pls read the author's note below. thank you!

Luhan calls and asks Joonmyeon to meet him at a café in town sometime at noon, and Joonmyeon gives one wistful glance around his empty apartment before going down to the underground parking lot. He chooses to drive this time, just in case Yifan decides to pop up and join him, and hurries to the address Luhan had given him.

When he arrives at the venue ten minutes later, Joonmyeon looks around at the other patrons in the room and frowns when he fails to find the Chinese man. He whips out his phone and is about to dial Luhan’s number when a lone figure sitting at a small table by the window catches his attention, and he almost drops his device when the man meets his eyes and gives him a smile.

At first, Joonmyeon could only stare at the man with the high cheekbones, curly end smile and soft gaze, and when he could finally order his legs to move, he finds himself standing at the table with a blank look on his face as he stares down at Jongdae.

“You’re getting tanned,” is the first thing that comes out of Joonmyeon’s mouth after a few moment of silence.

Jongdae chuckles, which actually comes out like a snort, and gets up from his chair before throwing his arms around Joonmyeon’s frame. “I missed you too, Joonmama.”

The playful nickname registers in Joonmyeon’s mind and he quickly embraces the man in return once he is sure that Jongdae is ended hugging him after so long. They hold each other for a while, silently conveying how much they miss each other through their embrace, before Jongdae gently pats Joonmyeon on the back and pulls away.

“You look good, Joon.” He notes, raking his eyes up and down Joonmyeon’s figure.

The other smiles. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Jongdae orders their drink – like Minseok, he remembers Joonmyeon’s favourite drink as well – and falls into a rather awkward silence as they sip their drinks. Joonmyeon is still rather confused; Luhan had called and had wanted to see him, yet he bumps into Jongdae who seems like he has been waiting for him all along. He chuckles to himself silly for realizing the situation too late and glances up at Jongdae when the man demanded to know what had made him laugh.

“I just realized that Luhan told me to come here so I could see you,” he says to Jongdae who shakes his head in amusement.

“You’re still as slow as you are years ago, gramps.” Jongdae playfully mocks him, earning himself a scowl. He laughs. “Seriously though, how are you? How are you still… unchanging?”

“Unchanging?”

“Yeah. I mean, look at me! I’m kinda tanned now thanks to all those travelling I did and–“

“Travelling?”

Jongdae looks at him weirdly as he tilts his head curiously. “Yeah. Don’t you know? I’m a wildlife photographer. Didn’t Minseok tell you that?”

A wildlife photographer, huh? “No, he didn’t.” Joonmyeon says with a small smile. “We haven’t really gotten the chance to catch up on our lives over the last years and with everything that’s going on, it’s hard for me to focus on that right now.”

Jongdae is suddenly quiet now, and he stares at Joonmyeon with something akin to regret, pain and longing. The man looks away after a while, and Joonmyeon sees his Adam apple bobbing before he turns back to him. “So it’s true then? Yifan is dying?”

The words came out like a whisper, but Joonmyeon hears it loud and clear. Like as if the words were shouted into his ears and straight down into his core. He hates them, but it’s the reality that none of them could escape from. He swallows hard and pretends to be interested with his hazelnut latte, and Jongdae gets his answer from the other man’s silence.

“I went to see Yifan earlier,” Jongdae quietly reveals. Joonmyeon listens although he refuses to lift his head. “He looks just like he always does; handsome, smart, dominant. He looks just like our Wu Yifan, but there are differences that I could spot. Skinnier, paler, weaker. I can’t get his image out of my head.”

Nor can I, Joonmyeon thinks and lets out a shaky breath.

Jongdae is not finished. “I thought… I thought after all these years there would be a chance for him to wake up. Four years, Joon. Four years. How much longer does he need to actually wake up? I thought that there will be a chance now, but dying? How could he be dying? How could he… how could he even try to leave us?”

“That’s just how fate is.” Joonmyeon quietly replies. “That’s… that’s just how it is, Dae.”

“I don’t like it. Why can’t fate bring him back to us instead of the other way around? Is this some kind of punishment for us for not staying by Yifan’s side like you did? Is this… is this another of fate’s way of saying that we don’t deserve him?”

“I don’t know, Jongdae.”

They fall into silence again, but this time, the silence is suffocating. Joonmyeon prefers sitting through an awkward one then the type that makes him want to cry his heart out. He’s had enough of crying. Seeing Yifan’s weak state reminds him that he needs to be strong for his best friend, and crying will not bring any of them any good.

“How did you find out anyway?” Joonmyeon asks him, desperate to get rid of the tension that has fallen upon them.

Jongdae sighs and leans back in his chair with a distant gaze in his eyes. “I just got back from Mongolia and wanted to pay Luhan and Minseok a visit at the café, but their employees said that they had left for Seoul in a rather rushed manner, saying something about an emergency. I was worried that it could’ve been any of Minseok’s parents that had gotten sick, so I called him. Luhan told me to come back to Seoul immediately and said that Yifan… well, he told me that Yifan did not have much time left.”

Joonmyeon nods his head to himself, his dry lips before reaching out for his drink. The silence returns, and just as Joonmyeon wonders what he should do about it, Jongdae leans towards the table again and looks at him straight in the eyes.

“The guys… they told me that you’re the one who’s gathering us all together.” He says, and Joonmyeon nods. Jongdae’s eyebrows furrows and he drops his gaze and mutters, “You must’ve been disappointed in us.”

“Let it go, Dae.” Joonmyeon says sternly, surprising the other. “Like I’ve told the others so many times, just let it go. We all got carried away with life, and before you argue about the fact that I’m still here but his side and all that – yes, I am here. And I’ve been by his side from the start. But I might’ve strayed away as well if I was working in another part of the city, or if I was in a completely different country. That’s just life, Jongdae. So don’t regret it and just let it go.”

“But–”

“Enough.” Joonmyeon reminds him sternly just as his phone vibrates in his pocket. He fishes it out and sees Kyungsoo’s name on the screen so he quickly answers the call. “Hello?”

“Joonmyeon? It’s Kyungsoo.”

“What is it? Is there something wrong?”

“No, but Tao… he’s here.”

***

Joonmyeon found Zitao in the hospital’s garden an hour later. According to Kyungsoo, Zitao had arrived earlier from Milan and immediately called Sehun who he thought was in trouble. Sehun told him the truth and urged him to come to the hospital, and the man looked like he had been crying on his way there what with his red, swollen eyes. But after one quick look at Yifan’s comatose figure, Zitao had suddenly ran out from the room and no one was able to stop him.

When Zitao sees Joonmyeon approaching him, he stills and his expression morphs into something like horror. Joonmyeon slowly approaches him with a smile, and once he is close enough, he opens his arms and Zitao did not hesitate to bury his face at his shoulder. The elder gently holds him as he cries, and despite the pain in his chest, Joonmyeon is able to hold in his tears and give Zitao the comfort he seeks.

A few minutes later, Zitao’s cries begin to subsides so Joonmyeon carefully pulls away to look at the younger. Zitao is taller and has a bulkier built compared to before, and from the way he dresses, Joonmyeon could tell that the younger is indeed successful in his field. The ever so famous eye bags of Zitao seems to have gained volume and his y