'Hyung! Hyung! Wake up! They need to tell you something!'

Changmin's voice sounded in my head as I slept, so full of insistancy and a sense of emergency that I jolted awake, sweating, as if I had just woken up from a bad nightmare.

I sat up, shivering even as I was drenched in sweat, and brought the duvet up to wrap it around me. How weird.

I looked around to see whether Changmin was around me. He wasn't. But that voice...

It was so clear, as if he was right next to me, willing me awake. What was going on?

What did that voice mean?

As if on cue, my phone sounded. JYJ's Pierrot started playing softly. I had such a deep sense of dread that it took a lot of convincing myself to even look at the caller ID.

My heart dropped to the floor when I saw who was calling. It was Changmin's mom. She never called me before. Why would she need to call unless it was an emergency? With my hands shaking, I picked up, placing the smartphone to my ear.

'Y-y-yeoboseyo?' I hated the way my voice shook, how my heart sped up, how the tears started welling in my eyes. 

As if to confirm my fears, a voice was sobbing on the other line. I could recognize the voice. It was her. Crying so hard I could barely understand her.

'Mrs. Shim?' I prompted. She started wailing as soon as I said that. My tears fell too, hearing the mother of my Maknae. TVXQ was family. Their family was our family. His mom was my mom.

I heard a shushing sound on the other line, and the wailing got softer, as if the phone was taken away from her. I could still hear it, though not so deafeningly loud now.

'Yunho Oppa?' It was Changmin's sister. I had forgotten her name, but I could identify her immediately by her voice, which sounded like Changmin's, only a few pitches higher. Her voice was soft, tired, as if she was worn out.

'Ne. It's Yunho Oppa. What happened?' I asked, even though I knew it was already bad. 'Is everything okay?' No it wasn't. It obviously wasn't. It wasn't okay.

Her voice cracked almost immediately as I said those words, as if my words were the trigger and her tears were the bullets hidden in the magazine. I could practically hear her tears running down her face. 'U-u-u-umm, c-c-could you come t-t-to Seoul H-h-h-hospital now? I'll e-e-e-explain when you get here.'

I nodded immediately. 'I'm coming,' I said, as I hopped off my bed, searching for jeans and a jacket. I was about to hang up when she said another thing. One that made me freeze in my tracks. One that made my tears come back with a vengeance.

'C-c-could you b-b-bring Jaejoong, Yoochun a-a-and Junsu Oppa as well? I think Changmin Oppa would like to see them as well.'

'Okay,' I said, my voice cracking. 'I'll bring them over.'

I couldn't fight the tears which fell as I tried every attempt to calm myself down. Breathing deeply, pinching myself, slamming my fist against the wall. Nothing worked. I gave up on calming down, and dialed Jaejoong's number with trembling hands. Jaejoong picked up at the first ring.

'Yeoboseyo?'

I had changed my number. He wouldn't recognise me. Luckily, he hadn't changed his. I silently thanked the heavens at this small of luck.

'J-j-jaejoong,' I said, hardly able to spit the name out through my tears and sobs. In other circumstances, I would've been so happy to hear from him. I had been avoiding him, hoping he would call me first. He had, only I had been too chicken to pick up. Now I wished I had though. His mere voice seemed to pour a cool glass of water down the fire of my worried heart.

'Yunho?!' His voice, incredulous. Disbelieving. Uncertain. How I missed him. 'Yunho!' He yelled in happiness, when he realised that yes, it really was I, calling. He started ranting, saying how he happy he was to hear from me, how he missed me. He asked how I was. He asked how Changmin was.

Changmin.

Right, right. Changmin.

'Jaejoong,' I interrupted, cutting him mid-sentence. Could he not hear the emergency in my voice? 'S-s-something h-h-happened to Changmin. His younger sister called me. She wants the four of us to gather at Seoul Hospital as soon as possible.' I said the words in such a rush I barely breathed. I didn't want to think about it. 'I'm scared, Jaejoong,' I said, my voice cracking again. Damn it. Jaejoong had fallen into shocked silence. 'Changmin's been a-a-acting weird the past few weeks. What if something happened to him? W-w-what if--?'

'Yunho.' Jaejoong cut me off before I started rambling. 'We're on our way.'

'C-c-can you p-pick me up on the way? I-i-i don't think I'm in any condition to drive.'

