Taehyung was used to being called absentminded and zoned out.

Weird even.

He didn’t really mind, not when it was true.

But no one really knew the real reason why he was so easily distracted from anything that happened around him.

Since it was especially because of what happened around him, invisible to others and all the more interesting to him.

Because Taehyung could see the threads of emotions, that connected people.

He couldn’t recall the exact moment he became aware of this unique ability, but guessed that it didn’t really matter, not when he loved the colorful world of the threads that was only for him to see…

They were unique to every feeling, and different depending on whom they came from and who they connected to, and Taehyung could usually guess the emotions by the color.

But if he really wanted to know their meaning, he just had to touch the threads and the feelings wrapped into them would come rushing to him in dizzying clarity.

How his own threads looked like, that he didn’t know - those were the only ones invisible to him - however he could see the ones that ran from others to him.

But knowing how people felt about him came with a price, and he learned it early that looking at those threads caused terrible headaches, so he usually didn’t try to bring them to focus.

Only when curiosity got the better of him.

When he was younger the emotions he usually saw were clear and simple, whether it was friendship or rivalry or love, easy.

Uncomplicated colors of childhood innocence that was so different from the puzzling world of adults, and as a children Taehyung liked these threads more.

Because he could understand them better.

He didn’t even have to touch them once he knew their meaning.

Then the older he became, the more complex those feelings grew – threads of multiple colors and distinct emotions, not suitable for single words anymore - and Taehyung sometimes just wanted to revel in that dizziness as he untangled every meaning, every color, every feeling.

Because these, he couldn’t always understand.

But there was always something new to discover.

It became even more fascinating when he became part of Bangtan, because the entertainment world opened a variety of new emotions he had never experienced before as he observed the threads of fans, colleagues, staffs and members alike.

He especially loved the ones that connected Bangtan together.

All changing colors as they spent more time together, becoming richer and deeper and so much stronger. Almost like the ones that connected a family.

Jin’s threads were delicate and soft looking, colored in the pastels of his feelings. But Taehyung knew better, because those softly shivering threads were harder than steel, fierce in their lightness and carried the unconditional promise that as the oldest he would take care of them, always.

Yoongi’s threads were more rugged, rough to the touch, colored metallic as the rapper’s sharp words. Yet they protected the kindest feelings, tender caring tinted with faith in them all, proving how he adored them even when he wielded his cutting sarcasm as a second nature.

Hoseok’s were vibrant, bright and loud in colors as they chimed with the echoes of his laughter. Taehyung liked to listen to his threads as they thrummed with unshakable trust, holding onto them with gentle firmness through every hardship, because to him their happiness was the most important.

Namjoon’s threads were heavy and their rich colors wove together into deep tones, deep like his thoughts that he liked to hide behind silliness. They resonated with that fathomless acceptance that made it so easy to follow him, guarding a silent vow to protect them at all costs.

Jimin’s were velvety and gentle, sunny colors reflecting his smile. Taehyung noticed they shimmered when he laughed, colors dancing in joy because they could share their happiness, because they had nothing to hide, because there was confidence in that feeling of trust.

Jungkook’s threads were strong, still growing stronger as he matured and held the clear colors of his determination. White of shyness used to run through every one of them, but that turned into the silver of respect with time, the threads vibrating his genuine love in his assuring voice, telling his resolve to give as much, if not more, as he received.

Of course every thread was a bit different…

 But the one thing they all had in common was that fierce golden loyalty that burned brightly among the complex maze of woven feelings.

There was only one thing he couldn’t understand.

When he first chanced a tentative glance at his threads, he thought his eyes were playing a trick on him, but the headache threatened to be severe if he looked too closely any longer.

So he left it at that, forgetting about it.

The next time he let himself look, he very nearly cried.

Because every thread changed and grew more beautiful, except one.

The thread that connected him to Jungkook.

It was thick and black.

Unmoving, unchanging, silent.

Taehyung had seen black threads before, even if they had been much thinner than his.

But they all whispered venomous hate to him when he touched them.

Hate.

He didn’t dare to touch his.

Because seeing his threads was hard and came with a horrible headache, but touching them were a thousand times harder and he couldn’t bear the thought of what the thread would surely tell him in Jungkook’s sweet voice.

Still, he couldn’t understand.

