09- Blackhole

The beady eyes of the stuffed bear sat on the chair in front of her bed, staring right into her soul, had her groaning. She closed her eyes as flashes of that one afternoon invaded her mind once again.

Her heart was pounding as she and the oldest walked towards the park. This was it. She’s about to do it after having thought of it for quite some time. She can’t be wrong on this. She’s a hundred percent sure all signs point to her.

“U-Uhm, unnie..” she called out. Irene looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “D-d’you want to sit down by the swings?”

“Alright~” the two of them moved towards the empty seats and she can’t help but notice how the skies are suddenly so cloudy and gray. A bear-like smile flashed across her mind and she scrunched her eyebrows.

“Are you alright, Wendy?”

“Yes!” she cringed at herself at how fast that reply was, completely forgetting her earlier thoughts. It was quiet for a few minutes while the two of them sat on the swings with the older one looking up at the sky with a small smile painted on her lips. Wendy awed at the beauty beside her and took a deep breath. She guesses it’s all or nothing now as she looked at the beautiful girl with as much sincerity as she could muster. “Irene unnie..”

“Hmm?”

“I-I-I,” she cleared , “I like you!” her voice squeaked at the last part, Irene looked shocked to say the least but she continued her confession, “I’ve liked you for quite some time now, ever since that rainy day you helped me… you make my heart beat really fast and I really really like you.”

“As a friend.” Irene smiled and Wendy shook her head,

“No! As m-more--”

“Wendy, it’s not me you have set your heart on.” the older one cut off, a smile still placed gently on her lips. Wendy was about to retaliate again but it seems that words had suddenly left her and she was stuck looking at the beautiful girl beside her with mouth hanging open. Irene let out a sigh akin to amusement before continuing,

“Think deeply, Wen. I can’t accept your confession and I’m flattered by it, but trust me, it’s not me you love.” the older one’s eyes were sincere as she stared at the smaller one and the latter had felt it. There was silence between them and Irene had looked up again, now observing the way the greens of the leaves swayed and looked like it’s dancing with the flowers, a smile still in place before she continued, “Besides,” Irene laughed, “I have my eyes set on someone who still hasn’t quite figured it out yet.”

She was confused after that because it didn’t hurt. Getting rejected was supposed to hurt, right? As far as getting refused goes, she knows she’s supposed to feel some negative emotions right now... But why does she feel okay with it? Why is she perturbed by a somewhat different thing? She feels like something else was disconnecting slowly inside her and she doesn’t know what to do.

“If that’s crazy then I might be downright insane because I love you.”

“UgHHHHHH” she screamed in frustration, her ears feeling warm all of a sudden and her hands slapping her forehead. The images of her Seulgi suddenly confessing to her has also been running through her mind a lot lately and she doesn’t know how to handle it. The weeks before had been difficult. Her best friend would purposely avoid her and their whole group in general which always earned her some dirty looks from Yeri, a disappointed look from her sister, and one of apology from the oldest.

You can’t blame her. Even until now, she’s still muddled about what Irene had told her and even more baffled that she was mistaken about her assumption. She couldn’t have been wrong with Irene being her soulmate. She’s never been wrong--Be it with academics or just normal everyday things, she’s never wrong. But why is it that something still doesn’t feel right?

She sighed for the umpteenth time, bringing her phone closer to her face and staring at the last message she sent a few days ago that’s still hasn’t been answered yet.

‘Sent: 17:50
Seul’

‘Sent: 17:59
Hey~’

‘Sent: 18:01
Did you get home safe?’

‘Sent: 18:30
Hey, is everything alright?’

‘Sent: 23:21
Seul...’

She let out a long long sigh, bringing her phone down to her chest, clinking with the star necklace, and staring blankly at the ceiling. Her thoughts are all jumbled and her emotions somewhat indecipherable. But there was this feeling of longing and disconnection that’s surpassing all the other and it makes her even more confused and scared than she already is.

“Are you okay?” She looked at the door to see her aunt, Jessica, peeking through the door. She noticed how the older one’s demeanor had changed--the once lightful girl had suddenly dimmed down. A flash of lightless eyes suddenly had her disturbed and anxious. She noticed the frown of worry on her aunt’s face and she had looked back, panic-stricken.

