Christmas was spent at Mingyu's place as soon as they came back, and they celebrated it simply. They strung lights over his sturdier plants rather than a Christmas tree, and it ended up being a quiet night with no need for an exchange of gifts. They played old and new Christmas music throughout the late hours that they stayed up and enjoyed the other's company before inevitably taking each other to bed.

Wonwoo woke to a blue-wrapped present at the end of the bed and a smile that came from someone who had been waiting an hour for him to wake up. It turned out to be matching scarves for the two of them, and Mingyu made Wonwoo promise to wear it whenever he left the house.

New Year's was a lot more lively than their last laid-back holiday, the two of them leaving to attend a party that Jisoo was hosting with blue scarves wrapped around each of their necks. All eleven of their friends showed, and it surprised Mingyu that even Jihoon attended.

It was just about everything anyone could expect from a doctor hosting a party. It was organized and posh and a little over the top.

Seungcheol's two children acted as the night's entertainment while Seokmin and Soonyoung tried their hardest to get in on the infants' fun. The other's opted to either watch or to make conversation among themselves and although everything was relatively calm, it was never, not even for a second, silent.

The countdown towards midnight was focused on Mingyu and Wonwoo having their New Year's kiss, seeing as they were the only couple that actually attended. The attention made Wonwoo uncomfortable, but for Mingyu, he was delighted to be the center of events.

That is, until, Soonyoung planted one on his best friend and went running.

Most of them forgot about the numbers changing and leaving the year behind them, instead enjoying Seokmin make a sock puppet out of Soonyoung. Most of them, save Mingyu who was too busy making a wish for the New Year. Wonwoo's old wish rang in Mingyu's mind and he ended up altering it a little to fit everything he wanted for the future of the people who he cherished so much.

I wish we can all have a happy ending, together.

He gave a kiss to Wonwoo to seal the wish, and the latter kissed him back without even knowing what it was for. 




 

They went into the New Year with subtle changes and talks of the future.

Mingyu wanted a bigger place with more windows so that he could fit more plants and an actual closet for Wonwoo. Both of their things were starting to overfill and he didn't know how long he could keep cleaning it before it finally all fell apart. He also mentioned a bigger bed, more food, more toothpaste, more towels, more everything because his way of living had so far been for one, and he wanted to adjust it to a life of two.

Meanwhile, Wonwoo wanted his own laptop so he could stop leeching off of Mingyu's, and his own blanket because Mingyu had a tendency to roll himself up in it, leaving none of the fabric for Wonwoo.

Mingyu promised a new blanket, and he delivered.

Wonwoo had to get his own laptop because he refused to have Mingyu give him something else when he hadn't even given him a Christmas present. So he went out and got himself something small and cheap that Mingyu ultimately about.

Mingyu got into the habit of sticking a sticker on it whenever he had one on hand in order to scold Wonwoo for always leaving it in the worst spots. It somehow flew around the apartment and ended up on the floors, behind doors, and under pillows. The stickers weren't anything special, just price stickers or clearance stickers that Mingyu got from items closest to him. Wonwoo never bothered to take them off.

Sometimes when Mingyu came back from work, he would sit and watch Wonwoo do his work if he wasn't busy with his own paperwork, and he would read the stickers absentmindedly until Wonwoo told him to shut up.

He hardly ever got to see the work on Wonwoo's laptop, but from time to time Wonwoo would ask for help with coming up with new ideas and Mingyu would feed him random words or scenarios until he was back on his way.

When they weren't occupied with work they were out on dates or together in bed, the occasional outing apart happening from time to time. Time alone helped them get closer -- if that was even possible.

Mingyu forgot what life was like without Wonwoo, and it seemed as if they had been together all along. From first words, first friends, first loves and first heartbreaks, he believed everything lead him to the moment where he first laid eyes on the mysterious man in the garden.

Life without Wonwoo just didn't seem right anymore.

Wonwoo was always present in the next room, and the house felt empty without the sound of his tapping keys or occasional humming. Wonwoo's socks were always getting tangled in Mingyu's feet as he brushed by them, and his laptop was always somewhere in sight. Mingyu got uneasy whenever he was sleeping alone, now and the sound of Wonwoo's snoring was just another part of his nights. The pictures they took piled up, the plants they collected gathered in bunches, the clothes that they shared overfilled, and the memories kept growing and growing.

Despite Mingyu living every day in bliss, there was always a part of him that still feared something that might come.

Wonwoo still fell sick often, and he still couldn't handle food that well. The younger always tried to assure Mingyu that everyone got sick and there really shouldn't be a reason for him to worry. Wonwoo would tell him he was awfully negative for someone who was supposed to help others get passed their own problems, but he couldn't help it. Something in him was always alert, sure that something was going to break apart the only life he would ever want to live.