After seeing that sad, black thread, Taehyung was determined to figure out what was wrong and like that, watching Jungkook became a habit.

And it was magical, watching him grow and mature right in front of his eyes.

So he continued to do just that and hoped that the thread would change too, because there seemed to be nothing wrong and after a bumpy beginning - because they had been awkward at first, of course, so different yet so similar - they became close.

Jungkook had that single-minded focus on the details while Taehyung had that absentminded way of looking at the full picture, yet they were able to connect, set their eyes on the same future  - one shared smile the only thing they needed for that to happen.

They became friends, understanding each other on a level that was sometimes unfathomable to the others. They played, acted silly and could come up with the same absurd thing just through a single eye contact…

Jungkook really seemed to understand him, laughing with him and making him laugh and giving him that bright eyed wonderful look that could light up rooms.

And when he was not with him, then Taehyung enjoyed observing Jungkook’s threads from a distance, appreciating the vibrant play of colors as he chuckled with the twinkling spring green of joy and huffed with the fiery sienna of fond exasperation and worked with the tame cyan of jealous respect of others’ strength. How all those colors encircled the orange of friendship in a display of unique patterns…

And feelings bloomed in Taehyung’s heart too, entwining into a beautiful thread he wished he could see, time only making it stronger, and he wanted to believe that its pair was mutual in its beauty.

So Taehyung hoped, smiling back with fondness as he ruffled Jungkook’s hair and reveled in the feeling of how that laughter filled gaze made his heart swell...

He wanted to see it again.

Taehyung risked a glance at it one night, after another day of rigorous practice, shaking a bit in nervous anticipation.

Jungkook was sitting at the other end of the room, the others either noisily discussing the choreography with him or lazing around him and Taehyung was sitting against the wall alone, far away enough so the others wouldn’t notice when the headache hit him. There was no need to worry them.

He brought his threads into focus, zoning out as sounds ceased to exist.

But in that silence the sound of his shattering heart was deafening.

Because the thread didn’t change.

 It only became thicker.

Black, bottomless, silent.

He didn’t know what sound might have escaped him, but his other threads chimed as worry’s purple-gray surfaced from the woven feelings.

He blinked himself back to reality then, and realized that he was crying as his head threatened to split into two.

‘Taehyung? Taehyung!’ Jimin was right by his side, shaking him gently with a stricken expression. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine… just my head.’ he smiled shakily, feeling bad that now the purple-gray of worry reflected in everyone’s eyes. In Namjoon’s and in Hoseok’s as they helped him to his feet, in Jin’s as he brought him tea, and in Yoongi’s as he dug through the cabinets for painkillers while softly swearing.

He didn’t dare to meet Jungkook’s eyes.

That night, as he stared at the dark ceiling of the room, he couldn’t help the tears that escaped his eyes again, because he realized with jarring clarity what the thread that invisibly ran from him to Jungkook must have looked like.

Colorful braid of love, tinted with the cutting slate gray of rejection.

And it hurt, because its twin was blank and black and unchanging.       

After that night, the bitterness bled into his days, tainting his smiles blue even when Jungkook acted no different towards him – still open, still trusting, still making his heart stutter – yet he couldn’t get rid of the image of that black thread.

It dug itself into his happiness with sharp fangs, always making him double-question everything.

And still he loved, without understanding - holding onto Jungkook with coral colored fondness, smiling back with the mauve of bittersweet yearning and letting his heart break every time...

It was raining.

It was raining and he forgot to bring an umbrella and no one was there in the building anymore to drive them home…

‘Too bad.’ Yoongi shrugged, putting his hoodie on and stepped out into the rain, following Hoseok who’d already ran ahead with a battle cry and his own hoodie pulled into his eyes. ‘Come after us when you find an umbrella or something.’

Taehyung pouted after them, not feeling up to dig through dark rooms, so he just leaned back against the wall and listened to the rain and the steady beat it hit against the concrete.

‘Hey, hyung.’

Taehyung jumped in surprise, and Jungkook’s low chuckle made him blush in rose colored embarrassment.

‘Sorry.’ he chuckled still, not sounding sorry at all.

‘I thought you’ve already left… It was our turn to force Yoongi-hyung home.’ Taehyung said, turning to meet Jungkook’s amused eyes and noted how he was flushed and out of breath and how that made his own breath catch on whatever else he wanted to blurt out.

