The thing I can't figure out yet is I don't know what kind of problem that am I having now. well, I guess it's such a big confusion. You migt think I was Androphobia but sometime the name doesn’t suit me a bit or at all. The problem I against the fact is because I never experienced such a horrible things such as being or ual assault​.

Weird, That's it.

I couldn't figure out the problem then how come I get the solution instead,

"Ahran-ah" A hard tap on my shoulder startled me as I snap from my deep thought.

"Huh?" I'm lost for a second.

"I guess, you're not listening, aren't you?" Minrae, my best friend said to me. I blink my eyes for a few times then noticed, some of pairs eyes are already watching me intently. My face automatically burns up and quickly I lower my head to avoid their stares, having an argue to only focus at my friend instead.

"What did you say?" My voice turns lowest than a minute ago which hard for Minrae to catch every single of it. She shakes her head at me knowing my 'problem' and had gain her a little sort kind of sympathy on me. She is my friend since we were in freshman and after finding out about my problem, she'd always give me some help to try get me out from my miserable situation but at the some point, it won't worked. I did my best but as a return. I'm just being the same. At the end, I run away from the problem.

"Is that fine they are following us too?" Minrae asks for a second times since I was spaced out earlier. I don't quick answer instead sneaking my gaze to the two boys who is having their eyes on us since the beginning. For a moment, I run back my gaze to her who are patiently wait on her spot.

"but minrae, I thought only three of us" I lean in a bit, whispers quietly. She looks at me for two seconds then sigh. She can't deny that she can see how anxiety I am right now. once again she feels sorry to me before turning her head to Kahi, their new friend. it's supposed to be three of them to go out, that was a plan but Kahi turns out brought two males instead to join us. At the same time, Minrae couldn't say no to the girl since she is our Junior and pretty innocent. 

"Why unnie? I'm sorry, I guess I made mistake, right" She approach us with guilty obviously on her face. 

"No, You didn't. You said, they were desperately to follow you, so that's not your fault." Minrae immediately explains before eyeing me afterward. The look she is giving me make me take a deep breath right away.

"Ok, but don't blame me for being silent today" I'm warning my own friend then look away in so many thought on my mind. Why I have to face this?

Then we are heading to the bus stop, and the place we are going to go is the mall that not far from our campus. we just have twenty minutes to go over there, riding a bus.

"Minrae unnie, Ahran Unnie. this is my brother, jung daehyun and beside him is his friend, jongup" Kahi, suddenly introduces both of the uninvited boys to us as soon as we started walking. I make a face behind them while observing four of them in silent. 

"Oh, nice to meet both of you" Minrae gives response to the boys, without any stutter. I'm jealous. Then Kahi turns over her shoulder to look at me behind. I guess, she is waiting something from me which showing her those big almost hazel eyes to me.

"It's okay, kahi, she doesn't talk" Minrae says on behalf on me. She just nods but couldn't hide the curiousity about me maybe because she knows, I'm kind a talkative person, so it would be weird I'm being silent for the first time.. To be honest, I don't like this side of me but I can't help too. A deep breath left once again from my lips.

Only if.. erm never mind. It'd never happen as I wish. 

Daehyun and jongup also eyes me behind and they stare at me like I was a crazy person who are just playfully poke them from the back. I run my gaze away, interesting at the busy street beside us all of sudden. Kahi's voice grabs their attention back as they turns to look at the girl, being follow by Minrae's voice, investigating them with bunch of questions, some are gaining my attention and some just make me don't care at all since there's nothing to do with me.

After taking the bus, we've been dropped at the mall in a perfect time. We have some walks around the large mall and watch a movie in the cinema and throughout this, I just let out words only a few and it when my friends ask me anything, sometimes I just give a nod. I know, I'm such a cocky in spreading myself to anyone. well, let's just me being honest. I'm not friendly, that's it. especially to the boy I barely met. So I hope they didn't expect anything from me because I'm different, completely.

or I rather say, I'm kind of not normal girl like they used to meet. the most important, I don't want them to find out about any of me.

All of us chose the best restaurant to fulfill our empty stomach and I just follow their rhythm without any object.

The five of us find a good table and Kahi asked for help from his brother to follow her to order the fast food on the counters which left me, Minrae and this boy named Jongup on our table. Minrae seems pretty relax as talking with Jongup in casual way while I'm just being in between them that only listen whatever they are sharing about.  For a second, I munch on my thumb nail in silent as watching the people endlessly get into the fast food restaurant. It's quiet busy, even today's not a weekend and mostly the young or teenagers are all around.

Not until Minrae gives me a nudge on the shoulder. "Ahran"

I look at her who are seated beside me, lifting my eyebrows.