'I'm on the way,' he said, hanging up before I could tell him we had moved houses when the five of us split.

As if on cue, Jaejoong called again, asking for my address. I stammered it out. He told me to wait outside the house in 20 minutes time. I hung up, not even bothering to answer his command. I put on the nearest shirt I saw, slipped on a pair of jeans. It felt tight, and I vaguely wondered if I needed to work out again, till I realised it was Changmin's. This made me tremble. Tremble so badly. I took off the jeans and threw them on the floor. I found my jeans and ran out to wait outside. I froze as I remembered.

Changmin didn't like a messy house. He would go insane if he saw his jeans on the floor in MY room. I ran back inside to clean up.

Changmin's coming home, I insisted to myself. He's coming home, so I can't have a messy house. He'll get angry. He's coming home so I have to clean up before I leave. He's coming home. He's coming home.

I ran to my room, cleaning up till it was up to Changmin's standards. I ran to the bathroom, my tears blinding me. I better set the toothpaste properly. I better put the toilet seat down. I better pick up the dirty laundry off the floor.

All those thoughts swirled around me.

See Changmin? Hyung's cleaning up so you can come home. You better come home, araso?

A car horn sounded. At first I ignored it, then I heard someone pounding on my door. I ignored that too. The door wasn't locked. I heard the door burst open, heard it slam loudly against the wall.

'YUNHO!' Yoochun's voice. I ignored it, and began washing the sink. I heard pounding footsteps as Yoochun searched the house for me. 

The bathroom door slammed open. 'Yunho!' he yelled in relief. 'There you are! Come on, lets go! The car's waiting outside.'
He grabbed my wrist and ran outside, dragging me along. I was going to say I hadn't finished cleaning the house, but my tongue suddenly felt heavy. I followed him as he ran to the SUV.

They had an SUV? Since when...

Yoochun opened the door for me and practically threw me inside. I landed smoothly on the seat next to Junsu, who looked like he had just been woken up from sleep. We all did.

He gave me a forceful smile. A small one, as he held on to my hand. I didn't smile back, but gripped his hand tightly. I didn't want to let go.

Worry and fear were keeping us awake. And adrenaline.

That too.

No one said anything, and I said nothing to anyone. Yoochun floored it, and we drove away.

I'm pretty sure we broke many road rules, judging from the horns that sounded from the surrounding cars, the way the people in the SUV were thrown around like ragdolls and the unlimited number of pedestrians we nearly crashed into.

It didn't matter though. I honestly didn't care if we hit anyone, old or young, girl or boy, fan or anti. We just had to get to the hospital.

Which we did, miraculously safely. The journey of a standard 20 mins from my house to the hospital Yoochun managed to shorten to a mere 5. I decided I would thank him later, as we parked so suddenly the engine stalled. The four of us leapt out, we ran into the entrance as if we were chased by wild dogs. Changmin's other younger sister was there, waving wildly at us, trying to grab our attention without making a sound.

She looked like Changmin, I realised, as we ran to her, where she quickly signalled us to follow. A more feminine version of Changmin.

We began walking, since running would make too much noise. I was about to open my mouth to ask her, which ward? First class? Private ward? VIP suite?

We walked by all of them. I began to feel apprehensive, as we passed by the wards. Jaejoong came to me, and held my hand. I gripped it as I did Junsu's.

All anger towards them was forgotten. All the hatred I had hidden, pent up in my body so densely that I was near exploding, disappeared. It didn't matter, I realised. It didn't matter. We were here now. Together at last. For Changmin.

I knew Changmin was hit the hardest from the split. He missed his hyungs. Well, his hyungs were here. They were here now. All four of them.

Changmin's sister finally turned around to look at us. What was her name...? Sooyeon? We finally saw her face properly.
She had been crying, I realised. Crying so hard her eyes looked swollen. And she looked so tired. Like she was about to give up.

No, don't give up, Sooyeon, I thought loudly, trying to give her a small smile of encouragement. It probably looked like a grimace.

'Hey...' she started. Just like Changmin. So naturally informal. 'I'm sorry we had to drag you here so late at night.' She bowed ninety degrees in apology.

Okay, maybe not so informal.

'It's okay,' Jaejoong whispered, still gripping my hand. 'You did the right thing.' His voice was so soft. He was in shock, I realised. I squeezed his hand in support. He didn't even seem to react to it. 'How's Changmin?'

