I went to school early the next day so that I didn’t have to walk with Youngbae.  I decided that I needed some alone time and I was planning to dodge him the whole day.  It turned out to be easier than I thought because I didn’t see him at all.  He didn’t even come to  my class on lunch break or on the second free period.  I was actually disappointed that he didn’t come to apologize to me.  Is there something wrong? something kept bothering my thoughts.  After thinking about it over and over and over again I decided to go to his classroom.  But to disappointment he wasn’t there.  His classmates said he didn’t come to school today.  Did I hurt him that bad? Maybe I was too hard on him.

I walked home alone that day thinking of what I should do when I see him.  What I should say.  I mean, come to think of it, I was wrong too. 

“dara!” someone called. I turned around hoping to see Youngbae's face.  But to my surprise Jiyong was standing in front of me.

“Jiyong-i..” I answered him, startled by his sudden emergence.  

“Going home?” he asked, smiling.  His smile captivated me and erased all the worries on my mind.  It was like I was flying all the way to seventh heaven. 

“err..dara?” I snapped back into reality and remembered that I was going to go to Yongbae’s house.

“oh, well, I’m actually going to Youngbae’s house.  He didn’t come to school so I just wanted to see if he was okay.” I told him.

“Can I walk you there?” he asked me. But before I answered he started walking.  

We walked side by side for a while without saying a single word.  My heart was pounding like crazy.  I’ve never been this close to him before. 

“So, you’re really close with Youngbae, huh?” he suddenly asked out of nowhere.  I glanced at him then looked back ahead.

“yeah, he’s my best friend.  He means a lot to me.” I said proudly. I heard him sigh.

“Can I ever mean a lot to you?” 

I stopped on my track.  I froze.  I couldn’t seem to move my feet as if they were rooted to the ground.  I heard what he said, but it wasn’t what shocked me.  My eyes were locked on Youngbae’s house.  There were two police cars in front of it.  I felt my hands trembled, afraid of what could have happened.  My heart started to sting fearing for the worst.  It can’t be about him.  He MUST be fine.  I told myself. He has to be.

I felt a hand slip between mine and intertwined our fingers together.  I looked up to see Jiyong smile softly at me.  For some reason his smile gave me the strengths to walk again.

We reached Youngbae’s house.  I walked through the front door and found hid mom crying in the living room.  “Ahjumma.. what’s wrong? where’s.. where’s Youngbae?” I asked her trying to fight the sudden tears that were already gathered at the corner of my eyes.  

“he’s okay, right?” my voice broke when I saw the pain in her eyes.  

Youngbae’s dad walked over to me and pulled me into his arms.  

Silence.

“youngbae.. youngbae is gone dara..” 

I felt my knees start to buckle and my head start to spin. 

“NO.. you’re lying!” I fell to my knees.

“dara..” I felt Jiyong’s hand on my shoulder but I shook it off.

“no.. no.. NO!!” 

Then it all went black.

***

My sight started to blur from the tears that were forming in my eyes.  They fell and rolled down my cheeks.  It has been a month since that day but I still remember it as if it was yesterday.  There hasn’t been a day where don’t think of him.  There hasn’t been a day where I don’t miss him.  I miss his smile, his soothing voice, his way of always making me laugh.  I still couldn’t let him go.

Youngbae was gone.  My best friend was gone.  And the last words I said to him was ‘I don’t care’.  I never got a chance to apologize and I’ll never stop regretting that.

I started sobbing.  It was after the funeral that I learned that Yongbae had been in an accident when he was on his way to school.  He was trying to catch up with me because I had gone before him.  A car had hit him.  My best friend died because of me.

“youngbae-ah.. mianhe.. I’m really sorry.. I didn’t mean what I said.  I do care. You said you didn’t want to lose me.. then why did you leave me?”  I wiped my tears but new one just kept streaming down my face.

“I miss you bae.. I’m sorry..” I cried between my sobs.

Finally I got hold of myself and my sobs started to die down.

“I love you..” I whispered.

“He knows.”

I was startled to see Jiyong already sitting beside me.

“Don’t cry anymore.  Youngbae wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

He turned to me and wiped the tears off my face.  His soft smile appeared on his face, calming me.  He took my hand into his and held it tight.  I followed his gaze back to the night sky.

“Don’t worry Youngbae, I’ll take care of Dara from now on.  I’ll keep her safe.  I’ll love her.  I promise.” 

Hearing his words a smile formed on my face.  And I don’t know why or how, but at that same moment I felt that Youngbae too, was smiling.