"we can work it out / you and I are meant to be together / this is how it's supposed to feel / I'm in love with how this feels." - pink skies, lany

PRESENT

“Eunwoo was here” written in a messy child’s scrawl greets Sejeong as soon as she wakes up. Just a bit to its left is a smaller writing “Suhyun too”. She smiles as she remembers exactly where she is. Under Nayoung’s personal fort, the only place no one else is allowed to enter.

She doesn’t remember exactly when she fell asleep, but she remembers the stories Nayoung told her, the hushed laughs they shared, and Toy Story 2 playing in the background with the occasional crunch of chips from where Eunwoo is. She remembers the feeling of Nayoung’s arms circling her when she absentmindedly muttered she’s cold, and Nayoung continuing her stories as if it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

She remembers the beating of her heart loud against her ribcage, loud enough to drive her mad but too soft for Nayoung to hear. She remembers the urge - that irresistible urge - to fall in love.

And she remembers thinking, ‘Maybe I’m already in love”.

She lifts her chin a little and finds Nayoung peacefully sleeping, a few hair strands covering her beautiful eyes, and she feels Nayoung’s arms tightening around her. She smiles.

The world outside is still dark. The projector’s turned off. Eunwoo’s sleeping in the middle of the mess of forts and blankets and pillows. And she’s happy. Happy in this comfortable silence, in this safe space between Nayoung’s arms.

She’s happy.

She falls asleep again with a smile on her face, left arm draped over Nayoung’s waist and right hand flat against Nayoung’s stomach, finding great pleasure in the subtle rising and falling of it.

She’s happy, and she tries to shoo away all thoughts and dreads of this happiness going away. Because she knows it’ll go away, but she’s happy – right here, right now – and that’s all that matters.

-

The next time she wakes up, the sun has already risen and Nayoung’s not beside her. With still heavy eyes, she climbs out the fort and finds Im and Pinky snuggled together in front of the projector, watching some Indie movie Sejeong remembers Im talking about during college.

“Morning.”

The two look up. Pinky smiles. “Good morning. They’re all having breakfast downstairs.”

“How 'bout you two?”

“Already had breakfast,” Im replies, a small smile tugging on her lips. “Kim’s grandpa cooked, you should go before Eunwoo and Suhyun finish everything.”

She nods and walks towards the door. And looks back at the couple so obviously in love with each other – so beautifully meant for each other – and the love’s so strong that she feels it tugging at her own heart.

She smiles once more at their backs, and wishes she finds a love as strong as the two’s.

But then again, maybe with a little more faith in the future, she will.

-

Heehyun greets her as soon as she steps on the first floor, frown evident on her face, “Hey.”

“Good morning. You finished with your breakfast?”

She shrugs. “Eunwoo and Suhyun can go crazy with Dada’s pancakes, me and my fam’s going to have breakfast next door.”

“Oh, your home?”

Heehyun shakes her head. “No, the house I lived in before. My nanny since I was young cooked for us and she’ll get mad if I don’t bring my family over. I’m just waiting for Dani to finish eating her share of Dada’s pancakes.”

‘The house I lived in before’, Sejeong didn’t know calling a house a ‘home’ is that hard for Heehyun to do. She sends her a polite smile – all slaps against shoulders and laughter screamed to each other’s face years ago buried too deeply for them to be anything more than polite acquaintances.

She enters the dining room and finds Eunwoo and Suhyun with plates stacked with pancakes, bacon surrounding the sugary goodness.

Haein’s staring at them in disgust. “You sure you won’t die as soon as you finish that?”

Suhyun simply rolls her eyes as Eunwoo replies, “Nope, that can’t happen. We still need to live long enough to drink Dada’s espresso – they’re the best!”

“Good morning,” she greets them. They all look up from their plates, their books, and their frowns, and return the greeting.

“Nayoung and Mina are out at the backyard,” Chaeyeon tells her with a smile, Dani beside her and sending Sejeong a toothy grin, lips sticky with maple syrup.

“Thanks.”

Outside, she finds Nayoung and Mina crouched over something on the grass – Mina’s shoulder shaking in laughter and Nayoung’s head thrown back in the very same laughter.

“Do I really have to do that?” Mina asks, giggles and whines filling her voice. “That sounds stupid.”