‘Yeah, but I stayed back to dance some more.’ Jungkook shrugged, glancing out into the pouring rain. ‘Guess it’s my lucky day.’

‘What part of this is lucky?’ Taehyung asked back, because even he failed to see the downpour in an optimistic light.

‘I get to share my umbrella with you.’ Jungkook smiled, rubbing at the back of his neck in a sweetly shy gesture – one that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

And Taehyung could just blink at him in surprise, pushing the memory of the black thread to the back of his mind because he wanted to soak in the moment just a bit longer...

‘Come on, hyung.’ Jungkook said, offering his arm as he opened the umbrella and Taehyung held onto him, hugging his arm as close as he could.

And Jungkook smiled at him with that wonderful look in his eyes again and Taehyung couldn’t understand how their thread could be black…

‘Jungkook?’

‘Yeah?’ he asked softly as they stepped out into the rain, the curtain of it closing out every other sound.

‘Let’s take a walk.’ Taehyung whispered softly, leaning into Jungkook’s comforting warmth.

‘Okay.’ Jungkook whispered back, smile in his voice.

And the spring green of joy mixed neatly with the indigo of melancholy before it got washed away by the cold rain of reality.

‘What are you thinking about, hyung?’ Jungkook asked him as they waited in the studios, preparing for recording.

‘Right now? That I have mismatched socks on and maybe I should have asked the manager-hyungs to bring back food…’ Taehyung said absentmindedly as he highlighted his parts.

‘I meant usually.’ Jungkook chuckled, reaching down to lift his pants legs and see for himself. ‘Really now…’

Taehyung kicked at him playfully.

‘Sometimes it seems like you are not looking at this world, and when you are again, there is that strange look in your eyes…’ Jungkook explained, moving to rest his head on his shoulder. ’What are you thinking about then?’

Taehyung smiled sadly to himself, reaching up to pat his head. ‘Everything and nothing.’

‘Do you think about me too?’ Jungkook asked softly and with a sort of uncertainty that was so not him, that Taehyung nearly blurted out the truth.

Always.

‘Sometimes.’ he said instead, leaning his head against Jungkook’s and let the comforting scent of his hair wash away the biting memory of their thread.

‘Well you should more often.’ Jungkook said in a serious voice that surprised Taehyung. ’Cause I’m great.’ he added with cheeky laugh after a second, and stood as Yoongi called for him.

And Taehyung could just stare, because the smile that Jungkook sent back at him from the door was brilliant with a tint of rose to his cheeks, and it stole his breath away.

Black.

‘Did you see something interesting again, hyung?’ Jungkook asked as they sat in the waiting room between takes, trying to cool down before their solo shots.

‘Huh?’ Taehyung blinked, because indeed he had been staring at the threads again – jealous of their richness and colors as they zigzagged along the room with bright clarity. Jealous of the threads that Jungkook had for others, woven of strong primary colors.

So powerful and simple.

‘You did that again.’ Jungkook smiled at him, and it was always him who noticed – others gave up questioning it long ago, simply letting him be. But not Jungkook, he always paid attention.

‘Yeah, I did.’ Taehyung smiled back, sipping on the bottle of water that sat in his palm forgotten. ‘Your mess of a hair is a sight to behold.’

Jungkook sniffed at that, reaching up to check it with his fingers. ‘Jin-hyung had been teasing me about it all day...’

‘I’m just kidding.’ Taehyung giggled, tugging his hands away and getting a bit lost in his eyes when their gaze met from such non existing distance.

And he was sometimes afraid that Jungkook would see as much as him, his feelings exposed to his doe eyes as others’ were to his, and he would recoil from him in a way that their thread so cruelly screamed at him in its blank silence.

‘You look fine.’

More than that too.

‘I hope so.’ Jungkook said, smirk playing on his lips as he turned his palms up and held onto Taehyung’s hands with a firm squeeze and there was something unbearably beautiful in his eyes. ‘It’s your hair that you should worry about more, hyung.’

‘Hey now.’ he pouted, butting Jungkook’s forehead with his own but he just laughed, returning the gesture and the others were quick to join the tussle, noisy and wild and fun.

