☾ 

Hoseok woke up cold and empty, knowing instantly that Yoongi wasn't beside him. 

Where exactly was he?  

Hoseok's eyes took a moment to adjust to the light, the brunette groaned from the sensitivity, his hands wondering over the disappearing imprint of Yoongi that lay beside him. 

Hoseok was ready to panic, that was until he heard the beating sound of water coming from the ensuite. He stumbled over to the open door, walking inside with a hand roaming through his locks.  

Yoongi was of course in the shower, his facing Hoseok and his head drooping, the water practically attacking his head with every pelt. Nothing was uttered though, and Yoongi was fully aware that Hoseok was watching him.  

"Yoongi," Hoseok called over the water,"Please turn around."  

Yoongi obeyed, turning almost robotically to face his friend. Hoseok felt his head sink all at once, because of course Yoongi was crying. It was silent though, Yoongi didn't dare to let any whimpers or gasps fall from his lips because that would be weak.  

There was just fresh tears falling down his bloated cheeks, his lip quiveirng and practically begging to be allowed to scream, cry, pant and whine. 

"If you're crying, you should tell me," Hoseok cooed.  

"Just—it hurts," he whimpered, an arm raised to his cheeks to hide the embarrassment.  

"I know it does, sweetie," Hoseok cocked his head at his friend, a little pout forming upon the heart shaped lips. He reached an arm out, Yoongi's eyes tracing and locking on to the slender fingers instantly. "Come on, let's get you warm."  

Yoongi nodded, a regretable whine in the mix as he allowed his hand to interlock with Hoseok's.  

Hoseok managed to get Yoongi to sit the stool kept in the shower after turning the nozzle off, using a large towel to dry over Yoongi's milky skin, working his way to the damaged locks.  

"I wish you'd stop dying your hair," Hoseok mumbled, his hands working away.  

Yoongi stayed quiet, a pout on his lips too. 

"You're damaging it, sweetie." 

Sweetie. 

"Seok," Yoongi croaked, his throat a little dry. He waited for Hoseok to look at him, and really he didn't have to wait long until those wide eyes were focused upon him. "I—maybe I should have left."  

Hoseok's pursed lips fell into a frown, his eyebrows furrowed as he rubbed the towel slightly harder into Yoongi's skin. "No," he said bluntly. 

"Seok--" 

"No, we're—you're not running away from this. You can't, you can't leave me here." 

"This isn't about you." 

It was a shock to Hoseok, his head shooting up to look over Yoongi's expression. He needed clarification if Yoongi was actually being serious, and by the stern, tight hold his features had, it seemed pretty obvious he was.  

"For once, I need this to not be about you. I can't be here, do you really want to see me in this much pain?" 

"No! You know I don't want that," Hoseok's head fell again, his eyes drifting over Yoongi's bare lap. "I just..." 

"You just what?" 

Hoseok sighed, locking eyes with his friend. "If you're leaving, then I'm coming with you." 

Yoongi stared at him for a moment, his expression blank as he tried to process just exactly what the Hoseok said. He thought—convinced himself it was a joke, that the calm look Hoseok was facing him with was just a front.  

"Don't be ing stupid, you're staying in Seoul." 

"No I'm not, I'm coming with you." 

"And what about Namjoon? If he ing hits when you when you spend a day with me, how'd you think he's gonna react when you up and leave with me?" 

"I—I'll just say I need to get away and--" 

"Hoseok even you don't believe this plan, you know you can't go that long without him," it was true but the confession still burnt on Yoongi's tongue like acid. "He won't—he won't allow you to go that long without him." 

Hoseok cracked, "," he snapped as he began to sob in Yoongi's bare lap. Yoongi petted his hair slowly, his fingers lacing in the soft strands. It was a normal position, but the light the youngers hair gave to his , really didn't make the situation any easier.  

"I can't leave you," Hoseok blubbered. "I ing can't, I wuh—won't leave you." 

"Hoseok." 

"This is suh—such bull, why the does this ha—have to happen?" Hoseok's nails were embedded in Yoongi's skin, the elder would have hissed because, it really hurt. But it was nowhere near the pain he was experiencing internally, he couldn't even begin to imagine what Hoseok was feeling.  