"I wanna go to restroom for a few minutes" she informed. I quickly open my mouth "but-"

"I won't take long tho" she cuts me off, knowing my desire to prevent her. I smack my lips into line and glance at the boy in front of Minrae, he is giving me his half-moon smile and a second I avoid back from his stare without returning him any smiles. I won't give him one anyway, because I know, that's not a good idea.

"Ok" I say with tone of surrender. Then Minrae gone from our sight.

I take a deep breath as I can and trying to not make eyes contact with him. Even without looking at him, I know he is staring at me with his tiny eyes, making me into hole. I've been noticed since the first time we met, compare to his friend, Jung Daehyun, he is the most obvious to glance over me a lot. I think he is just curious as much as Kahi curious about me too.

The noise can't help me from getting sweat on my body as I rub my palms over my skirt over and over again before squeezing them together under the table , trying to throw away my restless feeling. My heart beat run faster and my hands shake so bad. The symptoms just begin when I'm being left alone with a boy.

I bite on my bottom lip and try to calm myself a bit. 

"Are you okay?"

I'm startled, "huh?"

He looks at me intently before continuing, "Sorry, I mean, you seems uncomfortable"

"I'm fine" I quickly said, meeting his eyes for a second then look away, jerking my head up and trying looking for Minrae's figure and notice Kahi and her brother still have not ordered yet.

I wish anyone or someone would be with me now. Not to mention, not boy that I mean.

"Are you.."

I hiss under my breath doesn't like the idea he is trying to have a conversation with me again in order to less my awkwardness. I mean, it's so useless because I'd get more restless than I do now. I really have an argue inside me to say to him 'Don't talk to me' now.

"Are you really that quiet person?" He lightly asks. I pretend like I don't hear him and he seems know that as he remains silent afterward and I'm thankful he gets my hint well.

I'm sorry, it's not like I hate you, boy. I just hate this feeling that seem never escaped from my life. I make a sad sigh. I hate myself.

....

The bell ring around, echoing through the hall of the campus. Minrae said she was going to go to the cafeteria after the bell rang and would meet me over there. So, I just need to go straight there without her. it's because our class is different. 

Once the class empty, I get up from my seat before dashing out from the classroom, walking to the hall in steady pace. I walk past a few of the classrooms and before I could pass the last room. A figure walking out from the door and we almost collide against each other. I stop walking as recoil in startled before lifting my head up. I know it'd be bad, that's the reason I don't like the bump session in my life.

Apparently that Jongup guy was the one I almost bumped to, he was shocked too as well but just a few seconds when he surprisingly recognized me after a month passed by.

Why I said he still knows me, because he greeted me "Hi" afterward with those sweet smile that I'm starting to uncomfortable with. I don't say anything instead skip in front of him, giving him a glance for a second. Not a death glance but a glance of curious, but I really have nothing to know about. all I think now is my heart beat that starting to pound hardly as if I've ran all the way here from my classroom. I speed up my feet, didn't like this feeling at all.

My heart beats being faster isn't because I'm in love or anything but it does happen whenever I encounter with any guys in either accidentally nor on purpose. That's it, nothing special like in any drama I used to watch.

Once I arrived cafeteria, I peek around and trying to find if Minrae's figure already being there and I see she seated at the table at the last row in this medium large room. I don't go there immediately but walk to the front to buy me a lunch since I caught her meal on the table already.

I wait in line to get my turn and the line seems pretty long. I squint my eyes over my wristwatch and I have at least thirty minutes before my another class get started. I make a sigh. 

I'm not usually eat in the cafeteria but staving myself until I get to my house but today since my schedule of my class is going to be full, I think I just need something to fill up my stomach too.

The two girls in front of me taking too much space that I have to step back a little. For a second, I feel someone behind me and fill up the line too. My body feel uneasy all of sudden when there is people actually around me. I don't look behind and just hope the person behind me is not a boy. 

Less than one minute, I shove my hands inside my pockets when I feel them start to break into cold sweat and jitters gradually. I can sense of their aura and I heard the voice clearly husky to convince me that the person is he. 

I can feel he is standing close from my back, like really close that we might can touch each other between my back and his front. His voice echoed inside my ears whenever he talks with his friend behind him. Now, I got more restless.

With my condition being like this, I don't think I can stay here any longer because I might dropped the tray of my meal once I take them later. So I escaped from there then let the next person have my place instead while I walk out from the crowded cafeteria.

I feel like crying. That's how I described my feel right now. 

How long am I going to live like this? Life isn't fair for me. I held in my tears then slowly walk away, I guess the rooftop is a better place to calm myself.

Once I arrived in the rooftop, the cozy wind slaps my bare face. I make a sigh before making my way to the railing over there to get a nice view. My eyes watch the blue sky with slightly cloud and still nothing can rescue me from my remarkable problem. I lower my head, looking down at both of my palm in annoyance when I still find them still tremble, even not as much as a minute ago.