And then the waves of anxiety would wash over and they would be back to mornings that smelled like coffee and homemade breakfast, someone singing, someone watering the plants, a new sticker on the small laptop, and the sun would be shining to assure them that they were just fine.

Before Mingyu knew it, the months passed by and they were already half way through the year that he swore had just begun.

They celebrated Mingyu's birthday on the 6th of April, something small and simple where Wonwoo had promised him a gift he had yet to finish. They celebrated Easter on the 16th of April, where they went easter egg hunting with Seungkwan and Hansol because Seungcheol was held up with a meeting. They celebrated their meeting (which Mingyu had to remind Wonwoo of) on the 1st of May where they sat on their rock to reminisce and watch the sunset. They celebrated mother's day on the 14th of May where they were apart at their own parents' places and came back with stories to share. They went to Hoshi's birthday party on the 15th of June where Seokmin announced that they were dating. On the 26th of July, Mingyu insisted they celebrate because it was the day he realized he was madly in love with someone he shouldn't have been.

So, being the cliché couple that they were, Mingyu prepared a candlelit dinner that he hadn't had the chance to have on the anniversary of their meeting, and Wonwoo pretended he didn't notice that Mingyu had actually planned something. 

Mingyu had basically begged the landowner for the roof that night, and he set up in secret while Wonwoo worked on the newest novel he had to edit.

It was an effort to transfer his fold up table and chairs from his balcony to his roof without Wonwoo noticing. While his boyfriend typed madly in the side-room, he moved as quietly as possible through doors he kept open with potted plants. He then had to move all three courses upstairs via rolling tray along with candles and a tablecloth.

When the sun was low on the horizon, Mingyu had finished arranging everything and ran back down all of the flights of stairs instead of the elevator because he was feeling dramatic. He passed by one of his long-time neighbours and waved excitedly at them before he disappeared into his apartment.

Mingyu walked in front of Wonwoo and snapped his laptop shut quite rudely. The younger was clearly shocked initially, but in moments he just looked pissed.

"Mingyu," He said with a low voice, but the older wasn't intimidated, he was still smiling. "If I lost everything, I swear to-"

Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's hands before he could finish and pulled him up. "We all know your laptop automatically saves, stop fussing so much."

"But Mingyu, you never know, some things mess up and I-"

Mingyu cut him off for a second time as he put up a finger to shush him. "Wonwoo, I'm sure it's fine. Give me some of your time today, please."

Wonwoo sighed, but it was short-lived.

His lips twitched into a smile. "Fine. You didn't prepare anything too big, right?"

Mingyu swore that it wasn't too fancy and after Wonwoo had gotten his shoes and a jacket, they got out to get on the elevator. When Wonwoo was too busy asking what floor they needed, Mingyu wrapped a ribbon around his eyes and chuckled when Wonwoo jumped in surprise. At first, he had attempted to take it off, but Mingyu kept it in place and he gave in.

He pressed the button for the highest floor.

When the elevator stopped at their floor, a little ding resounded in the metal space and Mingyu led Wonwoo out carefully. There was one final flight of stairs to climb before they could get to the door that he had left open.

Mingyu had to lead Wonwoo up the stairs, one step at a time so that there wouldn't be a risk of him falling over.

When they finally managed to reach the door without any mishaps, Mingyu positioned Wonwoo so he was facing the setup that had taken him over an hour to prepare. A gust of wind brushed by them into the building as Mingyu undid the knot at the back of Wonwoo's head. The ribbon fell soundlessly, revealing a scene that left Wonwoo speechless.

Before the retreating sun, with its tendrils in hues of pink, sat a clothed table set up for two. There were two tall, thin candles that sat as the centrepiece and other smaller ones scattered across the floor of the roof.

Flowers were covering everything that the eyes could lay on, from the table to the seats, to the rolling tray of food. Some were potted, but most of it were petals. Begonia petals ripped from the stem to be spread and blown away by the wind.

Mingyu waited for a response, but when he got nothing, he tilted his head to try and see what Wonwoo was thinking.

All of a sudden, the older let out a laugh as he shook his head, taking Mingyu by surprise.

"I love it, Mingyu," Wonwoo said in between bouts of laughter, and Mingyu found what he said hard to believe.

"Did I just screw up really badly? Why are you laughing?"

He tried to think of something he could have possibly done wrong but came up blank.

Wonwoo's laughter died down, and now only a broad smile showed his mirth as he locked eyes with Mingyu.

"It's so cheesy. This is the most cheesy thing I've ever had the chance of experiencing in real life." He slid his eyes over to the table again and took steps towards it, making sure to not kick over any of the cinnamon-scented candles littering the floor. "It's just-" He stopped at the table and felt the tablecloth between his fingers. "It's so sweet, it's kind of funny, you know?"

Mingyu thought about it for a second.

"Sort of?"

