Remember those pictures you took in high school or college, those pictures that seemed to tell the one looking at it that everything is perfect, everything is well and you are content?

 

When in reality, you’re already falling apart?

 

Photos taken by strangers, those are the ones I like. I’d always save it on my phone or post it on instagram with a caption about something completely unrelated with my life, pretending it was really happening to me.

I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am lonely.

Emotions I always feel as each day pass, making me think what would happen next. A cycle of routines I do to keep going, but it never seems to change since I live a boring life. A thought enters my mind, but in a split second, it’s gone.

I am lying down on my bed right now, thinking, contemplating on what I should do. I have homework that’s due tomorrow, yet I still lie here, on my bed. After a minute or so, I sit up, yawn and shake my head. I don’t want to do my homework, but I know that if I didn’t do it, I’ll get yelled at.

Though not by my mother, or older siblings, or my teacher.

But by my best friend.

I finally stand up as the thought passes my mind. I walk towards my desk, turn the lamp on beside the book I was just reading a few hours ago and opened my bag to get my math book and a piece of yellow pad.

I start counting the hours of the night as I do my homework, but as I count, my eyes start to shut. 

 

---

 

I’m inside a library.

There was a boy in front of me, reading the exact same novel as the one I’m reading. Same genre, same author, yet both of us have different reactions. I’m madly in love with the male lead while he looked disgusted with every page turned.

“I can’t believe you like this!” He complained, closing the book then opening it again.

I only stared.

“This book is too cheesy!”

My stare became a glare.

“What?”

“Stop complaining.”

He pouts, stands up and kisses my forehead before walking away. I wanted to finish the book so I let him be. I turn every page with each passing minute but my mind couldn’t comprehend what was written. I couldn’t focus on the book anymore. It suddenly wanders to the boy who kissed me. He’s not my boyfriend, he’s not my brother, and he’s not my best friend. He’s a stranger who happens to be sitting in front of me and complaining about the book we’re both reading.

“Eh,” I say, closing the book and opening it again.

I couldn’t concentrate because I’m too busy trying to find a way to know how I could remember when I met this boy without asking him directly. I could do that, but the consequences may not be something I would expect. He could either be kind enough to introduce himself and tell me what’s my relationship with him, or get angry and slap me in the face.

Okay, except for the slapping. He could yell. But that still depends on him.

I wished for the first option. It played out in my head. Me, asking who he was, and he introducing himself, and both of us ending up falling for each other. From there, my happily ever after begins.

But it was interrupted by the second option. Me, asking who he was, he, yelling in return and both of us ending up separating ways without any communication. From there, my sad story begins with me living my life alone.

“Okay, I got what you wanted.” My thoughts suddenly disappeared as I look up to see him smiling at me while holding two lattes in hand. “And for the record, I did not flirt with anyone in there.”

“Flirt?” I ask.

“Huh.” He sat next to me and passes my drink. “What’s wrong? You keep dozing off lately.”

“I am?”

He laughs. “Are you sure you’re okay? Cause if you’re not, we can go back home,”

Home.

I think of where that could be. I don’t have any parents, I’m an only child and all my living relatives are so, so far away. Where is this coming from? I do have my parents. I do have siblings, and I’m even lucky enough to have a best friend.

“Home?” I asked before I could think twice.

He tilts his head, “Home. Our house? You know, 4 blocks away from here?”

“What?”

He placed his hand on my forehead and raised his eyebrow. “You don’t have a fever and you certainly don’t have any visitor this month since you’re still not angry with me…”

I tuned him out after that. The table in front of us became more appealing, I don’t know why but looking at it rather talking to this boy is seemed easier to do. But it’s disrespectful. I need to think about how he and I both end up living in the same house.  Is he my husband? Is he my boyfriend? A live in partner?

“Hey, are you with me?” He touches my shoulder. “Answer me!”

I look straight in his eyes and see the concern enveloping him. I don’t know why he has the right to be concerned, since the little information somehow slipped my mind, but seeing him in that state made me feel loved, for the very first time. Okay, this is not my first time to feel loved!

Before we could even continue talking, there was a sudden scream that startled both of us. I stand automatically, walk without waiting for the boy where the sound came from and stopped when I reached my destination. He was behind me in a second and pulled me away from where I was. He covered my eyes, said soothing words to calm my rapid beating heart and kissed my forehead once he realized I’m calm already.

I take a few steps away from him, letting his touch linger on my body and stare at him with confusion. I really do not know this person. Yet he knows my hatred in seeing those things. He knows how to calm me down. He knows, and it bothers me so much.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask.

His face became neutral and stared back at me. “What about?”

