching his head.

 

"We're friends." Seungcheol shrugs.

 

Jihoon’s face becomes blank, dumbfounded at the sudden respond of Seungcheol. At that moment, he wished he was going deaf.

 

"F... friends." Jihoon repeats, coldly.

 

It did not come as a surprise for Jihoon, he does have an idea, right?

 

Although, it still shocked him.

 

He hoped.

 

Maybe they can be... Just maybe?

 

After all that they've been through?

 

Late night calls, chats and text messages, dates and secret meet-ups every midnight, Seungcheol still thinks that he IS just a friend?

 

Jihoon wants to cry, wants to throw things at Seungcheol, wants to curse but stops himself from doing so.

 

It is not a good time for a confrontation.

 

It is also Jihoon’s fault that he agreed to be with Seungcheol though he knew for a fact that the man loves Jeonghan so much and he, himself, feels guilty knowing that Soonyoung is waiting for him to come home every night without even knowing that he is out with Seungcheol.

 

Jihoon feels very stupid to trust in a "relationship" that he knew from the beginning will never work. A relationship which is not even a relationship.

 

Jihoon stands.

 

He reaches for the lampshade and turns it on.

 

He looks around.

 

The room is still the same he thinks. Except that the man who was patiently waiting a few hours ago is not whole anymore.

 

He's broken, shattered in pieces.

 

He silently picks his clothes then put it on.

 

"Where are you going?" Seungcheol asks, watching Jihoon putting on his clothes.

 

After he answered Jihoon's question he noticed that the youngers's mood changed and now Jihoon is preparing to leave him. Seungcheol knows that the other boy was hurt. But, he is not yet sure on what he truly feels for Jihoon.

 

He doesn't want the boy to be hurt so he decided to just answer in plainly 'just friends' he never thought that the younger will take it too seriously. He knows that Jihoon knew that he is in a relationship with Jeonghan and all that he can offer Jihoon is just friendship. With benefits maybe?

 

Seungcheol sighs. He is confused whether it is just physical attraction he is feeling towards Jihoon or he is just scared to admit that he already likes the boy or even more than that.

 

"Look, Jihoon. Its just... I'm just... The truth is... I don't really know what you are to me. What you mean to me. And Jeonghan... he is... so good and... he needs me... and I can't... Jihoon..." Seungcheol groans angrily, frustrated that his words are failing to stop Jihoon who is now heading towards the door.

 

Seungcheol feels so miserable, he feels so helpless. He doesn't want Jihoon to leave, he wants him to stay. He needs to say something, he needs to do something.

 

But, what can he say or do if he, himself, doesn't know what he truly feels?

 

Lie?

 

Lie about what?

 

Lie about his true feelings?

 

Lie to whom?

 

To Jihoon? To Jeonghan?

 

To himself?

 

"I am going home. Soonyoung is waiting for me." Jihoon says, waking Seungcheol's wandering thoughts.

 

Thanks to the scanty light of the lampshade Jihoon finds his way to the door. He turns the knob, he was about to step out of the room when Seungcheol speaks again.

 

"Stay with me." Seungcheol states.

 

Seungcheol’s voice begging or is it just Jihoon's wishful thinking?

 

Jihoon turns to Seungcheol and smiles.

 

Tonight was different.

 

Tonight was special.

 

He was special.

 

"Soonyoung needs me. Just like how Jeonghan needs you."

 

With that, he steps out of the room and leaves without looking back, tears escaping his eyes.