“Yes, of course. You can’t not do it, or else she’ll get mad at you.” The full grown adult nudges the child’s shoulder sheepishly. “And it’s not stupid.”

Mina shrugs and crouches down further, Sejeong spots some kind of box in front of them. “Hello, Ms. Beatrice, can Perry the Balloon sit down next to you?”

Realization kicks in and Sejeong can’t help but grin. She waits for them to finish asking each and every one of the balloons in Nayoung’s box for permission, say goodbye to each and every one of the balloons – including Perry the Balloon – and stand up and find her staring at them with a smile.

Nayoung sees her and blushes deep red, hand automatically reaching to behind her neck and rubbing the spot she always rubs when she’s embarrassed. “Hey, um, good morning.”

“Good morning. What was that?”

Mina runs to Sejeong, hugging her waist tightly in her own way of ‘good morning’ as Nayoung stays in her place and keeps rubbing the back of her neck. “Um, we were just- it’s nothing special.”

“Who’s Ms. Beatrice? Should I be threatened? Can’t have my fiancée talking to anyone who has a much prettier name.”

The red in Nayoung’s cheeks turn a deeper shade and Sejeong smiles in triumph. “Ms. Beatrice’s my first ever balloon, and um, she’s in a box next to Perry the Balloon right now. Buried so they get the peace they need.” She clears , and deep brown eyes direct upwards, lashes sweeping up. She smirks. “But don’t worry. Beatrice’s not such a pretty name compared to Sejeong.”

“Sejeong means ‘cleaning’, it’s not a pretty name.”

Nayoung shrugs. “It is when it’s pertaining to you.”

“Ugh, gross.” They both direct their gazes to the door and find Heehyun frowning at them. “Anyway, I’m going to eat next door with Chaeyeon and Dani. Nayoung, you want me to get you some of Nanny’s cheesecake?”

“Yeah, and get Mina some too.”

“I’ll go get a whole cake then, so everyone gets to taste it. I’ll see you later.” Before turning to leave, she frowns again. “Keep the flirting to a minimum, okay?”

Nayoung watches with a curl on her lips as Heehyun walks back in the house. She looks back at Sejeong and smiles at the still-clinging-onto-her-mom Mina. “Let’s go eat breakfast?”

-

Sejeong knows this place is where the original five spent most of their childhood in, but she’s only now hit with the realization that this place means almost everything to them. She watches them all as they look around the house, sit on the couches, and drink from glasses – the feeling of returning home evident in their eyes.

Remnants of laughter bouncing against walls, pillows thrown to faces, and mud dripping on the white tiles from dirty boots make the five-sans-Heehyun’s eyes glassy with intoxication.

She wasn’t there when they were all left by their parents, physically or mentally. She wasn’t there when their parents disappointed them as parents, and yet managed to make them believe it’s them who are such huge disappointments. But she’s heard enough stories, seen enough hurt in their eyes, to know that it hurt them – a lot.

She realizes then, no matter how many times they call these row of houses just houses, the memories are their home. If you take away the fights and screams and footsteps leading out the doors, never coming back, this is their home.

Walking around the house, she feels as if she’s walking around the deepest parts of her friends’ minds, their lives and souls. Touching the paintings on the walls, she feels as if her fingertips are brushing against the little Im’s fingertips from years ago, also fascinated by the way the paint bulges out in ugly and rough directions. Staring at the mirrors, she feels as if she’s staring right through little Suhyun’s dark orbs, pupils trying to see what her mother sees – why her mother doesn’t seem to notice the little girl just trying to make her proud underneath the layers of dirtied, colored, and wet clothes.

Listening to the laughs of everyone watching a movie in the living room, she feels as if she’s hearing Nayoung’s parents screaming at each other; she feels as if she’s hearing Nayoung’s hushed cries, chest rising and falling aggressively as she tries to shush herself. She looks at the stairs and feels as if Nayoung’s staring at her with red eyes and swollen lips, nose runny and soul broken, asking her why her dad left, why her mom left.

Asking her if she’ll leave. And the little girl turns into college Nayoung, staring at her with those same eyes, but instead of hurt it’s understanding. It’s not ‘why did he leave’; instead it’s ‘you all leave’.