"Hey, stop crying. You're...you're swearing too much," what the does that even mean? Yoongi wanted to physically punch himself, taking on this motherly approach with the brunette over something so insignificant. It was almost laughable.  

"Suh—swearing too much?" Hoseok gasped as he looked up, his arm running underneath his wet cheeks. "Hyung, that's really stupid." 

"Oi, you said it right? Hyung, so respect me you little ," Yoongi reached to clip at Hoseok's nose, smiling to himself over Hoseok's irritated face.  

Hoseok perked up a little bit, no tears threatening to fall from his face. His eyes were still glossy though, as if a fresh coat of glitter or varnish was thrown over them. Yoongi couldn't help but admit how beautiful his friend looked, he just wished it wasn't over something so crushing.  

Yoongi reached up to caress at Hoseok's cheek, his thumb exploring the soft skin. "So, I'm going to go back to Daegu, yes?" 

He watched Hoseok's lip quiver again, quickly shushing the boy before he burst out crying. "And you're going to stay here, you're going to be happy and make this work. I know you can do it, whatever you decide your happiness is, I know you can truly and finally be happy." 

"Yoongi, puh—please don't leave me." 

"You'll get a better job, get out of that ty bookstore okay? And then when we're both good...when we're both in a place of happiness, then we can see each other again, mm?" 

"I won't be in a place of happiness without you!" He called out, much to Yoongi's surprised at such a blunt response of honesty. ", I won't even be able to enjoy my life without you. I need you Yoongi, I can't be happy without you."  

This was unfair—really ing unfair.  

Everything Hoseok said was the words spoken to a lover, one of a confession and of pure love. But Hoseok never saw it like that, he saw it as talking to a friend and using whatever he could to convince them to be by his side.  

Hoseok was selfish.  

"Stop it, Seok. You—you need to stop this." 

"No," Hoseok cried, shaking his head profusely. Yoongi was in an attempt to get Hoseok up, his hands pressed weakly on to the thin elbows, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually move him off of his lap. "I can't Yoongi, don't leave me. I—I love you." 

"You—you can't say that, you know it's unfair. Your version of love is very different to mine."  

"But—but you don't really want to leave me do you? You want to stay with me," Hoseok reached out for Yoongi's hands desperately, clasping them successfully. "And you can stay with me, we can go back to how we used to be--" 

", Hoseok stop!" Yoongi screeched, it wasn't dominating and crisp like usual. It was high pitched and shrill, it was everything Yoongi didn't want to let out but he did.  

He stood up in a panic, Hoseok falling to his knees.  

"I'm leaving, I was ready to leave before you stopped me and now you're trying to do it again! And for what? For us to go on arguing, you ignoring me, me crying and begging for you to forgive me? All this is a cycle and I'm ing sick of it! I'm leaving, I'm ing going now and then I'll be out of your life."  

Yoongi stormed out of the ensuite, moving over to his bedside table and pulling out one of the little remaining pairs of underwear there was left. He quickly scrambled through his wardrobe, throwing on an old and worn out hoodie with a pair of jeans.  

All of this was happening with Hoseok crying in the background, it was raw and so painful to his ears. Almost like listening to a child scream and cry for their mother. But Yoongi was sick of this, he was sick of being somebody's second best.  

After grabbing his phone and his charger, Yoongi moved to the living room. 

"Yuh—your toothbrush," Hoseok called from the bedroom. 

"I'll buy another one," the elder snapped, shoving his essentials into a book bag. His eyes caught with the suitcase that was still by the front door, the suitcase he should have just taken in the first place and just gotten the out of there.  

Hoseok was now stood at the door frame, trembling and fiddling with his sweater paws as he watched Yoongi angrily storm around the apartment.  

"It—it doesn't have to be like this." 

"Shut up, Hoseok."  

"But, Yoongi--" 

Suddenly Yoongi the balls of his feet, a random spout of confidence shown in the process. "Okay, then tell me how you feel about me." 

"Wuh—what?"  

"If you can do that, then I won't go." 

Hoseok nibbled on his thumb, the constant track of Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon running through his mind. What would Namjoon say? This isn't right, Namjoon wouldn't accept it. Namjoon wouldn't be with me if he knew how I truly felt... 

"I—I told you, I love you and you're my--" 

"I'm not talking about being friends, Seok. I'm talking about a relationship, ing intimacy."  

