☾ 

Taehyung screeched over the music, Jungkook laughing drunkinly and throwing an arm around his friend. The two were completey lost in their own world on the dance floor, Seokjin and Namjoon sat back and laughing at the two awkwardly.  

"God, you remember when we were like that?" Seokjin asked.  

Namjoon hummed, taking a sip from his beer, "Although me and Yoongi weren't that stupid."  

Seokjin glanced towards Namjoon at the mention of Yoongi. He wanted to see if there was actually any malice behind mentioning him, any change in his expression or his body posture. But there was nothing—this was simply Namjoon remembering an old friend.  

"Hey, Namjoon--" 

Just as he spoke, Hoseok came bursting out of the club doors and padding over to the elders, only to sit on Namjoon's lap confidentially with an arm around his neck.  

"What's up, babe?" Namjoon asked, feeling the need to do so with the face Hoseok was wearing. 

"Nothing, just took me so damn long to pee. Couldn't get my zipper down."  

The two males laughed at this, leaving Hoseok slightly confused because it was actually realy damn hard for him to get down. Hoseok was tipsy, nowhere near as bad as Jungkook and Tae, but he was still entertaining to talk to after he's had a few drinks. 

Namjoon glanced down to Hoseok's jeans, chuckling to himself as all that time spent in the toilet really didn't pay off, his flyer was still wide open. Namjoon chose not to make a big deal about it, not interrupting Hoseok's conversation with Seokjin as he quickly zipped his lover up. 

"And—and then I came home and Namjoon had lay out these chocolates and roses for me. It was—it was so sweet, hyung," Hoseok cooed, his head falling softly on Namjoon's shoulder whilst he held a gaze with Seokjin. 

Seokjin wasn't entirely sure how to handle Hoseok's drunken rambles, and this was mainly because they involved him and Namjoon. Namjoon this and Namjoon that, it made Seokjin feel sick. It was so ng hard for him to remain calm, but all the lat enight calls with Yoongi pleading him not to blow up, is what is holding Seokjin back.  

Hoseok turned to Namjoon, "We've been really good recently, haven't we?" He patted his boyfriends chest like he was petting a dog.  

Namjoon hummed at this, although nobody really asked how they've been doing, "Really good," he repeated fairly, just above the lightly playing music. After all, this club was more like a bar for the group, they didn't feel like getting faced and barged all over a sweaty box. Although Jungkook and Taehyung still wanted to do one of those things.  

"I'm gunna go join Jeon and Tae, enjoy yourselves grandpa's." 

Hoseok trotted off, leaving the two in the same situation they were in before. Namjoon watched over his lover, the way his swayed confidentally--but maybe too confidentially as he suddenly tripped, quickly gaining his walk again and reaching his friends.  

"Idiot," Namjoon giggled. He noticed Seokjin wasn't really paying attention, he had opted to staring blankly at his (turned off) phone instead of following Namjoon's laughter. "Hey, Jin..."  The elder looked up to this nickname, "I'm sorry that he was going on, he's just talkative when he's drunk. I—I know you're close to Yoongi so--" 

"It's fine, I can't be mad at you two for being together can I?" Seokjin smiled faintly, resulting in Namjoon feeling obliged to doing the same. "Don't worry about it, we all talk when we're drunk, right?" 

"Yuh—yeah, right."  

An hour later and the group was still in the same position, although Hoseok was drinking a little more than he had planned to. He still wasn't 'faced', but he was dangerously close to not just being tipsy anymore. He was still on the dancefloor with his friends, wooing away exaggeratively with his hands raised in the air.  

Seokjin and Namjoon were still resting on the sofa's, switching between scrolling through their phones in silence or laughing and commenting on their friends stupidity. However, that all changed way too  quickly.  

"Um, hello?" A meek voice attempted to speak. The males looked up to realise a girl was stood there clutching at her drink, a smirk on her face and laughter following behind her. She turned around swiftly, wafting her hand at a table on the opposite end. They were clearly her friends who found some form of hilarity within her standing in front of two men.  