“Sejeong?”

She looks up, alarmed. Nayoung’s staring at her, and instead of those terribly scared gazes, she sees a concerned one. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You were spacing out.”

“Oh, yeah I’m fine. I just remembered something.”

Nayoung’s still staring at her, but she nods. “Sure. Um, we’re going to the Aquarium now, you ready?”

“Yeah, of course. Let’s go.”

-

The aquarium is horribly boring. And Sejeong didn’t pay attention to anything half the time. But she does pay attention to Mina and how she grips Nayoung’s hand as if loosening her hold will also mean Nayoung will break free and leave. She pays attention to how Nayoung’s eyes light up every time she reviews Mina on her knowledge about the fishes, things she taught her weeks before this trip.

She looks over at the two and finds Mina leaning her forehead against the glass, eyes cloudy with questions. Nayoung does the same.

“Are they like Dory?” Mina asks Nayoung. “They have families too, right? But some of them are alone. Are they like Dory?”

Nayoung shrugs. And Sejeong notices the space between her eyebrows crumpling. “Away from their parents? Yeah, probably.”

“So they’ll find them, right?”

“Their families?”

Mina hums.

“Well, some children never make it back to their families. They find their own families instead.”

“Like you?”

Both Nayoung and Sejeong pause – stares at the little kid and wonders how she knows this. “What?”

“Where’s your mommy and daddy?”

“Right now? I don’t know.”

“Did you find a new family yet? Like Dory did?”

“Oh, um.” Nayoung looks up, and her gaze meets Sejeong’s. Current passes through, realization kicks in, eyes soften, and Sejeong feels her heart beating loudly to the sound of fear and love so beautifully mixed together. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Mina looks up. “That’s good! And maybe your mommy and daddy left seashells too! What’s your mommy’s favorite color? Let’s look around for it!”

And there they go, on a quest to find the seashells that’ll lead Nayoung back to her family.

Sejeong hopes it leads her to her.

-

The moment they enter the amusement park, Mina lets go of Nayoung’s hand and jumps to Chungha’s ready arms. “Hey, Chungha.”

“Hey, Sejeong,” Chungha greets, then hugs Mina tight. “Hello there, Mina.” And with some kind of unreadable expression in her eyes, she looks up at the others. “Hello, rich girls.”

Heehyun rolls her eyes. “Where can we get the VIP tickets?”

“Come with me,” Chungha tells them, pulling Mina’s small hand with her.

And Sejeong notices Nayoung’s eyes turning into slits, brows furrowed in confusion as she stares at her hand – the hand Mina was holding just a few seconds ago.

Sejeong grabs it. “Let’s go?”

With a small sigh, Nayoung shrugs and lets Sejeong pull her – the small smile pulling on her lips doesn’t leave.

-

She has almost forgotten how damn annoying Suhyun and Eunwoo are. Now they’re jumping around Nayoung and asking her to win a stuffed toy for them.

The game’s easy. All you have to do is throw a ring and it has to land safely on the neck of the bottles. Easy, Sejeong likes playing it all the time before while waiting for her turn to sing.

She knows Nayoung won’t be able to get the stuffed toy Suhyun and Eunwoo wants.

“Come on, we’ll call it Failure in memory of you.”

Nayoung frowns and Sejeong knows a rather rude word’s about to leave her lips. But she doesn’t say the rude words Sejeong expected her to, she just huffs and pays for the rings. “Just three.”

“You can’t get a stuffed toy with just three rings!” Suhyun whines. “We want the huge stuffed toy! One for each of us.”

“If I don’t get these rings on the bottles, then that means I at this game. Which means I will not waste my time and money trying.”

Of course, Nayoung doesn’t get a single ring on the bottles. One ring even flies to the other side of the booth, and hits some girl. She bows her apologies before shrugging to Eunwoo and Suhyun. “I guess you won’t have stuffed toys.”

Hayi taps her shoulder. “I’ll go win for them, you pay for it.”

“Why would you want to win for them?”

“Look at their faces-“ Nayoung does, and she frowns in disgust, “-aren’t you sad for them? Come on, I promise you won’t need to pay more than you should. I’ll get each ring on the bottle.”

