Chapter Two: Back

Seoul

“Are you in your apartment already?”

“I haven’t been there yet. I’m still going somewhere.”

“Where are you? What about your things?”

“I rented a car for a week, mom. I just need to go visit some of my friends.”

“Shouldn’t you go to your apartment first and take a rest? Aigoo, why are you trying to work when you just arrived? You have the whole week to catch up with everyone.”

“I’ll be fine, mom. Don’t worry about me.”

Two weeks after filing my leave of absence in the academy, I packed my things and head straight to Seoul. After arriving at the airport, I head straight to business. I parked the car in front of the hospital where there are also other cars parked. Going out, I held onto the bouquet in my grasp tightly and smiled as I entered the hospital.

---

“How are you?”

I asked the girl who was in front of me, but is blocked with a clear glass wall. On the other side of the glass wall was a table just beside it, and the wall had this circular hole that is twice as big as my palm. I placed the bouquet inside the hole and placed it neatly on the table. “Your favorite color is yellow, right? I tried my best to find the flower that you would like.”

The walls were white, and so was her dress, so was her lips, so was her skin. Seolhyun has changed drastically and hurt me so much to see my sister in her current state. She is pale and very thin unlike how she was before. According to the doctor I just talked to, she talks to nobody and accepts no visitors. They would allow them to see her but she would only shout, cry and do anything to make them leave. If in three minutes she would act hysterically, I must leave. But five minutes has already passed and nothing happened. She was just staring blankly at the wall behind me, as I observed her quietly. Inside my head, I searched for the right words to tell her, for her to talk to me.

"It's been two years, how have you been?" I smiled, "You should eat more, okay? You're thinner and paler than I last saw you."

"The last time you saw me was when I tried to kill the hell out of your boyfriend." She said, voice trembling and cracking, as if for a very long time, it was her first time talking again. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you." I answered.

"Why?" She laughed hysterically. "My mom, our dad, and me, are the reasons why you and Jungkook suffered a lot. Do you want to see how much we suffered then?"

Up until now, all she had with her was hatred and anger, and I can feel her. All she wanted was a happy, complete and contented family. But then I was the one who made it possible for everything to not happen. The one whom she cherished, was the one who ended her happy dream of a complete family. I am sorry, but that was for the better of many.

"Jungkook and I aren't together." I told her. "For two years that you had yourself hidden in this place, I had myself hidden from everyone I know, except my mother. Jungkook never knew where I am, even now. And the reason why I'm here is because I wanted to tell you and show you that I have accepted my fate. If Jungkook were to be mine again, then I'll be happy. If not, then there is nothing else that we could do. We should learn to accept from what happened from the past, move on from it and learn. I think you should do the same. There are a lot of people who cares about you, and I am one of them.

You haven't done anything wrong, Seol." I told her. "You just want what's best for your family. And I can't blame you on that. But circumstances that doesn't act fair for everyone will always end sooner or later. I'm sorry this had to happen to us. But I just want us to be sisters, the sisters who will a,ways be there for each other. I will always be here for you, Seol."

Seolhyun went silent as she turned away from me. She looked at the window on her right and stared at it with soft tears rolling down her cheeks. She was crying, and I know that right now, all she needed was a hug from someone. Someday, I could hug her, someday, we could get back to normal and know each other more in a very personal level, without hate and without the awkwardness. "I'll definitely visit you again before I leave Seoul, Seol." From there, I stood up, glanced at her one last time hoping she would look back at me--to which she doesn't-- and I finally left. I won't really give up on her. I want her to be with me when she gets well, if her mother can't go out of prison for another ten years, I am sure my mother would love to treat her like her own too.

I went back inside the car and leaned my head on the seat as I lazily placed my seat belt around me. I did good, didn't I? After the incident, I have a.ways dreaded meeting Seolhyun, thinking I would only break down after creating this whole strong barrier from everyone who made me weak. I told myself that if no one's going to be string for me, then I should. But this barrier was meant not only for me, but for everyone in my life whom I want to be strong for. Seolhyun, my mother, my father, my friends, and Jungkook. I want to show them how strong I am now, and that this is something that should give them hope to be better, and to always live happily.

But still, this wall isn't strong enough for me not to break down and show Jungkook how I've grown to miss him, and that I've always yearned for him.

I placed the key inside the key slot and turned the car's engine on. Now, where am I off to?

To see what's happening to my friends.

I've lost contact to all of them but I mostly never lost information about them since I didn't really deactivate all of my social media accounts--I opened them just last night, for me to know where I could see them. Not that I can say that until now, these kids aren't being safe, but we all have this habit of talking in one of each other's posts and comment there like it was our own group chat box. Inhye posted and tagged them about how she's requiring the group to go with her in Happy Endings, a wedding events organizer plus wedding dressmaker. The group will be there to fit in clothes for the wedding. It's three more months before the wedding and I can see how Inhye is so excitedly about this. Jimin, who is now in Busan, just commented how he's very busy and still cannot go to Seoul even if he promised Yoongi to come on the latter's studio opening. They are still the old and happy them, still teasing each other whenever they can. I imagined how these guys would be surprised if I liked the status, they might bombard me with messages. The girl who never showed up for years has liked a status just now? The girl whom they've been looking for a long time just liked a status so easily?

But in the end, I didn't do it. They might be looking for me, but I still get this feeling that they wouldn't like seeing me.

I've arrived at Happy Endings and entered the shop right away to see that it was still empty. It's vintage-y theme made me see myself inside a sepia-colored surroundings, as if I was back in the 50's. But, this shop doesn't really sell and organize just vintage-y themes, vintage was the month's theme that is why the shop was filled with all things flashback. You don't know how much of a er I am for vintage things and themes.

"Hello, ma'am. How can I help you?" A British looking girl asked me in a very fluent Seoul accent. I looked at her in awe since she doesn't look Korean but she can speak well of our language. I smiled at her, "I was just looking around."

"Okay, ma'am. Don't hesitate to look for me when you need anything." She said, "I am Lee Hyeji."

Before she gets to leave, since my curiosity of her has grown, I asked, "Excuse me, but, are you Korean? I mean... you can speak well in Korean, and you look..."

"British?" She giggled, can I tell you how much cute her voice was? "I was born and raised here in Korea by my aunt, since my parents were gone. We never used the English language since I was ten that is why I've learned more of Korean rather than English."

I smiled as I heard a sound of a bell from my phone. I must not have logged out of Facebook. I quickly looked at my phone and saw a notification on my Messenger.

Yoon Inhye sent a photo on the group.

I'm surprised to see that they still use the old group chat we used to have. I opened it and saw Inhye's picture mocking. I'm outside the shop, people. Where y