Everybody must have gone mad, that was Irene’s only thought for an entire long and suffocating day.

Text messages and phone calls kept coming in. The smartphone was burning hot in her hand. She could feel herself slowly crawling back to that dark corner and craving to lie there for hours.

The news came out only one day after they celebrated their 1st year anniversary as MCs at Music Bank. Another innocent relationship of a celebrity couple made headlines as shocking and scandal all over the Internet. Only this time the people who were in the spotlight were Bogum and Irene.

She still could not understand how Dispatch managed to take pictures of them hanging around the farm in an almost isolated town and of course, kissing on top of the haystack in the middle of the night. They definitely had underestimated the media outlet’s capability. The trip was too good, both of them totally let down their guard. After getting a confirmation from Irene, the management team gave her an order to not answer any phone call and canceled her schedule of the day. They had to wait and see the reaction of the fans, because if things turned bad then it might not be safe for her to even go out. She knew how hectic things would be, she was there when news of other SM artists’ relationships broke on the internet. People would give her congratulations and smile happily at her, but deep down inside she knew they only wished she said everything was a misunderstanding and it would be another normal day at work.  Irene should feel burdened and uneasy, but she stopped herself right away. Because to feel that way would mean she felt bad and regretful about this relationship, which she did not. It was strange, when people put it as a scandal. There was nothing scandalous about two people caring for each other. What was so shocking about Bogum being her boyfriend?

She suddenly wanted him to be right next to her. He texted Irene many times because her phone was always busy and she could imagine him sitting on set, holding on to his phone and not being able to do anything. From asking how she felt to telling her not to skip any meal, his questions sounded normal and calm but she understood that he was only trying to make her feel less panic. 

Irene stopped for a second and seriously asked herself, Do I really feel anything? She did not feel uncomfortable, not really. To be fair, she even felt relieved now that the secret was out. But there was no actual peace of mind. She absentmindedly touched the bottom button of her shirt. Button, then . Her dorm was empty and lifeless without the other members. A bowl of hot ramen with kkakdugi sounded tempting, but she was not hungry. Irene knew it was impossible to see Bogum now because he was filming his new drama in Mokpo and would not come back to Seoul in the next 5 days. Suddenly she had a taste of resentment that it was not a big deal for actors to date, that he was able to work like normal and she had to lie here alone, staring at the ceiling of her room. The thought of course was dismissed after 2 seconds, she moved on to wonder about how crazy it must be on the internet right now. Her body was slowly shutting down, she could hear her phone buzzing with new message notifications, but the sound seemed like a million miles away. She wanted time to pass by quickly. She wanted his touch, warm on her skin, his caring words and soothing voice. She wanted to feel like eating, to have special tasks to do, to dance on stage, to feel something and not this unendurable vast of emptiness. 

And to not cry. Why can’t I have something of my own? Irene silently asked herself before falling asleep. 

She was extremely lucky, they said. That 90% of the fans supported her relationship with Bogum. That the reaction was very positive, it could be on the same positivity level of Jisung & Lee Boyoung or Ahn Jaehyun & Ku Hyesun. Everybody told her to keep calm, so she felt calmer. Everybody told her to be thankful, they did not need to say so, because she always did. Slowly she started to feel like eating, dancing, singing and working again. She should at least think about the rest 10% of the fans, but admittedly, she did not.

Bogum came to her dorm last night. His figure looked quite and lonely by the door. Standing there with his cap on, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and dark jeans, waiting for Irene, he instantly put on a big smile when he spotted her going