Nayoung shrugs and pays for each ring. Hayi has a rocky start, only two out of three rings land safely on the necks of the bottles. But after a few more rounds, she gets all three rings on the bottles. And soon, she has enough points to get Eunwoo and Suhyun a medium sized stuffed toy each.

She smiles at a frowning Nayoung. Nayoung grunts. “Show-off.”

Sejeong frowns at the small smiles sent to and fro Nayoung and Hayi, some sort of unflattering feeling bubbling up her stomach.

“Mommy!” They turn around and find Mina in Chungha’s arms, pointing to a huge Perry the Platypus stuffed toy on display. “Can I have that?”

“You know it’s a game, honey. You have to play a game.”

“Nayoung can go pay for the rings and Hayi can play,” Suhyun suggests, raising her own bunny stuffed toy. “Hayi won us these with Nayoung’s money.”

“I can play,” Chungha offers, looking Nayoung straight in the eyes. “And since I’m an employee here, I get discounts. But you’re still paying.”

She knows Nayoung’s about to refuse but then Mina smiles widely and asks Chungha, “really?” and she knows Nayoung won’t be able to say no.

“Fine.”

Chungha easily wins. Years spent working in the amusement park gave her some special skills, of course. And Nayoung only had to pay for half the price of the rings.

Sejeong watches as Mina hugs the stuffed toy giddily and Nayoung looks at the kid with a frown. Seems like she’s not the only jealous one around here.

-

They walk around the amusement park but Nayoung stays behind at the booths with the excuse ‘I’m too tired’. Sejeong doesn’t follow the others, instead she watches from afar as Nayoung tries and tries to win something – anything at all – from the game a while ago.

She watches in delight every time Nayoung’s eyebrows furrow and bites her lips in frustration and hands the boy watching over the game more money after every turn.

It amazes her how much Nayoung’s willing to spend paying for the rings she never manages to land on the necks instead of buying a stuffed toy in the souvenir shop and acting as if she got it on her own. It amazes her how much Mina’s smile towards the stuffed toy Chungha got for her is affecting Nayoung.

And it amazes her how happy she is that Nayoung’s acting this way, that Nayoung wants to be the only ‘best’ Mina knows aside from her, that Nayoung doesn’t stop playing until she gets the rings on the necks.

And it also amazes her how surprisingly unpleasant she feels while watching Hayi walk over to where Nayoung is and offer to help her; while watching Hayi’s hand over Nayoung’s as she tries to direct the flicking of her wrist; while watching Hayi and Nayoung laughing about something she can’t hear and Nayoung jumping giddily whenever she manages to loop a ring around the neck.

It’s not jealousy, that’s for sure. But it’s still unpleasant.

Especially when Nayoung finally get enough points to win a mediums sized Panda plushie with long hands and she hugs Hayi tightly to celebrate their victory.

“Hey, Sejeong, take a picture it’ll last longer.”

She looks up and finds Heehyun staring at her with indecipherable eyes. “Let’s go? We’re gonna make Nayoung enter the haunted house.”

Nodding, she follows her to where Nayoung is. The others are already there and Hayi’s forcing Nayoung to give the Panda to Mina.

“Hey, Mina,” Nayoung mutters, kneeling in front of the kid to keep eye level. “Um, I won something for you.”

Mina’s eyes widen in excitement and her hold on her huge Perry stuffed toy loosens. “For me?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sshe replies, eyes uncertain as they gaze upon the huge green stuffed toy in Mina’s arms. She still holds out the Panda plushie though, and hands it sheepishly to Mina. “Here. It’s not that big but-“

The kid grins widely, immediately handing the Perry stuffed toy to Chungha before taking the plushie from Nayoung’s arms and hugging it tight. “Her name’s Princess Mandu!”

She blinks, confused. And then Nayoung grins back. “You like it?”

“I love it very, very much! Thank you!”

Nayoung’s smile widens, eyes filling with pride as she looks at Mina hugging her work. She looks up and sends Hayi a small smile before looking back at Mina and smiling even wider.

Meanwhile, Sejeong’s heart smiles back.

-

“You totally ganged up against me,” Nayoung grumbles, staring at her clenched fist surrounded by many ‘papers’. “You all ganged up against me, I don’t accept this.”

Suhyun shakes her head. “You lost, we had a deal. Now go in the haunted house.”