"Hey," Seokjin said gently, attempting to make her feel more welcomed, because that was Seokjin all over.  

The girl pushed her long, black strands behind her ear femininely. Somehow she found a sudden burst of confidence, sitting in between the two males tightly. Namjoon had no interest in what was happening, but this girl was interesting in him. She had already ignored Seokjin, turning to face the darker male with a dark grin. "Whuh—what's your name?" She cocked her head. 

Namjoon was unaware of what was happening at first, his fingers tapping away at his phone instead. He thought the girl was conversing with Seokjin--not attempting to with him. But he never heard Seokjin's reply to her question, oh god, is she talking to me? 

"Oh, you mean me?" Namjoon questioned.  

The girl nodded eagerly, "I'm called Seolhyun, what about you?"  

Namjoon examined the girl for a moment, she was a delicate and pale women. Her hair incredibly long to the point it reached her waist, jet black and matched with airy bangs that displayed her perfectly lined eyebrows. Everything was long on her: her legs, her hair, her eyelashes, even her fingers. Namjoon wasn't used to this--this wasn't Hoseok.  

"Namjoon," he said slowly and watched her smile turn into a ear to ear grin. "Look I--" 

Seolhyun took in a deep breath, practically lunging forward and placing a hand on Namjoon's thigh. Namjoon jolted at the action as if her touch was a burn—it practically was. Seolhyun's glossed lips were pursed as she was ready to speak, and Namjoon was staring at Seokjin as he begged him for help.  

"Look, Namjoon. I—think you're really cute, duh—do you wanna go for lunch sometime?"  

"I really can't--" 

"Namjoon," Seokjin called sharply, his index finger extended for Namjoon to follow. The trail led him to witness what he assumed to be Hoseok's back, storming out of the bar without a care.  

"Oh ," Namjoon scrambled to his feet, practically leaving Seolhyun to drop on to his seat embarrassingly.  

Namjoon burst out to see Hoseok storming down the street-light filled pavement. "Hoseok--" 

"Go back inside, Namjoon," he spat.  

"No, Hoseok," Namjoon took a much larger step than Hoseok's small ones, his arm easily grabbing hold of Hoseok's wrist and forcing him to turn around. "Will you just stop--"  

" you! You're not treating me like an idiot, flirting with girls whilst I'm in the same ing room!"  

"Babe, listen to me for a second," Namjoon was the calmer of the two. He wasn't the one who was chugging back vodka like it was water. "She just came up to me, I wasn't flirting with her." 

Hoseok scoffed at this, his arms folded at his chest. "You expect me to believe that? Can I actually believe anything you say?" 

"Wuh—what?" Namjoon breathed, it felt as if he had been winded by the sudden blow. "What the hell do you mean?--" 

"You know exactly what I mean," Hoseok was so sure of himself, his eyes fixated upon Namjoon and not faltering, even when his lover was clearly insulted.  

Oh, this again.  

Of course he knew what Hoseok meant, he was talking about Yoongi.  

"Really, you're still mad about that? It's been over ing 2 months--" 

"I don't care," Hoseok said slowly as he stepped forward, each step resulting in Namjoon having to step back. "It's your fault he's gone, it's your fault why I can't see him everyday, it's your ing fault why I can't tell him how much I need him! All I want is to see him and you've taken that away from me!"  

Namjoon's face shyed away from Hoseok's bite, Hoseok who had practically spat on him during his raged speech. All he could hear was Hoseok's panting, every now and then there' be the sound of a car passing by or a drunken laughter in the distance. But nothing was as clear as Hoseok's anger.  

"If you miss him that much, then why are you here with me?!"  

Hoseok stepped back at the outburst, after all this was Namjoon shouting, and Hoseok would always become timid when Namjoon was enraged. Hoseok stared towards the ground, stunned and in shock because: why was he still with Namjoon?  