And Taehyung only realized it later, that Jungkook held onto his hand through it all.

‘Hyung.’

Taehyung nodded, indicating that he was listening as he gazed out into the darkness of the stadium, imagining it filled to the brim and how the threads would look like then.

‘What is the color of courage?’ Jungkook asked and Taehyung glanced at him from his spot as the crew checked their microphones again, thrown off guard by the question.

Jungkook sometimes seemed to know just too much about things he should not know at all...

But he knew the color, having it seen often enough, because no one was in the industry without plenty of it in his heart.

‘Dark red.’ Taehyung answered truthfully, cocking his head to the side in question but Jungkook just met his gaze head on with something indescribable in his eyes and even as the noisy buzz of people surrounded them, Taehyung was afraid that his pounding heart was audible.

 A smile melted away the seriousness in Jungkook’s gaze then, and just as the sound of their music filled the stadium he said something.

Something that Taehyung couldn’t hear, but was sure it was a promise.

When I have enough of it, I will tell you something.

Then why?

He couldn’t fathom how their thread could be like that, and thinking about it made him heartbreakingly sad and even the Indian red of fond memories were unable to hide the cracks.

But he didn’t dare to look at it again, because like this he could believe that there was nothing wrong.

That it changed over the short time he hadn’t seen it.

That Jungkook’s feelings for him were more than that one black thread.

That he didn’t love one-sidedly…

That night it was him, who stayed back to practice more.

Because he needed to work out the permanent grayness of sorrow, dance it out until he couldn’t breathe, until his legs gave out, until his heart became numb…

The others didn’t question him, way too tired themselves to argue with him and he was glad for it.

So he danced.

And if tears escaped his eyes, then the washed out indigo of melancholy could be easily mistaken for the sweat that traced his cheeks and he could pretend those tears weren’t there.

He didn’t know how many minutes or hours passed, seconds fading like a polaroid when he danced like that, but when time regained its meaning again he was dizzy from exhaustion, and he couldn’t even remember when his legs had failed him as he blinked blearily at the mirror in front of him.

He certainly didn’t remember when Jungkook came back, leaning against the door with a look in his eyes he didn’t recognize, and Taehyung froze, because he wasn’t supposed to see him like that.

‘Hyung.’ Jungkook whispered softly, stepping closer and kneeling in front of him, his hands gentle as he brushed his salty tears away from his eyes.

Taehyung bit back the sob that threatened to burst out of him because of that ivory of gentleness, and stood quickly, ignoring his shaking knees. ‘Don’t.’

‘Hyung?’ Jungkook asked back in a strained voice and that he recognized, hurt and pain, familiar companions, dark shades that so often tinted those beautiful threads.

But that was a lie, it had to be a lie and he turned to run, because he couldn’t bear to see when that ugly blackness would rare its head.

And so he ran, out of the building and into the cold embrace of the rain.

Yet he couldn’t go far, not when Jungkook was determined to catch him, and they stood in the rain like that - Jungkook holding onto him from behind with a sort of desperation that broke Taehyung into little pieces.

‘Tell me, Jungkook. Do you hate me?’ he asked, leaning into the touch as his heart threatened to fail him.

‘How could I, hyung? Why would you say that?’ Jungkook asked back, his face buried into the back of his neck and Taehyung felt how his hot breath warmed the cold rain that poured down on them.

‘I’ve seen the colors of your heart.’ Taehyung whispered, unable to keep that secret in anymore and he let Jungkook turn him around, let him cup his cheeks and let him gaze into his very soul.

‘Tell me what you saw.’ Jungkook said, fingers caressing his cheeks and Taehyung didn’t dare to look into his eyes anymore, afraid of what he would see there.

‘Nothing.’

‘Tell me.’

‘Jungkook...’

‘Please.’

‘…’

‘Please, hyung.’

‘…only black.’ Taehyung whispered, squeezing his eyes shut against the truth.

‘Look at it again.’ Jungkook whispered back and Taehyung wanted to protest, wanted to tell him that he couldn’t take another heartbreak like that, that he was afraid to do it… But he looked into Jungkook’s eyes, and failed to find his voice when he gazed at him like that.

As if he knew, as if he understood, as if he saw it too… And there was something else there too, that he didn’t dare to name, afraid it would disappear into the vast blackness of their thread…

So he looked, head aching as time stopped again and he gasped…

He had never looked at their thread from such a close proximity.