“No. You all planned this!”

“We didn’t, you just lost,” Heehyun tells her, then nudges Im’s shoulder. “Right, Im?”

“Right.” The reply is short and robotic and Nayoung squints her eyes at her same named friend in suspicion. “Seriously.”

“I’ll go with you,” Sejeong offers, shrugging. “I’ll save your coward .”

Mina holds Princess Mandu up. “Bring Princess Mandu.”

“What?”

“She’ll protect you from the ghosts.”

“Princess Mandu will?”

Mina nods.

Nayoung smiles. “Sure then. The ghosts won’t be so bad if I’ve got-” she smiles at Sejeong warmly, the warmth reaching Sejeong’s heart, “-Sejeong and Princess Mandu. I’ll come back here alive.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just enter already.”

Nayoung glares at Heehyun, annoyance evident in her eyes. “I hate you so much.”

“Love you too, don’t piss your pants.”

-

The horror house is everything Sejeong imagined it would be – horrible. She holds one Panda arm as Nayoung holds the other. The first part’s not that scary, but it is creepy with all the darkness and eerie background music surrounding them.

“Sejeong.”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to me.”

She chuckles. “About what?”

“Anything. Talk to me, this is too creepy.”

“It’s all fake.”

“Have you ever been inside here?”

Sejeong shakes her head. Then she remembers Nayoung’s can’t see her in the almost pitch black. “No.”

“It’s creepy, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s all fake. Everything.”

Nayoung grows quiet. But after a few moments, she speaks again, “Yeah, everything’s fake.”

“Are we still talking about this place or-?”

She hears Nayoung chuckle to herself, the sound sad and hollow. “This place, don’t worry.”

The place grows quiet again and Sejeong wonders if the pacing of this horror house is too slow or if they’re just walking too slowly.

Suddenly a coffin jumps out of its place from the floor and they both jump back in shock. “!” she hears Nayoung shout.

“It’s fake, don’t worry.”

“Of course it’s fake. That doesn’t mean it’s not scary!”

Sejeong laughs at her, and she can almost picture the frown on Nayoung’s face. “Don’t be such a baby, let’s go.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not going ahead. Let’s go back.”

“Nayoung, don’t be a wimp.”

“I’m scared okay?”

“Fine.”

Nayoung pauses. “Fine?”

Sejeong raises Princess Mandu to Nayoung’s chest. “Hold her.” Nayoung follows. Sejeong then takes Nayoung’s hand and interlaces their fingers – Nayoung’s fingers stiff and nervous against hers. “You don’t have to be scared of anything. It’s all fake.”

And they walk through the remaining of the horror house with interlaced fingers, occasional screams, and a small portion of Sejeong’s heart screaming at her that she needs to be scared.

Because it’s all fake.

-

The highlight of their time in the amusement park is Sejeong performing a song. Or, well, that’s what Suhyun tells her. She’s not conceited enough to think so herself.

She sings a song that should’ve been for all of them, but was picked specifically for a certain woman in the crowd instead. “You and I, the more time passes the more mysterious it gets. Are we closer or further apart? What are we? You and I, we’re not growing apart or growing closer. Now the distance between you and me, I really don’t know.”

Sejeong takes Heehyun rapping LE’s part as the chance to watch Nayoung wave Mina’s hands in the air. She smiles, although a bit fake. There’s just too many emotions filling her right now. Should she let it all go and just do what her heart wants her to do, or should she take caution and save herself from being broken?

She really doesn’t know. And she’s scared that choosing the wrong choice will leave her battered and bruised, and that choosing the right choice won’t be any better.

Soon the song ends, and Nayoung’s looking at her like she knows what’s going on in her mind. And that she understands.

She understands and that if Sejeong chooses to leave her again, she won’t hold grudges.

As soon as the song ends, she walks to Mina and Nayoung. “Hey.”

“Mommy you were great!”

“She was, wasn’t she?” Nayoung smiles.

She smiles back. “Thanks.”

“Hey, mommy.”

She raises an eyebrow at the kid in Nayoun’s arms. “Hm?”

“Can I call Nayoung mommy too?”

Her eyebrows shoot up and she stares at Nayoung with wide eyes. “What?”