Wonwoo let out another chuckle and Mingyu decided not to think too hard about it. He let his features fall into an easy smile and gestured for Wonwoo to sit.

On his way to him, Mingyu wheeled the cart a little closer to the table and revealed the courses that he had prepared for them. There was no seafood and plenty of Wonwoo's homemade favourites. Mingyu had wondered briefly if he should have ordered friend chicken or black bean noodles, seeing as it was their favourite food. In the end, he decided not to. Those options were basically junk food. He wanted something fancy, something that he could plate and brag about.

Mingyu brought out the dishes one-by-one, going by course as they ate. He wanted comments on how it tasted, but Wonwoo refused to tell him until they were all done. Mingyu sat impatiently as he ate up his own portions and could only think that it couldn't have been that bad if Wonwoo managed to finish plate after plate. Somewhere in the back of his mind, though, something kept trying to tell him it was secretly awful. 

Wonwoo laughed at Mingyu's constant worrying and covered it up with talks of the novel he was editing and how the couple reminded him eerily of Seokmin and Soonyoung. 

"Both of them are crazily driven to do whatever the hell they want and they both have unique senses of humour." 

Mingyu had to agree that it fit them to a T. The couple never minded what anyone else had to say as long as there was peace in the world and they could pull their stupid pranks without being disturbed. Despite them being nearly crazy, the two had hearts of gold that would never leave behind anyone needing a helping hand. 

Mingyu only had one thing to say about them: "They were made for each other."

"And what about us?" Wonwoo asked, only a second after Mingyu had made the comment. 

"Us?" Mingyu had to pause to think. He couldn't really think of any one thing he had to say about his relationship with Wonwoo. If he started he could continue on until the day where they would be grey and withered. "There's nothing that can say enough about us," Mingyu made up on the spot to cover up the minutes it was taking him to think, but it came out better than he thought. 

Wonwoo smiled to himself as he turned back to his dessert plate. Mingyu loved the way he looked down and smiled as if he were still hiding his emotions. It made it seem like he had fallen in love just the day before -- and maybe that was the truth. Mingyu felt like he could fall in love all over again every day if it was with Wonwoo. 

Finally, Wonwoo ate the last bite of shortcake and Mingyu had completely forgotten about getting critiqued by the former. 

"It was delicious," Wonwoo said as he set down his fork. He smiled leisurely across the table and sat back satisfied. 

Mingyu sat on the edge of his seat, waiting for something else, but when nothing came he leaned forward. 

"Wait, that's it?"

Wonwoo nodded. 

"Why? Why is that it?" Mingyu questioned, frustration settling in. After Wonwoo had taken his time and let Mingyu sit in suspense, he only had one thing to say?

Wonwoo laughed and leaned onto the table, bringing himself closer to Mingyu. 

"I'm not a food critic and if you wanted my opinion from the very beginning I would have just told you over and over again that it's delicious," Wonwoo said, watching in amusement as Mingyu fidgeted with his plate. "Because it was delicious, one of the best meals I've ever had." 

Mingyu spun his plate subconsciously and raised an eyebrow at Wonwoo. "You're telling the truth, right?" 

"Obviously, what would I gain if I lied?" 

Mingyu smiled. "A happy Mingyu, because that's exactly how I'm feeling right now." 

Wonwoo leaned over and gave Mingyu a kiss, smiling through the whole thing. "That would actually be totally worth lying," he confessed as he pulled away just an inch. "but I'm being geniune." 

After a few more questions from Mingyu on more details about what Wonwoo thought, they cleaned up the table and placed everything back into the cart. The setting sun had long since disappeared under the horizon and the city was glowing from bulbs of light floating among the darkness. 

Wonwoo and Mingyu still sat between dwindling candles, hands laced in the middle of the clothed table. 

Their features were highlighted by the centerpiece and Mingyu couldn't help but reach out to trace his fingers along Wonwoo's skin where the shadows met with the light. 

Wonwoo smiled at Mingyu's actions, tilting his head into his fingers. He closed his eyes, relishing in the patterns that swirled across his cheek. 

"Hey Mingyu," Wonwoo spoke, out of nowhere. "What did I do to become lucky enough to have met you?" 

Mingyu's hand paused for a millisecond before he opened his palm to hold Wonwoo's face. 

"Especially when I thought I was about to reach the end," Wonwoo continued, a light laugh breaking through his lips as his eyes fluttered open. "How did I become so lucky?" 

Mingyu's lips curved into a soft smile, accentuated by the orange light of the flame. 

"Because you're you," Mingyu brushed a strand of Wonwoo's hair aside so their eyes could be connected, undisturbed. "You have me because I'm in love with you and honestly you deserve so much more than just me." 

