Andrea sat on the couch in the living room and reached for the pilot. She had no work left to do and she could just sit and relax while watching her favourite tv show she had recorded on the DVR. She was about to start when the door to Yoongi's studio opened and his his small figure stepped out to the living room. 
He looked like he could act in the next 'Ring' without characterisation and Andrea didn't need a creepy voice on the phone to know she was doomed. In this situation being thrown into a pit didn't seem like a bad option. 
"The company called", Yoongi said with a very low and quiet voice. "Recordings will start next week", he informed and sat on the couch next to her. 
"That's great! About time, I guess", Andrea answered, trying to keep a smiley face while the inside of her head looked like Dante's Inferno painted by Hieronim Bosch. 
She was obviously happy that he got the chance to produce an album for the band that critics called "the fire of this generation", but for someone who lived under the same roof as him saying she wasn't fond of what followed was an understatement as huge as calling The Great Wall a fence. For years she's learned how to deal with composer Yoongi - grumpy, sleepy and occasionally hyped like Woody Woodpecker who had too much vodka in his morning porridge. Composer Yoongi was quite easy to deal with once she figured out instead of arguing it was better to bend over or drop on the knees. 
Producer Yoongi on the other hand was a whole different deal. She experienced that before and even Qin Shi Huangdi seemed completely sane compared to him, despite being homicidal maniac who drank mercury as an apetizer. 
Andrea looked at her boyfriend who was humming some melody under his nose and started to think about her options from first degree murder to faking her own death. 

******

"God, finally!", Karen exclaimed, throwing herself on the couch when the last bag of garbage landed in the trash. "I always wondered why the appartment gets so much dirtier when no one's home."
"Easy. While you're here the dirt is afraid of you", Dennise said, opening beer bottle and looking around the apartment. Everyone knew how much Karen cared for cleannes and it wouldn't be surprising if her name was also known in the microworld like in Domestos' commercials. 
"Am I really that scary?", Karen asked with an attempt to pout, which made her natural resting face even more fatal. Dennise could've sworn she heard cries of saprophytes commiting mass suicide around her. 
"To some", Andrea answered, sitting on the couch and lifting an eyebrow. 
"If you're talking about that idiot now, I am not sorry. He deserved that", Karen said with her index finger pointed in Andrea. 
"You called him mentally challenged mosquito with ADHD", Dennise reminded her. 
"Yeah, he's annoying as ", the woman shrug her shoulders. 
"He was just excited...", Dennise tried to defent younger friend. 
"He was reenacting a scene from 'Terminator' using hamburger and french fries. I have my limits", Karen stopped her. 
"Ok, you have a point", the woman agreed, remembering the details from that disastrous meeting. 
Taehyung's and Karen's first encounter was inconventional but did not forshadow that the next time they met he would go all in with his Ace Ventura meets Mask attitude, causing Karen to pray for shuriken rain. 
"He just wanted to be friendly. He's not that bad", Andrea stated, reaching for her bottle. 
"That comes from a woman who told me she 'accidentally' locked him on the balcony for an hour?", Karen asked with a grin. Andrea suddenly became very interested in her nails. "Sorry, we're like fire and water."
Dennise smiled under her nose.
"Mhm... That's very... steamy", she said with a smirk. Soon she found out how painful it is to be hit with a flipflop by a former volleyball player. 
It was nice to be back together and be able to actually meet instead of just seeing each other on the screen, though at that moment Dennise appreciated the space barrier which allowed her to avoid getting hit for past few months. 
"You had it coming", Karen said, handling Dennise another beer. 
"I can't help it. It's a condition, you know", the woman answered, trying to keep straight face.
"Naaaah, you're just a satan", Andrea said with a smile that suggested Dennise wasn't the only one who should stay away from holy water to avoid going up in flames. 
"Speaking of pure evil", Karen turned to her "how's your boyfriend doing?"
If anyone could ever describe Karen's attitude towards Yoongi it would be as long as 'In search of lost time' and as incomprehensive as Molly Bloom's monologue from 'Ulysses'. 
"He's peacefully spending his last days on earth", Andrea said with a dramatic sigh.
Karen and Dennise exchanged looks. For years their friends' relationship was the best source of drama for them. Who needs 'Magnificent century' or 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' if you can have 'How will they try to kill each other this time: the real life of Andrea and Yoongi (Parental advisory: explicit content)'.
"What now?", Karen asked with a grimace of a person who was so done with everyone's , she could publish a book about torturing people in her mind using everything that was currently in her hand's reach. For some reaosn remote control and body lotion were her favourite. 
What Andrea said next was the shortest horror story ever told to which any work from King or Craven could be compared to:
"He is... producing."
The silence was so deep no cricket would dare to disturb it. 
"You know... If you kill him, no jury would find you guilty. It'd be self defense", Karen finally said. She remembered how it's like to be around Yoongi in his producer mode and she'd rather be in Pearl Harbor in 1941. "I mean... he gets bat crazy. Like Kim Jong Un crazy." 
"I know, I've been there", Andrea said bitterly. Her face looked like she's been through every disaster from each of Emmerich's movies. 
"Last time he started fire in his bedroom to, quote, 'feel the heat', right?", Karen asked. 
"Yup", Andrea nodded. At that moment she had dificulties to remember the reasons she was still with him, but something was telling her it had a lot to do with Hong Kong. 
"And before that he locked all of us in the bathroom and refused to let us out until he finds the right sound, which took him 10 hours", Dennise remembered. "Good you had that chocolate face mask back then. It was quite tasty, actually...", she paused, seeing Andrea's face. "Hey, why don't you just go somewhere for the time of his recording?", she suggested.
"How? I have to work. Besides, I am afraid of what he'd do to himself and, most importantly, to our apartment", Andrea said. She knew Yoongi better than anyone and was aware of the fact there were many things he could do that were worse than putting on a fire. 
"I know he's more touchy and unpredictable than Old Testament's God, but leave it to me. Isn't there another expo somewhere this week?", Dennise asked. She knew about it since Jungkook was the one from the company who got to participate and wasn't coming back for another week all of which made her say hi to her old fried on batteries that lived in her drawer.
"There is...", Andrea said, narrowing her eyes. "That may actually work. I could go to the expo and murder zombies on screen, pretending it's my boyfriend. That would be perfect!", she said, clapping her hands happily. 
"Great coping mechanism", Karen derided.
"Excuse me, weren't you the one who created a Sim that looked like that model ex-boyfriend of yours and was abusing him for weeks before you finally drowned him in the swimming pool?", Dennise asked, lifting an eyebrow. 
"Oh, you, satan", she said. 
This time Dennise somehow managed to avoid the flying flipflop. The vase and Karen's cellphone had less luck. 