"Buh-because I lo--" 

"Love me, right? But you see, I kind of have an issue with that." Namjoon had now gained confidence, his demeanor was back and it was now causing Hoseok to back away. "You can say that so easily, but when it comes to Yoongi it's almost impossible to say."  

"Yuh—yoongi?" Hoseok questioned, "I've never said I love him like that--" 

"Ah, ah," Namjoon raised his finger to Hoseok's plump lips, shushing him in a mocking tone. "I said almost impossible. Meaning you have said it, and do you know when you've said it? In our ing bed."  

"What?" He gasped, tears running down his cheeks just for the fun of it. "That's not true, thuh—there's no way that's happened."  

"You were ing out of your head on my pills so obviously you don't remember it. You told me you loved him. Me, your boyfriend. Ring any bells, Hobie?"  

Hoseok shook his head manically at this, his lips hanging in shock. "There's no way, I wouldn't do that. I know I wouldn't do it." 

"You can't even admit it to yourself," Namjoon laughed in disgust. "You know, Yoongi was right to leave. You're a mess, Hoseok. All you do is up peoples lives, I can't speak to you right now." Namjoon slowly backed away, his hands in his pockets as he started to make his way down the street.

"Wuh—wait, Namjoon no!" Hoseok cried out but there was no response. "Namjoon!" He screamed, his knees dropping to the cold, concrete with a solid thud. Of course it was painful, but physical pain didn't register to Hoseok at this point in time. "Namjoon, duh—don't go! Pleas don't leave me! Don't leave me, don't leave me!" His voice was raw, his body curled in on itself as he rocked back and forth, clutching at his hands. "I need you," he sobbed, "You promised you wouldn't leave me, why are you doing this?"  

Hoseok gritted his teeth, his head shooting up just to witness Namjoon's far away silhouette. His nails dug in to the back of his skin, threatening to burst the organ. He took a deep breath, his eyes squinting shut as he roared.  

"NAMJOON!"  

☼ 

It was the next day, and Hoseok had found himself curled up in his bed, wearing an old hoodie and nothing else—he haden't really found the energy to wear anything else. The only time Hoseok left his room was when he needed to piss, and even then it was a struggle for him.  

He avoided all calls or texts or worry, he even avoided going to work in the morning. Now it was evening, at least 10pm and Hoseok was staring blankly at his bedroom wall. His hands were bunched up in to his duvet and his legs sprawled underneath the covers.  

Why did things have to end up this way?  

Memories of last night play in Hoseok's mind. The idea of Namjoon leaving him so willingly, not even daring to turn back from Hoseok's screams and horrific pleads for him to stay. Hoseok had seemed to lost every shred of timidness of shyness he faced, because he didn't give a he was pleading on the top of his lungs, in the street at one in the morning.  

☼ 

10.07pm. 

"You aren't answering anyone's calls."  

Hoseok jumped at the familiar voice, his body shooting up as he noticed Namjoon was stood at his bedroom door. He soon relaxed upon seeing Namjoon, his eyes resting surprisingly calm as Namjoon took steps to sit at the edge of his bed.  

"I think we need to talk, don't you?" 

"Okay," his voice was small for him being very cautious of the situation he was now in.  

"And I mean talk—about everything."  

Namjoon sighed, running his hands through his hair and off of his brow. He was ready to talk, but it seemed like Hoseok wanted the first word. 

"Namjoon, I love you."  

"I know you do," he breathed, "But Hoseok--"  

"But it isn't enough, is it?" 

Well, that was a surprise—and that was evident by the wide look Namjoon was wearing.  

"I—I can't give you everything that you need, and...and you can't give me everything I need," Hoseok began to whimper, he attempted to seal his lips to hide the whining embarrassment, but it was no good. "Thuh—the love I have for you is real, I know it's real. But—but the way I fell in love with you, it wasn't natural was it? I fell in love with you out of fear, I was scared of being hurt by guys anymore and you were always suh—so sweet to me. I misplaced your care and loyalty to me with love, and I'm so, so sorry for that."  