Wonwoo shook his head in disbelief. "Just you?" Wonwoo blew air into Mingyu's face for some reason completely unknown to the latter before he continued. "Shut up, Kim Mingyu. You're the best thing that's ever happened to this world and if anyone else says otherwise they're probably jealous." Wonwoo was looking at their hands now, his fingers playing with Mingyu's nails. He seemed a little too embarrassed to make eye contact. "Who else would actually be kind-hearted enough to spend time with a desperate stranger just because they asked?" Wonwoo's cheeks were tinted a light pink. "Well-Maybe an idiot but you're both an idiot and a warm person." 

Mingyu brought his hand back to feel his face because he was pretty sure he was actually blushing. 

Wonwoo looked up, missing the contact when he saw Mingyu's wide eyes and coloured face. 

"Actually-" Wonwoo started before Mingyu cut him off. 

"Thank you Wonwoo, really, but like I said before, it's not because of me or because of some strange force in the universe but I spent time with you because you're worth it. If I'm the best thing to happen to this world, you're the best thing to happen to the best thing," Mingyu laughed a little at himself. "That makes you a whole lot better than me." 

Wonwoo opened his mouth before popping it back closed. 

"But don't you..." Wonwoo trailed, unsure if he should speak his mind. He took a breath before he spoke again. "Don't you ever regret being with me?" 

"No!" Mingyu shot back immediately. "No, of course of not," he continued more calmly. "After everything I just said, how could you even think I regret being with you?" 

Wonwoo rocked awkwardly in his chair, his eyes directed to the sky above them. 

"Well, I'm a weak person, do you think, maybe, that one day you'll tire of taking care of me?" 

Mingyu shook his head resolutely. "No. At this point, you're the one keeping me sane so who's taking care of who?" Mingyu smiled when Wonwoo brought his attention back to him. "We've got to look after each other so let's not abandon each other, okay?" 

Wonwoo smiled down at their hands again, nodding his head soundlessly. 

"Hey, you have to promise me because I don't think I can live without you keeping my head on straight," Mingyu urged, placing his head on the table so he was in Wonwoo's line of sight. His cheek was squished against the table cloth and his eyes glittered in the light. He looked like child amazement was captured into a person. 

"What's up with you and the cliché lines today?" Wonwoo asked with a laugh, enjoying the sight of Mingyu being Mingyu. 

The younger gave him a bright smile from the table. "I'm trying to be super sweet today so that you'll give me that gift you promised me." 

Wonwoo cocked his head to the side, raising an accusing eyebrow. "Oh, so that's what this is all about?" He poked at the cheek that was raised to the sky. "Well, it's taking me longer than I thought anyway, so I can't give it to you yet." Wonwoo added as an afterthought: "And here I thought you were actually being genuine."

Mingyu laughed, sitting straight again, placing a quick kiss on Wonwoo's lips as he came up. "You know I love you, though." 

Wonwoo hummed, letting a smile take over his face. "I love you too." 

 As the candles burned out and their words were taken away by relentless fatigue, Wonwoo and Mingyu stayed on the rooftop until they were barely awake enough to put everything away. 

When they crashed onto their bed that night, they slept tangled together and forgot all about the work that awaited them the next day. 

They also forgot that Wonwoo had never promised. 

September 18th, Wonwoo relapsed.

It came slowly, like small steps leading to something a lot bigger. Wonwoo had first told Mingyu that he thought he had cramps, but it went away and came back in small successions. Then he couldn't hold his food down anymore, just like he used to, and on the night of the eighteenth, he said he felt like everything was burning.

Mingyu had rushed him to the hospital, driving faster than he ever had in his life, while Wonwoo sat silently next to him in the car.

The hospital took him away from Mingyu, somewhere he couldn't follow and he was left to wait.

Mingyu thought back to the appointments they had in the past with Wonwoo's treatment team and how they had both thought he was better. They visited the hospital less often, and the little pains became less of a concern. More than a year had passed without problems, and Mingyu couldn't help but feel that this was some sort of punishment for letting his guard down.

His mind kept attacking him with thoughts that this was somehow his fault and he knew he had to stop, he really wanted to but not being able to do anything wasn't helping. Mingyu was just sitting and waiting, nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing he could do would help.

Maybe it was something he cooked, maybe it was that cold Wonwoo got because Mingyu locked him out on the balcony as a joke, maybe it was because Mingyu let Wonwoo work too hard, maybe it was all his fault.

He wanted to cry. He also knew that wouldn't help, so he blinked them back, holding in a breath in an attempt to hold back his tears. He had to do something if he wanted to stop his mind from abusing his mentality anymore.

Mingyu took out his phone from his pocket with difficulty, and just the small resistance from it nearly pulled tears from his eyes. He refused to allow himself to cry because his phone wouldn't come out.

When he turned it on, the time shone back at him. He had been there for only a couple of minutes and it already felt like an eternity. He shook his head to shake himself out of the depressed state he was in. He wanted to call Wonwoo's family, they had to know and he couldn't do that if he was choked up by his own emotions.