******
"Come on, Namjoon, hang with me. One more time and we're done for the day", Hoseok said, watching his friend gasping for air with his hands on his knees.
They've been practicing the routine for two hours and, to Hoseok's surprise, his friend didn't break anything and was not as big of a disaster as he expected. After what happened when Namjoon first came to the studio, it would probably be wise to change plans, but they were both way too stubborn - Hoseok wanted to show everyone than it is possible for a broomstick to slay on the dancefloor and Namjoon took his pride in proving that he is not an orangutan with hip dysplasia. Two hours into exercises and they were both rather pleased with themselves, even though the student seemed more out of breath than Leonidas after the battle of Thermopylae. 
"Alright, I'll play the music one more time, get ready", Hoseok said when his friend managed to hold vertical position. "And please, don't curse, I need some footage that I can actually use."
"I'll try, but this is so ing hard", Namjoon gasped, placing both hands on his hips. "I feel like having domestic disturbance in my pants."
Hoseok stopped with his finger near the "play" button and looked at the man with a grimace that made his face look like an air heater. 
"I don't know if I want to know", he said while trying not to go where his mind was leading. 
"It's just that my balls are slapping my when we do that", Namjoon explained, doing one of the parts in the choreo. Hoseok cracked up. 
"Dude, what kind of pants are you wearing? First rule is to support your jewells, come on!", he laughed and put the music on. "Ok, let's do this. One, two, three..."
Hoseok turned around just in time to watch his friend's shoe flying across the room, doing perfect arc in the air, while Namjoon's whole body was slowly following its trajectory, creating a scene like from "Matrix", if only Keanu Reeves was blonde and had body control of paralized sloath. 
Variety of swear words that came off Namjoon's mouth when his back met the floor was so severe it could embarrass even a Pole. 