At those words, she began to tear up. Junsu, who was closest to her, came and wrapped her in a hug, giving his comfort. She held a hand up to chew on her nails nervously, a habit Changmin used to have. 'W-w-well... Umm... I should tell you t-t-to brace yourself for the worst. Th-th-the doctor said th-th-that there's a chance that h-h-he won't m-m-make it through the night.'

Beside me, Jaejoong held a hand up to his mouth, his tears spilling over. I saw Yoochun clench his fists till the knuckles became white. I couldn't see his face, since I was standing behind him, but I was pretty sure it was as white as his knuckles. 'Where is he right now?' Yoochun asked. I heard his voice trembling, but he managed to keep his words coherent.

She slowly lifted her hand to point her index finger towards the sky.

For a heart stopping moment, I thought she was trying to say her Oppa was in heaven. But no. Thank God. She meant that he was still in the Operating Theatre.

She led us to the elevator, where we all went up to the third floor. As we were walking to the Operating Theatre, loud wails of despair could be heard. Sooyeon, hearing the cries, ran forward ahead of us, suddenly disappearing when she rounded a bend. I didn't want to lose her, so I ran after her. It turns out the other three had the same thought, as they followed me.

We reached the hallway leading to the Operating Theatre. It looked like a scene from a horror movie, a group of youngsters walking down the hallway to the twin doors located at the end of the hallway. Ultimately to their death.

At the end of the hallway, sat Mrs. Shim, her two daughters on either side of her, trying their best to comfort her, as Changmin's father paced scarily around the hallway. All four looked up at our approach.

Mrs. Shim got up and ran to us, where she wrapped each of us into an embrace of her own. She hugged me last and the longest, since I was currently the only one among the four members who stayed with her son.

'What happened?' Yoochun asked, his voice oddly controlled, although I could detect a hidden tremor. As if the question itself was the saddest thing in the world, Mrs. Shim started wailing again. Jaejoong came to her, letting her hug him as he ran a hand up and down her back, whispering words of comfort. The older of the two sisters came and gently pried her mom from Jaejoong, as she sat her mother down on the bench again, both sisters comforting her, asking her to calm down. To stay strong for Changmin.

I knew it was bad.

Mr. Shim looked up at us. He seemed to be the only the one in control of himself. He signalled for us to follow him. The four of us were led to the waiting room, where he sat the four of us on a long couch, all four of us side by side, me, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu. We only needed Changmin between Jaejoong and me for it to be a complete TVXQ photo.

'What happened to Changmin?' Yoochun asked again. How did he manage to stay calm despite all this? He used to be the most emotional among us five. I guess he had changed.

Mr. Shim sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. I saw his walls come down, as tears ran down his face. I get it. As the man of the house, he was the one who had to stay strong. He was the pillar of the family. Hence, if he wobbled, the whole household would come crashing down.

'Changmin was involved in a serious car accident,' he explained, his voice strangely level for someone crying so hard.

'How...?' started Junsu.

'He was on his way to visit us. It was me and my wife's wedding anniversary. Changmin brought a cake. On the highway, someone hit him from the side. His car flipped over. Somewhere in there, his ribs shattered, collapsing on his lungs, piercing both. When the ambulance came... He was in extreme shock. He fell into Cardiac Arrest. He's being operated as we speak. The doctor said his chances of making it out alive are so slim... We should... We should expect the worst.'

The four of us just sat there, beyond stunned. The news was... The news was a lot to absorb. Junsu broke the silence first by sobbing, which blew into a full-on crying fest. He was crying so hard, his shoulders shaking, as Yoochun, who had tears streaming down his cheeks, held him in his embrace. I just sat there. Still shell shocked. Jaejoong suddenly got up unsteadily.

'I-i-i-i need to go to the bathroom,' he whispered out loud. He walked away. I watched him leave before I hugged myself around my waist as despair consumed me. I couldn't breathe. Where was God when I needed him?

God... Please protect my Maknae. I rocked myself. Please let him come out there safely. Please let him see his four hyungs together. Please don't let him be in pain.

I don't know how long I rocked myself, thinking all those thoughts. Just praying. Praying for Changmin to be safe.

Please God, I thought, please make sure he's okay.