Namjoon's eyebrows furrowed, his head hanging as he couldn't bare to look at a crying Hoseok. He was going to lose it himself, he was already biting the inside of his cheek to contain his own pain. Listening to Hoseok gasp for air, the hiccups and struggles as he attempts to speak, it was so hard for him to deal with—so ing hard.  

"Baby, yuh—you don't have to be sorry," Namjoon reached to hold Hoseok's hands.  

"I do, I do because I was the one who druh—dragged you in to this. I knew you loved me, Namjoon. I could see it so clearly when we were kids, but I took advantage of you to fill my own selfish needs and desires to be loved." Hoseok looked up to his lover, the back of his arm running sharply across his wet cheeks. "And I knew Yoongi loved me too," his voice cracked, this was hard to admit.  

"I knew you both loved me and—and I picked you. Bu—because I knew if I allowed myself to love Yoongi then there'd be no going back, I was so scared to love him because he gives me something I've never experienced before. I chose you because it was easy." 

Namjoon burst out crying at this, the first time Hoseok had seen Namjoon cry since they were kids. This only made Hoseok hiccup more, his hands making grabby motions at Namjoon's to try and comfort him. 

"I'm so sorry, Namjoon. I'm so fuh—ing sorry, please, please know that I do love you though. None of this was fake, everything I—I feel for you is real."  

Namjoon forced himself to look at Hoseok, his vision clouded by the sea of tears but he could still make out an upset Hoseok like transparent glass. "But—but you love Yoongi more, right?"  

Hoseok didn't speak, just tiny whines attempting to leave his tightly drawn lips. His eyes ghosted over Namjoon for a moment, watching how the younger looked like he was ready to explode, like he was ready to burst out into hysterics in Hoseok's lap. But he couldn't run anymore, he couldn't sit here with Namjoon and tell him everything but that.  

"I—I do," he squealed, fresh tears falling as Namjoon placed his head in his hands. "I love him, Namjoon and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  

"Puh—please don't be sorry, you need to be happy Hoseok. All I've uh—ever wanted for you when we were kids was fu—for you to be happy. You understand that, right?"  

Hoseok nodded frantically.  

"All those nuh—nights you came crying to me, it was because Yoongi wasn't around wasn't it? When you screamed and begged to just finally be happy, you meant with Yoongi didn't you?"  

"I'm sorry..." He whined, "Oh my god I'm sorry."  

"Stop saying sorry," Namjoon forced himself to smile, tilting Hoseok's chin up gently. "And stuh—stop crying, eh? Huh—how stupid do we look right now?"  

Hoseok continued crying even when Namjoon tried to laugh, "Namjoon," he whined, clasping his boyfriends hands in his tighter.  

Said male shushed him, "Stop that," he raised an arm to Hoseok's cheek, dabbing away the falling tears. "I told you to stop crying, wuh—what are you doing?" 

"I don't want this to be it—it can't be it, no--"  

"It's okay Hoseok, wuh—we'll both be okay. We need to end this, don't we? It's not good for either of us. I'm--I'm holding you back from truly being happy, yuh—you need to be with Yoongi--" 

"Namjoon, puh--please don't do this." 

"We have to, it's been a long time coming, sweetie."  

"Namjoon!" He screamed, practically leaping on the male and wrapping his arms around his neck desperately. It was like a punch to the stomach, the sudden warmth was meant to be perfect, it was meant to give him butterflies. But it lef thim with so much pain, this hug was to say goodbye. This was it.  

Namjoon buried his head in to Hoseok's shoulder, his hands grabbing at Hoseok's clothed back. "I've hurt you so much, Hoseok. Thuh—this isn't right, I hurt you just to scare you in to staying with me. That isn't right, I—I'm not right and I need to get help. How can I hurt the man I love?"  