“Us,”

“What about us?” He takes a step forward but stopped when I held my hand up. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

I stop and tried composing my thoughts. But nothing came out and I was just standing there, staring at the boy. I think once more, in another attempt to say something that could explain why I don’t know him, but after a few seconds, the results were still the same. And at the moment I realize I couldn’t explain myself, I kept quiet.

“Hey,” He moved so fast I didn’t even notice him hugging me until I felt the warmth of his body against mine. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Acting out on impulse, I hugged him back. “I…I know.”

“Good. Let’s go home?”

Nodding my head, I let him pull me away from the library with my book in his hand. We didn’t talk as we pass stores along the way, maybe because there’s nothing to talk about and maybe because I don’t know what to answer to him if he ever talked about something I supposedly know.

But as we walk, I stare secretly at this boy. This boy that looked concerned for my safety, for my well-being that he would have done anything to make it better for me.

What is he to me?

“Stop staring,” I saw his lips form into a smirk. “You’ll burn a hole in my head.”

I continue to stare. I didn’t know how to respond.

He stops and turns around to face me. “Okay, stop. Seriously. What’s wrong? Why aren’t you fighting me?”

Why does he look so y when he’s angry?

Wait, we fight?

I fight with this boy, this beautiful boy who did nothing but help me?

“Talk to me. Please.” He also looks so cute when he begs. “I’m here for you, c’mon.”

“I’m hungry.” I blurt out. “Cook for me?”

His face changes and he laughs. “Seriously? We just ate like an hour ago and you’re still hungry.”

I tilt my head to the side. How come even eating with this boy has left my memory? What is this, really? Where am I really?

He kisses my hand and pulled me towards him again without waiting for a response. “Fine, if food is the only solution to your problem then I’ll whip something up. Pancakes?”

“Bacon,” I answer, imagining seeing him in an apron, cooking for me. “Pancakes are good to,”

He kisses my forehead as he smiles at me. “Of course, anything for you.”

The walk didn’t take long since we reached our destination sooner than I expected.  After seeing the house, he claims to be mine, I gaped. It is so beautiful. So elegant. So clean. So organized. We walked past the front gates and saw the garden filled with mostly white and red roses. There were lilies to, and dandelions but the one flower that caught my attention was the only one displayed in the middle of all the flowers.

The orchid.

I wanted to ask him why there’s only one there, but since I don’t want to look like I don’t know anything about this house, I kept quiet.

“Remember to do your homework,” He reminded once we reached the main door.

I glance at him and saw him walking away. I tried following him, but he motioned for me to go to my room. I stopped, slowly turned around and started walking the other direction.

But as I walk, my mouth was hanging wide open. This house is truly beautiful. Everything really looked elegant and it also has this 90’s feel. I looked around, saw everything in order and wondered for a second if I was a perfectionist or he was. There were also pictures on the wall, on the tables and I saw me and him in all of them.

What does it really mean? Is he my boyfriend or husband?

I took the photo close to where I was standing and turned it around. There were dedications at the back, and I stopped when I saw the boy’s name.

Park Chan-Yeol

I immediately placed the picture down. I’ve heard that name before, but I couldn’t remember when. I know I should know more about this boy, but feeling the need to lie on my bed became so hard to bear, I took two steps at a time just to reach the 2^nd floor.

Okay, now this is the tricky part. I have no idea where my room is. Is it the one on my right, or on my left? The one at the far end of this hall, or the one in the middle?

I didn’t even realize I was still standing at the top of the stairs until he almost bumped in to me. “I thought you were in your room already,”

I step forward and restrained myself from turning around. “I was just admiring the view,”

“What view?” I think he smirked, “Turn around and you’ll see the perfect view.”

Blushing, I shake my head as I walk away from him. I hear his laughter echo in my ears and I actually couldn’t help smiling. He’s so cute, and lovable, and sweet, and y and perfect that I’m actually glad that this is happening to me right now.

Even if it turns out as a dream,

“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?” I heard him say, I stole a glance and saw him smirking. “You’re about to enter my room. You want to study or do something else?”

Oh.my.god.

Did his voice become huskier or is it just my imagination?

I let go of the knob blushing even harder as I walk away from him again.

“If you’re lost, your rooms across mine,” He points at the door I am about to enter. “That’s the guest room.”

I turn around facing the ground and immediately went to the door where he’s standing. I slowly opened the door and tried entering the room, but his hands were suddenly on my waist and it immediately turned me around, facing him.

Or rather, kissing him.

“Finish your homework, after that, we’ll eat downstairs, okay?” He lets me go and kissed my forehead.

The only thing I did was nod my head.