The night is always young. The vibrant moon clung to my skin, illuminating all my imperfections. All that could be heard was the hum of the city and the hiss of my spray can. Namjoon stood beside me, rolling a lollypop in his mouth as he watched my creation come to life. A smile tugged at his lips, one playing on my own. Taking a step back, I shook the can, trying to find the soul.

Disappointed when I found none, I lowered the can, casting a side long glance towards the bag pack full of hall empty cans. Namjoon took a step forward and began his own art, adding onto my own. Each line seemed tenser than my own, more calculated. The fun had been drained from his shoulders.

My chest throbbed with a need to help him. Namjoon was one of my closest friends, someone I cannot lose. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I began to rub small circles before he spun, spraying a line across my white shirt. Pushing him, I felt laughter bubble on my lips.

“!” I shouted, picking up the bag as I turned to run.

“Where are you going? I’m not finished!” Namjoon shouted before quickly running behind me.

He easily caught up to me, fatigue burning in my muscles. Namjoon easily pried the bag from my weak arms, pain flaring from my abdominal region. Smiling breathlessly, I stared deep into Namjoon’s eyes.

This is the closest to happiness I can get without Hoseok’s smile. It was within reach, yet not quite obtainable. Maybe if I could experience this with him, I could feel whole, but vandalism is frowned upon by many. Reaching out for Namjoon’s hand, I clasped it with all the life my weary bones could offer.

“Let’s just drive. I don’t care where we go, let’s just drive.” I pleaded and he smiled.

“Sure. Do you want to spend the night at mine?” He asked, leading the way to his concealed car.

“What kind of question is that?” I snapped playfully, skipping behind him.

Climbing into the hidden car, I watched with curiosity as Namjoon started the car, wrapping his hand around the gear stick. Listening as he revved the engine, I was taken to another world. A world where I didn’t have to depend on a stranger to be happy. A world where I didn’t need to desecrate buildings to feel alive. The best alternative was to just drive.

Not wanting to forget this night, I pulled out my phone. I wasn’t concerned with being caught, at least the police could take me away. Opening the camera, I leaned in close to Namjoon as the streetlights lit us up. Snapping a photo, the spray paint was evident, creeping along my neck dragging diagonally across my chest. Namjoon’s smile was bright, merging with my own.

Shifting my books awkwardly, I tried to study. The busy library hummed with life, my mind trying the grasp onto each individual’s story. Fleeting notions of romance, silent hate and anger drifted around me, smothering every spark of an intellectual thought. I hadn’t slept again last night, arriving at university in Namjoon’s clothes. Tapping my pen in a flurry, I glanced around and saw him.

Hoseok.

And to my joy, he had smiled. Although short lived, he smiled at him friend. From this distance I couldn’t decipher the honesty behind that grin, but it was a smile none the less. Was I succeeding? Where my letters working? When he smiled broadly yesterday, Jimin had congratulated me, chuckling loudly.

Rubbing my irritated skin, I tried to focus. I tried to fight through the blur in my eyes. Drooping my head, I wished that someone would talk to me. I wanted someone to be freer than me, showing me that socializing is easy. Looking up, I saw Hoseok start to approach my table.

Fighting through the nerves, I didn’t break eye contact. I couldn’t find the energy to move.

“I’m not sure if you were looking at me.” Hoseok awkwardly said once he approached my table, scratching his neck, “You probably smile like that all the time.”

Only when you smile.

I couldn’t tell him that, so instead I smiled broader. He took that as an invitation to sit beside me, a shy smile playing on his face. He was prettier up close.

“Taehyung right?” Hoseok asked and my heart skipped a beat.

He knows my name? How? Why would be remember my name? The questions must have been dancing along my skin because Hoseok laughed.

“Jimin told me yesterday.”

Jimin spoke to him yesterday? When? Panic clawed along my throat. Did Jimin tell him? Hoseok smiled, and my panic melted. Even if it didn’t reach his eyes, this was definitely better than no smile.

“Aish, that idiot.” I muttered, dropping my head briefly.

Hoseok patted my shoulder in mock comfort, and I looked him in the eye. Pouting, I shrugged his hand off.

“Don’t touch what you can’t afford.” I joked, blank faced.

Hoseok took a couple seconds to register that what I had said was a joke, but by that time I had started laughing, grinning like the idiot I am.

“Jimin isn’t the idiot, you are.” Hoseok chuckled.

“I take that as a compliment.” I grinned, leaning back in my chair.

The oversized jumper moved slightly, bagging around my waist. I noticed Hoseok’s confused glance, but I chose to ignore it.

Despite his smiling face, the light never reached his eyes. I desperately wanted to leave him another letter, to bring happiness to him now, but I couldn’t. I had to wait until our next class together. The next chance to sneak one to him. So today was going to eat away at me. False happiness is nothing compared to the real thing.

If I want to be happy, then Hoseok has to be.

He needs to be.

///////////////////////////////

Hoseok’s P.O.V

Watching the strange boy stretch, I noticed the way his jumper didn’t fit. Something so seemingly normal stood out, capturing my attention. An oversized jumper could mean many things, but why was I so concerened. This is the first time I had spoken to the boy.

His smile struck me again, the way his lips shaped a box drew me in. Taehyung seemed happy. If only I could be the same. Strangely enough though, Taehyung’s smile breathed life into me. Even with the healing cut, his grin was pure. He was someone I wanted to know.

“I can’t study anymore.” Taehyung whined, and I pitied him for a brief moment until I looked at his empty page.

“You haven’t even started!” I protested and he poked his tongue out.

How come I hadn’t noticed him earlier?

“Then let’s study together.” He smiled and I found myself saying yes.

So I took out my own books.

Studying with Taehyung was fun. Although we hardly studied, I was walking away with treasured memories. I should study with him more often.

I should talk to him more.

But my chest deflated. Why would he want to talk to me? He would just turn me away when he was bored. I mean, even the mysterious V had grown bored of me. I know that purely because I didn’t get a letter today. Today, I never read sweet words written on crumbled paper.

I was looking forward to them. Now all I had to look forward to was going home, and that was my misery. I had to go back to the people I was never good enough for. The people who refused to look at me when I danced, the people who told me I was never going to be anything. My parents never hit me, but they tore me down mentally. And I hate the feeling of being inferior to the ones who are supposed to bring me up.