"What's wrong with myself?" I grit my teeth. I slam my palms over the top of the railing before squeezing down the thing hardly.

I look down and counting how many meters from here. What if I jump off from here? I think my bones were going to break and my skull crack inside. I might die as soon as I land the ground.

Although I've thought to jump off and destroy myself but I never try it once because I'm too scared to do that.

I sit in hunker then buried my face deep to my knees, sobbing hardly.

"I want to be normal girl" My voice sink in between my weep, never lift up my head as I continue with saying the same words over and over again.

"Ahran?"

I choke on my weep when I heard my name has been called from behind. I lift my head, stopping crying right away. I slowly turn over my shoulder before my eyes wide in surprised. I quickly get up then wipe off my wet eyes and cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" He adds, sounding like he is in.. worry? I'm not sure but I really can't open my mouth when I feel a lamp inside my throat. So Hard to let out my voice, especially to a boy. 

I put my head low while pushing my long hair forward to cover my facial expression. My hearts running faster again as I turn around. Without looking at him I quickly scoot and trying to ignore him.

He caught my hand swiftly before I could ever escaped.  "Ahran" 

I feel almost collapse when his warm skin touch mine. I try to pull my wrist back from him "Let go! don't touch me! don't talk-"

For a moment, I feel my body has been throw away, and land at his chest instead. "I like you!"

He squeezes me in his embrace "I really like you, Ahran" he repeated

My body goes rigid immediately as I wordless completely. Without waiting any longer, he opens his mouth again.

"I don't know when my feeling exist for you but I think I see something in you, Something that I need to find out" Jongup rests his chin over my left shoulder, shutting his eyes and pulling me more closer. 

I'm just being frozen and don't have any idea what to do. My mind went blank, empty, nothing at all.

...

I walk down the road, heading to my campus as my hands shove inside the pocket of my gray cardigan. I make a sigh, remembering two days I've not been attending myself to my classes when I got really high fever after the 'abruptly confession' occurred. Probably, I was too shocked by his touch or maybe it's really his confession.

I reach the gate of my campus and when I was about to get it,

"Ahran" 

I heard my name being called as I stop and turn to find the person. He is waiting for me by the gate while leaning his back against the flat wall. I try not to seem obviously shocked as I press my lips into line.

"We need to talk" Jongup demands to me when my eyes meets his. I don't say anything instead run my gaze away, can't stand for his stare that long. My heart beats faster again.

"Come here" He exclaims softly. I hesitate for a second but walking toward him, lower my gaze down to my shoes. I stand beside him, pressing my back too to the wall as my eyes watch another students walk in to the campus one by one. The distance between us quite far and it's actually can fit at least three people in the middle of it. I'm not comfortable being close with a boy. I rather stay one or two meters from them.

He looks at silent me and smile. He closes the gap a bit between us but still remain the distance, probably understand me. I guess he doesn't want to raise his voice when he wants to talk with me, I think this place is not a good idea too to talk but I'm too afraid to tell him. It's just my voice so heavy to let out.

"Minrae told me everything" He starts, looking for my reaction. I look down, gripping down my fist. I feel shamed now, he knows my 'problem'. The fact hits me hard in my heart that I want to kill myself now.

"She is not the one told me but I forced her to tell me about you" He adds, explain it all, afraid that I might hate Minrae for this. I turn my head away, staring far from here and trying to find anything to calm myself. Now, I hate myself more than before.

"Ahran, look. I don't care with your problem and I really sincere like you. I was not lied about my confession too" He said, with eyes never tired glued on me. I bite on my lower lips, standing in uneasy as I think should I really say something?

"Be my girlfriend?" He suddenly asked and make my heart skip a bit. I look down at my hands that I squeeze together. I feel my palm being wet of the sweat that I've not noticed since when it was come. They are starting to tremble again as I'm slowly bringing them to my back, trying to hide them from him but,

"No, don't. It's fine" Jongup caught my hand before I could ever do that. "It's really fine" he said, trying to not showing his shocked face. He can feel how cold my palm is as soon as his skin touch mine, he squeezes it hard in his hand, and this is not the winter of course. So now, he starts to understand why I'm being like this, escaping myself.

I look at him in startled by his action before glancing down at our intertwined hands in so many thought. I want to pull back but my body didn't move as my mind asked. I look around me if anyone has noticed our position, I sure everyone does but they just ignore us. 

"Be my girlfriend, okay?" Jongup's voice break my thought as he repeated again.

"Why?" I bravely asked without returning his stare.

"Because, I love you and I'll try my best to cure you" He seems more confident than a minute ago, tightly his grip over my hand, just to show how care he is to me.

I don't say anything and I don't know how to give a reaction to him but strangely I found myself smile a bit.

THE END

THANK YOU FOR READING

This kind of girl does exist but someone like Jongup haven't found yet ^^ 

Well, It's juat a fiction.