But this close the thread had slackened and untwisted slightly, showing a fan of thinner interior strings that made up the thickness of it.

Strings that fell to the rain covered sidewalk between them, blindingly beautiful even in the darkness of the night.

Because there were colors.

So many colors.

Jungkook’s strong, beautiful, clear colors and without really thinking, he reached down and ran his fingers through the thread between them.

Taehyung nearly out from the intensity.

Because it wasn't just a feeling, it wasn't just accompanied by his assuring voice.

It was as if Jungkook’s bare heart was embracing him, engulfing him in the heat of his emotions and whispered his secrets into the deepest part of his soul.

‘You're such an infuriating idiot. You are my best friend. I love you. I hate you. I respect you. I don't understand you and yet I somehow do. I'm jealous of how easy it is for you to be yourself without regret or hesitation. You puzzle me. You make me feel things no one has ever made me before. I want to protect you and yet you don't even need it. I want to help but you would just help me instead. I want to go against the world when you are sad. I want you like no one should. I want you to be happy. I want you to love me…’

And there was so much more, but he couldn’t hold onto it any longer as he staggered back to the now, safe in Jungkook’s arms.

Taehyung was panting hard, and grinning stupidly, and his face was probably red from embarrassment, and maybe he was crying again and maybe it didn’t even matter.

Not when Jungkook hugged him like that.

Not when he realized the true meaning of black.

Because he thought Jungkook hated him all this time when in fact he felt everything.

Everything.

‘Jungkook…’ he whispered, dizzy and shaking from it all.

‘Did you see it?’ Jungkook asked, his arms tightening around him as his lips brushed his ear.

‘Yeah.’ Taehyung smiled through his tears that got washed away by the rain for good. ‘But how did you know?’

‘My grandmother used to tell me that there were people out there, who could see the color of your heart.’ Jungkook said, leaning a bit back as one hand came up to cup his cheek. ‘I knew it was you.’

‘It is me.’ Taehyung smiled, leaning into the touch as raindrops rolled down Jungkook’s cheeks and nose and his smile and he wanted to kiss it all off.

‘I promised I would tell you something, right hyung?’

Taehyung nodded, his heart in his throat as he reached up with trembling fingers to brush the drenched locks out of Jungkook’s beautiful eyes.

‘But I think I’m better with actions.’ Jungkook whispered, closing the gap between them and kissing him in a way that told him more than any thread could, crimson of passion burning him up, desire’s sangria stealing his breath away and love’s every color wrapped him in such gentle tenderness that was nearly too much for his heart to bear.

‘Yeah, me too.’ Taehyung whispered against his lips, his eyelashes heavy from raindrops and his heart light from overflowing joy as he leaned back in.

And they were laughing in honey colored happiness as kisses were stolen, the gray rain weaving a curtain around them, letting the colors bloom in their hearts as reality rushed past in washed out hues.

‘It’s your fault.’ Taehyung told him as he wrapped another blanket around Jungkook, chuckling when the younger just reached up to pull him down for a quick peck.

‘It’s yours too. Who told you to run away while it was raining, hyung?’ Jungkook asked with a grin. ‘But I’m fine.’

‘Of course you are, but until we hear it from the doctor you are staying in bed.’ Taehyung smiled back. ‘Want me to sing you a lullaby? You know, I heard a good song yesterday and thought about how it would sound if you sang it in a trot arrangement and...’

Jungkook wrinkled his nose at him then, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him under the covers too. ‘Yeah sure, whatever you say. Now stay put, hyung.’ he mumbled against his neck, snuggling closer.

Taehyung could just laugh turning to hug him close, wiggling under the blankets until Jungkook wrestled him into a comfortable position and then they both giggled when Namjoon told them to just stay still already.

And as he stared at the ceiling of the room, he didn’t see it as darkly anymore, because he could imagine how the twin threads that ran between him and Jungkook would reflect the light of their smiles - colorful, blinking stars against the dark backdrop.

The most beautiful braids of love, always changing, always evolving, always new...

‘Hey, hyung.’

‘Hmm?’

‘What is the color of your heart?’

‘That is for you to find out.’

I hope you enjoyed this little baby~