With slow fingers, Mingyu unlocked his phone and tapped in the number for Wonwoo's family that he had memorized.

He wasn't sure if they would be awake. It was hardly ten, so there was a chance they'd still be up.

He wasn't sure if he actually wanted them to pick up or not because he didn't know if he would be able to handle Wonwoo's sweet mother crying, or his father attempting to be strong. Mingyu was already having a hard enough time holding himself up, and if all three of them began asking him questions, he didn't know what he would do.

Mingyu's call didn't go through and he was left listening to a pre-recorded voicemail machine that was recored by the family of four. He picked out Wonwoo's voice easily and his vision swam at the happy lilt in the familiar voice.

Mingyu wondered if he would ever hear it again.

The thought pushed him off the edge and he began crying. It wasn't a loud cry of sadness, or a racking sobbing but silent tears that went unnoticed by the others in the same room. In his sorrow, he was still too aware of the happiness of those around him.

He let himself be sad alone, and let the misery swallow him up as he curled into his chair in the corner. He felt as if he was physically sinking into something dark, where nothing of himself would be left. Mingyu tried to stop the feeling, coming up with images of his favourite things. Flowers, the four seasons, his patients, polaroid pictures or carnivals but every image kept trailing back to Wonwoo.

He realized he couldn't do it alone, and before he knew it, he was pressing his phone up to his face calling the only person he could think of that would be close enough to help him.

It rang twice before he listened to the click of the phone and bright voice fly through the small speaker.

Seokmin sounded as excited as ever and his little "Hey, Mingyu!" was brighter than Mingyu remembered it.

He regretted calling him. What if Seokmin was having a good time and he just ruined something?

Mingyu didn't know what to say for a while and let the line hang in silence. After a second, Seokmin asked if he was still there.

Mingyu took a breath and spoke in the happiest voice he could manage. "What's up, Seokmin?"

"I'm in the garden at the hospital, another late night for me." He chuckled and Mingyu heard something drop on the other end. "You need something, Mingyu? I'd be glad to help." Seokmin asked, the sound of his voice faltering behind the wind.

Mingyu pretended to hum as if he were thinking, but at the moment, he would rather Seokmin just blather on as he always did so Mingyu wouldn't have to ruin his night, and he wouldn't be left alone with this crisis.

"No, just wanted to chat." He tried to sound casual and attempted to hide the sniff that came from him before he even realized he had done it.

Seokmin laughed. "That's weird, you don't normally chat over the phone. What happened to mister 'I prefer texting'?"

Mingyu heard Seokmin walking and the rustling of what must have been dirt.

"I can change my mind."

Mingyu saw a head of hair roll past him that looked like Wonwoo, and he stood up, alarmed. He took a few steps to follow it, his heart lighting up with hope.

Upon closer inspection, he didn't recognize the person at all.

His heart constricted and he had to walk back to his lonely corner that looked a little darker. He sat back down, his body drooping into the seat dejectedly. He felt more tears trail past his cheeks and he wiped at them as he brought his cellphone back to his ear.

He caught on to the end of Seokmin's sentence.

"-so self-assured."

Mingyu heard a door being opened, and Seokmin shuffling through it.

"Sorry, could you say that again?" He asked.

Seokmin sighed before the line went silent abruptly.

Mingyu wiped at another tear that escaped and listened intently for any sign that he might still be there. There wasn't anything but Seokmin's breathing and the sounds of the hospital until the now-quiet voice cut in.

"Holy hell... Mingyu, are you okay?"

Mingyu heard the voice from both sides and he finally noticed that the door Seokmin had walked through had been the door across from him.

Seokmin looked disfigured behind his tear-stained vision, but Mingyu could still make out the look of surprise on his friend's face.

He wiped at his eyes in vain, knowing that Seokmin had already seen his sorrowful face.

He saw Seokmin hang up and walk over as fast as he could, a garden shovel in his hand. The people around them were all focused on the gardener. He knelt before the chair, dipping his head so he could be level with Mingyu who was folded in on himself.

"Mingyu, what happened? Why didn't you tell me you were here like... this?" Seokmin examined him from head to toe, trying to see if he could find the root of the problem. His concern made Mingyu feel weaker, and as a result, felt the urge to sob out loud, to let everything out to one of his oldest friends.

But he held back, shaking his head as the only response.

"I would have come right away! You're not hurt are you?"

Mingyu shook his head again.

Seokmin sighed in relief and laid down the shovel as he sat in the empty seat next to the corner.

He sat in silence for a while, letting Mingyu regain his composure as his breathing evened out and his vision slowly became clearer. It took Mingyu everything he had just to get himself out of condition he was in before. He stopped himself from his near-sobbing and sat a little straighter. He knew his eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was probably dripping but he tried his best to look somewhat alright.