“Dani calls Heehyun and Aunt Chaeyeon mommy. She said it’s because they all live in the same house. We all live in the same house too. Can I call Nayoung mommy?”

“Oh, um.” She searches Nayoung’s confused eyes for some kind of approval. Nayoung slightly shrugs. “Yeah, sure.”

Mina grins, arms around Nayoung’s necks raised to clap. “Yay, I have two mommies now! Like Dani!”

Nayoung grins back, childlike happiness clouding her eyes, and Sejeong also grins. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

-

They drive to Suhyun’s mom’s rest house in silence, everyone too tired to chatter. They leave the kids to Suhyun’s mom’s care as they all walk up to the roof with Sparklers, pillows, and blankets.

The rooftop is filled with mattresses with the middle free of anything. The night sky isn’t that clear above and the air is chilly.

“So, it’s the adults now,” Eunwoo announces mischievously as Suhyun pulls a crate of drinks from under one of the tables. “Let’s go have a campfire with the Sparklers.”

“Hey, why don’t we do that thing we used to do in college?” Heehyun suggests, already sitting on the mattress she claimed for her and Chaeyeon. “We’ll have an oath, no one is allowed to lie. If you don’t want to answer, drink up. But please, do not lie.”

“Great, I’ll go first,” Eunwoo offers excitedly, raising her can of beer. “Suhyun, when will you forgive Haein?”

Nayoung looks up at her through her lashes, then sends Suhyun a questioning look, curious.

"Wow, way to start strong." The girl sends them an unsure look, then raises her can of beer.

But Eunwoo stops her. “Wait, let me rephrase my question, will you ever forgive Haein?”

Suhyun blinks, then her lips, then blinks again. “It hurts though, what she did. It still does,” she says, as if Haein isn’t there with them. She avoids her eyes. “I knew from the start that she’s… like that. That she can’t settle on one girl. But I guess I just hoped I’d be the exception to her rules.”

“Suhyun-” Haein starts, but Suhyun doesn’t let her finish.

“But obviously I wasn’t. And that hurt.”

“Are you going to forgive her?”

“Eventually, I guess.”

Nayoung sighs. “It’s been too long, Suhyun. I think she proved herself enough?”

“This is unfair,” Suhyun mutters, pouting. “Eunwoo already asked me a question, it’s my turn. Sejeong, why did you leave?”

All pairs of eyes turn to look at a taken aback Sejeong. She feels uncomfortable under the gazes and unconsciously shrinks. “Um, I’m going to-”

“Drinking is the coward’s way out,” Heehyun interrupts her, eyebrow raised. “I thought you weren’t a coward? You even went with Nayoung in the horror house a while ago.”

She her lower lip, then bites it hard. She raises her can again, ignoring Heehyun’s scoff. She stares at the can, mulling over her thoughts – should she drink or should she speak? Something drips from her chin and she looks down and sees a red stain on her pants. And a thumb swipes over her lower lip to get it out of her teeth’s grasp.

Looking up, she sees warm eyes staring back at her – uncertain but soft. “You can drink if you want to, don’t stress yourself so much.”

“I left because of Nayoung.”

The hand freezes, then drops. Nayoung looks away.

“I left because it got too hard.”

Chaeyeon leans forward slightly. “What did?”

She shoots Nayoung a short look, then directs her gaze back to Chaeyeon. “Not having a home. It’s my turn.” She looks around, and her gaze meets Haein’s. “Haein, what did you do to Suhyun? I wasn’t here, I don’t know anything.”

Haein smiles at her. “I ed up. I’m sorry though. But yeah, I ed up. Real bad. I wasn’t able to resist temptation, though there wasn’t really that much. I just- I missed her that night. And wanted to pretend I was with her instead of- of her.”

Suhyun stays quiet, looking at anything but Haein. Sejeong notices tears about to fall from the corner of her eyes. Juna pats her boss’ leg, trying to comfort her. Suhyun smiles at her before falling into her ready arms.

“Suhyun.” The girl raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t look up. “Will you forgive me, please? I know I messed up real bad, even after I promised Heehyun’s mom that I never will. But will you please forgive me? I miss you so much and- please? I’d rather die than go another day with you still sending me disgusted looks. They hurt.”