******

Yoongi opened the door and entered the apartment. He walked past the kitchen and took a plate of pasta to his hands. He absentmindely looked for a fork that quickly appeared in front of him. He stabbed the food few times like prison guard searching for hidden objects in the pie and his face changed with a grimace. 
"It's hot", he murmured.
"Wait a bit, it will cool down", some voice answered him. It was distant, almost inaudible for him.
"It's spicy", Yoongi said. 
"You didn't try it, you don't know that yet", the voice said patiently. 
"The pasta is too long", he complained once again. A knife appeared in front of him and he took it from an invisible hand. He went to the living room and sat on the couch, placing the plate on his knees. 
"Wouldn't it be more comfortable by the table?", the voice asked. 
"Don't tell me how to live", Yoongi answered, stabbing the food once again and sniffing it suspiciously. 
"Suit yourself", the voice answered and the source of it disappeared somewhere, not that Yoongi noticed. 
He started chewing his dinner without paying attention to his surrounding. At this point a wild Mongolian horde could pass through the apartment, destroying everything on their way and he wouldn't even notice. After he finished the food he left the plate on the floor and went straight to the studio, closing the door behind him. 
"Fascinating", Hoseok said amazed. "He didn't see us, he just passed by. Does he even know where the food came from?"
Dennise shook her head. Right now it was possible he believed in manna from heaven or even spaghetti monster. 
"This morning I caught him talking to the chair and addressing it 'honey'. He either suffers from agalmatophilia or he doesn't remember Andrea is gone."
It's been few days since Andrea left to the expo, leaving Yoongi alone in his world. Dennise promised to keep an eye on him and save him from starvation, though she had few moments of doubt when she thought about just watching him die. She had reasons to believe he wouldn't notice that either and would just continue working with decomposing body - a gruesome spin-off of 'Death becomes her" and "Corpse bride'. 
The front door opened and Namjoon came in with the facemask covering almost all of his face. He waved his hand to Hoseok and Dennise and without a word laid down on the couch. The woman sighed and prepared another plate of pasta and handled it to him. 
"Shouldn't you be at work?", she said, sitting on the backrest. 
"I was. They told me to go home before and come back once I stop looking like Frankenstein who lost a fight with Freddie Krueger."
Dennise rose an eyebrow and with the corner of an eye saw Hoseok slowly backing up towards the exit. He looked like a crab who heard what's for dinner and decided that red wasn't his color. 
"Hold the up", Dennise stopped him. The man jumped with one hand on the doorknob. "What did you two do? Take off the mask", she ordered, turning to Namjoon. 
The man sighed and listened to her request. Dennise's eyes became round like aroused s of actress. 
"For the love of my rapidly vanishing patience, what happened?"
"I fell down", Namjoon answered, reaching for the plate of pasta.
"On what, someone's shoes?"
"Yeah, his own", Hoseok said. 
Dennise turned towards him and her eyes narrowed causing the man to shrink like on Antarctica. 
"You took him dancing again", she said accusingly. 
"He wanted it!", Hoseok exclaimed, defending himself. 
"And if he wanted to drink gasoline and do Smaug cosplay, you'd let him do it, too?", the woman asked, looking like a mother of ten who regretted not being infertile. 
"Hey, I am a grown up man", Namjoon protested. The fact he was still chewing on the pasta and had sauce smeared on the half of his face somehow destroyed the effect. 
"Shut up, Half Face", Dennise silenced him. The man obeyed, not daring to protest any further. For a woman who thought children were deformed offspring of Minotaur that needed to be isolated, she had quite a lot of protective instincts, which manifested themselves in the form of constant disappointment in her daft adult kids. 
The door to the studio opened revealing Yoongi standing on the threshold. He looked like a bear who woke up from the winter sleep and realized there are still people who think bears eat only honey. you, Winnie the Pooh and your stupid red shirt, I will show you the punctured balloon...
For some reason Yoongi didn't seem to be surprised there were people in his living room. Maybe he took them for his assistants, in the state he was in everything was possible. One day he could claim he was Cleopatra and demanded to see Julius Caesar and no one would even blink. 
"Listen very carefully, I shall say it only once", he said quietly as if he watched one episode of 'Allo! Allo!' too many. "One more word and I will kill each and every one of you. Stop breathing, stop talking, stop living, you spoilages."
After saying these words he turned around and shut the door behind him. 
"Please remind me, why are we friends with him, again?", Hoseok asked. 
At that moment it was a valid question and no one seemed to know the answer. It was something even the oldest Indians couldn't remember. 
"The law of adverse posession?", Namjoon suggested. "Or Stockholm syndrome."
"I think someone has to cool him down a bit. Hoseok, go to him", Dennise said. 
Hoseok looked at her like Izaak must have looked at Abraham before God decided the whole "kill your son if you love me" thing was a very stupid idea.
"Why me?!"
"He always says you make him laugh", the woman explained. 
"Yeah, ok, but I'm afraid that right now the only thing that would make him laugh is my head rolling on the floor next to my dead body", the man said, his imagination being filled with scenes from 'Hostel' Jungkook made him watch one day. After that football was never the same again. 
"I'll go", Namjoon said, standing up from the couch. 
Dennise and Hoseok looked at him like he was a knight in the shining armor (very clumsy and with a death wish, apparently, but one can't have everything). 
"Scream, if it gets violent", Dennise told him. 
"So you could rescue me?"
"So we could run. Don't flatter yourself", Hoseok said, pushing him towards the door to the studio. 