"... So? Why are you here? Does Wonwoo know you're here?"

Mingyu took a breath before he spoke. "Wonwoo knows."

As if something clicked in his mind, Seokmin's eyes widened and he placed his hands over his mouth in concern. "Is he-Is Wonwoo... Okay?"

Mingyu could only shrug. He didn't have a clue what was happening behind those doors where psychiatrists like him weren't allowed. He had no clue what the symptoms meant even if he had read everything there was to know about stomach cancer after he met Wonwoo. Mingyu genuinely had no idea how to answer.

"He was... He was in a lot of pain, Seokmin. I could tell. It looked awful and I just-" A hitch in his voice cut him off and Mingyu's eyes were spilling tears again. "I was just so useless. I can't do anything, and I know nothing even though I'm a doctor."

"Mingyu, no."

With his gloved, dirt-covered hands, Seokmin pulled Mingyu in for one his awkward hugs.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, Mingyu. There's not a lot anyone can do in this situation." Seokmin changed positions so Mingyu was leaning on his shoulder, and Seokmin had a hand patting his head. "You're a doctor that deals with feelings and stuff like that so you should just deal with your feelings for now." Seokmin smoothed back Mingyu's hair, and Mingyu felt oddly like a child in his mother's arms. "So just cry and make sure you know it's not your fault because if I know you, I know you're stupid enough to make even this about you."

Mingyu chuckled, deep and low for a long while before he realized that the laughing was actually his crying. He sobbed into Seokmin's shoulder, letting it slip pass his lips no louder than a whisper.

"Wh-what if this i-is something s-serious?" Mingyu asked Seokmin silently.

"Then it's something serious, and you guys will get over it just fine." Seokmin replied just as silently. "He's going to be fine, Mingyu."

Mingyu was never as grateful for anyone as he was for Seokmin in that moment. Stupid, garden-fearing, joke-making Seokmin was actually comforting him and he couldn't hope for anyone else. Seokmin was simple-minded and the answers he gave Mingyu was exactly what he needed.

"You guys are going to be just fine."




 

Mingyu didn't get to see Wonwoo that night, but Seokmin kept promising that they were going to be okay as the night slipped past them.

The morning after, Mingyu got in touch with Wonwoo's parents. They were a panicked mess when they finally registered what the doctor was telling them. The words they spoke were nearly code; stuttered questions, held out sighs and muttered cries. It was hard for him to understand them at all, but he felt responsible enough to decode every word that was whispered through the line.

Mingyu was still coping with everything, but after spending a while with Seokmin he had brightened considerably, making it easier for him to do what he did best. Dealing with people who were lost.

Bohyuk even spoke to him for a short while over the phone, and all Mingyu could hear in his voice was broken accusation. The teen was trying his best to stay composed, but even if they were miles away, the hostility was palpable. They both thought it was somehow Mingyu's fault, and the conversation just further pushed Mingyu into that idea. His sense of responsibility grew to the point where he updated them every ten minutes.

Seokmin tried his best to stay by his side, but when he couldn't, he made sure Jeonghan would check up on him to make sure he wouldn't end up how he was the night before. Jeonghan would hang around him casually, acting as if nothing was wrong. He was different from Seokmin, he didn't dare touch the subject unless Mingyu openly asked him something; he was, after all, on Wonwoo's treatment team. The problem was, Jeonghan wasn't in the room for most of Wonwoo's examination and so could hardly answer any of Mingyu's questions.

Mingyu left in search of Jisoo to ask him about Wonwoo's condition and he was found in his office, scribbling something in his illegible writing onto a piece of paper.

Mingyu didn't even bother to knock, something they had grown accustomed to after they had become friends. He just slid through the door, dropping himself into the chair facing Jisoo's before he began bombarding him with questions.

Jisoo answered as calmly as he could, despite looking as unsettled as Mingyu. He explained whatever he could.

Wonwoo had relapsed, the tumor forming about a month prior to where they were now; maybe even farther back than that. According to their past experiences, cancer reccurence could be more difficult than the first case, and Wonwoo was not an exception. Jisoo told Mingyu the truth then, that this time around, the treatment wouldn't go as smoothly as the ones they performed when they first met. The cancer cells were more aggressive, and Jisoo was still in the process of deciding what treatment would be best.

Mingyu processed all of this as he continued to ask questions, sometimes even repeating ones he had already received answers for. He didn't want to stop, he wanted to make sure he knew and understood everything before he even dared to think about leaving that room.

Somewhere down the line, Jisoo began to look as upset as Mingyu and he nearly snapped. Mingyu had begun asking the 'Why?' questions.

"Why did it have to come back?"

"Why couldn't he just be left alone?"

"Why Wonwoo?"