Suhyun buries her head on Juna’s shoulder, letting the latter rub her arm in an attempt to calm her. She speaks, words directed to Haein. “Don’t.”

The older nods, accepting fate despite the throbbing of her heart. “Of course. I’m sorry. I’ll- the thing is, this won’t be good in the long run. I’ll leave you after this trip. Just to let you breathe.”

Suhyun opens to say something, but quickly closes it again as Haein watches in anticipation, then disappointment. Haein nods again, then directs her gaze to Hayi. “So, Hayi, do you still have feelings for Nayoung?”

Sejeong sees Hayi swallow, and she knows the answer. Hayi doesn’t break eye contact with Haein. “They’ll never leave.” Blinking, she looks at Nayoung. “Nayoung.”

Nayoung looks up, alarmed. “Yeah?”

“Will you ever, um, is it really over?”

A pair of eyes blink, lips part in hesitance, and a can of beer is gulped down. Hayi leans back with a small sardonic smile, then reaches over and downs her own drink.

Sejeong only watches.

The game goes on for a few more rounds. Eventually, Eunwoo drinks a little too much and has to go to the corner to vomit, and Im orders Pinky to help assist the girl. Juna helps too, knowing a bit too much about the drinking life.

Heehyun’s turn, and she glares straight at the doctor-to-be. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Why are you forcing Pinky and Eunwoo together? I’m pretty sure you know about Eunwoo’s undying love for the girl, why are you doing this even though you know it’ll hurt her in the end? Eunwoo is your friend.”

The doctor-to-be simply shrugs. But the storm is waging beneath her eyes. “Do I know about Eunwoo’s undying love for Pinky? I do. Was I supposed to know? No one told me. I wasn’t supposed to know.” She looks up, bottled anger filling her revenge seeking eyes. “Is Eunwoo my friend? I don’t know. She didn’t even tell me about her feelings for my fiancé.”

Her same named friend leans towards her. “That doesn’t give you the right to-”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Heehyun interrupts. “Why are you doing this?”

Im sighs. She raises her drink, but lowers it again. “I wanted to take Pinky away from her in the end. To show her that no matter what happens, I am Pinky’s and Pinky is mine. Eunwoo is out of the equation.”

A can flies across the place, hitting Im on the shoulder. She simply looks at it quietly as the other Nayoung glares at her, another empty can in her hands, ready to throw. “ you,” Nayoung growls. “ you. You are absolutely the worst friend ever. No amount of curse words is enough to tell you how garbage you are.”

The others are quiet, sending Im glares of their own. Suhyun speaks, “Tell Pinky I won’t be attending your wedding. This is your problem, and I won’t stick my nose in other people’s business. But unless you tell them everything, I won’t go to your wedding.”

“Me too,” Heehyun adds, voice low and angry. “I can’t believe you, Im.”

“Don’t ever talk to me,” is what Nayoung says in a harsh snarl. “Don’t ever talk to me again. You’re dead to me.” She stands up noisily, easily getting Juna’s, Eunwoo’s and Pinky’s attentions. “I don’t like this game anymore. Let’s go to sleep.”

One by one, they all leave. Except Im. Im stays there in the middle of the mess, finishing can after can of beer, and watching Pinky try to help a clearly too drunk Eunwoo.

Sejeong watches her from her mattress with Nayoung, and wonders how such a quiet and civil person could do such a move – to the friend she treasured since she was young and the girl she loves with all her heart.

But then she realizes as she looks at a fuming Nayoung – they all end up hurting the ones they love most one way or another. They just do it in different ways. There are some who do it on purpose, some who do it unconsciously. Some who do stuff that can be easily fixed with a sorry, and others that take a whole lot more than just a simple word.

Sejeong’s the latter, she’s always the latter.

-

“Look at that,” Nayoung mutters to her, pointing upwards at the stars almost impossible to see under the foggy sky. “How many balloons do you think wandered off to the night sky? Millions, right? For every kid, probably three or four balloons have escaped their grasps and floated on to the night sky, never to be seen again. Do you think someone up there takes care of the lost balloons?”

Sejeong just chuckles and tells her, “You’re drunk.”

“Do you think I’m a balloon? Will that person up there take care of me soon? Do you think that person’s the moon?”