"It's too quiet. I don't like it", Hoseok whispered with his eyes stuck to the doorknob. 
Him and Diane sat in the kitchen, waiting for Namjoon to reappear, but it's been over half an hour and there was no sign of him. This is how Frodo must have felt while waiting for Gandalf.
"We need to check on them. There's no other way", Dennise also whispered. 
Hoseok looked at her and offered her his hand. 
"It was nice knowing you", he said and headed to the apartment's front door. 
"Where are you going?", Dennise asked. 
The man stopped on the threshold. 
"As far away from here as possible. I love you, but I love myself more", he said and took off. 
"Samantha Jones would be proud of you, you sissy er", Dennise complained under her nose. She took herself together and knocked on the studio's door. Once she didn't hear any answer, she opened them slightly and lurked inside, expecting every possible trap from Indiana Jones' movies and feeling almost disappointed when no axe apeared to make burrito out of her. 
The studio was mostly dark. Yoongi was sitting by the desk with his back turned towards the door, looking like Doctor Claw from Inspector Gadget and Dennise thought he could really use some white cat around here. She looked further and saw Namjoon sitting on the armchair under the lamp with a book in his hands. 
The man lift his gaze and looked at her with face expression that caused Dennise to think Yoongi's condition was contageous, being a strong rival to ebola or plague. 
"It's Schopenhauer", the man whispered. "I am having an epiphany. What he said about morality is just..."
Dennise didn't let him finish and quickly closed the door. That day felt like ty Woody Allen's movie and she decided it was about time to end it, preferably with more of a Dorcell vibe. One can be patient and civilized for only few hours a day. 
Schopenhauer my , ing decadents... 

******
"Do you know when you're coming back?", Dennise asked, looking at the screen of her laptop. 
"Well... It's not decided yet", Jungkook answered, scratching the back of his neck. 
The woman sighed and couldn't help but to roll her eyes. If being passive-aggrevise was an olympic sport, Jungkook would have more medals than Michael Phelps. She knew he was prolonging his delegation on purpose, though even master Yoda wouldn't force him to admit that. Each time they talked he tried to act normal, but was failing miserably like a tree growing on the railway. It was obvious his philosophy of not caring and letting everything go was not working in connection to Dennise, despite his stubborn efforts. The woman was aware sooner or later they would need to have The Talk, but it seemed like for Jungkook later was better and "never" - the best. 
"I miss you, you know?", Denise said and cleared , feeling somewhat awkward. When it came to talking about actual feelings she was more lost than damn Nemo. 
Jungkook flinched in his seat and put his head down, but she caught a glimpse of his smile. 
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!! Die, you pathetic potato face! I will skin you and make puree out of you! Ha-ha-haaa!!!", the loud voice came to Dennise's ears and she looked at Jungkook with two questionmarks (big as what she missed the most right now) in her eyes. 
The man seemed more embarrassed than China each time North Korea threatens someone with atomic weapon. 
"Andrea is testing one of the new games", he said, glancing over the shoulder as if expecting the woman to appear behind him with potato masher, looking like an upgraded version of Chucky. 
"So she found what she was looking for? Some zombie apocalypse or other ?", Dennise asked with attitude of a person who knew about games as much as governments know about the needs of people. 
"Not exactly...", Jungkook said, turning around to face the screen. "It's a game about cooking."
Dennise blinked, startled. 
"Cooking? She hates cooking", she said, remembering that one time Andrea wanted to bake a cake, but ended up throwing eggs at pigeons in a sudden rage attack. 
"Yeah, well...", the man couldn't finish the sentence as more yelling could be heard from the other room.
"I will cut you open, then squeez you and watch you bleed! Die, die, die!"
"I guess she's making a juice right now...", Jungkook said, his big eyes showing traces of concern. "You know, I thought they're a good couple, but now...", he added with a gesture that looked like and imitation of nuclear blast. 
"Oh, they are", Dennise assured him. "They're just... inconventional."
"Burn, burn, burn, motherer!", Andrea yelled. An evilish laugh could be heard shortly after, making everyone sure her witch costume on Halloween was an only good choice. 

끝

Namjoon closed the book and looked up at Yoongi, who was still mixing music on his computer. 
"Dude, it's bright already", he said, glancing outside the window, where the sun was slowly rising like a big you from the universe. 
"So what. The laws of nature are no limitation for the true genius", Yoongi said, not looking away from the monitor. 
Namjoon blinked couple of times, valuating the concept. He finally shrug his shoulders and sat down, reaching for another book. 
When Dennise showed up couple of hours later the two of them were sleeping on the floor next to each other - Yoongi looking like a cat curled up with the mouse still in his hands and Namjoon drooling all over his pants. The woman smiled at the sight and was happy to leave them alone - that is after she took some pictures for a blackmail folder ready to be released on their birthday.