“Wendy, breathe.” Jessica instructed, quickly walking towards her and guiding her to learn to breathe again.

“I-I”

“Shhh, it’s good. Breathe in” a pause, “Breathe out” she followed the command and finally had calm herself down. The older one her hair, “Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah. I just got very anxious so suddenly.”

“Let’s go get some ice cream.” Jessica cajoled her and she let the taller one, the fear still lingering from within her.

“That’s your final decision then?”

“Yes, I already told my parents and they were very supportive about it.” the pretty girl from the video chat smiled warmly at her.

“Alright then, Seul, I’ll fix the extra room here for you~ Send me your details so I can pick you up at the airport!”

“Ah! Krys, you don’t have to do that! I can just ride a cab or something!” Her face and ears felt warm with shyness. Krystal laughed at that before looking at her fondly,

“Don’t worry about it you dumb bear~ I’ll make sure I’m the first familiar face you’ll see when you land and maybe then you’ll finally admit that you’ve fallen for me!~” the pretty girl winked playfully as Seulgi scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Isn’t it the other way around?” she joked back.

“You’ll never get me to say that” Krystal laughed and she joined in too, enjoying the way the black hole had ebbed even for a while. Her hands ran through the papers scattered beside her, feeling the smooth surface of her future. Funny, she imagined her future being different—mostly with her heart being beside her, laughing and growing together. “Earth to Seul! You’re dozing off on me here, makes me think I’m boring you..”

“Ah~ I’m sorry! I was just thinking about—“

“Her again” A sigh. The corner of her lip moving up sadly.

“I have to tell unnie.”

“Now?” Krystal’s tone was filled with worry, she nodded with reassurance.

“Don’t worry! I’ll be fine~ I’ll go now~”

“Alright.. Goodluck, Seulgi” She noted the tone of her pretty friend was somewhat still filled with worry and it made her heart a little bit warmer. She smiled before waving a goodbye to Krystal and ending their video chat, dropping her phone back on her bed and giving out a heavy sigh before looking around the room, her eyes focusing on the hastily thrown canvas--her feelings.

It was quite a whirlwind the next few days after she told her Yuri unnie about studying abroad. There was this silent plea for her to change her mind but at the same time a feeling of defeat because her unnie knows she won’t be taking back what she had decided. Papers were being printed, signed, scanned, and e-mailed to the corresponding recipients. She’s making a checklist of the things she thinks she needs to bring-- erasing, adding, and erasing again.

Friday came by and finally she has a little room to breathe. She plopped down on the pink bed that belonged to her little devil, Yeri, while the latter tried to push her older sister’s Tiffany’s face out of her room.

“UGH UNNIE YOU’RE NOT WELCOME! THIS IS MINE AND SEULGI UNNIE’S TIME!!”

“BUT YERIIIII!!!~~ I WANNA JOIN TOO!!!!” Tiffany screamed while Yeri’s hands were smushing her face out the door.

“GO JOIN YOUR OTHER FRIENDS!”

“YURI’S BUSY AND SOOYOUNG IS OUT EATING AGAIN!!!”

“THEN GO JOIN SOOYOUNG UNNIE!”

“BUT YERIIIIIII”

“BYE!” and with that, Yeri finally closed and locked her bedroom door. Seulgi gave a tiny chuckle which made the younger one’s head to quickly look at her. “What’s so funny?”

“You should really be nicer to your sister.”

“She’s soooo suffocating tho!” Yeri groaned, plopping beside her. She patted the younger one’s head, already knowing that she’ll miss this little rascal. It was quiet between them for a few minutes with Yeri enjoying the bear’s presence.

“The camping trip is going to be fun… I think?” Yeri started and she paused running her fingers through the younger one’s hair, the topic getting throwing her off guard. It took a few seconds for her to compose herself before she continued with what she was doing.

“You sound unsure.”

“Hmm, well… It’s been weird…” the younger one paused, heaving a sigh, “I know you heard about Wendy unnie’s confession to Irene unnie--”

“How’d you--”

“Joy unnie has been ranting to me almost everyday!” Yeri paused, waiting for if she would say anything before continuing, “I messaged you a few days ago if you want to hang out with us but then you said you were busy...”

