Hours passed like that. Hours. Our only music being the rhythmic sound of Changmin's heartbeat. Our only comfort being each other.

I had sat down on one place for so long that my legs started feeling sleepy, so I got up and began walking around. I decided that I really needed to get out of this atmosphere. Away from all fear and anxiety. It was slowly suffocating me, and I couldn't stand it. 'Do you guys want anything to drink?' I asked to the five. I was greeted with silence, as the people in the room slowly looked up at me, as if judging whether I was real, or a mere hallucination. It took several awkward seconds before they started answering.

'Coffee, please,' Sooyeon answered, her voice barely audible. Slowly, Mr. Shim and Jaejoong agreed, asking for the same. Yoochun shook his head, his legs brought to his chest. Knowing him, he wouldn't have any appetite to eat unless the food was jammed down his throat. 'Junsu?' I asked, when the younger one didn't say anything. Junsu looked back at me with eyes that were almost fearful. As soon as our eyes met, he looked away. It pained me to see him like that. See him hesitating in front of me. See him hesitating because of me. Was I a bad person? Did the three years apart affect the way he saw me?

I hope it didn't. I was his hyung. His big brother. I would always be there for him.

Always.

'C-can I come with you?' he asked hesitantly, looking at the ground.

He wouldn't even look at me.

'Okay,' I answered. Junsu got up and walked behind me, his head hung low.

Look at me, Junsu. Look at me.

Please. Just one look would be enough.

Just look at me.

I walked ahead. Everytime I dropped my pace to let Junsu catch up with me, he would walk even slower. Then I would walk slower. And then he would walk even slower. I finally stopped walking to let him pass by me. He stopped walking as well, still standing a distance behind me.

'Junsu,' I said, my tone gentle, 'Do you want to walk beside me?'

'C-can I?'

I frowned internally at his answer. Yes. Of course he was allowed. 'If you want to,' I answered in a soft whisper. It seemed everyone was talking in soft whispers, making gentle movements, as if we might explode should we move too much, or make too much noise.

Junsu walked finally walked beside me, the distance between us feeling like a giant crevice. His head was still hung low, and he still wouldn't look at me. I resisted the urge to tilt his chin up just to see his tear-drop shaped eyes. I missed him. I really missed him.

I kept quiet, out of anything to say. We reached a Starbucks cafe, where I bought six coffee blacks to go. Junsu bought a packet of cigarettes. Was he still smoking?

I didn't like him smoking. His voice was too precious to be ruined by something too stupid. 'Why do you still smoke, Junsu?' I asked as he took a roll out and lit it, blowing smoke out of his mouth. I didn't mean to sound rude, or intrusive. Just...

Curious.

He glanced at me, before looking at the ground, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and holding it in two fingers. He looked embarrassed, ashamed of himself. 'I use it to release stress sometimes.'

'Oh.' was all I could answer.

I didn't know anything to say, and Junsu didn't say anything either, so silence lapsed in between us. For some reason, neither of us moved, the both of us facing each other, with me looking at Junsu, who was steadfastly looking at the tiled floor beneath our feet.

I saw the cigarette drop to the ground and stared at the smoke gently flowing out.

'You're disappointed in me.'

I looked up, only to see Junsu crying, fat tears spilling down his cheeks as he brought his hand up to wipe them away almost childishly.

'I'm sorry,' he sobbed. I didn't know what he was sorry for, but my heart constricted painfully to see him like this. 'I'm sorry I wasn't there to look out for Changmin. I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry.'

My eyes widened. Was he blaming himself?

Relying more on instincts than anything else, I came forward, wrapping him in a one-armed hug (my other hand was holding on to the coffee, you see). 'It's not your fault,' I said, trying my best to make myself sound insistent.

'I wasn't there for him. I wasn't there. I left him.' Junsu sobbed onto my shoulder.

'But you're here. You're here now. He'll be glad to see you. He's missed you so much, you know. He really misses you.'

'I missed him too. I missed him a lot.'

There was a short pause, before he continued.

' And I missed you too, hyung. I missed you so much.' Junsu wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.

My tears fell again. 'I missed you too, Junsu. I missed you so much it hurts.'

Junsu only hugged me tighter. I wanted to hold on to this moment forever, but I parted the hug. If he hugged me any longer then our goodbye would only be more painful. Then I would only miss him more when we parted.

'Let's get back,' I said.

Junsu nodded.

And we came back to a state of total emergency.