“What are you even talking about?”

Nayoung turns her head, cheek squished against the mattress as she sends Sejeong an unamused look. “Balloons.”

“I got that, yeah.”

Nayoung looks back up at the night sky, and with a wistful voice, she asks, “Do you think the stars we looked at four years ago are still up there? Or did they die already? Remaining light gone along with their physical bodies? No proof that they were ever there except for some photos.”

“You’re the astronomy geek between us two, don’t ask me.”

Nayoung laughs. “You think our friendship’s like that? Us college friends?”

She tilts her head slightly and finds Nayoung looking up at the starts with so much sadness. “What?”

“You know how most of the stars up there are dead? And only their light or something is left? Isn’t our friendship like that too? It’s gone. But since we’re still all here, we can still see each other, we think we’re still… here, friends. But soon enough the light will die and there’ll be no more proof of us ever being friends apart from the pictures.”

A cloud passes by and covers the stars for a while, then it leaves and the stars are there again – same as before. “You really think that way?”

“You heard what Im said she did. Everything has changed.”

“Just because of what Im said?”

A pinky hooks with hers, then two more fingers play with her pinky. She finds it comforting whenever Nayoung does this – plays with her pinky like it’s the most amusing and delicate thing on Earth. Nayoung whispers, “No, because of some other things too.”

She nods, not really knowing what else to say.

“Sejeong.”

“Hm?”

“You know why I like the night sky so much? Apart from the fact that it’s very, very beautiful?”

She shakes her head. “Why?”

“Because look how huge it is. And it’s full of dead stars… with their lights still visible. You know, false hope. False hope is nice. The night sky is full of that.”

“False hope?”

“Yeah, when you speak to the night sky, you’re given false hope that someone up there’s listening to you, either the moon or one of the stars, probably Sirius. When you look at the night sky, you’re given false hope that there is so much more you haven’t discovered yet, haven’t seen with your own two eyes yet. There’s so much more to experience. When you look at the night sky, you’re given false hope that the light’s still on…”

Nayoung sighs. Sejeong grabs her hand and interlocks their fingers in an attempt to help her feel better.

“But they’re all just false hopes.”

“You like false hopes?”

Nayoung looks at her with a smile. “Yeah, I do. They’re better than no hope at all. You know what my favorite night sky is?”

“There’s only one night sky, Nayoung.”

“My favorite night sky are your eyes.”

She looks away. “Yeah?”

The other girl also looks away, fingers still tight together. “Yeah. They’re very, very beautiful. And full of false hope. Your eyes are my favorite false hopes. The only false hopes I’d keep on believing for all eternity.”

She takes a deep breath and directs her gaze back at the night sky. Full of false hope, Nayoung said. Yeah, maybe they are. And in that moment, there’s only one thing Sejeong knows she should say:

“Oh.”

-

She fumbles over the blankets and silently curses as Nayoung stirs. She freezes, waiting for any other movement from the girl. Once it seems like Nayoung's still deep in her sleep, she touches her lip and feels the cut bleeding. Groaning, she stumbles off the mattress and sees Suhyun and Haein spooning in the mattress next to their, apparently having settled their differences already. And she tries to stand but a hand pulls her back.

"What's going on?" comes Nayoung's voice, huskier and lower than usual. Shivers crawl up Sejeong's skin and she blames it on the wind.

She pats Nayoung's hand with hers. "The cut on my lip opened again. I'll go look for- umpph." She suddenly finds herself kneeling on the floor with her body on the mattress and her face inches from Nayoung's. She hears some mumbling from her left and tries to focus on it – probably Suhyun whispering in her sleep.

"Where?" the older girl asks, voice still husky. She barely opens her eyes and they land on Sejeong's lips, eyebrows crashing at the blood. Without any hesitation, she kisses them. It's so light it was barely even there. Still, Sejeong can feel her heart trashing against her ribcage. "There, it won't hurt anymore.”

That’s the last thing Nayoung says before fluttering her eyes close and lightly snoring after a few moments – a few moments that slowly turn into what seems like a lifetime Sejeong continues to stare at her and her lips, heart beating loudly and sirens going off in her head as she remembers all unkept promises and shattered hearts from the past she so desperately wanted to escape.

Escape, she needs to escape