"I've hurt you too," he cried in defense.

Of course Hoseok had hurt Namjoon too, but it was different. Hoseok's wasn't intentional, he wasn't eliciting fear in to Namjoon to threaten him to stay. How can you have a relationship based upon fear?  

"But we can both get through this," he gritted, "Hoseok, you can finally be happy."  

"I—I was happy with you, we had good times. Please don't tuh—think I was never happy with you."

"I know," Namjoon smiled, pulling away from Hoseok and resting a hard on the man's waist. "But it's not enough, the happiness I give you isn't like the one Yoongi gives, is it?"  

Hoseok shook his head slowly, painfully. He was ready to burst in to hysterics, but Namjoon quickly shushed him again.  

"It's okay, it's okay," he whispered, resting their foreheads together to try and calm Hoseok down. "Yuh—you need to go see Yoongi, you need to go to Daegu okay?"  

"No, Namjoon no--"  

"Pack a bag, catch the train and go live your life. That's the one last request I have, you need to live your life. Yuh—you've spent too long hiding away. Can you do that for me?"  

Eventually Hoseok nodded, "I—I'll try."  

"Good, cause I know Jung Hoseok gets what he wants, alright?"  

The two of them smiled and god it was painful, but their last time together as boyfriends needed to be remembered with a somewhat happy face.  

Namjoon cupped Hoseok's cheeks, his heart hammering over the elders gasp for air. He leaned in closer, pecking Hoseok's lips in the most delicate fashion. Hoseok almost felt like Namjoon's lips were feathers, he's never experienced such a gentle touch from him before. The elder whined through the kiss, not because he didn't want it—but because this would be the last time they ever did.  

"I love you so much, Hoseok." 

"I luh—love you too," he quickly sobbed. 

"I love you and I want to see you smile again, even if it isn't with me." He pet at Hoseok's hair, taking in every second and making sure to store the tiny little details about the male. His heart shaped lips, his blown out eyes, his loose brunette hair, his large white pearls—everything. "I'm—I'm going to go now."  

This made Hoseok choke, a shrill, long whine deep in his throat. "Namjoon--" 

"Pack that bag okay?" He was now stood up, his body going cold from Hoseok still trying to reach out for him. He was backing away slowly to the bedroom door, "Pack that bag and go to Daegu. See--see the man you love." 

"Namjoon!--" 

"Promise me!" He spoke sternly, catching Hoseok's full blown atteniton in to what he was actually saying. "Promise me that one thing, please!"

"I—I promise!"  

"Good," he smiled painfully. "Have—have a good life, Hoseok."  

No, no, no! This wasn't happening. Hoseok was not being left alone, he wasn't breaking up with Namjoon, he wasn't ing screaming in to his pillow and rocking back and forth.  None of this was real, Hoseok was actually in bed with Namjoon at his apartment, Namjoon was cradling him and telling him everything was going to be fine.  

Yeah, that's what was actually happening.  

But—but if that's true, "Why the does this hurt so much?"  

☼ 

01.15am 

"What are you doing here?" 

Hoseok was now stood outside Seokjin's apartment, in joggers and a large hoodie. His skin was practically grey, bags hanging under his eyes for the fun of it and fresh tears glossing his cheeks. Seokjin could tell this wasn't the time to be picking at Hoseok's appearance, instead he stepped aside and let Hoseok walkthrough.  

"D'you want some coffee?" 

Hoseok shook his head, settling rather awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. Seokjin gestured for him to sit at small dining table with him, and Hoseok did just that.  

"How are you feeling after the other night?" Seokjin asked, his eyes examining Hoseok's current appearance heavily. He's never seen Hoseok this bad, and Seokjin couldn't deny he was worried. 

"Not that great," he grumbled. 