Intimacy?  

"I—I can't..." 

Yoongi laughed at this, his hands running through his hair as he turned back to his bookbag. 

"No, wait Yoongi!"  

"Even when I ask you to just think of me, only me. You're ing thinking of him, I can see it on your face. Everything in your mind is about him."

"That's not true!" Hoseok paced over to Yoongi, keeping a small amount of distance in fear of angering Yoongi even more.  

"It is true, it's always been true. Don't lie and tell me you don't know!" 

"Yoongi!--" 

Yoongi was now in Hoseok's face, something the brunette has never experienced until this day. Not in this way, in the way that almost seemed scary to him.  

"It doesn't matter what I say, does it? Cause you'll still go running to him when he hits you." 

"Yoongi..." 

"When he calls you ing worthless, a piece of , a ing idiot, a --" 

"Don't ing call me that!"  

Well, that was a surprise for Yoongi. The sound was like the embarrassing one Yoongi let out before, but the only difference was Hoseok was angry.

He was actually angry, he raised on his feet as he roared, taking Yoongi back slightly by the burning anger in his throat.  

"Never ing call me that! I'm not—I'm not a so shut up!"

Why was this so touchy for him? Yoongi couldn't get his head around it. 

But it was clear as day in Hoseok's mind. That night, the night when Hoseok had upset Namjoon badly and it ended up with Namjoon pinning him down, his hand clasped with a vice grip in the soft locks, whispering every profanity he could into his lovers ear. 

You're the one who made me do this, you know how much it hurts to see you and Yoongi together? I wasn't this person before you made me like this. Look at you, you're a ing mess crying underneath me. You're nothing, a complete ing waste of space who opens his legs for anyone. You're a ing , Hoseok.  

"I'm—I'm not a ..." Hoseok wobbled, stepping back with a clasp on his hands. His head was shaking profusely, as if he was lost in a trance and he was trying to convince himself he wasn't such a disgusting slur. "I know I'm not..." 

"Hoseok--" 

"Am I?" The sudden question was asked to Yoongi, Hoseok's eyes watery and wide as he waited for a response. 

"No, no you're not. Seok, I wasn't saying you were!"  

"I know you weren't, I just...I can't hear that. I don't want to hear that." 

"..." Yoongi cocked his head at this, "Seok, what did he do to you?--" 

Hoseok raised his hand in defense as Yoongi was attempting to walk towards him. His palm covered his face conveniently, it was too painful for him to look at Yoongi now. "You're right, it's best if we spend time apart."  

Yoongi knew what he was saying was right, but hearing it from Hoseok's lips was just too damn harsh. He wanted to say no, grab Hoseok by the wrists and pull im in for a warm embrace. But he couldn't, he made his bed and now it was his time to lie in it.  

"Right, okay," Yoongi breathed, one hand on his hip as he scanned over the apartment again. "I guess I have everything then."  

Hoseok nodded, "I'll lock your apartment up."  

"You don't need to do that, Seokjin will be around." 

"Oh," Hoseok whimpered, clamping down hard on his bottom lip. Why did it hurt so much knowing that Seokjin would be the one looking after Yoongi's apartment? It would probably be Seokjin who gave Hoseok updates on Yoongi—or kept them secret from him.  

"Okay, well have a safe journey." 

"Thanks..." 

The two stared at each other quietly, only the sounds of Hoseok's hiccups and sniffles were filling the room. Every now and then there would be an awkward tick from the kitchen clock.  

Eventually Hoseok breathed deeply, keeping his head down as he quickly walked past Yoongi and out of the apartment, a solid closing of the door. 

It hurt, it hurt so damn much and Yoongi could just scream at himself. He wanted to empty his lungs into this apartment, but he was so tired of crying, tired of begging and waiting and pleading and waiting again. 

It's too much now, the damage and the cracks around him and Hoseok seems too hard to fix. It's impossible, the two won't be the way they used to be—they won't be able to simply accept the title best friends, because they've already witnessed much more than that. 

They've grown up together, cried together, laughed together, screamed together and had arguments together. Everything has come down to this, the final blow. 

And that final blow is ing critical.  

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A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely comments, it really means a lot to have reassurance in my writing!