I had someone that cared for me.

I had someone that always brighter up my day with his smile.

I had someone loyal that never left my side.

I had everything I needed.
But I got greedy.

I ignored everything I had and wanted more. 
And now I have nothing...

We were a couple since 2013. We've met in an Cafe it was small and almost no one came there. At least not when I was there. I went there everyday on 2pm.

It was a normal day as I went there only that their had a new waiter and he seemed quite uncomfortable in his new job. I went to the counter to order as I saw his smile. It wasn't an beautiful welcoming smile or anything. Just a fake smile for customers. I guess no one else was bothered by it. But it hurt to see him force himself to smile like that. I wanted to make it a real smile, a warm smile. "you're new here Huh?"

"yeah I started today. Do you come here often?"

I could cringe at the formularity. It felt weird like this, it just felt wrong. "yes I do. That will sound weird but when are you finished here?"

Like I expected I earned a weirded out stare but to my surprise he answered. " I am finished at 5 why?"

I smiled a bit "I was just curiouse" I took my coffee and left the Cafe waving at him he still seemed confused but a little smile appeared on his face. it was the first time I could see that warm cute smile.

The following day I came back to the Cafe exactly at 5pm to see him in his casual clothing. I went to him and asked him out just Like that. His name is Lee Jihoon he was one year younger than me what made him my domgsang. I fell for him the day we met. Cliche right? I know but I was happy. We got on more dates and at the third one I took him out on an picnic nothing special. Just a casual picnic with a lot of chatting. At the end I confessed. How important he became just after those few days and that I promise that I will never leave him. I even bought some promising rings for it. He looked so happy as he took his on and told me he returned my feeling. I couldn't resist and just kissed him. Felt those soft lips for the first time on mine. I were just overwhelmed and became even happier as he kissed me back. That's how our offical relationship started.

Till I messed everything up.

There were a new colleague on my workplace. Everyone had his attention on him. He had this caring aura. Almost angel like. He had long beautiful hair. Prettier than every girl ever could have.

I was the one who showed him around. So we started talking. It felt natural and soon we started having lunch together. Me and Jeonghan became close friends. I didn't intend to change that. It started slowly. I didn't even realised it. Jihoon wasn't the type to call or start text that was always we. I always asked him out. And I slowly stopped. Firstly I just didn't come to the Cafe everyday.
Then I stopped calling him. Then I texted him less. At last I even stopped going on dates with him that often.

On the other hand I started hanging out with Jeonghan more. I weren't cheating on him. I were just hanging out. I didn't do anything wrong. Jihoon obviously noticed that. He asked me about it and we started fighting. I couldn't see what I were doing. Blended by the beauty of Jeonghan. I didn't see what I did wrong.

Jihoon looked hurt and I thought he was completely overreacting. He didn't talk with me for a week. I still kept meeting Jeonghan. I didn't even tell Jihoon about him. I tried to avoid those questions. Now I realize while even when I didn't do anything physically with him. I were cheating mentally by choosing him over Jihoon.

I sadly didn't realise that till it was to late. At the time I normaly were on the Cafe I had lunch with Jeonghan and Jihoon saw us. Everything was clear for him. When I called him he ignored it when I were on the Cafe he disappeared and someone else came to rake my order. His name was Soonyoung a cute kid full of happiness at least I heared that.

To me he was cold. The only thing he talk with me was to take my order. As I asked after Jihoon he just said that it's none of my business. I went to his apartment and waited in front of the door after knocking on it for a while.

As Jihoon came back he instantly turned in the other direction as he saw me and ran away. I easily could catch up and hold him against the wall. "what are you doing? Why do you ignore me? Why are you running away from me!!!" I almost screamed at him.

His expresion became cold like the first day we met. "what do you think? You ignored me as well you didn't care. I thought you were working and having a hard time so I didn't want to disturb you. But all you're doing was being all lovey dovey with that long haired jerk!!" he yelled at me and my hands became week. I felt like I was caught. He easily pushed my hands away. "did you think I wouldn't notice! You know what, this running away. You already made this decision yourself. you chose him over me" he still yelled while tears were forming in his eyes he took of that damn ring I gave him two years ago and just threw it at me " this lie to. I didn't want to face reality but to see you here made me realize how you don't care. So thanks for open my eyes. Were done I never want to see you again." with that he just ran into his apartment.

At first everything felt numb. The words Hit me out of nowhere. I didn't talk back and could just remain silent and frozen. I rethinked everything I did and now finally saw what I did. I could feel the tears form in my eyes and just let them fall. I ran to the door knocking on it as often as I could. Yelling his name, that I'm sorry. I regretted every second with Jeonghan. I couldn't believe how blind I was. This day Jihoon stayed in his apartment and at some point I gave up and got back to my apartment. The following week I stopped talking to Jeonghan. I tried calling Jihoon every day and I visit the Cafe everyday. Till they throw me out. I still walked to the Cafe and admired Jihoon through the window. He got really close to Soonyoung I knew that he cared about him their way friends for a long time but they became to close now. I was Jealouse, lonely. I had lost everything that was important to me. even Jeonghan was now in a relationship. And I remaind lonley.

I really had lost my everything. My smile. I think the thing that hurt the most was that it was all my fault and to see how happy he was without me. I guess it is better for them like This.

Their better without me.