“I was bu--”

“I can tell you Wendy unnie seemed disappointed when I announced you couldn’t join.”

“Huh..” Yeri rolled her eyes at her before exclaiming,

“I’m serious, unnie! Joy unnie even said that Wendy unnie has been totally off ever since that day! It looks like Wendy unnie’s always staring at her phone or staring blankly somewhere. One time, Joy unnie caught her talking to herself! We think she’s going insane!” She scrunched her eyebrows,

“Alright, let’s not be so over dramatic here, Yeri.”

“You’re being over dramatic! This is the longest time that you two hadn’t talked! Aren’t you going crazy, unnie?!” She looked away, eyebrows meeting in the middle. It may be true that she’s going crazy about not being able to talk to her bestfriend for the longest time but she knows defeat when she sees it.

Wendy didn’t choose her.

She has to remind herself about that every day. She felt the black hole, that had ebbed for a while inside her, slowly burst open, eating up every star, every constellation that her feelings for Wendy had built. She looked at Yeri with her lightless eyes.

“She didn’t choose me, Yer… and the funny thing is, that’s not what hurt me the most. It was knowing that she already told Irene unnie her feelings!” she bit her lip, suppressing the oncoming tears, “I was blindsided… We tell each other everything, you know that. So.. what’s different with this one? Why didn’t she tell me? Did she think I wouldn’t support her because you know I would! Even if it will hurt me. I would because I love her.” She saw Yeri reach out and felt hands caressing her face, wiping away the stream of tears that she didn’t know had fallen.

“Unnie...shhh. Wendy unnie’s confused at the moment… Let’s give her some time, yeah?” the younger one whispered, pulling her into a hug. She nodded, sniffling abit.

“I’m going to the U.S.”

“What? Like for vacation?” she shook her head and observed the curiousness of her friend.

“I’m going there to study.”

“You’RE WHAT?”

“You must promise you won’t tell anyone!” she quickly held Yeri’s hands and pleaded, staring straight into her eyes, “Promise me, Yer.”

“Alright...” Yeri sighed in defeat before glaring at her, “You’re such an idiot!”

“I know.” she smiled.

It’s been days since she left the house. Her sister’s finally feeling somewhat okay and not to the brink of being hysterical. She has to thank Taeyeon unnie for helping her. It breaks her heart everytime she sees her Yuri unnie’s sad, broken, distraught face, whispering Jessica’s name repeatedly. She sighed, grabbing one of her unnie’s favorite Ma juice out of the shelf and quickly finishing up her grocery shopping.

She passed by her and her sister’s favorite ice cream shop and decided on a whim to buy a tub for her Yuri unnie. She entered the shop and was hit by the smell of sweetness and happiness--she missed this place a whole lot.

“One tub of chocolate ice cream please~” the lady-aunty behind the counter smiled warmly at her as she handed the payment, happy to see her familiar face once again.

“Just wait for a bit while I get your ice cream~”

“Alright, aunty~” she smiled. Her eyes scanned the shop that she knows she’ll miss, every crook and cranny, every frame and poster hanging on the wall, the way the aunty placed her tub of ice cream on the cute paper bag, she took it all in.

“Seulgi?” she felt her heart stop and she wished the earth would just bury her whole now. “Seul…” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking at the person.

“Hey, Wendy.” their eyes met and she can feel the push and pull of everything from inside her. The black hole trying to fight its way while the stars and constellations shining brighter to battle with the black hole.

“Seul, I-”

“Here’s your ice cream~” she quickly took the paper bag and had scrambled away as fast as she could with a hasty “I have to go” being said.

She groaned, her one hand clutching her chest, the moon pendant pushing into her skin, while the other tried to steadily drive her bike. The colors were blurring out as her eyes tried to focus on the road ahead.

“I can’t do this.” she whispered.

A/N: HELLOOOOOOOO I AM BACK! I gotta finish this story before I go making a new (which I may or may not be planning) BUT, there's one more chapter left!!!! I am excited already!

Bun out~