Jisoo's eyes became tired and he sighed before he half-shouted, "I can't answer those, Mingyu!" He was sad too, Mingyu finally noticed. "Wonwoo's my friend too, you know," Jisoo said quietly. "I want to wonder about those things too, but you and I both know there's no answer to why someone so awfully wonderful has to be hurt this way..." 

Jisoo had to look away, diverting his gaze to the ceiling as he blinked rapidly.

"I'm sorry," Mingyu whispered.

Jisoo sighed and then they sat staring at nothing.

In those minutes, Mingyu didn't really think about anything, just repeating words about what was happening. He wondered if he could make it through the day without seeing Wonwoo. He knew he probably couldn't. Mingyu really wanted to look at him, even if Wonwoo couldn't look back just yet.

Then Jeonghan stepped in, light feet hardly making a sound against the hardwood floors. Wonwoo was cleared for visitors.

He was awake, and he was asking for Mingyu. 


--

 

After that first day, Mingyu was beginning to be okay again. As soon as he heard Wonwoo's voice commenting on how awful he looked, he felt as if Seokmin's words held some truth. They were going to be fine, and he could believe it now.

They went home, Mingyu babying him in every humanly possible way. He was relieved because Wonwoo looked normal. He was talking, he was eating, he was laughing. As long as Wonwoo looked happy, Mingyu was too.

Despite the relief, things weren't easily put back. They were careful about everything.

Where Mingyu would normally be the one to do exciting things, he now held back in fear that something might happen. Without anyone to push Wonwoo out of his comfort zone, he was left to stew in the dark cloud that surrounded the situation they had been put in.

Everything was to be done after consulting the doctors, and no one was to take risks.

They still did the normal things. A new sticker would appear, laughing would fill the pockets of silence, pictures would fill the albums, but they hardly went out on adventures to new places like Mingyu had suggested in the past. Wonwoo was confined to Mingyu's small apartment and his room in the hospital.

Jeonghan, Seokmin and Jisoo were concerned but what could they do when the two of them still seemed happy? The one who normally solved problems for them was Mingyu, but now he was in the eye of the storm and none of them knew how to get through to him. Eventually, most of their friends banded together in attempts to get them to back to the way they were before, but even Jisoo's constant reassurances that they didn't have to be overly careful didn't work.

Mingyu looked like he was treading on thin ice while Wonwoo was looking more and more strained as time went on.

Even Mingyu knew somewhere deep down that he was doing things wrong, but fear held a strong power over his life and he could never get himself out of the comfort that 'playing-it-safe' provided. If something else happened to Wonwoo, he couldn't bear knowing that he had failed to protect him.

On a strangely quiet day, Mingyu finally built up the courage to take them out to a petting zoo in the countryside not too far from Seoul.

It started out with a nice atmosphere. The sky was as blue as ever, speckled and blurred by the plump clouds spread across it. There was a cool breeze-- not too cool but it wasn't stuffy or humid-- and the air was filled with sounds of families laughing and the occasional grunt from an animal.

Wonwoo and Mingyu were already feeling better, seeing the world just as they had left it; happy, bright and moving along as it should.

They saw cows, chickens, llamas and donkeys as soon as they had broken through the crowd at the entrance. Somewhere in the distance, braying could be heard and Mingyu already began raving about sheep. He was reverting back to normal, one animal at a time and Wonwoo's happy mood only helped.

The llamas stood taller than Mingyu, casting a shadow over the both of them. It made strange huffing noises and, true to rumours, spat at them. Wonwoo made a bet to see who the llama would spit at more, him or Mingyu and the latter agreed readily. Wonwoo bet a written short story and Mingyu bet a new bookshelf for their apartment. After dodging lobs of spit and flinching whenever they heard a grunt, Wonwoo lost, the llama being awfully stubborn and spitting in Wonwoo's direction a lot more often than he initially thought it would. Mingyu made him lock pinkies to promise him he'd write the best short story he would ever read.

Animals nudged at their palms for food, their wet noses leaving streaks on Mingyu and Wonwoo's hands. Mingyu laughed at the ones that were especially desperate and, as usual, Wonwoo caught onto his contagious laughing and they were stuck in front of the pigs, laughing harder than they had in weeks because one of the pigs had the audacity to fit half its body through the fence when they were occupied with their laughter. The employees had to get him out themselves, and shooed the still laughing couple away from the exhibit.

Wonwoo met a goat that had a bald spot on his head at the next stop, and he got attached quickly. He named the small animal "Trouble". When Mingyu gave him a quizzical look, he explained that the goat must have been a lot of trouble to care for if the spot was caused by stress. Plus, he added, the animal had this killer look in its eyes.

Then someone ran into him. They didn't even bother with an apology, just walking along as if he hadn't basically just football-tackled someone. 