"Look, Hoseok. Namjoon wasn't actually flirting with that girl, she was coming on to him. Even I will stand by that--"  

"I'm not here about that," he intervened, "Well, not really."  

"Oh, okay? Then what's up?"  

"Yoongi's home address, I need it."  

"What?" Seokjin breathed, taken aback by the sudden demand. "Why?" He spoke darkly.  

"Because I'm going to see him, I need his home addess. I mean, I already know it but—but the house number has slipped my mind. I just need the house number--" 

"Have you spoken to Namjoon?" Seokjin cut.  

"Yuh—yes I've spoken to him." Blunt.  

"And what does he have to say about all of this?"  

"To go for it. He doesn't have to worry about me anymore."  

What? None of this was making sense to Seokjin. He sat back, his eyebrows furowed as he tried to suss what the Hoseok was talking about. How can Namjoon be okay with this? And why would he not be worrying over Hoseok anymore?  

Oh, I see.  

"You split up," Seokjin called out. "You actually split up?"  

"Yes, we—we aren't together anymore."  

"," Seokjin gasped, his thumb pressed between his teeth. "Seriously, why now?" 

"Because I love him, Seokjin. Because I love Yoongi."  

Seokjin was left struggling for words—and that didn't happen often. He was stunned, dumbfounded even that Hoseok was saying those words in the same sentence.  

"You're admitting it? That's interesting."  

"I've spent too long denying it. I can't do it anymore, it—it was breaking Namjoon--" 

"And what about Yoongi, how has all of this made him feel?" 

"Seokjin...that's what I'm trying to fix now. I'm—I'm going to Daegu, and I'm going to tell him how I feel."  

"What, now that you're ready? You've hurt him so badly, and you expect him to just fall apart from you finally confessing what everyone already knew?"  

"I know I've hurt him and I'm trying my best to fix that. Look Seokjin hyung, I know you care about Yoongi. You've been amazing with him, but I have to see him."  

"I've been there for him when you haven't, when you've been living the perfect life with Namjoon--" 

"My life with Namjoon was far from perfect—I'm telling you that now." He snapped and Seokjin had to swallow hard at the sudden harshness in his eyes. "You know me not seeing him isn't right, hyung. Even if you don't give me the house number, I'm still going. I'll just guess."

Seokjin laughed lightly at this, shaking his head. "You really do think with your heart instead of your head, don't you?" Hoseok wasn't entirely sure how to respond to this, but it didn't stop it from being true. "Why should I give you the number?"  

"Because we both love him?" Hoseok cocked his head, "And we want the best for him? Having an unresolved relationship with me isn't going to help us both—you know Yoongi isn't his true self right now, and that's because of me--" 

"You're really flattering yourself here, aren't you?"

"I've spent too long denying my love for him, I'm not gonna start denying his for me."  

Fair enough.  

Hoseok sighed and pushed his hair off of his brow. "I know you love him, Seokjin. And that's what's hard about this, right? You're afraid if you give him up to the person who hurt him, then he'll only end up in more pain. But I want to see him, even if it's hard for us both. I need to, I love him Seokjin hyung. You have to understand that." 

Seokjin wasn't entirely sure how to handle Hoseok's quick observation. Was it really that obvious how he felt about Yoongi? Seokjin's head dropped, his eyes hovering over the table instead of at Hoseok.  

"Don't deny him of happiness. Please, let me see him."  

"It—it isn't for me to stop you, and I never would Hoseok. You—you both are perfect together, in the most ed up way," he laughed dryly. He suddenly stood up, scrambling around an area of stacked books next to the fridge. He sat back down with a pen and paper, scribbling harshly and creating a shrill scratch across the table. 

"Here," he handed the paper over to the brunette and there lay a house a number. "Go see him, he's waiting for you."  

☾ 

A/N: AH, it only took 15 chapters for Hoseok to finally admit it! God what a journey, anyway ty for the lovely comments and I hope you enjoyed!