Witches, Frogs and Other Ugly Things by RUJelly
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Witches, Frogs and Other Ugly Things by RUJelly
Genre: Supernatural
Characters: Pae Chiyo + Park Jimin + Kim Taehyung
Status: Ongoing
One boring summer night, a young inexperienced witch decides to invade her grandma's library. That same boring summer night, a drunk teen turns into a frog.
Notes From Reviewer
Get a beta-reader or your story proof read. They'll help with the grammar, typos, punctuations and spelling mistakes. They'll help with the flow of the story too.
Title (6/10)
I prefer the previous title 'The Witch and The Frog'. It sounded more eye-catching, especially for disney lovers. For this though, it reminds of 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' but doesn't have the 'zing' to it. It may not catch the readers attention. So you either change to a more eye-catching one or revert back to the previous one. But out of curiosity, why did you change it?
Description & Foreword (8/10)
The foreward was short and clean. However, there's nothing too spectacular about it. It gave a small inside of the plot which isn't actually much of a problem. However, the punctuation and tenses, you might need to change abit.
Original: One boring summer night a young inexperienced witch decides to invade her grandma's library. That boring summer night a drunk teen turns into a frog.
Fixed: One boring summer night, a young inexperienced witch decides to invade her grandma's library. That same boring summer night, a drunk teen turns into a frog. -Commas. It's not a runon sentence. 'One boring summer night' is an independent clause, 'That same boring summer night' as well.
Original: Pae Chiyo has always been reckless.
Fixed: Pae Chiyo had always been reckless. - I realized your entire paragraph was in past tense, so your tense should be consistent.
Plot (17/20)
It's original. No doubt about it. Besides the fact that Jimin became a frog because of a witch, a little or 'The Princess and The Frog' element in it, but besides that. It's original. I l
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