Had you ever like someone that you think she is too pretty for you? That she is the woman in every American Teenage movie, the cheerleader type of girl where everyone likes her too and you are the hopeful geek that she’d fell for because you show her your true colors, how less of a jerk you are compare to those who just want to nail her on the bed? Then reality hits you, that she is not going to fall for you ever because One, she is your friend. Two, she is too innocent to think of those stuff, three because she is Chou Tzuyu, the face of your group, the soon to be ideal type of every male idol in our generation and I, Minatozaki Sana…. The person who wants her badly yet I protect myself from falling deeper..  Oh yes, I protect myself, I tried not to show how special she is to me by showing everyone the same treatment as what I show her. I know, it might sound confusing but this is the only thing that could save my heart from breaking because we can never be together. How can I say that? It is because reality hits me once more… This time it is so hard that it breaks me..

“Why are you so touchy?” She lifted her head immediately; she glared at me and raises her voice. I was speechless at first, but there was a sting I felt in my heart already. I was confused if she is trolling me or was it real so I needed to confirm it. Everyone was looking at me and her. “Do -- you hate it when I am touchy?” I knew I fought for my voice to come out because with her tone and glare it hurt me already but I can’t show it to her or to the members because my feelings could be revealed and this situation is a confirmation that I am already rejected. I kept my hold on Nayeon’s as I need someone to hold on to.. I need to not break in front of her or our members.

“Yes! You always do skinship to everyone! Off Cam, On Cam.. Too much fan service it is suffocating!” She said and she seemed serious, I hold my breath to fight tears from falling. I even tried to look everywhere just so water won’t form on my eyes.  I was rejected without even confessing. She should have told me sooner so it will not hurt too much, but I guess it will always end this way.  I needed to compose myself, I need to put my mask on, I can’t be fragile in front of them so I smiled and said to her in the sweetest way I could offer, a goodbye for a lover like what I saw in dramas. “Okay Tzuyu yah, I will not be touchy to you anymore.” I can feel water on my eyes, saying those words is heartbreaking but this is what she wants so I need to do it, hahaha, I feel so dramatic right now to be honest. “I am sorry if I was suffocating you.” I gave her one final smile as I used all the strength left in me to stand up, my knees were feeling like jelly but I cannot stay in one room with her.. Not yet.

“Sana yah” I heard Jihyo’s voice being concerned and I cannot let them think that I was affected, but it does affect all of me. I need to put up a façade, put up a light mood so the members will not take it as a big deal.. So  I turn around and put on the best smile I can show. “I feel so sleepy Jihyo ssi, this is a great exercise let’s do this often.” I said then looked at Tzuyu, she seemed guilty on what she said.. She might have want to deliver it in a lighter manner yet she failed, maybe she was really irritated at me being touchy so I turn around and started walking a tear fell down my cheek and I wipe it immediately as I shut the door and went to my bed, I was about to cover myself with blanket yet I failed as Jihyo and Dahyun walked inside our room, I sat up right away.

“Are you okay Unnie?” Dahyun said as she sat beside me and hug me on the side. Jihyo followed as she pats my back.

“She might have been really sleepy already; you know what they say about sleepy people they tend to be mad right away if you disturb their peace.” Jihyo said, I know she is trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it, it’s just nothing could lift up my current mood.

“I will date you Unnie.. I don’t mind if you are touchy at me all time.. I really like you.. You are my favorite Unnie.” Dahyun said as she puts her head on my shoulder and hugs me tighter. “Yah! I am here! I am your Unnie too!” Jihyo acted jealous and we all chuckled on it, these two surprisingly understand what I feel. I never intended for them to know, it is just I can’t stop talking about Tzuyu when she was not around and Jihyo cornered me if I have some sort of that thing to Tzuyu and Dahyun was there, being the Sana I am who get startled easily I tried to lie about it but my facial expression and behavior failed me, that is how they found out. I could not tell it to anyone except them. I am afraid that they might judge me but Dahyun and Jihyo never judged they even helped me guard my feelings. I did not say anything anymore as, both of them are talking nonstop, I look at them but my mind is flying somewhere else. “I should stop making skinship with her right?” I suddenly asked while they were talking about weekly idol stuff. I was just starting blankly.

“You should!” It was Dahyun who answered.

“We know you like doing those things to her, like taking care of her because that is a reflection of your feelings but to be honest I think she just rejected you on what she did back there, I love you and Tzuyu so don’t get me wrong.” Jihyo said in a mature manner. I know, she just rejected me back there, I have not even make a move yet a verdict was given by hers truly, Chou Tzuyu.

I look at both of them and I started crying as my shoulders moves up and down sobbing because of this.  “This is the first and last time I will cry for her.” I said and the other two in the room just caress my back and head. Dahyun was hugging me and Jihyo tried to tell comforting words.

I woke up and Dahyun was beside me sleeping soundlessly hugging my waist. Then I look at the hallway I saw someone standing a tall petite woman... It looks like Tzuyu without a light so I blinked my eyes multiple times and then I figured out that it was not her.

“I have rashes on my back.” It was Momo.

I sat up and . “Let me see.” I asked. “Omo, what did you eat?” I asked as her back is so red, she might have been scratching it the whole night. “I don’t know. I don’t normally have allergies in food,” She answered.

“What is it?” Dahyun asked as she scratches her eyes.

“Momo Chan got an allergy.” I answered. “Dahyun nah, you should get ready you have school. I will help Momo chan.” I stated and she just nodded as she stood up. “Think before you eat.” Dahyun stated as she pats Momo’s head, Momo made a face. I was looking for ointment in my drawer but there was nothing as Momo was sitting on my bed the rest of the people are just asleep. After probably twenty minutes I found nothing and Dahyun walked inside the room in her uniform. “Fans gave medicine and it is inside the washroom, I just don’t know which ointment works fine for pig.” Dahyun winked at us and Momo shouted with her signature roar that Nayeon flinched about and we laughed a bit, mornings with people makes me forget about the other night especially these kind of people. Momo and I went to the washroom as I am to help her put ointment on her back that is super red at the moment. She turned around and I put her shirt up and I started to put ointment on her tummy.

“Aigoo, Moguri chan is sick.” I was talking in Japanese, she likes to be treated as a baby in times like this.

“Sana chan is so gentle and helpful.” She responded back in Japanese.

“Sana chan love Moguri so much.” I said as I baby talk to this giant fragile baby. She pouted and nodded cutely but that stopped when I felt that the door opened. My heart stops as if it knows who suddenly appeared behind me. Momo stopped acting cute and stared by the door then looked at me, I tried to act normal but I guess she found a sudden awkwardness with me that person.

“Oh good morning Tzuyu.” She looks at me waiting for a reaction but I did not have any, then she broke the ice once again. “I better get out of here.” She stated pull her shirt down and went out. I stood up straight took a deep breath to compose myself and put my mask on again. I faced her. “Oh hi Tzuyu.  Have a safe day at school” I kept a safe distance and put up a good guard.  I walked out without even paying a glance on her beautiful morning face. I