Mingyu couldn't catch him in time and he went stumbling into the fence. The bag of food that they had purchased for the goats spilled into the enclosure and braying goats of all sizes came running for the spilled feed. Meanwhile, Wonwoo was hunched over the fence, a pole digging into the side of his stomach.

Mingyu helped him up, the calm that had built in him crumbling away to be replaced by anger and the unease he had tried so desperately to erase. After ensuring that Wonwoo was okay, Mingyu stood between him and the person who had knocked him over. 

"Excuse me?" Mingyu asked, seeing the way the man was looking at them, clear disgust written over his expression.

The man shrugged. "It was an accident," he said with icy casualness.

Mingyu had to raise his voice over the growing clamor of crazed animals behind him. "You could at least apologize." 

"Well, you guys have been here for half an hour, give other people a chance," The shorter man sniffed, glancing over Mingyu's shoulder at Wonwoo.

"We've been here for ten minutes, and there's plenty of space," Mingyu shot back, shifting so that the man was paying attention to him. "There's was no reason to be rude, you could have just asked," Mingyu said in an attempt to stay civil. He knew better than to start a fight in public.

"If I asked, your stupid friend wouldn't have heard me over his baby talk."

Mingyu wasn't sure if he heard right over the chaotic sounds of goats fighting for food behind him, but what he did manage to register made his anger bubble over.

"If you asked-"

Mingyu was cut off before he continued when workers came to shout at the three of them. He couldn't understand anything over the overlapping sounds of shouting and braying, and he really did not want to take his eyes off of the man but he felt something tugging at his shirt.

Mingyu turned around and found Wonwoo looking paler than he did before, clutching his head and stomach at the same time. Mingyu was overcome by fear then, dipping his head so he could hear what Wonwoo needed.

"Can we just go?"

Mingyu nodded vigorously. "Of course."

He wrapped an arm around Wonwoo's shoulders and maneuvered through the crowd of chaos. He ignored the man's taunts from behind him, his only focus on Wonwoo and how he must be feeling.

They left in silence, Wonwoo falling victim to exhaustion in the car.

Mingyu knew he never wanted that to happen again.

They couldn't go back to normal. 


--

 

It was unintentional, but they became distanced.

They tried to be okay, they tried to just be as they were before, but the lack of things Mingyu was willing to do, and the little that they ended up doing just wasn't enough.

Wonwoo was eventually moved back to the hospital when his health wasn't improving and that only further deepened the ravine that had opened between them. Mingyu stopped by frequently the first couple of weeks, dropping off Wonwoo's laptop, his phone and anything he would need.

Wonwoo became weaker and Mingyu became afraid to see him. He didn't know what he could do and he began hiding from what was actually happening. He only stopped by when someone asked him to, or if he felt it had been too long since they had seen each other. Visiting Wonwoo became a task rather than a voluntary act.

He knew he was being awful because Wonwoo wasn't the type of person to accuse someone, or ask for what he really wanted if he wasn't desperate enough, but Mingyu couldn't bear being by his side when he knew his fear might just make things worse for Wonwoo. He had no idea to help, and his cautious actions hadn't helped in the past two months, so why would they now?

Mingyu lived with the image of the Wonwoo that he used to know, leaving the Wonwoo of the present to sit alone in a bed that they used to talk from.

On good days, Mingyu wouldn't think of him at all until he was alone in the apartment that had Wonwoo written all over it, and even then, he would just lay down and close his eyes until these parts of him disappeared too.

Mingyu made new friends, a beautiful man named Baekhyun, and a tall elf named Chanyeol. They didn't know Wonwoo, and so they didn't remind him of the pain that he was escaping, further erasing the dark eyes and the strangely bright smile that he hadn't wanted to leave.

He turned away visits from Wonwoo's family.

A month passed by.

Mingyu's visits became less frequent, and he even turned down some of the favours others asked him to perform for Wonwoo. His heart hurt a little less whenever Wonwoo was mentioned and he began believing that he could live.

He refused to look at Jeonghan and Seokmin when they passed in the halls because they only ever came to him with sad, begging eyes. Something about Wonwoo would be said and Mingyu would nod absentmindedly as if he were busy and he would move on. He felt guilty because he owed a lot to Seokmin but he kept telling himself that as soon as he felt good enough to see Wonwoo, he would.

His old friends hardly talked to him, only ever coming to him if needed to tell him something about Wonwoo. Even Seungkwan had abandoned him, siding with the older of the two.

He spent his holidays alone. On New Year's, his wish from the preceding year came back to him and he felt his heart breaking all over again. He cried again for the first time in forever, letting out everything that remained of his broken relationship with the one he used to think he would sacrifice everything for. The pictures lying around the house taunted him, the plants looked as if they were wilting, and everything looked as if it had chosen Wonwoo.

Mingyu was completely alone that night, with dreams of a time where the only thing he knew was happiness.