It was at times when he lay beside Wonshik, awake and unable to find sleep, he would think back and remember there was a time when he refused to believe that Wonshik loved him. It felt stupid after they had come so far together, especially when he watched Wonshik’s peaceful face beside him on the bed and felt nothing but love for him. All doubt and fear of him gone. He always felt so grateful at those times, for Wonshik never giving up on him. He had refused to let him go, even when Jaehwan tried to push him away, convinced he was easily pushed away.

How wrong he was to think such a thing.

He smiled at Wonshik as a slight snoring sound escaped his open mouth. Even his snores could not do anything about his love for him, he thought fondly while resisting the urge to touch his face. He might wake him up if he did.

He thought back to that time when they had first met, how Wonshik had been so overwhelmingly honest with him and so confident from the very beginning. And how he himself had thought it all a big ruse, because there was no way it was possible. He believed too deeply he was not someone to be loved.

Yet Wonshik continuous insistence grew on him. Slowly, surely he wanted to believe in him. No matter how hard he pushed him, Wonshik would push harder. Never giving up. As if he knew that if he gave up even for a moment, Jaehwan would be lost for him forever.

He became used to having him there. Spoiled even. Started craving him; creating a deep, painful fear within that festered like an infected wound. But thanks to Wonshik; despite all the self-doubt he had created a hope. A wish. A want to believe in him growing stronger day by day.

Every day he would wait for him to come meet him and walk with him to class, and every day he would think that one day Wonshik would not come after all. One day, surely, he would give up on him. And that would be the day he would give up on the world and fall apart like a glass figure falling to the ground. He would learn his lesson.

That day never came. And years passed.

Now they share a life together in happiness and Jaehwan would never dream of doubting the love Wonshik had for him.

He had learned a completely different lesson through the years and every day he silently thanked Wonshik for it.

He reached out and took his hand, Wonshik completely undisturbed where he lay on his side, his chest clenching tightly as he held back his emotions welling up and threatening to burst out of him. For a moment he considered moving out and taking a walk to calm down, but then Wonshik’s fingers tighten around his hand. As if he knew he was considering it. Jaehwan studied his face, but he showed no change. Still deep asleep and occasionally snoring.

Jaehwan watches him quietly for a long time. Looking at his features, trying to remember how they were before and how he had changed. He used to be softer on the edges, and his eyes like a child’s despite his face giving the impression of someone older than he really was. Wonshik always acted as if he was ten years older than he really was. Jaehwan was older by a year, but Wonshik was always the responsible and sensible one. Always stable, always strong and supportive. His rock, mountain, anchor…

What was he to Wonshik?

At one of their darkest moments, when Jaehwan was certain they had reached the point of end, Wonshik desperately told him:

“Without you there’s nothing.”

And Jaehwan had broken down into tears, flustering him to the point of apologizing for his words. Jaehwan assured him the tears were good tears and held him tightly until he could calm down.

Wonshik is not one to express is love in spoken words very often, rather one to show it through physical affection and those eyes of his, but when he did it always left Jaehwan completely wrecked. It meant so much more that way. His words held so much more value that way, and he never doubted the sincerity anymore.

Feeling as if he was about to melt into the bed, Jaehwan shuffled closer to Wonshik as carefully as possible until he could lean his forehead in to meet his. He closed his eyes tightly and swallowed his emotions before letting them settle with a long exhale.

He did one last peak at his face before going to sleep for real.

“Without you there is nothing.” He whispered quietly into the night. Then drifted to sleep listening to the comforting rhythm of his breathing and his warmth in his hand.